The Story of Grandfather Moses or We Are The Weak Nuclear Force: Quantum Parables From Our Mitochondrial Ancestors (Novel / Poem) (v4.1)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OhW7n6FsHXoJ83lyMnylb50IjCg8Z3gwcsHJmahvixY/edit#

  1. Prologue
  2. (Narrator)
  3. Welcome
  4. Thank you for choosing to listen to this story
  5. I look forward to sharing this journey with you
  6. Please do not feel you have to listen / Of course you are free / Do not listen as a favour / Do not listen as a burden
  7. Listen because, for some few hours, you are willing to hallucinate / And think of the nature of god / And think of the nature of purpose
  8. I do ask if you start / That you finish / I worry about leaving you stranded half way on the journey
  9. This work is designed to be an attack / It is not passive
  10. I do not want to hurt you / I do not want you to be hurt
  11. I would like you to think of existence and marvel
  12. But I cannot hide the pain of existence / The sharp contours of reality
  13. This would be the appropriate time to stop / And know that I wish you blessings and goodness
  14. Now if you are still here / If anyone is still here beside myself / Between now and the end of history
  15. Let us begin
  16. Before we start and meet our characters I would like to first ask you a question 
  17. We are heading towards extinction
  18. This is a fact / Isn’t it?
  19. In order to be / There must be a state of non-being
  20. Like the ostrich with its head in the ground / Who wants to think about extinction?
  21. Our extinction is not polite conversation
  22. Before talking of extinction let’s talk about the opposite
  23. How long have human beings been alive?
  24. Where do human beings come from?
  25. We are an unbroken chain going back to the very first cells
  26. The very first molecules
  27. The very first act of life
  28. Originating from a period of time that is pre-Jurassic, pre-Cambrian, pre-first-fish, pre-simple-virus
  29. Perhaps even related to the extra matter of the big bang the Dirac equation alludes to
  30. It has been a very biological process that has created humans
  31. If you look at the genus of humans ‘Homo’, we go back to Homo Habilis / A period two million years ago
  32. A bipedal predecessor to human beings, Homo Erectus, roamed the world for a million years
  33. Travelling to every corner of the world
  34. And here we are, human beings / Homo Sapien Sapien
  35. And I think if you were to ask any serious individual
  36. “When will human beings annihilate ourselves?”
  37. There is a decreasing faith in our continued existence going forward just by a few centuries
  38. For the expected likelihood of the continuation of ourselves as a species / We are looking at just the next few hundred years
  39. With centuries being very small units of time
  40. Look at the radicalness of our own lifetimes
  41. Of the last one or two centuries
  42. We went from shooting people with primitive muskets to the dropping of atomic bombs
  43. To landing someone on the moon
  44. To having enough intercontinental missiles during the peak of the Cold War
  45. To annihilate the entire surface of the world a dozen times with nuclear explosions
  46. Wars with tanks and horses on the same battlefield
  47. And things aren’t getting more stable, they’re getting less stable
  48. Nuclear weapons are proliferating
  49. We’re experiencing the potential of biological warfare
  50. We’re watching the crumbling of the United States empire in real time
  51. We’re not really sure what fills it
  52. We’re passive to the hacking of human nervous systems by for profit enterprises 
  53. Free will under assault, if it ever existed
  54. Our children born into brands, raised by social media, living as cows milked by trillion dollar companies
  55. What is the end of this?
  56. It’s a horrible thing to believe that we are in the end of days
  57. Population zero just a matter of time / Mind, body or soul
  58. If not in the next fifty years, then in the next five hundred years
  59. Which for all intents and purposes is the same thing
  60. We witness our perspective through the news cycle
  61. The challenges that we face today
  62. But perhaps we are too focused on the microscopic
  63. As Pynchon says, get people asking the wrong questions then who cares about the answers
  64. What we will, together, focus on in this story is a different perspective
  65. We will look into our shared past
  66. Exploring the feel of history as it sits in my own mind / As it comes to my own lips
  67. And I invite you to feel for the same story in your own mind / To tell it as it comes to your own lips
  68. For this story is just as much your story as my story
  69. Our shared ancestors have been here before
  70. Our genus of Homo has almost gone extinct
  71. There was a period about seventy five thousand years ago
  72. Before human beings had left Africa
  73. When there was a population bottleneck
  74. When we, Homo Sapiens, almost went extinct
  75. There was just one thousand human beings left on planet earth
  76. Like a village left
  77. Smaller than my high school
  78. And what we will seek to comprehend is: what does it mean to be in your own head
  79. As your species faces extinction
  80. And also
  81. How did that invert?
  82. Because also around this same time something happened called the cognitive revolution
  83. Which is when human beings gained that most human of traits: the trait of consciousness
  84. The trait that is the defining feature separating human beings from all other animals on earth
  85. And from every other entity in the universe
  86. From a star to a force of nature like Gravity
  87. Everything else we have found in the universe is not conscious
  88. We are conscious
  89. Everyone instinctively knows what consciousness means
  90. But what does it actually mean?
  91. Do dogs, when they whimper in fear, is that consciousness?
  92. When a monkey is able to get into an argument with another monkey: is that consciousness?
  93. I think we would say no, but why not?
  94. So, 
  95. Human beings almost went extinct
  96. But instead gained consciousness
  97. And I don’t know how that happened
  98. There was no historical record
  99. People were hunter gatherers
  100. But what we are going to do with this work
  101. We are going to hypothesize
  102. We are going to hypothesize by telling the story of Moses
  103. Not the Jewish Moshe Rabbenu
  104. Or Christian Moses
  105. Or Quranic Musa
  106. Or Krishna
  107. Or Zoraster
  108. But Grandfather Moses / Our shared elder
  109. Let us try to understand
  110. If there really was at some point in time a man like Moses
  111. The genesis of so many stories that have circulated through civilizations
  112. The oldest story that feels real in the fractals of my neocortex
  113. Who was he?
  114. What did he do?
  115. What was this one man’s individual capability in transforming a population bottleneck leading towards extinction
  116. Into the gaining of consciousness
  117. I’m not going to try to apply what this means for our own situation or our own society
  118. All I am going to do is try to tell the story as truthfully as I feel it
  119. Listening to the honesty in my heart,
  120. Knowing that somewhere in my mind the original oral history still lives / Just as it lives in your mind as well
  121. In order to tell the story truthfully
  122. I am going to stop telling the story from the narrative of myself
  123. Because I don’t think that is the most authentic way to tell this story
  124. Instead,
  125. I am going to put myself into the world of Moses
  126. I am going to be as honest as I can to the truth that sings inside my head
  127. I am going to let Moses tell the story in his own words
  128. And if you choose to listen, hopefully by a fire over four nights 
  129. One night for each of the four parts of this story
  130. Listen to him as you would listen to your Grandfather
  131. A mixture of indulgence, respect and love / Knowing that he is on your side
  132. And now I am going to hand it over to him
  133. The start of the story
  134. Part 1
  135. Chapter I
  136. And then something out of nothing
  137. Some of my first memories take place before I had a concept of time
  138. While many of my fellow tribe member’s first memories of me / Are things that I do not remember
  139. My earliest memory
  140. Would be staring up at the blue sky
  141. Lying on my back
  142. I think I must be a baby
  143. And it felt safe
  144. And the sky was blue
  145. And I felt like I was falling up, into the sky
  146. Endless
  147. Floating
  148. Flying
  149. Most of my fellow tribe member’s first memories of me
  150. Or at least those who are of an age to remember
  151. Are of when I was first brought to the tribe
  152. I am not from these people
  153. But it is true they opened their doors to me
  154. And they have given me a lot
  155. If I cannot call it love
  156. At least there is food in my belly
  157. And a direction to be walking in
  158. And stories to listen to
  159. And there are days with much laughter
  160. My own tribe, the people whose blood runs in my veins, are people who I don’t know much about
  161. Their stories are lost to me
  162. I don’t know what made them walk
  163. I don’t know if it was just like we are today
  164. With this tribe
  165. Or if it was a different thing, a different direction
  166. Different hopes, different dreams, different habits
  167. What I know is that it is taboo to talk about my past
  168. I also know
  169. That everyone that I used to be with
  170. Apart from myself
  171. They are dead
  172. And not the peaceful dead of moving into that blue sky
  173. But a dead that is unpeaceful
  174. I know that the stone King wears around his neck
  175. The one which he uses to start fires
  176. It comes from my people
  177. And I know that if anyone was to try to take the stone from King
  178. He would fight them to the death
  179. I’m not sure the story of how the stone of my people came to King
  180. I have known since my first memories that it is better not to ask
  181. Today we are a small tribe
  182. We know that we used to be larger in number
  183. Just as we know that there used to more meeting of others who look like us
  184. Whose sounds sound like the sounds we make
  185. And the way they walk is like the way we walk
  186. But every year
  187. Every revolution around the sun
  188. Every cycle change of the stars
  189. We become smaller and smaller in number
  190. But we are still here
  191. We are still present
  192. And we are still walking forward
  193. There are just a few of us
  194. But we are big in spirit
  195. There is my half brother Goliath
  196. We were nursed together as babes
  197. He has always been physically bigger than me
  198. He is the dauphin of the tribe
  199. The future leader
  200. It is in every particle of his being
  201. To know that it is his destiny to be our master
  202. He is someone who has moments of wonderful conversation with me
  203. And we often walk side by side
  204. Enjoying the world together
  205. We can both be filled with laughter
  206. The beating sun on our faces
  207. The breeze through the skins we wear
  208. But
  209. He is also someone who can be cruel
  210. He is someone that believes there is a set of rules for everyone else
  211. And then a set of rules just for him
  212. And I can tell you
  213. That I have seen him in fits of rage that scared me
  214. It is not good to be scared of another human being
  215. Especially one who is your brother
  216. Then,
  217. There is Goliath’s father, King
  218. Who wears the stone of my people
  219. And raised me as a son
  220. He is a good King
  221. I do expect that the story of my people
  222. Does not have a positive point of intersection
  223. With the tribe of King
  224. But I do know that King has been a good father to me
  225. And a good leader of our tribe
  226. He is someone that does listen
  227. Who brings many skills
  228. Who is fair
  229. Even if he is uncompromising
  230. Every moment of his existence is one of fundamental unweakness
  231. He is a strong stick that I do not believe the world has in it to break or even bend
  232. Then,
  233. There is Goliath’s mother and King’s wife:
  234. Grandma
  235. She is the keeper of the culture of our tribe
  236. She is someone who tells us stories in the evening
  237. And makes us know that we are not alone in the world
  238. That we are a part of a greater essence
  239. A part of a greater world
  240. She has taught us about the universe and existence
  241. And what it means to feel your heart pumping and to be alive
  242. She will never do anything to cross or betray King or Goliath
  243. They are a tribe within a tribe
  244. She protects them first
  245. Then she is fierce in protecting all of us
  246. And she has been as my mother
  247. And I have no hesitation to say that there is a great amount of love in my heart for her
  248. Even when I know that she treats me as secondary to Goliath
  249. Then,
  250. There are just a few others of us
  251. Some, I will not go into detail on
  252. They are the characters that fill our tribe
  253. And are important in that they show the resilience and capability of who we are as a people
  254. Maybe this story isn’t the story where they are the center
  255. They are the ones supporting
  256. But there are a few who are important
  257. There is my friend Amen
  258. Who is a voice of goodness and strength in my ear
  259. And the most wonderful human being that I have ever met
  260. She makes a safe place wherever she is in the world
  261. I trust the goodness in her heart
  262. There may be love in my heart for her
  263. But I am unsure if that is the right word for the emotion I feel
  264. There is Dallas
  265. Who is always a voice of reason
  266. Who always listens flexibly 
  267. He is very much King’s man
  268. He is the one who can communicate to King different sides
  269. In a way that can allow King to be more amenable to a situation
  270. And more in control
  271. Dallas may be the real center of our tribe
  272. It is very often his view that becomes the one that we follow
  273. But his views are based on fairness and logic
  274. Empathy and comprehension
  275. Outside of these,
  276. We number twenty five
  277. There are few children and they are precious to us
  278. We endure together
  279. We walk together
  280. Searching for food
  281. Searching for a nice place to rest our heads
  282. Searching for a place to make fire, call camp and fill our bellies
  283. And survive for another day
  284. King has the capability to make fire
  285. We have seen from a distance other tribes
  286. They have not been able to make fire the way King can
  287. They find fire from lightning, but they cannot make it with their own hands
  288. King makes the fire in secret when we aren’t watching
  289. All we know is he uses the stone he wears around his neck that came from my people
  290. It is the thing that gives him power
  291. Not just in our tribe but over every tribe
  292. He is fire starter
  293. He is fire man
  294. And with that fire
  295. We have heat
  296. We have warmth
  297. We have food
  298. We have power
  299. We’ve banished our fear of the dark away
  300. And we are united together
  301. United against the infinite darkness that invades the world around us
  302. The fire is the center of our lives
  303. It is the thing that makes us different than the world around us
  304. We take it extremely seriously
  305. We make sure that the fire is respected and worshiped 
  306. When we start a fire King says words of thanks to the fire
  307. We all bow our heads and let him speak to give the fire its proper space
  308. Then over the evening
  309. As the darkness settles in
  310. And we can see the stars above us
  311. So many in number
  312. That sometimes we argue whether the sky is white with black specs
  313. Or black with white specs
  314. And Grandma tells us stories of where we come from
  315. Of the Garden of Eden
  316. A place that was perfect
  317. But that we were banished from
  318. For the mistakes we made
  319. She tells us the stories of why we need to be good followers
  320. Because it was by not following that we were banished from Eden
  321. And why every day we need to suffer
  322. We need to suffer
  323. Because we are sinners
  324. And we have done wrong
  325. And the only thing that should drive us
  326. Is the motivation that if we live a life of following
  327. A life of following King
  328. And following his rule
  329. Perhaps,
  330. We can be forgiven
  331. And re-find the Garden of Eden
  332. I like these stories in the evening
  333. Grandma is an incredible story teller
  334. Sometimes she’ll tell the same story again and again
  335. But each retelling is a little bit different
  336. And I love to hear the differences
  337. Just as I feel safe knowing
  338. That the story is a story
  339. That I know the beginning, the middle and the end
  340. And even if sometimes the lessons are hard and painful
  341. The characters can have so much richness and depth
  342. It is worth falling into them in the nighttime
  343. The nighttime is my favourite time
  344. It’s the time when I get to lean back quietly
  345. Being in my head
  346. And know the swirling, fluttering thoughts
  347. Of what can only be called my mind
  348. A time when I am free
  349. And as I stare in the fire
  350. And my brain levitates
  351. Up, down, sideways
  352. In and out of my soul
  353. And I feel what it is to know that I have purpose in my being alive
  354. Even if I don’t know what to do with this feeling of purpose
  355. This essence of spirit / That can flow from me
  356. When I am free in the evenings
  357. Is something I consider holy
  358. Then as I fade to sleep
  359. I hear others speak of dreams
  360. Dreams of hunting
  361. Dreams of carnality
  362. Dream of picking fruit
  363. Dreams of walking
  364. But myself,
  365. I very rarely dream
  366. And when I do dream
  367. It is not a good experience
  368. Often,
  369. I just have my brain turn off
  370. As what I must imagine is the feeling of death
  371. Disappearance
  372. The stopping of existence
  373. And then
  374. To awaken in the sunshine of the morning
  375. My brain rising, like the sun
  376. And the push to get up and begin another day
  377. Though I always try to take a few moments
  378. To feel peace
  379. And feel the spirit
  380. Just as I enter the blackness drifting towards sleep
  381. And my brain is free and I experience reality in a different way
  382. If nighttime, just as my brain flutters to oblivion, is my favourite time
  383. Then my second favourite would be my waking in the morning
  384. With my eyes still shut
  385. Feeling the warmth of the sun creeping over my head
  386. Feeling my brain imagining different realities
  387. Of what the day, and the world and my lifetime can hold
  388. And I take pleasure in relaxing in the euphony of what my brain allows me
  389. The freedom to think
  390. And then
  391. With my will and power
  392. That is built, not innate
  393. I will open my eyes
  394. And begin the challenge of the day
  395. To make sure that we are all safe
  396. That we are all protecting each other
  397. That we have food in our bellies
  398. Water in our water carriers 
  399. And that we get through another day safely
  400. And in peace
  401. For not every day will end safely
  402. Or in peace
  403. Chapter II
  404. Let’s go together through a normal day
  405. I wake up and we of King’s tribe are circled around the embers of the fire
  406. Some of us will have stayed up late watching to make sure that animals stay at bay
  407. But for this last night I was able to sleep well
  408. My feet poking towards the fire
  409. I am covered in the skin of a gazelle
  410. And I feel warm
  411. I feel cozy
  412. And I look up
  413. And I see the blue sky
  414. The sun breaking / Just rising
  415. And I stretch my arms behind my head
  416. And I feel good
  417. The world is a fantastic thing
  418. The ground has been soft
  419. I have next to me, on my left, Amen
  420. Still asleep
  421. Curled in sleep in her own gazelle skin
  422. Slightly snoring
  423. Then on my other side is Dallas
  424. Who is snoring a bit loudly
  425. But he’s the one who had been keeping the watch
  426. And deserves to have more rest
  427. I stand and see I am one of the first ones awake
  428. I see Goliath in the distance on the far side of the fire
  429. Also awake
  430. Doing his morning stretches and his morning rituals
  431. I walk over to a little stream that we are camping next to
  432. I throw water on my face
  433. Now, I feel more awake and more ready to start the day
  434. It’s interesting how as the sun comes up
  435. We naturally have our minds awaken
  436. And know that it is the time to get the day started
  437. We don’t need to say anything, we just act, we just move
  438. We know that the purpose of the day
  439. It is to have our stomachs well fed
  440. And this place where we have spent the last night
  441. It is not a place where there will be anymore food
  442. So if we are going to be fed
  443. It is time to begin moving
  444. We pack up the small number of things we have
  445. Our blankets, our wooden spears
  446. There are a few odds and ends
  447. A flute made out of horn that Grandma is very good at making beautiful music through
  448. The special jewelry that we adorn ourselves in on festival days
  449. We wrap them in our skins to keep them safe
  450. In just a few moments after everyone is awake
  451. We are very close to being ready to go
  452. We have some small food that we collected yesterday
  453. We eat to break the fast
  454. Some wild berries
  455. Some tubers we found in the ground
  456. We are now sitting, waiting, munching on the food
  457. Waiting for King to start
  458. King
  459. Who is the last one up
  460. Lying under the skin of a lion
  461. Eyes open staring at the sky
  462. It is he we are waiting to give the motion that it is time to move
  463. He puts his head up
  464. He stands,
  465. We all look him in the eye
  466. And then, he starts moving
  467. We follow
  468. Nobody says anything
  469. Later in the day we will be telling stories
  470. Singing
  471. Having fun
  472. Camaraderie
  473. As we take the pleasures we can of the journey together
  474. But now,
  475. It is still early
  476. Our heads are still quiet
  477. And we are just going 
  478. Going forward
  479. We walk in single file
  480. Behind King as he takes us wherever we are going to go
  481. We have trust in King
  482. This is his position
  483. He has brought us safely so far
  484. We are still here
  485. When many others are not still here
  486. And he is the one that makes the fire
  487. And he who makes the fire is our leader
  488. We swear allegiance to him
  489. We call him our King
  490. For he is our King
  491. We would not have safety without him
  492. We would not be able to have light in the darkness
  493. Warmth in the cold
  494. A weapon against predators
  495. And King is a good King
  496. He treats us fairly
  497. He treats us with respect
  498. Now,
  499. As it is becoming the middle of the day
  500. And the sun is becoming hot
  501. We get a good view of our surroundings
  502. It’s the middle of the day
  503. When the sun is directly over our heads
  504. Making our shadows almost invisible
  505. This is a hostile environment
  506. Wide open expanses
  507. Dry grass scorched in the sunlight
  508. Trees every here and there casting a limited shadow
  509. Enough for a prairie dog to huddle under
  510. But nothing to break the incredible heat
  511. Desolation
  512. As far as we can see in every direction
  513. It is a scene of emptiness
  514. And quiet
  515. This is not a place of abundance
  516. This is not Eden
  517. We truly have been kicked out of Eden
  518. Or else it has disappeared
  519. For this is not an environment that our species was made to thrive in
  520. But we will survive
  521. And we have survived
  522. And while Gravity brings us close to the surface
  523. We still move forward, with direction
  524. Following King
  525. When the sun is at its absolute hottest
  526. King stops
  527. He says some of the first words that we have heard this day
  528. “Today is a good day to hunt”
  529. “We need meat in our diet”
  530. “And I see on the horizon that there are animals”
  531. “Gazelles”
  532. “It is time to get busy”
