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Poetry

I Remember (poetry)

I come from a place that I do not remember

In this place

May we call it my home

There were colors that do not exist here

Fantastic shades that fill my waking mind

Yet never can be painted with my tongue

To take you there

To show you the places that made me

Me

I will tell again, these same words

I will try again to make real

The unreal

Why?

I do not know.

I truly do not even think you care

But for me, myself

I need to attempt

I need to delve back into the inside of my mind

To again feel that far away life

That is not mine to live any longer

Indulge me

Put up with me and my eccentricities

Know by sitting still and simply listening

You are giving a lost man

A blind man

A dying man

A happy memory

 

If I want to describe any one thing

I must describe everything

Because what is different about my last life

Is everything

Everything is a degree shy of what would seem normal

And the everything that was my everything was normal to me

That is an important point, yes

The everything is different

But it is not different to the us that called this everything home

Because it was all we knew

 

In this place, there lived people

The people whom I love, loved and will love

Yet who you, my very good friends

Have never known

And will never know

Know that my heart is divided

Bitterly

And that I say this not because I hate you

Rather

I love you too much

Just as I love those lovely creatures

Who populate my dreams

Yet are not here

How is a man ever to make peace

When he is a puzzle

Whose pieces can never be placed together

 

I dream

Not every night, or at least I don’t think

But they are in my mind many nights

Never fantasy

Never the future

Just the past

Those conversations I have had

Those same conversations I will never have again

Those hands I have touched

Whose bearer has aged, withered

And even if I was to touch again

Would not recognize

The world changes

And we change with it

And what was

Cannot be again

 

A thought just flew through my mind

A memory, really

Or maybe, how is it I can truly tell?

A girl I used to love has perished

I heard, and knew

Acknowledged and mourned

Yet

I did not go to the funeral

This girl who, she and I, we loved

I held her and told her sweet nothings

She is gone forever

Those words I whispered don’t exist anymore

And why

Why did I not see her again

Why did I not mourn more

Please, angel, if that is you

Forgive me, or, perhaps

Don’t

I was not there for you when you needed me

Is it true you took your own life?

I was not there when you needed me

Because I was busy

Burn me

Torture me

I deserve the worst, and beyond

Your suffering was heard by me

I just ignored you

You are the past

Not the present,

Not the future

I just ignored you

 

Well my friend

Where is it I have brought you?

I’m afraid very little

I could have told you something pretty

But instead you see my ghosts

Life has been good to me

Life has been good to me

But life is very long

And every step forward

Is a step farther away from something else

And my weeping daydreams come

During a fantastical present

Just

I remember

I remember

I remember

And I cannot forget

 

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