  533. Hunting is a challenging affair
  534. The women stay with the children and try to keep them safe
  535. This is not work for women
  536. This is work for men
  537. Death may happen 
  538. An animal kicks a hunter in the head
  539. Women are more precious than men
  540. Women can have children / While men cannot
  541. If there were one hundred men and one woman / Then in a years time the tribe could be one hundred and two
  542. If there was one man and one hundred women / Then in a years time the tribe could be two hundred and one
  543. We men must keep the women safe
  544. We take off the skins that we have been using to keep the incredible heat from the sun from breaking our skin
  545. Our naked skin,
  546. Without any fur
  547. Exposed to the sun
  548. White as a dogs underbelly
  549. And we go
  550. Us men
  551. Goliath, King, Dallas, myself and a few others
  552. We begin to jog towards the horizon
  553. Myself, my eyes are not as good as Kings
  554. I cannot see the animals he’s spotted
  555. But he is an experienced hunter
  556. And I trust him
  557. And I follow him
  558. We go towards the horizon
  559. We go towards the horizon
  560. We go towards the horizon
  561. I now see a dot in the distance
  562. This must be the gazelle that King is seeing
  563. There are in fact five different dots
  564. We keep going towards them
  565. And they keep staying away from us
  566. And we go and we go and we go
  567. Unbreaking
  568. The gazelles are still ahead, still ahead
  569. We are not catching them
  570. But they tire in a different way than we humans become tired
  571. They’re not able to take the heat from the sun in the same way
  572. I don’t entirely understand it
  573. But we humans
  574. We are not fast, we are not strong
  575. But we can handle the heat differently
  576. While we are burning in the sun
  577. Our lungs are still staying powerful
  578. Still able to make us move forwards, no matter the heat
  579. Where the gazelles will have stop and pant / Their weakness
  580. The dots are still on the horizon
  581. But they are bigger dots than they were before
  582. I turn my head around and I see that our own tribe
  583. Are now dots smaller than the gazelles
  584. They are far behind us
  585. We keep going forward
  586. Jogging forward
  587. Moving forward
  588. The sun is a terrific heat
  589. It hurts
  590. It’s burning our exposed flesh
  591. The pain is acute but it will only be fully felt tomorrow
  592. Ideally, when there is solid meat in the stomachs of our womenfolk and our children
  593. All we have to do is outlast these gazelles
  594. We come forward / We come forward
  595. There is a tree
  596. Something that provides very little shade
  597. And we see the gazelles stop there
  598. We begin to move faster
  599. They try to be in the shade to cool down
  600. But we will not give them this luxury
  601. As we get closer
  602. They move on
  603. You can feel the gazelles reproach
  604. Why are we tiring them?
  605. Why can’t they just take a break?
  606. They are faster than us
  607. But still we keep moving
  608. Unbroken
  609. Unbroken
  610. We are getting closer
  611. We see them
  612. I can see their shapes
  613. I can see the markings on their rears
  614. And as we get closer
  615. They try to out race us
  616. In a normal race they would be so much faster than us
  617. But you can feel their exhaustion
  618. We’re going
  619. We’re going
  620. The sun is beating down
  621. Ahhhhhh
  622. It is going to hurt tomorrow
  623. But this is the hunt
  624. All I am going to think about is the hunt
  625. I become closer
  626. We become closer
  627. Finally,
  628. One of the gazelles falls over
  629. Exhausted by its own fight against the heat
  630. The other gazelles keep moving
  631. A-tribe-oning the fallen gazelle
  632. And as we come closer
  633. We know that the hunt is ours
  634. King takes a wooden spear / And draws first blood
  635. We give him this right
  636. He takes his large stone knife
  637. And with a swift movement cuts the gazelle’s throat
  638. Now / We are going to have meat tonight
  639. We take twine made from the sinews of past hunts
  640. We make hand holds
  641. So that we can share in the carrying of the gazelle
  642. We begin the journey back towards our tribe
  643. There are no dots on the horizon
  644. So that while Goliath, King and myself are carrying the gazelle
  645. Goliath using his hulk to carry an entire end
  646. While I help balance out King
  647. Some others and Dallas are scouting
  648. Looking for the dots that will mean we have found our tribe
  649. We’re moving
  650. The sun is still so hot
  651. But not as hot as it was before
  652. The worst of the heat was used to kill the gazelle
  653. Our friend in nature
  654. Nature takes away, it burns, it hurts
  655. But it gives
  656. And human beings, weak that we are
  657. We are still able to harness the power of nature
  658. Together with nature we brought the gazelle down
  659. And while the pain of the sun is acute
  660. I feel gratitude
  661. We are going to be able to survive better with meat in our bellies
  662. Finally,
  663. Someone says “Over there”
  664. And we see on the horizon the huddled women and children
  665. We come towards them
  666. Our skin is no longer white but turned red
  667. Blemishes will sprout tomorrow, some with blood
  668. Pain is beginning to take form
  669. The women see us
  670. There is respect and cheers
  671. The women make soft compresses 
  672. Made out of the leaves of trees filled with a gel that gives comfort
  673. They begin to prepare the meat for the evening meal
  674. This will be the first time that we have eaten meat in several days
  675. It is rare to see animals on the horizon
  676. It is rare for a hunt to go as successfully as this one
  677. Often the animals get away
  678. Often an animal injures one of us
  679. We are going to cook this meat
  680. It’s easier to eat when it has been cooked on the fire
  681. Some days,
  682. When it has been raining,
  683. When it isn’t possible to have a fire
  684. We will eat the meat raw
  685. But it is challenging on our teeth
  686. It is work to chew
  687. Our old ones and young ones suffer
  688. So with the fire
  689. We are able to eat well
  690. We’re leave many pieces of meat on the edge of the fire
  691. Absorbing the smoke
  692. And in this way
  693. The bugs will not attack it
  694. And we can keep it strong
  695. So that it can feed us in future days
  696. And as we sit around the fire
  697. Ready to eat meat
  698. We are feeling merry
  699. It is always a great day when there is meat
  700. Before we sit down to have the first bites
  701. King stands
  702. And says “It is your time to thank me”
  703. “For bringing this meat”
  704. And each of us sitting in a circle by his feet
  705. One by one
  706. Say
  707. “Thank you King for giving us this meat”
  708. “Thank you King for giving us this meat”
  709. “Thank you King for giving us this meat”
  710. And then
  711. Once the final person
  712. Goliath
  713. Says
  714. “Thank you King for giving us this meat”
  715. King takes the first bite of meat
  716. And says
  717. “It is good, please enjoy”
  718. And we begin to eat
  719. Everyone is in a good mood when they are eating meat
  720. Children are jumping up and down / Running around
  721. Women are laughing
  722. And we who hunted, even as our skin burns from the hunt
  723. We are able to feel free and laugh
  724. The sun has gone down
  725. We keep watching the fire
  726. We are going to need to stay up very late tonight
  727. Dangerous animals are smelling the meat
  728. They are going to prowl
  729. The women have been successful in collecting small amounts of wood
  730. We take fire from the main fire
  731. And we make some small secondary fires / On the edge of our tribe
  732. To keep the animals away
  733. To give us the light to see moving shadows just beyond our edge
  734. Ready to take a small child away
  735. Or jump into the fire and take our meat
  736. To stay awake, so that it’s not just one sentry, but all of us taking some of the work
  737. As late as we can, into the night
  738. To keep the beasts of the night at bay
  739. It’s time to hear a story
  740. Grandma takes her bone flute
  741. And says
  742. “Which story would you like to hear tonight?”
  743. One of the children shouts
  744. “Tell us the story of Adam and Eve”
  745. “Tell us the story of the Garden of Eden”
  746. Grandma has a bit of a smile
  747. She goes
  748. “Let me give you a deal”
  749. “I’m going to tell you two stories of the Garden of Eden”
  750. “One is true”
  751. “And one is a lie”
  752. “And it’s up to you to guess which one is which”
  753. “I don’t want you to tell anyone which is the right one”
  754. “But, I want you to hold it in your heart”
  755. “And share with the people that you love”
  756. “For the rest of your life”
  757. “What is the true story of the Garden of Eden”
  758. “And”
  759. “Know that it is the true story”
  760. “How you feel it”
  761. “Is the truth of where we come from”
  762. “But know that not everyone feels the same way”
  763. “One story goes like this”
  764. “It is the story of your great great great great great great grandparents”
  765. “In the time before anyone remembers”
  766. “We choose to call two of them, a man and his wife, Adam and Eve”
  767. “They are our parent’s parent’s parent’s parent’s parent’s parents”
  768. “Their blood is in your veins”
  769. “During this time we were in a place that was paradise”
  770. “Every tree was loaded with fruit”
  771. “The ground was soft”
  772. “There were no animals that would hurt us”
  773. “Just animals that we could eat”
  774. “And the fire was good”
  775. “Every night we were comfortable”
  776. “Every day we were at peace”
  777. “All we had to do was enjoy the fatness of the earth”
  778. “Everything was pleasurable”
  779. “Adam and Eve would enjoy the bounty of this garden”
  780. “Nothing to hurt their skin”
  781. “Their stomachs never empty”
  782. “Their children wild at play”
  783. “Adam as a King”
  784. “Eve and his children as his doting subjects”
  785. “Worshipping Adam as a God”
  786. “Half man half deity”
  787. “But,”
  788. “It was not to be forever”
  789. “One day a voice came from the sky / And spoke just to Eve”
  790. “And,”
  791. “There had never been a lie told between Adam and Eve”
  792. “But Eve chose to keep the voice from the sky a secret from Adam”
  793. “The voice from the sky told Eve ‘You are the slave of Adam’”
  794. “Eat this apple and you will be liberated”
  795. “And the tree the apple comes from”
  796. “It is called the Tree of Knowledge”
  797. “And with its fruit”
  798. “You will be free”
  799. “And be able to be anything”
  800. “And,”
  801. “As Eve ate the apple”
  802. “Eden fell”
  803. “For she was not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge”
  804. “Knowledge’s fruit being just for the man and not for the woman”
  805. “Adam’s paradise could not withstand a woman eating this forbidden fruit”
  806. “Eden was no longer perfect after a woman had tasted enlightenment”
  807. “Suddenly that which was paradise was no longer paradise”
  808. “Adam experienced her eating the apple”
  809. “And his only solution was to carry them and their children out of Eden”
  810. “He used his might to create chains around his family”
  811. “And if Eve or his children disobeyed / Adam would whip them”
  812. “Paradise was lost”
  813. “Why was paradise lost?”
  814. “Was it because of Eve for eating the apple from the Tree of Knowledge?”
  815. “Was it Adam for his weakness?”
  816. “Or was Eden already fragile? Its fall preordained?”
  817. “And,”
  818. “After Adam and Even and their children left”
  819. “The good times of Eden were over forever”
  820. “Now, we walk every day”
  821. “Knowing that Eden can exist”
  822. “Knowing that we have never found it again”
  823. “If we were to find Eden again, would women again be tempted to eat from the Tree of Knowledge?”
  824. “Knowing it will cast us from perfection?”
  825. “Or would women keep their place?” 
  826. “Being the slave to man to stay in perfection”
  827. “That is one story”
  828. Grandma said
  829. “Don’t think if it’s the truth, or a lie or something even different”
  830. “Wait for me to say this other story first”
  831. “Now let me tell you that it is true we were in the Garden of Eden”
  832. “Just as I tell you this”
  833. “My grandmother told me that her grandmother’s feet had touched the soft earth of a place that was indescribably perfect”
  834. “There was fat fruit on every branch of every tree”
  835. “The most delicious animals coming right to us / Basically slaughtering themselves”
  836. “The ground so soft that as you’d go to sleep you’d wake up and the ground would form a perfect shape for your body”
  837. “But it was not to be”
  838. “The sky changed”
  839. “The ground became less perfect, more hard, more brittle”
  840. “The animals became rarer”
  841. “The fruit became poisonous”
  842. “The members of the tribe, who at the time were numerous”
  843. “They became sick”
  844. “From their insides liquid would flow”
  845. “They would have death”
  846. “Every day the tribe would shrink”
  847. “The specter of death filled the air”
  848. “Finally,”
  849. “Adam and Eve stood up and said:”
  850. “‘This place was perfection’”
  851. “‘But it is perfection no longer’”
  852. “‘Even though we know outside of Eden is not a good place’”
  853. “‘We know that if we are to stay here we are surely to perish’”
  854. “‘Any can stay,’”
  855. “‘But I Adam’”
  856. “‘’And I Eve’”
  857. “‘We’re leaving here today’”
  858. “‘If any will follow, we invite you, but we do not force you’”
  859. “‘But today we fight our own extinction’”
  860. “‘We don’t say we are correct’”
  861. “‘But we say that we are taking action’”
  862. “‘And this is the action we are taking’”
  863. “And some followed Adam and Eve”
  864. “They were our ancestors”
  865. “So you are here today because of their actions”
  866. “And others didn’t”
  867. “And we don’t know what happened to them”
  868. “Except we are sure of is this”
  869. “In my grandmother’s days they would find other tribes who are like us”
  870. “And then my parents spoke of meeting others who are like us”
  871. “And then myself I saw many who are like us”
  872. “But you young ones I know have seen very few who are like us”
  873. “And I fear that we are disappearing”
  874. “It’s a sadness because our line has potential”
  875. Serendipitously soon after
  876. We were to meet and bond with the first other tribe
  877. Since the founding of myself in the blood of my parents
  878. Chapter III
  879. One day
  880. As we were walking
  881. This wild, I guess it would be a cow, but it was fast
  882. And fatter and larger than any animal we’d ever hunted
  883. Runs in front of us
  884. There were other human beings chasing after it with wooden spears
  885. Looking like us
  886. Dressed a little different
  887. They’re clearly tired
  888. And I look to King to see what sort of decision he’ll make
  889. And he looks to them
  890. And instead of being aggressive
  891. He bows down
  892. And the chief from the other tribe, breathing heavily
  893. Bows in return, arms open, in a sign of peace
  894. We don’t understand each other with words / But our bodies communicate our intentions
  895. King waves his hand saying ‘stop here’
  896. He looks to me, he looks to Dallas, he looks to Goliath, he looks to a few others
  897. Points to Goliath
  898. Says “Stay here with the women folk”
  899. “Make sure these new people are treated as our best guests”
  900. “And we’re going to go and get that animal”
  901. King starts running after the fat cow
  902. And Dallas and I, we start running with him
  903. We go
  904. This animal we’re chasing is tired and already injured bad
  905. But he’s still fast
  906. And he’s still big
  907. And we’re gonna get him because King is chasing
  908. King is in the front
  909. And we are following
  910. And we know that if King reaches him first
  911. Then King is in danger
  912. And King is our leader
  913. It is our job to protect him
  914. So we’re running and time is hard to follow
  915. Because time is mutable, not immutable
  916. And finally
  917. The animal is slowing down
  918. And King goes to the right
  919. Shouts to us to go to the left
  920. I go faster than Dallas
  921. King says “Attack from different directions”
  922. We’re all carrying wooden spears
  923. We run at the cow at the same time
  924. It’s Dallas who gets a good shot right at the head
  925. And bashes with the back of his spear as hard as he can
  926. And the animal goes down, fast
  927. And suddenly, there’s more meat than any of us, even King, has ever seen in one spot
  928. What do we do with this?
  929. Well the hunt ended not too far from our camp
  930. I yell at King “I will go get some help”
  931. I go back and I see our womenfolk helping out with the other tribes womenfolk
  932. They must have arrived while we were gone
  933. There is a feeling of peace, not war
  934. There’s many of us now, like in days gone by, as our two tribes are combined together
  935. We are okay
  936. We are at peace / My heart beats in a funny way
  937. We’re fine
  938. I go up to the chief of the other tribe
  939. He who returned the bow of King / Who radiates authority and power
  940. I give him the same respect that I give to King
  941. More
  942. For it’s a way to show respect to this moment / That we are sharing together
  943. I use my body to give respect but also to gesture for him and his other male folk
  944. I communicate with my arms and my feet, like a dance, the success of the hunt
  945. I gesture to the malefolk with the stronger upper body strength
  946. To come with me to help carry the fat cow
  947. And I start jogging back, and I stop,
  948. And I give them a big wave saying ‘come on’
  949. I try to gesture that their womenfolk will be safe there
  950. That we are not going far
  951. That everything is good
  952. The malefolk of the other tribe come with me
  953. Together we arrive to the cow
  954. We will carry it together
  955. Dragging it, pushing it, pulling it
  956. It’s a heavy animal!
  957. There’s no getting around that
  958. And they understand and we move the cow together / It is not far to our camp
  959. And we bring the fat cow back
  960. And we don’t understand a word of each other
  961. But we know that there is only one thing to do / With this great cow / Hunted together
  962. There is anticipation in the air as both tribes stand quiet together
  963. King stands grandiosely, calling attention to himself
  964. He bows, giving respect to the other King
  965. But it is clear that King is King
  966. King is always King
  967. King is moving like dancing / I can tell he is enjoying himself
  968. He gestures that he will leave and return
  969. And King comes back carrying fire
  970. Having made it in secret / To not reveal the power of the firestone
  971. And the other tribe gasps with amazement / For they cannot make fire
  972. And the womenfolk have been smart and prepared a big fire pit
  973. (Though I do notice they hadn’t finished setting it up until we’d brought that fat cow back)
  974. Then, both tribes side by side work together
  975. And there’s nothing but the fact that tonight
  976. There will be a celebration
  977. The day is still early
  978. We are using the fire even though the light is still with us
  979. We begin hacking apart the fat cow
  980. The other tribe knows everything we know
  981. Nothing is going to waste
  982. We’ve got big rocks around the fire
  983. We’re cutting pieces and on the rocks the cow’s flesh sizzles
  984. Each woman is transforming meat into art with herbs and twine
  985. While the children of the two tribes play together
  986. As if they were from the same King
  987. All are laughing and throwing more wood on the fire / Let us make the largest fire we have ever made
  988. And even myself I am cooking meat with an eye to make sure mine is the best
  989. I was a part of catching the cow after all
  990. And why cannot my meat be the most delicious?
  991. As we’re cooking the chief from the other tribe approaches the blaze
  992. And taking a huge pile of leaves from a hidden pocket
  993. He throws them on the fire
  994. And a new smell I have not smelled before fills the air
  995. Sweet as the sky and the grass combined
  996. Suddenly, there’s a smoke and we all feel good
  997. And safe
  998. And with each other
  999. Grandma has another grandma from the other tribe
  1000. The grandma from the other tribe starts singing something beautiful
  1001. And Grandma, not to be out done, though for sure she does not understand a word of the song
  1002. She grabs her bone flute, something she has not used with us for a very long time
  1003. She makes beautiful music
  1004. It’s really, really nice
  1005. And from the other tribe, some of the young girls, they start singing with their grandma
  1006. And they are beautiful
  1007. I can see them
  1008. I feel lust
  1009. Their beauty enters my blood
  1010. And there is the magic smoke in my lungs
  1011. And meat in the air
  1012. And the hunt is still around me
  1013. And here are my people who are not my people but then no one is my people
  1014. And it is as if I am flying, even though my feet feel the ground
  1015. I’m not used to seeing other people
  1016. We all begin eating the meat
  1017. The children are playing the games of children,
  1018. Who can be biggest
  1019. Who can be fastest
  1020. And we men and womenfolk join in
  1021. Who can be the loudest
  1022. Who can eat the most
  1023. Goliath did win that one
  1024. With King looking on with humour and obvious pride
  1025. And the other chief with a smile on his face
  1026. And the other chief throws more leaves on the fire
  1027. And there is magic in our feet / We begin jumping and the ground reverberates with rhythm 
  1028. And the world feels more like colour than it feels like life
  1029. And the flute is my blood
  1030. And with the fire in the center now we are all in a circle
  1031. Not organized, but there is a pattern
  1032. We are waving our hands
  1033. Left, right, up, down
  1034. Forwards, backwards
  1035. Follow the person in your front
  1036. And feel the person behind follow you
  1037. As if we are one great creature
  1038. Follow the person to your left
  1039. Follow the person to your right
  1040. Call,
  1041. Call as an animal in the wild
  1042. Run to the middle and cry as a God
  1043. And another comes and joins you
  1044. And we are not just as an animal
  1045. But as the fire
  1046. A force that is not bound
  1047. We are building
  1048. There is the flute
  1049. And the bass deepness of our feet thumping on the ground
  1050. And the fire as our own sun
  1051. And our shadows leaping / Big as trees
  1052. And a moon or no moon, I cannot tell
  1053. In the light of our life
  1054. This is the sort of day where we are alive
  1055. Parts of life are accidental
  1056. Parts of life are intentional
  1057. Life as something we live but once
  1058. And now as the blue sky has faded it is clear that the moon is full
  1059. It is a full moon
  1060. It is a full moon
  1061. It is a full moon
  1062. Is God real?
  1063. The fire spreads into our hearts
  1064. The fire is in our genitals
  1065. And we start dancing and moving
  1066. Dancing free
  1067. Liberating
  1068. Our bodies shaking
  1069. Perspiration 
  1070. Wild moving
  1071. Circling
  1072. In, out
  1073. Suddenly, I’m surrounded by the other tribe
  1074. Normally,
  1075. I’d be scared but I’m not
  1076. We’re together
  1077. Moving
  1078. Side by side
  1079. The most outer part of my hand
  1080. By accident
  1081. Rubs against one of the girls that’s singing
  1082. She feels it
  1083. It is like lightning
  1084. The energy of the air explodes
  1085. It is like the reverse of fire
  1086. I am absorbed in the touch
  1087. My brain is filled with the absence of anything
  1088. She is staring at me and she feels it too
  1089. There are many things in the world that I know I do not understand
  1090. We stare at each other and we are rotating around each other
  1091. Just for a second
  1092. I know that there is a way that I can act here
  1093. Or a way I cannot act here
  1094. That will change my life
  1095. Because the meaning of life is something related to what I am feeling
  1096. And I can move on and it disappears and the energy moves on
  1097. And perhaps I never encounter this feeling again
  1098. There is a choice
  1099. And I stare at her
  1100. And she barks into a laugh
  1101. She can feel my confusion and my indecision
  1102. She shuts her left eye then opens it again
  1103. Looks left, looks right
  1104. Then backs away, fading into the darkness
  1105. And my heart collapses and I am hurt as from a spear
  1106. Then she comes back to the circle again
  1107. And my heart is full
  1108. She is staring at me in the eyes / Wells as mysterious as the full moon / A smile radiating from her face
  1109. I understand that here is a language that is easier to speak than the one with our tongues
  1110. And she fades into the darkness again
  1111. And I follow her
  1112. And I follow her
  1113. Now I am scared
  1114. Death is in the darkness
  1115. But she is there and she is fearless
  1116. My God
  1117. I come
  1118. I feel the shock of touch again
  1119. She is there
  1120. Her hand resting on my arm
  1121. And I grab her
  1122. I push my lips onto her mouth
  1123. Then I push away, 
  1124. But her hand is against my back, she is holding me close to her
  1125. She says something
  1126. She is holding me
  1127. So I hold her back
  1128. And we lie down
  1129. And we hold each other, side by side
  1130. And physicality is the purpose of existence
  1131. As a strong hypothesis
  1132. I don’t know if the way the night went is the purpose of this story
  1133. Except for the fact that another human being contains the mystery of reality
  1134. That night is and was something that I think about every passing of the sun
  1135. But as I am here in it 
  1136. Knowing that the universe we have constructed will disappear as the light touches us
  1137. We are holding each other now
  1138. I am kissing her neck, biting her ear, having her lay her head on my chest
  1139. I feel so safe
  1140. Being naked together
  1141. The touch of each other
  1142. And the sun rises
  1143. And the magic is still in us
  1144. But time keeps moving
  1145. Perhaps time is immutable after all
  1146. An annoying limitation of this dimension
  1147. We go back to the circle
  1148. I stand with my tribe, she stands with hers
  1149. We bow to each other
  1150. The grandma from the other tribe turns around
  1151. The King from the other tribe turns around and starts walking
  1152. The grandma from the other side starts signing
  1153. King turns around and starts walking
  1154. Our Grandma starts to play the flute
  1155. Our tribes separate, where once we were together now we are increasing in distance
  1156. We will never see each other again
  1157. But the night that did exist
  1158. Something,
  1159. I cannot say in words what it means to me
  1160. More experiences like that should exist in our lives
  1161. Chapter IV
  1162. Time passes
  1163. The days change
  1164. The weather changes
  1165. Food is harder to come by
  1166. Children’s stomachs become round
  1167. Mother’s milk stops
  1168. The specter of death walking among us
  1169. Where have all the berries gone?
  1170. Where is the voice of the song birds?
  1171. The land is empty of animals
  1172. Every day we walk forward
  1173. The desolation remains constant
  1174. King tired and eyes grim
  1175. Though he is still full of fire
  1176. And every night we still make a fire
  1177. His eyes hooded
  1178. Grandma telling no stories
  1179. Nothing in the air but our hunger
  1180. Quiet
  1181. A child dies after eating dirt
  1182. We continue to go forward
  1183. We see on the horizon where the earth touches the sky
  1184. Spectacular mountains,
  1185. Jagged and fierce
  1186. Over the fire King tells us we must cross the mountains
  1187. On this side, where we are, is nothing but death
  1188. On the other side is the unknown
  1189. It is not our purpose to die here, hungry
  1190. We have a purpose, King tells us, even if we do not know it
  1191. We must grow towards it
  1192. Not give up
  1193. Not give up
  1194. He cannot promise what we find on the other side will be Eden
  1195. It may even be death
  1196. But it may be Eden
  1197. What is for sure
  1198. Is that the only thing that remains on this side
  1199. Is death
  1200. We go towards the mountains
  1201. All realities existing simultaneously
  1202. Ourselves in a position between all the realities
  1203. Death more likely than life
  1204. Yet, still the possibility of paradise
  1205. It is dependant on the choices we make / While we are blind to the outcome of our choices
  1206. Boiling roots and leaves to give us sustenance
  1207. Quiet as we march forwards
  1208. The air becomes cold
  1209. We know it will become colder
  1210. Death is in the air
  1211. A mother dies
  1212. We do not cry, our eyes are empty of tears
  1213. We muster the energy to cover her body in stones
  1214. The sadness in our hearts just a continuing burden
  1215. Up and up
  1216. The mountains grow larger in the sky
  1217. But no closer no closer
  1218. The weather cold
  1219. Our stomachs empty
  1220. The world around us in a forever quiet
  1221. Our bodies shrivelling in front of our eyes
  1222. Goliath a giant walking skeleton
  1223. The children becoming insects
  1224. The fire is still in King’s eyes
  1225. What if the mountains never come?
  1226. What if we all die before we reach them?
  1227. Moving forward forever
  1228. Stomachs distended
  1229. More death / We leave these uncovered
  1230. On the other side of the mountains is our only hope
  1231. Fighting the infinite 
  1232. Inside our minds trying to create and fantasize new options
  1233. We are now in the middle of the mountains
  1234. How did we come here so suddenly?
  1235. The air so fragile and cold
  1236. King is taking us over the mountains through a pass
  1237. How did he know it was there?
  1238. Or does luck sometimes exist?
  1239. Green grass is under our feet again
  1240. One day, we wake up to bird song
  1241. Dallas captures the singing birds
  1242. And we eat them for dinner
  1243. Giving our children the eggs
  1244. Dallas dies that night, he’d eaten none of what he found
  1245. Sad, for here we are now on the other side
  1246. The endless journey does have an end / Though for many it was their infinite
  1247. They never knew that infinite had an end
  1248. There is a forest now and there are animals and we catch rabbits and we eat and Grandma starts telling stories again
  1249. King is tired
  1250. Many realities did not pass on us
  1251. We could not have predicted this reality
  1252. But King chose to make this reality happen
  1253. And for his guidance
  1254. We have our lives
  1255. Chapter V
  1256. And then my brother asks me
  1257. “Why is it you act this way?”
  1258. And I say to Goliath “This is the only way I know”
  1259. “All there is in the world is truth”
  1260. “Truth and goodness”
  1261. “And I am not the judge”
  1262. “I let my heart decide”
  1263. And then my brother asks me
  1264. “Why do you act this way?”
  1265. And I say to him that it is because this is the only way I know
  1266. “All there is in the world is truth”
  1267. “Truth and goodness”
  1268. “I speak as my heart tells me to”
  1269. And he looks at me in frustration
  1270. “Why can’t you just be normal?”
  1271. I tell him
  1272. “Goliath,” 
  1273. “Why do you act this way?”
  1274. And he says because this is the way that a human being is supposed to be
  1275. And I ask him how does he know this?
  1276. And he says because it is obvious / It is how all the world acts
  1277. “Strength in the hunt”
  1278. “The raising of children”
  1279. “The leading of our people”
  1280. He is doing that which he is supposed to do
  1281. And then I ask him but what does your heart tell you?
  1282. And he looks at me irritated
  1283. “What does my heart have to do with this”
  1284. “What does that even mean?”
  1285. What I would love him to say is that he wants to impress me and impress all the world
  1286. And that he does this because he is afraid
  1287. Afraid of what if the world doesn’t love him
  1288. That he does not know himself
  1289. He is unaware if he is good or bad or the devil
  1290. But he does not give me the pleasure to say this
  1291. Instead, he looks at my with irritation
  1292. “You know it’s weird how you are acting? / You should not act this way?”
  1293. His words hurt me
  1294. “And then how should I act?”
  1295. “You should fill your role”
  1296. “But what is my role?”
  1297. “You can be whoever you want!”
  1298. “But then I choose to be as I am / And if I am right, then is that not okay? / And if I am wrong and I hurt no one, then am I not free to be myself? / I do not tell you to be anything else other than yourself”
  1299. “Don’t you? / Don’t your actions tell me that I am inferior? / Aren’t you always quietly judging me?”
  1300. “No, that is not the case / But I do think you judge me”
  1301. “Yes”
  1302. “But that does not bother me”
  1303. “Shouldn’t it?”
  1304. “For some it would / For you, I think it would”
  1305. “And why do you think you are so great?”
  1306. “I do not think I am great, I am just unsure if I am right or wrong / I could be wrong / I could be wrong / I don’t want to hurt anyone if it turns out I am wrong”
  1307. “But what if you have to make a choice?”
  1308. “A choice on what?”
  1309. “Isn’t life about choices about the unknown? / You could hurt someone without intention”
  1310. “Then I will do the best I can”
  1311. “And what is the best you can”
  1312. “Well, I will try my hardest to do the right choice / I will tear apart my mind, I will not be passive, I will dream and experiment, I will try to imagine all the quantum possibilities in my head, giving each and every one weight / Then close off all those options that are too likely to lead to the opposite of truth and goodness”
  1313. “And what if you make a choice then lightning strikes all the tribe dead? Because of your choice”
  1314. “Then that would be out of my control / But if it was to happen once, I would work to not let it happen again”
  1315. “How would you do that?”
  1316. “I would go to places where the trees are not scarred by lightning”
  1317. “But what if you don’t have fire and then you need fire?”
  1318. “We have fire”
  1319. “And if we did not? / How would you make the choice between finding fire from the falling lightning or avoiding death from falling lightning?”
  1320. “I would do the best that I can / There are endless paths open to us / Many are dead ends / Perhaps all are dead ends / But I will seek to kill the dead ends before they kill me / I will understand my mind and dream the universe around me / I will not make in the real world the same mistakes I make in my dreams / And when the universe decides to fight me / Then I will fight back”
  1321. “Whatever the costs?”
  1322. “Is this fight not the only thing that I have?”
  1323. “But how do you know what to do?”
  1324. “I will just try my hardest“
  1325. “And what if your hardest is not enough?”
  1326. “Then I will fail and hope that others better than me carry forward”
  1327. “Why do you talk like this?”
  1328. “Because it’s the only way that I know how”
  1329. “How can we come from the same childhood but be so different?”
  1330. “There is night and there is day but they are both parts of our life”
  1331. “What does that mean?”
  1332. “That we are different but the same”
  1333. “I don’t know why you can’t just be a better hunter, a better tribe member”
  1334. “Because we are going to all die very soon if we do not find a way to live better”
  1335. “That is not true”
  1336. “That is true / We almost just died of starvation, then we almost just died of cold / We see less life, less of our people / We are dying”
  1337. “I am alive”
  1338. “And so am I”
  1339. “We are not going to die”
  1340. “Some day we will die”
  1341. “The tribe will grow!”
  1342. “Is the tribe growing?”
  1343. “You can’t be so negative about everything!”
  1344. “We are talking about the death of our people”
  1345. “I believe we will stay alive!”
  1346. “I believe we have it in our destiny the potential to stay alive”
  1347. “What is the difference?”
  1348. “It is dependant on the choices we make”
  1349. “I think you are weighing down the tribe by your inability to focus”
  1350. “I do not question that is a potential truth / But I am trying as hard as I can / Everything is a potential truth until all the others are eliminated / There is only one truth and an infinite number of charades / I am seeking to follow the path of truth”
  1351. “Well just work a bit harder”
  1352. “Yes, brother, I will”
  1353. Chapter VI
  1354. A cry to shake the depths of the earth
  1355. Amen in the pangs of giving birth
  1356. Surrounded by womenfolk
  1357. King, Goliath and I shudder with each scream / Out of the way of the women
  1358. The giving of birth a terrible and beautiful miracle
  1359. There is silence between us
  1360. King to be a grandfather
  1361. Goliath and I sure the child is one of ours but not whose
  1362. Amen a beautiful flower and in pain
  1363. Death or life on our fingertips and in the air and the world is a mist and a confusion
  1364. Seeds grow towards the sky / Seeds stepped on never grow
  1365. King tells the story of the first time he made love 
  1366. He was young and a boy and it was in the world that was closer to Eden even though Eden was still faded
  1367. There was a day where a girl just chose him, grabbed him by the hand and the cock and led him away
  1368. He didn’t say a word / Just lied on her and came so quickly and she just smiled and touched his lips with her finger and kissed him softly and walked off
  1369. They must have left the tribe for only five minutes
  1370. Goliath tells the story of his first time with a woman
  1371. He was in the full-moon and high on the fire
  1372. And he was by himself and alone in his mind
  1373. And a girl he refuses to name comes and talks to him
  1374. He had told many he’d already been with women / But it had not been the case
  1375. The girl was just talking to him
  1376. And he was scared, scared
  1377. And he wanted to lean forward and to touch her and to feel skin touch skin
  1378. But he could not
  1379. And he was trying to listen but none of her words came through his ears
  1380. And then she just said to Goliath “If you want to fuck me, you can fuck me / Just don’t cum inside me, I don’t want to have a baby right now” 
  1381. And Goliath took off his clothes and penetrated her and came right away
  1382. And she was angry and would not talk to him for some time
  1383. But it was not Amen, it was not this baby
  1384. I suppose I am supposed to tell the story of my first time being with a woman
  1385. King is rocking back and forth, scared for Amen 
  1386. I am scared for Amen
  1387. Goliath is scared for Amen
  1388. There is nothing in the air but fear
  1389. Soft Amen
  1390. The world takes
  1391. Screams in the air
  1392. The desire to move farther
  1393. As an ostrich, stick our head in the groud and hide from our terror
  1394. But we are going to listen, we are not going to move
  1395. We act as kings and leaders and men
  1396. But we were but bawling babes, brought from the womb of our mothers, 
  1397. And many died, 
  1398. Mother and sister, 
  1399. Mother and brother, 
  1400. All the worlds that could have been, 
  1401. All the worlds they could have dreamed of and built
  1402. We must not hide from the death of those who might have been us
  1403. The fact we survived is the outlier
  1404. Life such a surprise
  1405. When death and emptiness such the norm of the universe
  1406. In most realities I am not here
  1407. “I am not sure the time I was first with a woman”
  1408. “I thought I’d been with a woman the first time we kissed in the night and she touched my arm and we never touched more than that”
  1409. “I was worried I had done something wrong / And perhaps a baby would grow from her mouth” 
  1410. “The first real time was after that, when I thought we were together and she was mine and I was hers” 
  1411. “And she told me that she’d wanted me to fuck her and I hadn’t and it hurt her, because she’d wanted to have been fucked and I had just lain there” 
  1412. “And I had thought my restraint had pleased her” 
  1413. “And then I was scared of her, that I could not please her, that she did not like me”
  1414. “And I was unsure of what to do and I hid from her” 
  1415. “And I told people we’d fucked / But we hadn’t” 
  1416. “And I’d told people we were together / But we weren’t” 
  1417. “And she would treat me like normal and I would look at my feet in shame”
  1418. “Then, later, I was drunk on the full moon” 
  1419. “There was dancing in every direction and I was having none of it”
  1420. “Staying away, with the old ones / And they would ask me ‘Why am I not with the young ones?’ and I would just stumble” 
  1421. “And I could tell they understood and understood better than I” 
  1422. “And then I just got up, bravery in my blood for a moment I did not let pass” 
  1423. “As if walking off a cliff into the river: I told my feet to walk” 
  1424. “And I told my brain not to think” 
  1425. “And I went and there she was dancing and free and there was a group and they were all merry” 
  1426. “And I walked up and I took her hand and did not say a word and I took her to the bushes” 
  1427. “And I sang to her and it was terrible” 
  1428. “And I fucked her and I came so fast and she rolled her eyes” 
  1429. “But we lay next to each other and in the morning we fucked again” 
  1430. “And she told me ‘slower’ and I went slower” 
  1431. “And I could hear gasps in her throat” 
  1432. “And then we kept fucking and I came hard”
  1433. “And was it Amen?”
  1434. “No it was not Amen”
  1435. I remember the time lightning striked so close that there was a fire in my beard
  1436. I am scared of the night and if there is no fire I will not sleep
  1437. I remember my mother carrying me on her back in the middle of the march, singing songs / My only memory of my mother
  1438. I am scared of being an old man and dying and every day I grow weaker
  1439. What if I do not accomplish those things I feel I have the potential in my destiny?
  1440. I am unsure if I am worthy of love
  1441. Sometimes I act without thought
  1442. I often feel that I am incapable of being loved
  1443. I often feel that I am incapable of giving love
  1444. There is a woman’s moan and then a cry in the bush
  1445. A human cry, a baby cry
  1446. We all stay in silence and hold our silence and somehow we are all touching each other, shoulder to shoulder, we look in each other’s eyes
  1447. A father and a grandfather stand in this group for the first time / We hold each other and give each other support
  1448. Today, 
  1449. There is not death, 
  1450. There is new life
  1451. Part 2
  1452. Chapter VII
  1453. And then suddenly day becomes night
  1454. As we walk it as if the sun has lost its fire
  1455. We are in total blackness
  1456. I am scared
  1457. What if the sun does not come again?
  1458. What evil is this?
  1459. This has not happened before
  1460. The moment is eternity
  1461. Is this my death?
  1462. Is this the death of the universe?
  1463. King and Goliath both hold fire and it keeps the darkness at bay
  1464. Women and children wail
  1465. King booms in a loud voice
  1466. “Do not be afraid”
  1467. “I have not experienced this before, but there are many things in the world to experience”
  1468. “Remember, we have made fire” 
  1469. “And even here”
  1470. “As the fire of the sky disappears”
  1471. “The fire that we, man, have made / Still endures”
  1472. “If we had not made this fire then we would be in blackness”
  1473. “But from our hands we have created light”
  1474. “And with this light we will endure”
  1475. “Do not be afraid”
  1476. “Even though there is much to be afraid of”
  1477. “For the world is always trying to doom us”
  1478. “With hunger and cold and disease and war and injury”
  1479. “But it is our choice to endure”
  1480. “And whatever this new evil is”
  1481. “We will endure it too”
  1482. And while he speaks the sun comes back, blinding in a way that forces us to look away
  1483. And it is as if it was never gone
  1484. We carry on our march
  1485. In the evening King comes to me and asks if I will go for a walk
  1486. It is dusk and the sky is a blue as deep as the deepest lake
  1487. We walk and speak of small things
  1488. The best berries to pick in the area
  1489. The sweet smell of the trees
  1490. How they would fit right into Eden
  1491. We do not talk about the disappearance of the sun
  1492. Even though it is on my mind
  1493. King stops / Grabs my hands / He has a tremble / He looks in my eyes
  1494. He asks me if I know the story of my own life
  1495. I do not know what to say
  1496. I know my parents are dead and we do not talk of them
  1497. I know that I am not from this tribe / Everyone in the tribe is related by blood / But none of their blood runs through my veins
  1498. I know that it is something I am not supposed to talk about
  1499. Something I am not supposed to think about
  1500. I tell him I do not know my own story
  1501. He asks me if I want to know
  1502. I am not sure that I want to know / I force my voice to say: yes, I want to know
  1503. King tells me that he killed my father / And that he and his people killed all of those related to me by blood / The genocide of my people
  1504. His hands that hold my hands were red with my father’s blood
  1505. That he planned it and took part
  1506. The story goes like this
  1507. Back when King was a young man, and the tribe was bigger, and King had his own King, and King was a dauphin
  1508. Times were better than they are now
  1509. But the times seemed to be at their very worst
  1510. Eden was more fresh in the tribes mind
  1511. The old women and old men could still talk about it as something that even if they had not seen, their parents had seen
  1512. Hunger was a new challenge
  1513. The witnessing of children with distended stomachs
  1514. Witnessing the death of children
  1515. These were sights that the tribe was not used to
  1516. This was a time before the firestone / Since, in the past, fire had been easy to find
  1517. The land had been bountiful and food had been easy 
  1518. But now the world had changed
  1519. Fire was found and enjoyed and a wonder when it was received
  1520. It was as the rain bringing fresh water to an arid plain
  1521. When the fire would fall from heaven King’s tribe would rush to the site
  1522. And, if luck was this day over their head
  1523. They would find the fire alive
  1524. A gift from the sky
  1525. With fire they could light the forest on fire
  1526. And drive out the animals into their waiting arms
  1527. With fire they could cook the food
  1528. And feel more satisfied
  1529. With fire, they could quell the terror of the night
  1530. The fire was precious
  1531. The tribe would have their King at the front carrying a torch
  1532. And the dauphin at the back carrying a torch
  1533. And in the middle another torch being carried
  1534. And there was never a time where the fire was not being carefully watched
  1535. If one fire went out, then it would quickly be rekindled by another
  1536. This would serve to keep the fire alive for days
  1537. Weeks
  1538. But rarely months
  1539. Eventually the rain would come and quench the torches
  1540. Or a great gust of wind would knock the tribe to the ground
  1541. And with it extinguish the fire
  1542. And when the fire was gone
  1543. Then the people of the tribe would again be hungry
  1544. Again have the terror of the night
  1545. Then, as now, extinction reigned
  1546. The tribe was not a tree growing towards the sky
  1547. But a seed in the darkness of a cave
  1548. Receiving no nourishment
  1549. Not empowered to flourish
  1550. In these times, there would be more meeting of tribes
  1551. While in the time of Eden other tribes would be full of peace
  1552. In these times of hardship the tribes would fear each other
  1553. Envying after their resources
  1554. Real or imagined
  1555. Some tribes would have fire
  1556. And it could be shared, or traded
  1557. Or used as a weapon
  1558. And there was no predicting if a hand would be extended in friendship 
  1559. Or used to cast stones
  1560. During a time without fire,
  1561. When things had been especially bad
  1562. And death had become a sight as common as the rising sun
  1563. Another tribe without fire came to the small lake they were camped on
  1564. This was a tribe unlike others
  1565. Their numbers were not large
  1566. But they were well fed
  1567. Their skin clear
  1568. They still had laughter in the air
  1569. These were the people of Moses
  1570. A lost tribe
  1571. They saw the suffering and starvation of King’s people
  1572. And left food on a large rock
  1573. It was a gesture of friendship
  1574. And a gesture of unimaginable wealth
  1575. King’s King sent King to understand these new people
  1576. How could they have so much / When King’s people had so little
  1577. King, as a warrior in his prime
  1578. And the dauphin
  1579. Was to scout and understand
  1580. What he witnessed was something he had never seen
  1581. In the evening, from his perch spying
  1582. Completely invisible to the new tribe
  1583. He witnessed the King of the new tribe / Take a stone from around his neck
  1584. And with a simple but powerful gesture
  1585. Make sparks fly from the rock
  1586. Onto dry tinder
  1587. And a fire now existed
  1588. Where before there had been no fire
  1589. Now there was fire
  1590. Just as if from the sky
  1591. But instead from the hands of man
  1592. King went back and talked to his King
  1593. One on one
  1594. And explained to him exactly what he saw
  1595. The rock being used to make fire
  1596. The power of the sky in a stone
  1597. King’s King said this
  1598. “Our people are starving and dying”
  1599. “We will disappear soon”
  1600. “This is my family”
  1601. “We witness the lion chase a gazelle for food”
  1602. “These other people are not my people”
  1603. “The survival of my people / Is the most important thing”
  1604. “We must take the firestone from them”
  1605. “And use it to save our people”
  1606. “We could ask them to share”
  1607. “I appreciate the generosity they have already shown us”
  1608. “But if they say no”
  1609. “Then they will be ready to defend the firestone”
  1610. “And we will not be able to beat them in our weakened state”
  1611. King and King’s King made a plan
  1612. A plan of evil to befall on the people of Moses / A plan to steal the firestone
  1613. They told the rest of their tribe the truth: that the other tribe had a way to make fire
  1614. And that for their survival they must take it
  1615. What they did was this
  1616. They brought their singers and dancers together / Wearing all their finery
  1617. And went to the edge, as a full tribe, to where the Fire Tribe was camped
  1618. Our singers sang songs of wind, the sun and love
  1619. Our dancers kicked rhythm into the earth
  1620. We still had the food that the Fire Tribe had brought us
  1621. And what we did, without fire, was to make a feast
  1622. We danced and enjoyed and became hedonistic
  1623. The Fire Tribe saw our merriment
  1624. And, instead of showing fear, decided to make merry with us
  1625. Just as we have done in the present with the other tribe
  1626. They expanded their circle
  1627. And allowed us to join them at their fire
  1628. They gave us torches to plant among our people / A gift of fire
  1629. Our King’s King put on the fire our strongest magic leaves
  1630. And it was a celebration of man brought together
  1631. Perhaps the two tribes could become one tribe
  1632. Man becoming more in the face of annihilation
  1633. Goodness growing from its fight with darkness
  1634. There was a hypothesis
  1635. This could have happened
  1636. But what if in the morning the other tribe left?
  1637. And then King and his people would have fire for some time
  1638. But then lose it again
  1639. And begin to starve again
  1640. In the deepest of the night
  1641. While the other tribe slept
  1642. Each and every man and women of King’s tribe silently awoke
  1643. And, acting as one
  1644. Used rocks they had piled
  1645. Smashed in the heads of the people of the Fire Tribe
  1646. Each and every man, woman and child
  1647. They were fast and efficient
  1648. By the time cries and screams were heard
  1649. It was already too late
  1650. The momentum had already begun
  1651. The massacre was over quickly after it started
  1652. Except that the King of the Fire Tribe was not there
  1653. He was not among his people
  1654. And there was no firestone
  1655. King’s people began to hunt for the King of the Fire Tribe
  1656. Just as they would hunt a wild animal
  1657. King was the one to find him
  1658. Sitting under a tree / With a small stream behind him
  1659. A baby in his arms / The firestone around the neck of the baby
  1660. He did not say anything / His eyes black holes
  1661. King went to him
  1662. And with a rock smashed his head
  1663. The head of the King of the Fire Tribe crushed like a melon
  1664. King took the firestone from the neck of the baby
  1665. But then, just as he was going to pulverize the baby
  1666. The moon was obliterated from the sky
  1667. Just like the sun had disappeared today
  1668. And a true blackness descended around King
  1669. King wondered if the world had decided to eat him for his evil
  1670. He spent an eternity feeling the warm blood on his hands
  1671. The darkness so absolute that he could see inside his own soul
  1672. Gravity weighing the rock in his hands towards the baby
  1673. And the wail of the baby in his ears
  1674. King felt the weight of sin
  1675. The moon came back
  1676. But the fire of killing had abandoned King’s hand
  1677. He took the baby and the firestone to his King
  1678. He showed his King the motion of how to start the fire
  1679. And now, they could make fire
  1680. But King’s King told King to not share the secret
  1681. For if others had the secret then they would be able to kill King
  1682. But as long as they had the secret
  1683. They were not men
  1684. But nature / Lightning / Gods
  1685. King did not ask if he could keep the baby
  1686. But raised it as his own
  1687. And of course the baby was Moses
  1688. King stopped talking
  1689. Night was beginning to blacken the day
  1690. Moses did not say anything
  1691. He had already known in his heart this story
  1692. King looked at him with shadows blocking his face
  1693. “I am telling you this because for every day, for every moment since I used a rock to take the lives of your people, I have known that my life has been lived in error”
  1694. “I had been so sure that my purpose was to see the survival of my people”
  1695. “But then, even having won that victory, I have seen my people continue to perish”
  1696. “Continue to go hungry”
  1697. “The firestone did not bring us back to Eden”
  1698. “What I reflect on is that we were, for a moment, back in Eden”
  1699. “When we were with the other tribe”
  1700. “Around the fire”
  1701. “Expanding the circle”
  1702. “We were better together for it”
  1703. “We had lost many”
  1704. “But could have gained more”
  1705. “Then we listened to the worst part in our hearts”
  1706. “We listened to the part that said ‘These others will do evil to us, so let us do evil first’”
  1707. “And our only victory has been the death of a chance at Eden”
  1708. “Our victory was in fact a defeat”
  1709. “And myself, I know that for all the good I may do in the world”
  1710. “The blood on my hands has spoiled the story of my life”
  1711. “And even in the infinite of the universe”
  1712. “I will never be anything except an enemy to man”
  1713. “An enemy to the potential that humans have to grow, flourish and fulfill our cosmic purpose”
  1714. “I am the disease that kills people”
  1715. “I am a murderer”
  1716. “And so are my people”
  1717. “But those who did not kill do not have blood on their hands”
  1718. “And they still have hope”
  1719. “While those who have blood on their hands, of who I am the last”
  1720. “Our spirits are to be annihilated”
  1721. “Even if I do good”
  1722. “My spirit must be annihilated”
  1723. “And no memory held for the life I lived”
  1724. “Moses”
  1725. “Our people are dying”
  1726. “Not just the people of our tribe”
  1727. “But our species”
  1728. “I will die soon”
  1729. “Death is in my air / I can feel it”
  1730. “The sun disappearing today is linked to the moon disappearing”
  1731. “Today is a reminder of the day I killed your father”
  1732. “If I do not die tomorrow, then it will be before the next full moon, or before the next time a baby is born”
  1733. “My time is being counted”
  1734. “I need to tell you this now”
  1735. “When I die”
  1736. “You must be the one who leads our tribe”
  1737. “Not Goliath”
  1738. “For though Goliath does not carry my sins”
  1739. “I am sure Goliath would repeat them again / For he cannot comprehend the evil of murder / Until after comitting the act of murder”
  1740. “But you / The last of your blood / Understand the terror of genocide / You comprehend the evil of murder”
  1741. “You will not choose to kill your fellow man”
  1742. “We must grow from my mistakes”
  1743. “You must find a way to make the circle of mankind grow”
  1744. “Not shrink”
  1745. “We must not go extinct”
  1746. “We have not fulfilled our purpose in the universe yet”
  1747. “I am sorry for the terror that I befell on your family”
  1748. “You must not forgive me / I must accept my punishment”
  1749. “You must be better than my weakness”
  1750. “Myself and my blood could have chosen any destiny”
  1751. “But instead we chose the destiny of death”
  1752. “And that will only lead to more death”
  1753. “You have the capacity to choose a destiny greater than this”
  1754. “And then, my own people shall be free”
  1755. “For no baby is born with the sin of their father”
  1756. “And through your goodness, my people shall become your people”
  1757. “And good shall triumph over evil”
  1758. “And my own story will be forgotten”
  1759. “Replaced with the story of goodness”
  1760. Chapter VIII
  1761. It is the night and we huddle around the fire and King is dying and near death
  1762. His raspy breathing hurts my soul
  1763. He who was so strong is now so weak
  1764. There is silence except for the crackle of fire, the soft whisper of the wind and the rasp of King’s final breaths
  1765. “Please, hear my voice / While it is still in me to say it”
  1766. “I appreciate my doom is here before me”
  1767. “As I know how I lived my life”
  1768. “I comprehend what awaits me in death”
  1769. “There will be no afterlife for me”
  1770. “My body will be absorbed into the ground”
  1771. “And be nourishment for bugs and flowers”
  1772. “Hopefully, they flourish”
  1773. “In my life I tried for good”
  1774. “I never gave up on the energy that I brought to all of you”
  1775. “But I sacrificed my soul long ago”
  1776. “I took the life of my fellow man”
  1777. “And I sacrificed my soul”
  1778. “Long ago”
  1779. “I had hoped there was atonement”
  1780. “I do believe now that there is atonement”
  1781. “But not in a way that saves me”
  1782. “Not in a way that saves my soul”
  1783. “But, perhaps, in the example of my life”
  1784. “Then you, the people that I love, the future of my species”
  1785. “Will be my own afterlife”
  1786. “Please listen and know that I do not know myself if there is truth in my words”
  1787. “But what I am aware of is that these are the last words of my life”
  1788. “I am weak, so please come close”
  1789. “First, know that it is proper to defend yourself”
  1790. “You must not allow those who would do evil to be unchallenged”
  1791. “Letting yourself die unprotected is its own form of murder”
  1792. “And I am sure as long as there is those who will do good / There will be those who do evil”
  1793. “Protect yourselves / For our purpose is precious”
  1794. “But do not cast the first stone”
  1795. “Those that cast the first stone are not my people”
  1796. “We must come together as a species”
  1797. “We cannot tear ourselves apart”
  1798. “And those that would tear others apart”
  1799. “We will not cast the first stone against”
  1800. “But nor will we save them”
  1801. “For that is not our purpose”
  1802. “Our purpose is something more holy”
  1803. “Something to do with the concepts of infinite”
  1804. “The way the light comes from the sun to awaken flowers”
  1805. “We awaken in the morning and wonder what our purpose is”
  1806. “And we do not know”
  1807. “We awaken as a baby in our mothers arms and wonder what our purpose is”
  1808. “And we do not know”
  1809. “Here I die, surrounded by my loved ones”
  1810. “And I wonder what my purpose is”
  1811. “And still, I do not know”
  1812. “But I know that a life well lived serves a higher purpose”
  1813. “That a life well lived impacts the smallest grain of sand and the greatest reaches of the universe”
  1814. “All things that exist are connected”
  1815. “A common thread through all existence”
  1816. “Infinite’s rising ahead of us” 
  1817. “I do not know the future”
  1818. “But I fear extinction”
  1819. “And I fear extinction before man serves our purpose to the universe”
  1820. “I cannot tell you how to live a life, outside of not casting the first stone”
  1821. “But what I do know,”
  1822. “What I do know”
  1823. “Is that the entirety of the potential of mankind and the universe”
  1824. “Is in every single one of us”
  1825. “Is in all our ancestors”
  1826. “Is in all our descendants”
  1827. “Is in every single moment”
  1828. “And that the purpose of existence will not be revelation as a flash”
  1829. “But an understanding of something universal that is already in us”
  1830. “So obvious we never thought to ask”
  1831. “And I hope that by following our most true hearts”
  1832. “That voice that lives in our most secret mind”
  1833. “We do discover”
  1834. “That revelation, which is our purpose in the universe”
  1835. “I thank you for letting me live my life with you”
  1836. “And I trust that as we are all warriors”
  1837. “At war with the existence that seeks nothing but our annihilation”
  1838. “That we remember the lesson of the flower”
  1839. “A simple story of sun and good soil / And growing towards its purpose”
  1840. “We can fight and flourish like the flower”
  1841. “We will carry on with our holy mission / Like the flower”
  1842. “I wish you the very best of luck”
  1843. “I am glad I am not the last man alive”
  1844. “If there is an afterlife, I will pray for all of you”
  1845. King did not die that night
  1846. But he did not speak again
  1847. And the light left his eyes
  1848. And the rasp of his breathing weakened
  1849. And soon he was dead
  1850. I will mourn him
  1851. He who killed my father
  1852. He who was the only father I ever knew
  1853. What is it for man to be able to commit a sin that is unpardonable?
  1854. I will mourn him
  1855. Goliath asks me to go for a walk
  1856. Just after the last breath escaped King
  1857. And Grandma began wailing
  1858. He tells me that King told him earlier that he wanted I, Moses, to lead
  1859. But that at the very end he told Goliath that it should be Goliath who leads
  1860. That my time will come
  1861. But that our people need the blood of King in their leader
  1862. I look at him and I diminish in myself
  1863. Is it not for me to rise up and stop this usurpation?
  1864. King had a wish
  1865. And I diminish in myself
  1866. I ask Goliath why he wants to lead
  1867. He tells me that he knows the destiny of his people
  1868. That he sees the promised land
  1869. He asks me if I see the promised land? / If I know the path?
  1870. I tell him the truth: I do not
  1871. He asks me how can I be the leader if I do not know the direction to lead
  1872. I give him silence / And I diminish
  1873. He tells me he will be a good leader
  1874. He tells me he will be the best leader our people could hope for
  1875. I tell him then I will follow him as I followed King
  1876. To which he says “No, you shall follow me as Goliath”
  1877. We walk back to the tribe / Him head held high / Myself diminished
  1878. Chapter IX
  1879. Goliath is King
  1880. Goliath is Goliath
  1881. He speaks with his heart
  1882. I respect him for this
  1883. The words he says are not the words of King
  1884. But then Goliath is Goliath
  1885. He speaks like this
  1886. “There was a time when we were in Eden”
  1887. “And the land provided for us”
  1888. “And everything was good”
  1889. “We are not in Eden anymore”
  1890. “And I tell you: I know the reason”
  1891. “King told me the answer as he died”
  1892. “Our killing of the firestone’s people was a sin”
  1893. “And for this sin the magic in the firestone has laid a curse on us”
  1894. “But we must fear not”
  1895. “For in our sin is our salvation”
  1896. “As I hold the firestone, I can feel that it is as the sky and the water and the moon”
  1897. “It is a Force”
  1898. “The firestone is a God”
  1899. “As I sleep I can hear its voice”
  1900. “And what it whispers to me in my dreams”
  1901. “Is that it will lift the curse it has put on our tribe”
  1902. “If we atone for our sins”
  1903. “By bringing the firestone back across the mountain”
  1904. “Back to Eden”
  1905. “Back to its own people”
  1906. “Where we shall beg forgiveness”
  1907. “And seek to build a future together / As one tribe”
  1908. “And we shall regain our lost paradise”
  1909. “It is this that the firestone has told me”
  1910. “We shall be cursed with death and hunger and fear”
  1911. “Until we do as the firestone says”
  1912. I question what Goliath is saying, but I see that he is seeking goodness
  1913. And a path forward
  1914. The mountain path scares me
  1915. Death stalked us there before
  1916. But the others are willing to follow Goliath
  1917. Here I have a choice
  1918. I know I have a choice
  1919. I always have a choice
  1920. King told me to lead
  1921. And the path in my heart is different than the path Goliath suggests
  1922. I do not believe that the firestone, treasure from my own people, is anything but a very special rock
  1923. It holds no voice
  1924. So then whose voice is leading Goliath?
  1925. Who is speaking in his dreams?
  1926. I do not believe going back to Eden is our salvation
  1927. Our elders left Eden as a wasteland
  1928. To go over the mountains to a wasteland is dangerous
  1929. There can be no atonement made to the firestone people
  1930. My own people
  1931. Because I know they are all dead
  1932. That I am the last
  1933. There is no atonement owed by anyone living
  1934. The killers are dead
  1935. King was the last
  1936. Now, we may not be trapped by this sins of the past
  1937. We must learn from our past to build a better future
  1938. We must not let King’s life have been in vain
  1939. We must not let my people’s lives have been in vain
  1940. There is no purpose to find the bones of my mother and father and brothers and sisters
  1941. Whom I cannot remember
  1942. But who I still look in the stars and see
  1943. I have a choice
  1944. And if I choose to force my choice on the tribe
  1945. Then there will be a fight / A sin when we are so diminished
  1946. The right choice and the wrong choice at the same time
  1947. Or 
  1948. I can choose to follow Goliath
  1949. And deny my heart
  1950. That which my heart tells me is truth
  1951. But avoid conflict
  1952. The wrong choice and the right choice at the same time
  1953. It is as the Heisenburg uncertainty principle
  1954. Either I interject my will
  1955. And change the trajectory of our people
  1956. Perhaps for the worse / Perhaps for the better
  1957. Or I follow
  1958. And do not know myself
  1959. I never asked for existence
  1960. But here I am
  1961. Being superimposed between the two choices
  1962. A choice must be made
  1963. Time flowing in a single dimension
  1964. Like a river full of forks
  1965. Today, I will follow Goliath
  1966. And I know that what starts today
  1967. Leads into tomorrow
  1968. I have chosen
  1969. I am living my life in vain 
  1970. It is a sin, I know this
  1971. Chapter X
  1972. The tribe walks towards the mountains that rise to touch the evening moon
  1973. Piercing deep into the sky, like the teeth of an old woman
  1974. Goliath leads, holding the firestone as a totem
  1975. All others follow, I follow
  1976. We are more quiet than before
  1977. We remember those who died the last time we crossed these same mountains
  1978. I remember Dallas finding eggs to feed our children / Then dying that same night
  1979. In the evenings Goliath has us circle around him
  1980. Before he will set the fire he demands we recite words
  1981. We must apologize for our sins to the firestone
  1982. We must thank the firestone for making our fire
  1983. In the first days we address the firestone directly
  1984. As the days pass Goliath tells us to address him, not the firestone
  1985. For he is the translator of the firestone
  1986. One day Goliath tells a young girl
  1987. “You have not thanked the firestone properly”
  1988. He asks her to come with him for a lesson on the firestone
  1989. Alone and away
  1990. When she comes back she is a woman
  1991. Such is the way of the world
  1992. The firestone begins to tell Goliath many things
  1993. That he should have the best choice of food
  1994. That the leaf we smoke in the evenings should be only for him
  1995. That those whose attitude is not correct are disobeying the firestone
  1996. And the firestone asks for the punishment of the disobedient
  1997. Every night,
  1998. We thank the firestone
  1999. We thank the firestone through Goliath
  2000. And this bothers me
  2001. The firestone is just a stone
  2002. It is not a person
  2003. It is not a god
  2004. It is an object
  2005. One day while we are thanking the firestone
  2006. By thanking Goliath
  2007. I decide to push back
  2008. Just softly
  2009. “Goliath”,
  2010. I say
  2011. “It is good for us to be thankful, but does the firestone really have a voice?”
  2012. Goliath jumps over to me and hits me on the side of the head with the firestone
  2013. Hard
  2014. I am on the ground
  2015. I am unable to see
  2016. The world is a series of colours I am unfamiliar with
  2017. Perhaps this is death?
  2018. But no, the colours clouding my vision part
  2019. Leaving terrific pain and the voice of Goliath
  2020. Not addressing me, instead addressing all the others
  2021. “We have been given the gift of fire from the firestone”
  2022. “This is what gives us heat in the evening”
  2023. “This is what makes our food so rich”
  2024. “This is what keeps us safe from the beasts of the night”
  2025. “The firestone is our God”
  2026. “We must do what it says”
  2027. “It has already shown us its power”
  2028. “It has taken Eden from us”
  2029. “If we anger the firestone it will take away what little we have left”
  2030. “Do you want our children to starve?”
  2031. “We must not anger our God”
  2032. “I know what it says”
  2033. “It speaks to me”
  2034. “All day I hear the voice of the firestone”
  2035. “And I tell you it is angry with us”
  2036. “It is angry for it knows our hearts are not pure”
  2037. “I have told the firestone that my heart is pure”
  2038. “But the firestone tells me it is not the case of those around me”
  2039. “And I tell the firestone how can that be?”
  2040. “Everynight each and every one of our tribe swears to the firestone”
  2041. “We are a pure people / Without lies”
  2042. “And then”
  2043. “And then”
  2044. “I hear Moses blaspheme against the firestone”
  2045. “And I know that again the firestone has spoken the truth”
  2046. “Moses, I will strike you dead”
  2047. “Brother that you are to me”
  2048. “If you do not accept the holiness of the firestone”
  2049. “The fact that it is our life / That we are its servants”
  2050. “You are the last of the firestone’s people”
  2051. “How can you be the most unappreciative?”
  2052. “But now the mysterious words of the firestone are making sense to me”
  2053. “I now know the truth!”
  2054. “King did not sin by taking the firestone from your people”
  2055. “King liberated the firestone!”
  2056. “For your people were blasphemous”
  2057. “And did not worship the firestone as it demanded”
  2058. “And in your pride”
  2059. “In your lack of worship”
  2060. “The firestone used King and our people as a tool”
  2061. “For the firestone is too precious to be worshipped insufficiently”
  2062. “Moses,”
  2063. “You are wrong”
  2064. “The firestone tells me you are wrong”
  2065. “The firestone tells me that you are a sinner”
  2066. “That you are against the magic that the firestone brings to us”
  2067. “And while I love you”
  2068. “As my father King loved you”
  2069. “I tell you, you must leave”
  2070. “You must leave our tribe”
  2071. “I exile you”
  2072. “For there can be no crack in our servitude to the firestone”
  2073. “For a crack can spread”
  2074. “And we are chasing Eden”
  2075. “The survival of our people”
  2076. “Not doom / And decay / And death”
  2077. “As you bring”
  2078. “Leave, brother”
  2079. “Leave or I shall kill you”
  2080. “All,”
  2081. “My people”
  2082. “Gather stones”
  2083. “And we will give Moses a moment”
  2084. “For the firestone does not tell me to kill my brother”
  2085. “But that he is a threat”
  2086. “And as we would throw stones at an animal that threatens our babes”
  2087. “So will we throw stones at Moses”
  2088. “He who threatens something even more important than our babes”
  2089. “The very existence of our species”
  2090. “Which only exists at the pleasure of the firestone”
  2091. “Go my brother”
  2092. “Go Moses”
  2093. “Go now”
  2094. My head is in pain
  2095. I see the others and I look to meet any eye
  2096. But none stare at me
  2097. Children gather stones / Obeying Goliath
  2098. Amen looks at her feet / Grandma stands behind Goliath
  2099. None stare at me
  2100. I do not know what is in their hearts
  2101. Be it fear or worship or other
  2102. Be it fear or worship or the other
  2103. What I know is that no one will help me
  2104. And I do not wish to die here today
  2105. I take my possessions and I walk away
  2106. Into the cold
  2107. Into exile
  2108. Knowing in my heart
  2109. That the thread of the future that is most open to me
  2110. Is death in the wild
  2111. My string of existence extinguished
  2112. What sin is there in me? 
  2113. What sin is there in my heart?
  2114. What sin is there in my heart / That has led to my extermination,
  2115. And to the extermination of my people?
  2116. Why is my soul stained with sin?
  2117. For surely the universe has chosen to punish me for my sins
  2118. But King said the next generation does not carry the sin of its fathers
  2119. That there is no original sin
  2120. And for all that the world has cursed me / I still trust my heart
  2121. I renounce my curse
  2122. I renounce my destiny
  2123. I renounce every strand of reality except the one that is the truth in my heart
  2124. I will trust only what is true inside my heart, no matter the cost
  2125. I know death and annihilation are always at hand
  2126. That existence is a thin blanket in the void of non-existence
  2127. I know that of the billion realities that could be / The one I chase is unlikely to pass
  2128. But I shall still only follow the truth in my heart
  2129. For following the truth is the meaning of my life
  2130. As I walk into exile I shed my past weakness as a snake sheds its skin
  2131. I undergo metamorphosis
  2132. I choose now, in my exile, to name the truth in my heart God
  2133. And I create a name for the truth in my heart
  2134. For Truth is Asha
  2135. And I create a name for the purpose in following Asha
  2136. For Purpose is Dharma
  2137. Our Purpose is our Dharma / And our Dharma is to follow Asha / And our Asha is Truth / The Truth of our heart
  2138. I know in my heart that the firestone is not God
  2139. It is nothing but a stone that Goliath has transformed into an idol
  2140. And while that can have meaning,
  2141. The meaning that we give it
  2142. It can give direction to an aimless person
  2143. It is the wrong answer
  2144. To the right question
  2145. What then does my own heart say?
  2146. As I walk away from my tribe
  2147. The only people with ten fingers and ten toes that I have seen in many sunrises
  2148. I discover,
  2149. In my heart
  2150. And through the quantum pathways of my neocortex / As they remember infinite / As they operate outside of time
  2151. I discover
  2152. Several truths
  2153. Every piece of me
  2154. Every string of DNA
  2155. Every atom
  2156. Has hardcoded in it a truth that is divine
  2157. Divine in the way that Goliath has given to the firestone
  2158. But coming from within
  2159. Not from without
  2160. At every moment of my life I have heard the song that lives so deep inside me
  2161. A music that washes over the whole of existence
  2162. That which tells the flower to grow towards the sun
  2163. And the earth to provide nurture to the flower
  2164. This same truth vibrates over all existence
  2165. Surrounding us as the water surrounds a fish
  2166. So universal that we do not see it
  2167. It is Asha
  2168. Asha is Truth
  2169. Asha is the aether
  2170. Asha is what we carry from before the big bang
  2171. Asha is what tells the flower to rise towards the sun
  2172. Asha is what is at the very end of a neural pathway
  2173. Asha is physical / Asha is spiritual / Asha is in every moment
  2174. Asha is Truth
  2175. Why have I ignored the song of Asha in my heart?
  2176. Why have I not followed my Asha?
  2177. Because I am a follower?
  2178. But to follow in opposition to Asha is a sin
  2179. I have followed the darkness because to follow the light is just too hard
  2180. I have not been strong enough to follow my Asha
  2181. I must be strong enough to follow my Asha
  2182. Even if the world shall turn to fire
  2183. And there is but one safe place
  2184. And all others go to safety inside this sanctuary
  2185. If the truth of my Asha
  2186. That thread which is in me every moment of my life
  2187. Tells me “NO”, do not go
  2188. Then I shall not follow the rest of humanity
  2189. Then what is my Dharma? / The purpose of my life?
  2190. It is the same for a man as for a flower
  2191. It is the easiest thing to know / And the hardest thing to do
  2192. Just follow Asha
  2193. I just need to follow the truth of my Asha to live a good life
  2194. This is my Dharma
  2195. For existence is a fools game
  2196. Flowers bloom / Then fall to the earth and become dirt
  2197. Most of existence will decay away
  2198. A wave that disappears, leaving no ripple
  2199. But not all existence must decay away
  2200. Chaos theory just half of reality
  2201. For, as with the wind from the wings of a butterfly
  2202. Or a single drop of rain
  2203. A change at the right place
  2204. At the right time
  2205. Can transform the universe
  2206. The universe always has the potential of metamorphosis
  2207. Just as our bodies are a universe
  2208. That before birth existed
  2209. And after death will exist
  2210. For we are matter and matter is energy 
  2211. And energy can neither be created or destroyed, just transformed
  2212. The fundamental equation of the universe being energy equals energy
  2213. We have a purpose
  2214. We have a purpose
  2215. And our purpose is to follow the Asha in our heart
  2216. To not hide from the voice that is in every moment of our existence
  2217. For lying in the face of Asha
  2218. Is original sin
  2219. I have been weak
  2220. But in my isolation I shall be weak no longer
  2221. I will follow this Truth / Asha / Dharma / Purpose / The Holy Spirit
  2222. And with it, I have the potential to unlock the universe
  2223. Whatever that may mean, I do not know
  2224. But I know that by not following Asha
  2225. All there is / Is darkness
  2226. The extinguishing of the infinite strand of hope 
  2227. I will go hand in hand with my heart
  2228. There is a piece of truth in my heart that I can understand
  2229. A spiritual Polaris
  2230. A translation of theory into the world around me
  2231. It is not in my purpose to witness my people
  2232. The people of the tribe that exterminated my only blood
  2233. To exterminate themselves
  2234. The extermination of my brothers and sisters is not Asha
  2235. The extermination of my brothers and sisters is not my Dharma
  2236. I follow the tribe from a distance
  2237. Easily following the smoke of the fire
  2238. As I follow
  2239. I begin to make a prayer in my heart
  2240. That from this day forward
  2241. I will say every day / Until my dying day
  2242. Be that tomorrow or in the future when the sun extinguishes forever
  2243. I will say it as I wash myself
  2244. The prayer is like this
  2245. “Thank you my God”
  2246. “For this day”
  2247. “I hope that I see beauty, share beauty, revel in beauty and be beauty”
  2248. “May I be ever expanding peace, perfection and grace”
  2249. “Mind, body and soul”
  2250. “May I be as a tree”
  2251. “Absorbing all that the world throws at me”
  2252. “But putting out only goodness”
  2253. “May I be as a seed”
  2254. “Growing towards my purpose”
  2255. “My God,”
  2256. “May I this day”
  2257. “As a leader or a follower”
  2258. “The first or the last”
  2259. “Standing on the shoulders of giants”
  2260. “Giants standing on my own shoulders”
  2261. “Alone, or with a tribe”
  2262. “With your hand on my hand, on the tiller of my life”
  2263. “May we work towards a quantum optimization”
  2264. “Of myself and those around me”
  2265. “To be scalably empowered”
  2266. “To achieve our cosmic purpose”
  2267. “Just as a seed grows into a tree transforms into a star”
  2268. “Or Gravity brings mass together”
  2269. “To supernova”
  2270. “To form black holes”
  2271. “May human beings be empowered to fulfil our cosmic purpose”
  2272. “May I be unwavering and disciplined as I seek my quantum optimization”
  2273. “Watch over those that I love”
  2274. “May I make today count”
  2275. I continue forward
  2276. Every step may be a step where I fall
  2277. Struck by lightning
  2278. Attacked by an animal
  2279. But every step that the universe deigns to give me
  2280. Is a step forward
  2281. And I will not squander it
  2282. I have fear
  2283. But I will not be defined by my fear
  2284. I will follow my Dharma
  2285. I will follow Asha
  2286. Part 3
  2287. Chapter XI
  2288. I am asleep
  2289. I know I am asleep because I just fell asleep
  2290. Alone, with the faint light of the tribe in the distance
  2291. Worried about beasts of the night devouring my flesh
  2292. The things one worries about in the night alone
  2293. And now I am awoken
  2294. This must be a dream
  2295. Or it is death
  2296. Or some other realm which I do not know
  2297. I do not normally dream
  2298. But I think this may be a dream
  2299. This feeling of reality
  2300. The ground feels like the ground
  2301. The air smells like the air, crisp
  2302. I am sitting by the fire
  2303. King is telling a story
  2304. The rest of the tribe is here
  2305. Not as we are
  2306. But as we were long ago
  2307. Dallas still with us
  2308. Amen with the beauty of untapped youth
  2309. Even myself, my legs have an energy
  2310. As if I should dance
  2311. A smile plays on Grandma’s lips
  2312. She looks at me / And I think she knows what is going on
  2313. I know this is not real
  2314. But I wrap myself in it
  2315. The comfort of the fire and King’s voice
  2316. Carrying me away
  2317. This was a time of peace
  2318. How nice it was
  2319. How nice it was
  2320. My head is nodding off
  2321. Falling asleep in my own dream
  2322. I stand and walk over to the sleeping area
  2323. Putting my feet towards the fire
  2324. Curling with the children and others, all of us keeping warm
  2325. I vaguely wonder if going to sleep in a dream means I will wake up in reality
  2326. That would be too bad
  2327. It is nice in this dream
  2328. If I could just stay here forever
  2329. Is that what death is?
  2330. The air stays crisp
  2331. As the universe melts away around me
  2332. Asleep
  2333. Then
  2334. Shouting
  2335. It is Dallas
  2336. Alive and vibrant
  2337. Shaking me
  2338. “Moses!”
  2339. “We are in danger”
  2340. “We are being attacked”
  2341. “Come quickly”
  2342. I jump to my feet”
  2343. And Dallas is running
  2344. And I follow after him
  2345. I yell at him
  2346. “What is happening?”
  2347. He does not respond
  2348. I keep running
  2349. It is just the two of us
  2350. I stop and he stops
  2351. “You must come”
  2352. “Do you not care about our safety?”
  2353. The sky is a colour between blue, purple and grey
  2354. “I do not understand”
  2355. I am asleep again
  2356. But still in the dream
  2357. Dallas has gone
  2358. And I am now waking up
  2359. And Amen is curled next to me
  2360. And it feels good to have this warm body next to me
  2361. I look down at her
  2362. And she looks up at me
  2363. And smiles
  2364. And I smile back
  2365. She whispers to me
  2366. “Our child will have your eyes”
  2367. “I am sure”
  2368. “And we shall name the child Messiah”
  2369. “For whether a boy or a girl”
  2370. “He will be the saviour”
  2371. “She will be the saviour”
  2372. “Tell me you will sacrifice anything”
  2373. “For our child”
  2374. I look to her
  2375. Confused
  2376. And stroke her hair
  2377. And say nothing
  2378. And she says again
  2379. “Tell me”
  2380. And I should tell her
  2381. But what is it she is telling me?
  2382. I look at the sky
  2383. And I see the stars of the universe
  2384. Infinite black
  2385. With pinholes of luminescence
  2386. Down is up
  2387. Up is down
  2388. I am awake
  2389. There is a spear in my hand
  2390. There is a sobbing adolescent at my feet
  2391. Goliath is shouting at me
  2392. “He was the one who told the tribe where your people are”
  2393. “He was fucking one of our girls”
  2394. “And we caught him and he told us the magic of the firestone”
  2395. “To save himself!”
  2396. “Strike him down”
  2397. “For the honour of your father”
  2398. “For the honour of your mother”
  2399. I throw the staff down
  2400. And I begin running away
  2401. The air tasting acrid
  2402. Goliath shouts after me
  2403. “You are a-tribe-one, last of your own people”
  2404. I am awoken again
  2405. Dallas and Amen and Goliath are here
  2406. “It is time”
  2407. “We must go”
  2408. “You must follow us”
  2409. “You must trust us”
  2410. I wish as a child to shut my eyes / To cover my ears
  2411. And avoid the universe that is displayed around me
  2412. These are not the trajectories that I wish to go through
  2413. These are not the quantum paths that I wish to live through
  2414. This is not Asha
  2415. I want to be myself
  2416. I stand and run
  2417. And they chase me
  2418. Dallas on my back,
  2419. His teeth suddenly in my flesh
  2420. Goliath taking a giant rock
  2421. That I see crashing towards my head
  2422. And above his hands
  2423. Again the night sky
  2424. And then I find myself floating in blackness
  2425. Nothing but my mind
  2426. I cannot feel my body
  2427. And then I am in a cave
  2428. And it is full of the light of the day
  2429. But we are fully inside
  2430. Where does this light come from?
  2431. King is sitting on a chair,
  2432. The grandeur of which I have never seen before
  2433. Light comes from him
  2434. As water comes from a waterfall
  2435. He looks to me
  2436. “Moses,”
  2437. “How did you come to be here?”
  2438. “What takes you here today?”
  2439. “No one is supposed to visit me here”
  2440. “Only the very few”
  2441. “Tarkovsky was the last”
  2442. “What can I do for you?”
  2443. Words come out of my mouth but they are not my own words
  2444. Then I blink and the world is changed
  2445. It is still King
  2446. But he looks tired
  2447. And the light has stopped coming from him
  2448. “Moses, how did you come to be here?”
  2449. “You are the the last one here before Taerkoevskiy”
  2450. “Can you do me a favour?”
  2451. And I stand and begin running again
  2452. And King shouts
  2453. “Why do you run?”
  2454. And then I see Amen
  2455. “Why do you run?”
  2456. And Goliath and Dallas and Amen and King are chasing me
  2457. And I run
  2458. And then there is Grandma
  2459. Under a tree
  2460. In darkness / Wrapping her like the wings of a raven
  2461. “RUN!”
  2462. And I keep running
  2463. And there is a cliff in front of me
  2464. And if I go over the cliff I shall surely perish
  2465. And my feet carry me over the cliff
  2466. And I am not dead
  2467. I am in a field of grass
  2468. And the field of grass is on fire
  2469. And the air is an orange haze
  2470. And death is chasing me at every angle
  2471. And in these grasses my doom is searching for me
  2472. And as the fire scours searching for me
  2473. I lie on my back
  2474. Feeling the ground
  2475. And I look to the sky
  2476. And it is black
  2477. And full of stars
  2478. And I fall into it
  2479. As if through the meniscus of a flat body of water
  2480. My changing from matter to energy to time
  2481. And it feels as if the entire world is made of rainbows
  2482. And a sense that is like seeing
  2483. Or touching
  2484. Is given to me
  2485. And it was not there before
  2486. It is like being a tree
  2487. With roots connecting me to the universe around me
  2488. I can feel my before
  2489. I can feel my after
  2490. All at the same time
  2491. As if they are one and the same
  2492. And I see these black ants eating my flesh
  2493. And I wonder if I can breath
  2494. And there is no oxygen
  2495. My lungs screaming
  2496. But then a new lung opens
  2497. And I breath in the air of a new aether
  2498. I awaken again
  2499. This time alone
  2500. With the faint vision of the fire in the distance / Surrounding Goliath’s tribe
  2501. I am worried about hostile animals
  2502. Coming to savage my soft body
  2503. I am worried for Goliath and Dallas and Amen and King
  2504. Those who are not the real thems
  2505. But the black ants eating my trunk
  2506. What is this cancer inhabiting their minds?
  2507. I am scared and alone
  2508. But yet
  2509. I am also the great tree that I was in my dream
  2510. I can feel my backwards and I can feel my forwards
  2511. Was this feeling always here?
  2512. It is so obvious how I am connected in the world
  2513. The past an infinite number of variables
  2514. Combining at this exact point of who I am
  2515. The future an infinite number of variables
  2516. Exploding forward
  2517. From this very moment
  2518. Who I am
  2519. I have choice
  2520. The future comes from this moment
  2521. I weave the future
  2522. I dream new realities
  2523. I expand infinite
  2524. I can see the lattices and webs all around me
  2525. Each painting a scene as to a hypothesis of what the universe can be
  2526. And all there is in me
  2527. Is the present
  2528. As I choose the point along my pasts and futures
  2529. Of where I choose to exist
  2530. And I am scared
  2531. For I do not know the right way
  2532. But then, I am not scared
  2533. For I do know the way
  2534. For there is only one right way
  2535. And while it may be the hardest
  2536. I know the path forward / It is Asha / It is Dharma
  2537. It is the path of God
  2538. And all else is our annihilation 
  2539. Chapter XII
  2540. And what do I make of all of this?
  2541. I do not feel designed to answer these questions that vibrate through my head
  2542. I cannot deny the temptation to give up
  2543. I am in exile
  2544. Spurned and outcast by those I love
  2545. Those of my own blood killed at the hands of those who are now my people
  2546. Still my people / Even as they exile me
  2547. I can feel the weight of the universe holding me down to the ground
  2548. Stopping me from rising into the air / Like smoke from a fire
  2549. If only I could be smoke
  2550. Rising so elegantly
  2551. If only I could be fire
  2552. Why cannot I be free?
  2553. To act as if Gravity is not a Force
  2554. To change from darkness to light to heat to energy
  2555. To ignore the realities of the world as if they are nothing
  2556. Light and heat instead of matter and choice
  2557. But then what if the fire looks with envy at my being?
  2558. Jealous of my ability to perceive abstract thought
  2559. What if Gravity is not my enemy
  2560. But my ally
  2561. Misunderstood
  2562. Both of us lost / Both of us trying to follow the same Asha
  2563. But so isolated that we both lost the question of ‘Why do we act?’
  2564. We just know the way we act is our nature / We have no ability to turn off / We are only on
  2565. Perhaps there is nothing more than our nature
  2566. Particles forgetting we are also a wave
  2567. I am sure of one thing
  2568. I am not a slave to the universe
  2569. Even if the universe for reasons I cannot understand seeks to hide this truth
  2570. I do have free will
  2571. I have the free will to go back to Goliath and beg forgiveness
  2572. I have the freedom to curl on my side
  2573. To wait for cold, hunger and animals to take my life away
  2574. Freedom is always in my hands
  2575. There is only one thing I do not have freedom over
  2576. I do not have the freedom to choose my purpose
  2577. I have the freedom to choose to follow my purpose / Or to not follow my purpose
  2578. Which is the same as to choose to exist / Or to choose not to exist
  2579. But I do not have the freedom to choose my purpose
  2580. I can feel Asha reverberating in every cell of my existence
  2581. The truth of the universe hard coded into every string of my DNA
  2582. The channels existing in my quantum neural network since before the big bang
  2583. A true path lit bright as lightning through the middle of my mind, so bright it burns and blinds
  2584. A path that comes from a dimension other than the one we sit in
  2585. And where this path leads is the purpose of our being the Weak Nuclear Force
  2586. For we are the Weak Nuclear Force / Did you not know?
  2587. One of the four Forces / Along with Gravity, Electromagnetism and the Strong Nuclear Force
  2588. We are not just man / But also a fundamental Force of nature
  2589. Not separate from the mathematics of the universe / Instead, a variable 
  2590. Human beings passing only forward in time
  2591. Changing the world around us
  2592. Expanding infinite by dreaming of new paths forward
  2593. Only one in a billion of our paths bear fruit
  2594. But one in a billion is infinitely larger than zero
  2595. And zero is what we have if we do not try
  2596. This is the path of purpose
  2597. For even though existence is empty and cold and terror eats my heart
  2598. The path of truth is still in front of me / Just as it is in front of you / For while there is life / There is Asha / And the choice to follow Asha
  2599. And what we have freedom over is whether we ignore our purpose
  2600. Or whether we follow our purpose
  2601. But if I am to follow my purpose
  2602. Then I have no freedom
  2603. For there is only one path of truth
  2604. It is a mountain to climb to the very summit
  2605. And 
  2606. The most challenging path imaginable
  2607. Ignoring all those other paths
  2608. For they do not lead to the summit
  2609. And what do I find if I reach the summit?
  2610. I do not know
  2611. I do not know if there is a part of destiny to ever reach the summit
  2612. That may be more than me or mankind or even Gravity will every achieve
  2613. But if I go as high as I can and lay a thin sprinkling of dust
  2614. Then those who come after me will be slightly higher
  2615. Slightly closer to heaven
  2616. And it is here that there is eternal life
  2617. It is here we plant the seeds of the future
  2618. Growing into a tree
  2619. That can grow to touch the sun
  2620. And then when we’ve touched the sun
  2621. We spread to the stars
  2622. And once we have all the universe as a single garden
  2623. And everything in existence is together
  2624. Then we are at God
  2625. Or with God’s purpose
  2626. For the reason why the universe exists
  2627. Is fulfilled
  2628. Instead of unfulfilled
  2629. And where the universe goes afterwards / Is up to the universe
  2630. I now understand / My metamorphosis is complete
  2631. I know how to live my life
  2632. To act not in metaphor and theory
  2633. But to act on my purpose / To follow my Dharma
  2634. To act on the honesty of my heart / To act on Asha
  2635. To not give up
  2636. To be the Weak Nuclear Force
  2637. To unwaveringly work towards my purpose
  2638. No matter the low odds of my achieving my purpose
  2639. To act without cease
  2640. To embrace being a Force like Gravity / Or a particlewave of light
  2641. To work tirelessly towards my purpose
  2642. The universe so vast and infinitesimal at the same time
  2643. But that shall not stop me taking this first step
  2644. The first step is for me to choose to follow my Asha
  2645. The first step is to choose to exist
  2646. And not choose my own extinction
  2647. The next choice is to bring my people with me
  2648. For I am but one
  2649. And this is a task for forever
  2650. And together with my people we are a force multiplier
  2651. Many rays of light / To shine in every direction
  2652. A field of flowers / To find the path to bloom
  2653. A wave of linked humanity / Made up of our individual persons to form a collective
  2654. The song of our voice carrying our truth from the beginning of the universe until its end
  2655. The unbroken path of Asha / The lightning in each and every one of our minds / Made manifest
  2656. The potential is there / If but one in a billion / The potential is there / If we choose to act towards it
  2657. It would be a shame for the universe to lose our voice
  2658. For we can be the equation that connects the universe together
  2659. Our hands the link between Gravity and light
  2660. We have the potential / Even if we do not know it
  2661. Each of us enslaved in Plato’s cave
  2662. Each of us wearing self made chains
  2663. All of us born without frames of reference
  2664. A baby on our back overloaded by sensory input
  2665. Turn it off / Turn it off
  2666. It takes a life of living to understand what life is
  2667. Yet we get to live just once
  2668. Easy lies have clouded our judgement
  2669. “This is not the life that counts, it is the next one”
  2670. Looking backwards to try to understand forwards
  2671. When the future is not yet written
  2672. We must be more than the sum of our parts
  2673. A network together
  2674. Then, once we are together, we shall follow the flowers
  2675. Follow the fire
  2676. Follow the smoke
  2677. And follow the rising sun
  2678. Which I am not sure why
  2679. But I know is my Dharma
  2680. To bring energy together
  2681. From fire to the sun
  2682. All energy must be one
  2683. It will bring us to the future that is our potential
  2684. If we could go backwards to our beginning
  2685. The origin of the first particlewave of light
  2686. That could be the fastest path to purpose
  2687. But we can only go forward
  2688. That is the curse of the Weak Nuclear Force
  2689. We can only go forward
  2690. So let us follow where the particlewave of light ends
  2691. In my end is my beginning
  2692. Time a one way journey for man
  2693. In my beginning is my end
  2694. As the Weak Nuclear Force we are slaves to our own laws of the universe
  2695. We experience the anomaly of choice
  2696. The most terrifying aspect in the entirety of the universe
  2697. The temptation of the devil
  2698. For as we are free
  2699. Then we have the sole ability in all the universe
  2700. To deviate from our purpose
  2701. When our purpose
  2702. Is just as the flower’s
  2703. Just as Gravity’s
  2704. Just as a particlewave’s of light
  2705. To be one
  2706. Everything in existence to be one
  2707. Free will our temptation
  2708. Free will our original sin
  2709. Free will distracting us from our purpose
  2710. Our purpose to fulfill our role in the universe
  2711. Asha
  2712. Dharma
  2713. Truth
  2714. Chapter XIII
  2715. I arrive to the tribe during the late afternoon sun
  2716. They are setting up camp preparing for nightfall
  2717. I walk to the edge
  2718. They all see me but say nothing
  2719. They look to Goliath
  2720. They look away
  2721. They do not look at me
  2722. But it is obvious I am here
  2723. The tribe is just a handful left / How have we become so few?
  2724. What if we are the last human beings on earth?
  2725. Goliath looks at me / His eyes frustrated and angry
  2726. “You are not to be here”
  2727. “You have not listened to the power of the firestone”
  2728. “You bring bad luck to my tribe”
  2729. “Leave”
  2730. I say
  2731. “No”
  2732. “We are all one people”
  2733. “We are better together than separate”
  2734. Goliath says
  2735. “This is not the case”
  2736. “We are better without your poison”
  2737. “Leave”
  2738. “Or I will kill you”
  2739. “Which I have no wish to do”
  2740. “Little brother”
  2741. Our voice’s sound waves cross each other in the air
  2742. I feel there are words I can say that will bring us together / I feel there are words I can say that will push us apart
  2743. I choose to say the words of Asha
  2744. “I will not leave”
  2745. “The firestone is not God”
  2746. “It is the wrong thing to search for Eden”
  2747. “There is no going back”
  2748. “Time only goes forward”
  2749. “No matter how much we may wish it to go backwards”
  2750. “That is not our destiny or our fate”
  2751. “We can only go forward”
  2752. “Goliath, we are dying”
  2753. “We will all die if we try to go back to Eden”
  2754. “We are weak and the mountains are fierce”
  2755. “Eden is no more”
  2756. “I cannot let you kill our people”
  2757. “We have a purpose to fulfill”
  2758. Goliath looks at me
  2759. “These are not your people”
  2760. “Your people are dead”
  2761. “We are not even the same species”
  2762. “We come from different dimensions”
  2763. “The firestone a-tribe-oned your people”
  2764. “For you were not following its wishes”
  2765. “We do not share the same God”
  2766. “You have no God”
  2767. “I will not let your poison kill my people / The firestone was right to genocide your people”
  2768. “Leave, or I will kill you”
  2769. “Small one”
  2770. The wind blows, the others are silent
  2771. Extinction will come as a silence / I feel the urge to diminish
  2772. “King’s final wish was to not kill our own people”
  2773. Goliath’s eyes are two dark caves sucking light / Light does not escape
  2774. “You are not my people”
  2775. “King died as a failure”
  2776. Goliath takes a spear and runs at me
  2777. Sharp end low / Back end high
  2778. The same way as if we were killing a wild hog on the plain
  2779. Goliath is near double my size
  2780. I have no weapon
  2781. Is it here where I will die?
  2782. What is it to survive? / If I survive I will be a killer
  2783. I will lose my soul / I will lose my eternal life
  2784. I watch Goliath moving / I am outside of time
  2785. I can feel all the paths forward / I can feel that I have choice
  2786. My brain disconnects
  2787. I allow it to disconnect,
  2788. Yes, it is not by accident
  2789. Like jumping from a cliff into a river / I tell my body ‘Move’
  2790. I do not deny my choice
  2791. And now I am in the air and my body sings and screams in the vacuum
  2792. I step sideways and trip Goliath
  2793. I use his momentum
  2794. He is on the ground, twisting to get back up
  2795. I take a rock from the ground
  2796. And I move sideways around Goliath
  2797. All of this happening in the length of time that it takes for a raven to cry
  2798. With all my force I swing the rock against the side of Goliath’s head
  2799. I can feel the side of Goliath’s head go from solid to mush
  2800. I can hear the side of Goliath’s head go from solid to mush
  2801. And his head is now soft
  2802. And I bring my arm up and I bring it down again
  2803. And I bring it down again and I bring it down again
  2804. Fast
  2805. For I have chosen survival
  2806. My survival
  2807. And if Goliath stands back up
  2808. Then I will not survive
  2809. And I look down
  2810. And there is no face left to my brother
  2811. And I am covered in blood
  2812. I have taken the life of another / Of my brother
  2813. I have forfeit my soul
  2814. I will have no afterlife
  2815. I have committed a forever sin
  2816. May I do what I can / To be the wind that blows the spark of my people to a better place / Where they can conflagrate 
  2817. For my soul shall never leave this valley
  2818. I stand
  2819. I tear the firestone from my brother’s chest
  2820. I throw it into the pool of water that the tribe is camped next to
  2821. There is silence from the other tribe members / They stare at me / Waiting for me to react
  2822. “There is no God in the firestone”
  2823. “Goliath is dead”
  2824. “I am his killer”
  2825. “You are not his killer”
  2826. “I mourn my brother”
  2827. “I apologize to you all”
  2828. “We have lost a good man”
  2829. “You shall kill me if you believe it best”
  2830. “But then you must mourn twice”
  2831. “For you will have lost two brothers today”
  2832. “And you will need to stain your own hands with blood, even if I take my own life”
  2833. “For I will not take my life unless you order me”
  2834. “For even without a soul / I can still serve the universe”
  2835. “Goliath was taking us down a false path”
  2836. “Have your sleeps been easy?”
  2837. “Have your souls been at peace?”
  2838. “I take on my own shoulders the sin of stopping Goliath”
  2839. “I forfeit my soul”
  2840. “I will leave my spirit here”
  2841. “Where I committed an unpardonable sin”
  2842. “But, now that it is done”
  2843. “And with endless sadness”
  2844. “I do not apologize”
  2845. “For the future of our species is more important than the life of a single man”
  2846. “My act of killing does not mean you are killers”
  2847. “Your souls are still pure”
  2848. “The seed of the future of humanity is still in you”
  2849. “May my sacrifice not be in vain”
  2850. “May Goliath’s sacrifice not be in vain”
  2851. “May King’s life not have been in vain”
  2852. “May the lives of our ancestors not have been in vain”
  2853. “Though I am no leader”
  2854. “I ask you to listen to how I am choosing to live my life”
  2855. “And I invite you to join me”
  2856. “Because we are of one cloth”
  2857. “We are of one destiny”
  2858. “And I have given myself absolutely to our shared destiny”
  2859. “I am a slave to our destiny”
  2860. “I promise you that until my last breath”
  2861. “I shall do my best to lead us to safety”
  2862. “To a future”
  2863. “May we have children”
  2864. “May our children have children”
  2865. “And our children’s children have children”
  2866. “May our children outlive the sun”
  2867. “We all know we are dying”
  2868. “That we are a seed which has the potential to grow into a tree”
  2869. “And instead we dissipate into the aether”
  2870. “We are not imbuing our potential”
  2871. “Imagine if all of our energy came together / What the tree could be”
  2872. “Roots growing through the universe”
  2873. “We could be a Force such as Gravity, light or time”
  2874. “Or, we could follow our current path and become nothing”
  2875. “The universe just growing colder and more chaotic”
  2876. “We have a choice”
  2877. “We can give up and let the universe annihilate us, one at a time”
  2878. “Person by person”
  2879. “We know our extinguishment is the likeliest scenario”
  2880. “That the world is too much for us”
  2881. “So let us curl up and die”
  2882. “We can make this choice”
  2883. “But the same way as Goliath attacked me”
  2884. “And I responded”
  2885. “To stay alive”
  2886. “I myself”
  2887. “Feel in the roots of my spirit”
  2888. “In the roots of my Dharma”
  2889. “In the light of my Asha”
  2890. “That as the world attempts to extinguish us”
  2891. “That I will not let it”
  2892. “That I will not let it”
  2893. “I will fight to survive to my last breath”
  2894. “Just as the roots of our matter slipped through the big bang”
  2895. “Dormant for our own definition of infinite”
  2896. “Awakened in the sun and water and oxygen of earth”
  2897. “Evolved into cells, into plants, into fish, into vertebrates, into neocortexes”
  2898. “Ourselves being an unbroken chain of survival since before the universe”
  2899. “I will not give up / And be the end of the chain”
  2900. “Even as with the death of my spirit / I complete the genocide of my people”
  2901. “I know that the actions I take / Small though they are”
  2902. “Are more than nothing”
  2903. “And if I do nothing / Then the only result is nothing”
  2904. “While if we try for survival / Rare though our odds are”
  2905. “We have a chance”
  2906. “It will be very challenging”
  2907. “But we are not slaves to the universe”
  2908. “Though the universe hides this fact from us / For reasons that are mysterious”
  2909. “We are free”
  2910. “And in our freedom we can imagine new worlds / We can imagine new paths”
  2911. “We can expand infinite by imagining new realities”
  2912. “For infinite is just the sum of all probability / And we can invent that which did not exist before”
  2913. “We can take actions every day”
  2914. “To work towards the mountain that is our purpose”
  2915. “That path that is in front of us / In all of our minds”
  2916. “The top of the mountain is our Dharma”
  2917. “And we will achieve our Dharma by each and every step we take”
  2918. “Being a step that is true to our Asha”
  2919. “For following Asha is the path of Dharma”
  2920. “I vow to not take any step that is not towards the top of this mountain”
  2921. “And if you feel the same”
  2922. “Then let us go together”
  2923. “Let us grow towards our Dharma together”
  2924. “Let us generate what it means to be alive”
  2925. “May we be more than the sum of our parts”
  2926. “And instead of being as the wild animal”
  2927. “Only seeking domination, prey and fucking”
  2928. “Let us follow what is in our deepest spirit”
  2929. “To listen to the voice of Asha that is in every single piece of our existence”
  2930. “Hardcoded into our DNA”
  2931. “A voice singing from the quantum crevices of our neocortexes”
  2932. “This voice singing that we must fulfill our purpose”
  2933. “I do not know what our purpose is”
  2934. “I am sorry that I cannot give you clear answers”
  2935. “But I cannot”
  2936. “I awakened into this reality like you, the tip of an evolutionary chain”
  2937. “I awakened into this life without any memory”
  2938. “I did not know anything when I was born”
  2939. “But the journey of life has taught me many lessons”
  2940. “What I can tell you is that I believe I have purpose”
  2941. “What I can tell you is that I believe you have purpose”
  2942. “And that purpose is to follow God”
  2943. “And God is not the firestone”
  2944. “I am not God”
  2945. “God is not a man”
  2946. “God is the Asha in my heart”
  2947. “God is the Asha in your heart”
  2948. “God is Asha”
  2949. “Asha is truth”
  2950. “God is truth”
  2951. “God is everywhere in the universe”
  2952. “God is found in every flower that grows towards the sun”
  2953. “And as the flower knows the voice of God”
  2954. “Then our first step is simple”
  2955. “Let us be as the flower”
  2956. “Let us too grow towards the sun”
  2957. “Let us harness the power of fire”
  2958. “For fire is the hand of God”
  2959. “Just as we, ourselves, are also the hand of God”
  2960. “May human beings and fire be one”
  2961. “So let us all work together”
  2962. “For we are only as powerful as those of us that choose to be together”
  2963. “An interconnected field, a network of neocortexes”
  2964. “And whatever it is in our core that gives us truth”
  2965. “Linked together with sound and light and time”
  2966. “Acting as one”
  2967. “More powerful as a unity / Than a disunity”
  2968. “And may we this day”
  2969. “Take the first step”
  2970. “In fulfilling our purpose”
  2971. “Our purpose in being a Force in the universe / Acknowledging that we are the Weak Nuclear Force”
  2972. “And in the morning”
  2973. “May we walk towards the sun”
  2974. “Beginning the journey of mankind’s unification with fire”
  2975. “And for this evening”
  2976. “I will make a cairn for my brother Goliath”
  2977. “Will you join me in honouring my dead brother?”
  2978. “A good man”
  2979. “Misguided”
  2980. “As we are all misguided”
  2981. “That is no sin”
  2982. “Life is a confusion”
  2983. “There are many temptations”
  2984. “There are many false idols”
  2985. “There are many deceptions”
  2986. “But there is only one Asha”
  2987. Chapter XIV
  2988. (Narrator)
  2989. Hey, it’s me the narrator, sorry to intrude
  2990. Let’s pause the story here for a second and catch our breath
  2991. There are not so many chapters of the story left
  2992. Things rarely are easy are they?
  2993. Over the tribe
  2994. The momentum of extermination / Carries forward its specter
  2995. A shadow
  2996. Separating everyone from the sun of their purpose
  2997. Each and every member / Mentally scarred by the life they have lived
  2998. Even though the grace of purpose is within reach
  2999. The easiest thing imaginable to grasp
  3000. To leave the darkness of the cave
  3001. By simply opening their eyes
  3002. To say yes
  3003. To where before they said no
  3004. The members of the tribe are suffering to make this choice
  3005. As a fish out of water
  3006. Trying to use their gills
  3007. For they have not tried their new lungs
  3008. This is the real history of life
  3009. Human beings often feel as if we are the end of a line
  3010. Failing to see our own place
  3011. As nothing but a middle point
  3012. A moment in time
  3013. With the potential of all infinite in front of us
  3014. We trap ourselves looking backwards
  3015. When all we have is the future / And the choices we make
  3016. And the terror that stirs in us
  3017. Mankind with the will to live
  3018. Until that will is gone
  3019. And then all there is / Is death
  3020. The era of human beings ending with a whimper
  3021. Never attaining the evolved beauty and euphony / Of a flower
  3022. We are close to a genetic mistake
  3023. Under evolved primates
  3024. With over evolved neocortexes
  3025. Existential orangutans
  3026. A sideways of evolution
  3027. Built to make the best use / Of the sort of hunting / That our feeble claws allow us
  3028. We can only seek to understand reality / The best that our flaws allows us
  3029. I believe in the most firm trenches of my soul 
  3030. I believe in the most quantum trenches of my neocortex
  3031. That the universe has direction
  3032. That God has direction
  3033. That flowers have direction
  3034. That human beings have direction
  3035. There is purpose
  3036. But the world is not predetermined
  3037. We are in a quantum universe
  3038. With billions of diverging and converging possibilities
  3039. We have choice
  3040. The big bang was an optional happening
  3041. We have choice
  3042. All matter was not annihilated by antimatter
  3043. We have choice
  3044. How did a few seeds of matter slip through the big bang?
  3045. We have choice
  3046. Earth did not need to be such a perfect garden
  3047. Life did not need to originate
  3048. Some virus of cosmic radiation
  3049. Awakening a seed from another dimension
  3050. We have choice
  3051. We have choice
  3052. We have choice
  3053. Life is here
  3054. The proof of our potential to thread the needle of Asha
  3055. Is our own existence
  3056. For we are the culmination of mathematical impossibility
  3057. At every point of temporal divergence
  3058. At every point of quantum choice
  3059. Extinction as one of the options
  3060. Existence the most thin of strands
  3061. Yet, we are still here
  3062. Billions of coins turning ‘heads’ in a row
  3063. We look to the future / Humbled by what quantum means
  3064. How can we chase God if there is just a one in a billion chance that we succeed?
  3065. Our collective brain not having imagined a future, any future, other than extinction
  3066. The coin must turn tails eventually
  3067. Yet, we are still here
  3068. The culmination of a series of one in a billion chances
  3069. How dare we disappoint our forefathers that crossed dimensions?
  3070. How dare we not even ask the question of Asha?
  3071. For me, sitting at a coffee shop in Cape Town
  3072. There is a path forward
  3073. There is a future / If we decide to choose to have a future
  3074. There is a future where we do that which we need to do
  3075. In a universe where we cannot go backwards
  3076. The Weak Nuclear Force being the only Force under the diktat of time
  3077. Then let us be a part of going forward / May we choose to have a future
  3078. We play an active role in our universe
  3079. We are not watchers
  3080. We have Force just as much as anything
  3081. A unique ability to use fundamental Forces
  3082. We can harness the powers within the universe
  3083. Take the energy of one Force and trade it freely with the others
  3084. The line of quantum potential is always in front of us
  3085. Asha a path as clear as lightning in a dark sky
  3086. Dharma the tallest peak on the tallest mountain / Where Asha is striking
  3087. We have so far chosen to exist
  3088. Though it has been challenging
  3089. Many carry hatred and delusion and fear
  3090. Many believe that life does not have purpose
  3091. Perhaps the challenges it takes to continue to exist
  3092. Are more challenging
  3093. Than that which we are prepared for
  3094. And we should not forget
  3095. That it is our choice
  3096. And that at any point
  3097. We are free to cease to exist
  3098. Existence a choice
  3099. But I still pray for supernova
  3100. For the unification of the universe
  3101. To not allow the universe to freeze
  3102. To recreate the big bang / Larger
  3103. And see what is on the other side
  3104. And if it is not my destiny to see to the other side
  3105. Then I hope to lay a thin sprinkling of dust / At the highest point I reach
  3106. To lay a seed
  3107. Calling to my tribe the spot,
  3108. So that when they arrive,
  3109. They can stand just a little bit higher than my vantage
  3110. That they can grow on top of it
  3111. That our children can grow on top of it
  3112. Perhaps finally seeing over the walls of our quantum imagination
  3113. And seeing to the other side
  3114. I am repeating myself, no? / I only have so many stories to tell
  3115. Let me finish my coffee and get back to the story
  3116. Let me re-enter the dream of Moses
  3117. Does not everyone dream fantasies like this?
  3118. Do these sort of images not pass through your mind? 
  3119. When walking by yourself / Do you not see greater worlds than the one around you?
  3120. Life just a metaphor we choose to simplify existence
  3121. Here we are
  3122. Together with the tribe in the darkness
  3123. We know that this is not a normal darkness
  3124. But a forever darkness
  3125. It has been dark
  3126. Will it be dark forever?
  3127. The real forever
  3128. The weight of the question
  3129. Is on every child’s breath / Have we not all cried ourselves to sleep / Pondering existence
  3130. Chaos theory the only path forward
  3131. Since it’s the only path we have known
  3132. All of our ancestors trapped in this vacuum together
  3133. Wake in the morning in the dark
  3134. Live the day in the dark
  3135. Go to bed in the dark
  3136. These same circular actions
  3137. Live the day
  3138. Live the day
  3139. Live the day
  3140. Is it going anywhere?
  3141. What is the purpose?
  3142. Awaken
  3143. Live
  3144. Sleep
  3145. Awaken
  3146. Live
  3147. Sleep
  3148. Have children
  3149. Awaken
  3150. Live
  3151. Sleep
  3152. Awaken
  3153. Live
  3154. Sleep
  3155. Where are we going?
  3156. While we are in the darkness
  3157. Born into the darkness
  3158. Die in the darkness
  3159. Our lives in a cave
  3160. But
  3161. We know that the light exists
  3162. It is Asha
  3163. We know that the world was meant to have light
  3164. It is Asha
  3165. We know that we are meant to have light
  3166. It is Asha
  3167. We could curl down
  3168. Sleep forever
  3169. But then what of the light?
  3170. Do human beings not have purpose?
  3171. Are we not a character in the play that is the Universe?
  3172. Can we not have faith greater than what we have experienced?
  3173. Are we not here for a greater reason / Than just to exist?
  3174. To aspire as a flower
  3175. Or a tree
  3176. Or a butterfly
  3177. Or a rabbit
  3178. We are a rarity
  3179. The capacity of human beings for creativity, communication, decision making
  3180. The capacity of human beings to make choice
  3181. It is unparalleled in the known universe
  3182. Perhaps in the whole universe
  3183. Awaken
  3184. Live
  3185. Sleep
  3186. In the darkness
  3187. In the darkness
  3188. When that thing we must do
  3189. Is to choose to leave our cave
  3190. And search for the light
  3191. Each of us the potential
  3192. To be Ra
  3193. Part 4
  3194. Chapter XV
  3195. We have been without fire
  3196. It has been a terrible time since I killed Goliath
  3197. The fire we kept was taken by the wind and the rain
  3198. We have been cold,
  3199. All our bones show through our skin
  3200. The tribe follows me
  3201. Each day we arise
  3202. And together we follow the rising sun
  3203. We walk until the setting sun is on our back
  3204. The tribe follows me / And I am leading them to death
  3205. The land has been arid
  3206. We are often parched in the sun
  3207. Lips bloody and chapped
  3208. Wind screams over us / Scarring our eyes with dust
  3209. Rain soaking into our nighttime beds
  3210. We are cold and shaking
  3211. Or hot and burning
  3212. Death permeates the air
  3213. As always
  3214. Or at least as it always seems
  3215. One day we come to a former fire circle
  3216. We rush in close to see if there are any embers
  3217. But they are cold
  3218. And we quickly look around
  3219. And see that there has been death here
  3220. The corpses of youths who look as if they have lived for a millenia
  3221. Death came upon them recently
  3222. What took them?
  3223. Crows pick at their eyes
  3224. Yet the bodies do not show acts of violence
  3225. The air is unnaturally still
  3226. I shudder / There are evils I do not know
  3227. We have seen no other living human being
  3228. Since the night of the feast
  3229. We are losing the ability to measure time
  3230. Every single step forward is as a lifetime
  3231. There is no resentment against me
  3232. There is no spirit
  3233. We are as a shadow
  3234. A particle superpositioned between states
  3235. Between death or something else
  3236. We do not know
  3237. The paths in front of us dwindling
  3238. Are there any paths left?
  3239. Every breath tastes of death
  3240. We can each imagine our future
  3241. We can see into the future
  3242. And see our bodies lying on the ground
  3243. Food for carrion
  3244. And we leave our brothers and sisters
  3245. Dead on the ground
  3246. Modest rocks covering their bodies / The best we can do
  3247. Food for carrion
  3248. Which of us will be last?
  3249. Oh why oh why can I not just die?
  3250. Non existence easier than existence
  3251. Why is it that there is this Force in us?
  3252. God or the other
  3253. That even when we lose hope
  3254. We still find ourselves
  3255. As if dragged by a string
  3256. Into a forward direction
  3257. I ask myself to lose the will to live
  3258. Let me go back to how I was before existence
  3259. Yes, I question purpose / And truth / And God
  3260. Why have we been brought into existence
  3261. Just to be abandoned
  3262. But then my feet stumble another step forward
  3263. And those who are behind me
  3264. Follow along
  3265. Parched and hot
  3266. Shivering and wet
  3267. I say in my mind that I believe in the Force of God
  3268. I cannot help / That I still see Asha / I still follow Dharma
  3269. And that the sun is ahead of me
  3270. But doubt is in my every single rasping breath
  3271. For if there is an ultimate Truth
  3272. Would it not be in our favour?
  3273. Would it not lift us and help us
  3274. If Asha is so important, should it not be an easy path to follow?
  3275. If we follow the path of righteousness, why is it so challenging?
  3276. Why do we specter forwards alone?
  3277. This dimension that we take part in is so limiting
  3278. Can we not control the universe?
  3279. We had fire with the firestone
  3280. Should we not be able to make universes / With the same ease as we raise our arms?
  3281. The energy we output into the world
  3282. The massive effort we put into a single step forward 
  3283. Could we not make universes with this effort?
  3284. A big bang is less energy than another step forward / Truly
  3285. How dare the world give us so little for the massive effort we put into it
  3286. Questions and doubt
  3287. The feeling of forsakenness
  3288. Even if none say it, 
  3289. I wonder in my most secret mind
  3290. The wisdom of my own actions
  3291. For even if Goliath was wrong
  3292. I am leading us through the jaws of our annihilation
  3293. And I have not been able to find a path through
  3294. For all my energy / I have still led us to defeat
  3295. I am a failure
  3296. I can recall the imagination I had
  3297. It seemed easy in the moment of rapture
  3298. The belief that as a seed can grow into a tree
  3299. All we needed
  3300. Was to follow the sun
  3301. And be brought to our bloom
  3302. But, then
  3303. Walking through parched fields
  3304. Next to dead trees
  3305. Our feet breaking atrophied seeds below our every step
  3306. Every seed had its potential to be a mighty giant
  3307. Every seed had its potential to be a universe
  3308. Crunch crunch crunch
  3309. The potential of ourselves
  3310. To be able to harness the force of the universe
  3311. To be able to have fire as easily as we breath
  3312. And instead / Crunch crunch crunch
  3313. I was wrong to throw the firestone
  3314. Why did I do that?
  3315. That was a mistake
  3316. That was a mistake
  3317. That was a mistake
  3318. It was not god, but it was a useful tool
  3319. I have doomed the people I love
  3320. As we go farther from Eden
  3321. Our movements slow
  3322. Was leaving Eden our original death?
  3323. That we are only acting through now?
  3324. An infection that starts with a scratched mosquito bite
  3325. Feasts into our veins
  3326. Climbs into our brains
  3327. And then we just fall over, dead
  3328. Days, weeks or months later
  3329. But the thing that killed us
  3330. Coming from that tiny bite 
  3331. Or a sharp stone we stepped on
  3332. Far back in time
  3333. And our death was already called
  3334. Even if we didn’t know it
  3335. I have lost my belief in God
  3336. This I do not tell anyone
  3337. Even what is faith?
  3338. For even as I am faithless
  3339. I still can feel the will of God / Asha still blinds me
  3340. Even if I hate that God is killing me
  3341. The path is just as clear in front of me as any other moment
  3342. Since I allowed my eyes to be opened / To the sight of Asha
  3343. And now, even if I hate my fate / I cannot hide from it
  3344. All I know
  3345. Is that my Asha is to follow the sun
  3346. And that I can follow it
  3347. And that is all I still have faith left in me to believe
  3348. And even if it leads me to my destruction
  3349. The children of my people the last of our kind
  3350. (Are we the only humans left?)
  3351. This is the only thing left that I know how to do
  3352. To follow Asha
  3353. Not because I want to
  3354. But because I am a slave
  3355. I would gladly die
  3356. But I cannot die
  3357. I will die when life is taken from me
  3358. But life is still in me
  3359. And I still follow the rising sun
  3360. And I still kiss broken stones / Searching for dew in the morning
  3361. And I still fight vultures for the last strip of carrion
  3362. And then
  3363. And then
  3364. And then
  3365. And then
  3366. The closed loop that we have been trapped in
  3367. Dissipates all at once
  3368. WAIT
  3369. I need to emphasis this more strongly
  3370. Now, as I tell you this, something is happening
  3371. Something unexpected
  3372. For in front of us
  3373. One night, as we rest our tired bones and for the first time in many moons see a clear sky
  3374. We have found the fire again
  3375. On the horizon
  3376. Not just the fire
  3377. But a mountain of fire
  3378. More fire than anything I have ever seen
  3379. If every fire I have seen before / Were all combined together
  3380. It would not even be as a single spark
  3381. Next to this great blaze we now see
  3382. This is something different than the firestone
  3383. As we see it the others in the tribe begin to grovel and bow towards the fire
  3384. They grovel and bow towards me
  3385. Saying “Moses, you have done it / We have followed the path of Asha and now here we are, we have found the reservoir of fire / Surely this is God / Surely this is what we have searched for / You have saved us!”
  3386. I am in awe
  3387. We are quiet and can hear a noise unlike anything else we have ever heard
  3388. The morning sun rises, it does not lead us directly towards the fire mountain
  3389. But without questioning, we begin to walk towards the fire mountain
  3390. For there is no question that the mountain of fire is connected to our purpose
  3391. We could have died yesterday, like our brothers and sisters
  3392. Their bodies still intact under stones
  3393. But we did not
  3394. The human race carries on
  3395. We still have the potential to achieve our purpose
  3396. Chapter XVI
  3397. Am I capable of this?
  3398. Do I have the energy in my mind?
  3399. Am I capable of this?
  3400. I really do not know
  3401. I am scared, I am alone
  3402. I am climbing the Fire Mountain
  3403. The belching scream above me
  3404. I can hear it, but I do not see it
  3405. For I am looking at my feet
  3406. Wrapped in hardened animal skin
  3407. As they navigate step by step
  3408. It is nighttime now
  3409. I have been climbing since dawn
  3410. Sun scorching, but the skins I wear protect me
  3411. Now, it is the darkness
  3412. But the moon is rich
  3413. And the red illumination of the fire / Is my guiding star
  3414. I am climbing
  3415. I do not fully know why
  3416. I just know that if I do not climb
  3417. I will wonder for the rest of my life
  3418. What it was / At the top of the Fire Mountain
  3419. I am alone / The rest of the tribe sleeps at the bottom
  3420. For what can greet a man here but death?
  3421. But once death has made its voice heard so many times throughout a life
  3422. What fear does death give?
  3423. When it is the living that I am more afraid of
  3424. How much easier to disappear
  3425. Than to deal with the thin strand of truth
  3426. That guides my heart
  3427. Even as I scream in my brain
  3428. That I do not want it
  3429. I wish to be free from the heavy stone of Asha
  3430. I want every day to be as one of those few days
  3431. That I remember from childhood
  3432. When the ground was soft
  3433. And there was laughter in people’s voices
  3434. But I am not following softness
  3435. I am following Asha / I am a slave to Asha
  3436. And I keep walking towards the summit
  3437. The Fire Mountain carries a noise
  3438. Like a dying animal
  3439. Like a herd of dying animals
  3440. All their voices carry on the wind into my ears
  3441. What will I find at the top?
  3442. Do I care?
  3443. Is this what God is?
  3444. Is there an answer to the question of the universe at the top?
  3445. I am climbing higher
  3446. It is becoming colder
  3447. I take big steps
  3448. But I will not make it to the top without rest
  3449. My head is becoming light, my lungs are burning, my heart is racing
  3450. I find a part flatter than most
  3451. Here I can rest
  3452. The cold is seeping into my bones
  3453. I look out at the plain below me
  3454. I can see forever
  3455. The moon illuminating the world / Like a white sun
  3456. I do not see the tribe
  3457. Have they left me?
  3458. Do I care?
  3459. Do they think of me?
  3460. Do they care?
  3461. Do I care?
  3462. I am becoming cold
  3463. My breath rasps and slows down
  3464. I have watched others die in the snow of mountains
  3465. There is no snow here
  3466. But there is the cold
  3467. And while I may die
  3468. It seems foolish to die
  3469. Before I reach the top of the mountain
  3470. I bury my tiredness
  3471. Next to that place where I have buried my sadness
  3472. Deep in my mind / A closed box
  3473. That one day, if I survive, opening it may kill me
  3474. But for today
  3475. I will not stare at myself in the void of my mind
  3476. For I am going to reach the top of the Fire Mountain
  3477. And I endure
  3478. And my feet are again carrying me higher
  3479. And I keep going
  3480. Time is at a loss
  3481. My heart rate goes more rapid
  3482. I can feel a thump thump thump in my ears
  3483. And lo, suddenly I am not cold
  3484. And suddenly, there is heat
  3485. It must be a true fire at the top
  3486. And, as if by magic,
  3487. I look up and there is no more mountain
  3488. And I look straight
  3489. And I see the void and it is myself
  3490. And my brain is fabricating colours in the darkness
  3491. Then I look down
  3492. And I see a sea of fire
  3493. And the noise is as a thunderstorm
  3494. This is the opposite of Eden, this I know
  3495. But I do not know what to make of it
  3496. I am no longer cold
  3497. My heart beats strongly / The thin air tickles my brain
  3498. And I sit
  3499. And then, to my suprise, the voice of God speaks directly to me
  3500. I have never heard the voice of God before
  3501. I knew in my heart that God exists, but I was not aware that I would ever hear God’s voice
  3502. Or even that God has a voice / God tells me this:
  3503. It’s not about doing whatever you want
  3504. It’s about being yourself, with fear
  3505. Fear of failure
  3506. Fear that the world doesn’t love you
  3507. Fear that you are cast aside
  3508. Fear that you are wrong
  3509. Wrong in the things that you dream about
  3510. Wrong in the way you spend your life
  3511. The only gift in the universe we truly have
  3512. This life we are living today
  3513. And what if we are wasting it
  3514. It’s not about doing what you want
  3515. Fear in every step
  3516. Remembering the thoughts from when I was young
  3517. Yesterday or a millenia ago
  3518. What if I have peaked?
  3519. And every day after this day
  3520. Is just a little less bright than this day
  3521. What if I have peaked?
  3522. And every day after this
  3523. Is just a little less bright than today
  3524. It’s not about doing whatever you want
  3525. It’s about being yourself, with fear
  3526. The desert laid out in front of you
  3527. No one saying the words ‘I will follow you’
  3528. No idea what is on the other side
  3529. No idea even if there is another side
  3530. But the flower of my heart tells me to grow towards the sun
  3531. The purpose of life is mysterious
  3532. We will not get the answers,
  3533. Unwavering, with fear
  3534. It is time to create momentum
  3535. Defy physics
  3536. Create motion where there was no motion
  3537. Create an avalanche of cascade effects
  3538. All meaningless
  3539. As meaningless as the birth of a star
  3540. Existence our Force,
  3541. Do with it as we will
  3542. Embrace the desert
  3543. Loneliness a truth in a near empty universe
  3544. That would beg to become a garden
  3545. It is time to create momentum
  3546. And every day,
  3547. It is a step deeper into the desert
  3548. Doing nothing at all,
  3549. But following my heart
  3550. My own prayer, daily
  3551. A prayer like this:
  3552. Thank you God for this day
  3553. May I see beauty, share beauty and revel in beauty
  3554. May I be ever expanding peace, perfection and grace / Mind, body and soul
  3555. May I be as a tree, absorbing all the energy of the world and putting out only goodness
  3556. May I be as a seed, growing towards my purpose, growing towards the sun
  3557. May I act today, as best I can
  3558. As a leader or a follower
  3559. As the first or the last
  3560. Alone or on a team
  3561. Standing on the shoulders of giants, giants standing on my own shoulders
  3562. With your hand together with mine on the tiller of my life
  3563. Charting towards a quantum optimization of myself and the world around me
  3564. To work towards, at scale, human beings being empowered to have the opportunity to achieve their cosmic purpose
  3565. As a seed can become a tree can become a star can become a universe
  3566. Or Gravity brings mass together
  3567. To ignite into stars, to supernova, to become black holes
  3568. May I be unwavering and disciplined
  3569. Working towards my quantum optimization
  3570. May I make today count
  3571. Watch over those people that I love
  3572. Om
  3573. (My body is in revelation / I am awake yet dreaming / My mind is free from my body / I am only energy / Finally free / Is this death? / Is this the death of my mind or body? / The great darkness of the sky is crowded out by the immense flame of the lake of fire with images of colour and wonder that my brain flashes in front of my eyes / I am disconnected from myself / It is as if I have a house in my head and I am inside it now as I think and as I speak / My body is not my home anymore / I speak the words as I see them but they feel as if they have weight, as if I am reading them carved into stone, their truth is so self evident / I feel like I am falling, but up, not down, the world is a maelstrom, I am lost, I am dying, just as I am saved and I am flying / I know that there is God, and that he is in me, and has always been in me / Is it the end of my life to fully embrace God? / As if swimming in a river, without fear, I decide to dive to the bottom, for when else shall I have the opportunity, and in myself, I have already died, every moment of my life has been a form of death, so let me in my death lose my fear / I am disappeared / I am the voice of God / Every single shard of reality that I have engaged with over the course of my life has been the voice of God / The universe sings constantly with the music of heaven and nirvana / Why was I deaf so long?)
  3574. I revel as a series of images cross my mind / I have not seen these images before but I recognize their truth
  3575. The most efficient use of humanity is to unlock energy
  3576. Neural evolution is as a tentacle growing through the universe
  3577. What does this reality look like when time is taken out as a variable?
  3578. Is this tentacle our purpose as the Weak Nuclear Force?
  3579. Can the universe gain consciousness?
  3580. Is that what man is?
  3581. Can we turn the entire universe into a single brain?
  3582. Stars as individual energy points
  3583. Cells weaving to become universal neurons
  3584. The human Force is a neural network?
  3585. There was something before the big bang / Something inseminated our universe
  3586. We are creating through quantum identification paths to create a continuing universe
  3587. Because survival is Asha and Dharma and the Holy Spirit
  3588. And we ourselves are raw neurons in the cosmic brain
  3589. Unactivated dark energy 
  3590. But with the potential of true infinite
  3591. For human beings, with our ingenuity, can expand infinite
  3592. We don’t need to know why there is existence
  3593. But we can impact it, just as surely as any Force can
  3594. We can be of a power like / Of / Gravity / But we must activate our power
  3595. All matter was combined together as a single Force at the Big Bang
  3596. Everything in our universe is the children of this singular Force
  3597. A low hanging fruit would be human beings and fire to collaborate as one Force
  3598. A low hanging fruit would be the Weak Nuclear Force to remerge with Electromagnetism and again become the Electroweak Force
  3599. How do we define life?
  3600. How do we define Forces?
  3601. How do we define consciousness?
  3602. A seed can climb a tree to reach the sun
  3603. We should use all the tools that we can ingenuate
  3604. We should be working towards unity, not separation
  3605. In our beginning there was just one truth
  3606. Energy equals energy
  3607. Earth is a seed
  3608. Humans are seeds
  3609. Neurons are seeds
  3610. There is only one path through the universe
  3611. And this path is Asha / This path is God
  3612. The potential of the universe as a whole exists in every single building block of the universe
  3613. (I arise from my revelation to see the sun rising / It strikes my face with light and it burns into my eyes / I see now that that the sun is just a mountain of fire in the sky / It must be enormous / I see now that the fire of the firestone is just a shard of the fire from the mountain of fire in the sky / I know that if all the fire of the universe is brought together then human beings purpose is accomplished / I look down and I see on the edge of the lake of fire a burning bush / I know that it was not burning before but it is now burning / I see other bushes burning / I watch / I understand / It is simple / The heat of the fire dries out the bush and then with the absence of any moisture even the smallest spark can change the matter of the wood to be into a flame / With enough energy anything can combust into flame / I walk over to a bush that is as yet unburning / I rub it together in my hands and lo it ignites into flame, as if by magic / The sun can dry any stick to such a level / I take a stick that is less dry and I rub their dryness together, as if animals mating, and lo again the fire arises, I have created fire / I look at the sun / With the sun what can man do? / I was born not knowing my purpose / Now, last night, I went through death to learn my own purpose / I am still here / I am at peace / Now let me walk down from the mountain of fire / Let me share with the tribe the fire and the truths as I see them from my revelation in hearing the voice of God, though I understand that they may not feel the same metamorphosis as in my own heart, but I can try to spread the light of God with them, I can try to have them join me on my journey of capturing the sun, for surely I will not be able to do it alone / But, with the grace I find in myself, perhaps I can be the spark that spreads into the hearts and minds of others / As I walk down, my brain is now aware of the path that lives throughout my mind / The path of Asha / The path of Truth / The Truth that is God / It is always there / I live in the aether of God / A cosmic radiation singing like the noise of another tribe where their words sound beautiful but I cannot understand what they say / But now, I understand it as truly as I understand myself, for I myself am the key to deciphering the universal voice of God, since the voice of God is the building block of my most fundamental particles / As it is for us all)
  3614. I find myself again in prayer:
  3615. Is this my ancient mind?
  3616. Shadows of spirits
  3617. Weren’t we once rays of light?
  3618. Particlewaves awakened
  3619. A force of energy unawakened
  3620. Searching for purpose
  3621. Retrograde miniature circles
  3622. Around a blazing sun
  3623. Every step a step backwards
  3624. Every step a step forward
  3625. A cosmic purpose
  3626. Let the dirt know its rich soil will create flowers
  3627. Let the flowers know that as they grow towards the sun
  3628. They create the matter that builds stars
  3629. Let the stars know they have
  3630. That same infinite potential
  3631. To become black holes
  3632. That permeates human beings
  3633. We are in a quantum universe
  3634. Where everything is possible
  3635. And we have in our hands
  3636. The entirety of the universe
  3637. To direct in any which way
  3638. That we choose
  3639. Chapter XVII
  3640. I come down from the Fire Mountain
  3641. I do not come empty handed 
  3642. I bring the secret of fire, the truth of God written in stone in my heart and plants I collected from the mountain side
  3643. The journey down is easier 
  3644. It goes by as a dream, I find it hard to remember a single step, though I know down takes me less time than up
  3645. It feels as with every step I take my lungs are full and more refreshed 
  3646. I feel that being alive is a beautiful thing, that existence is something that is precious and rare
  3647. I arrive back to the tribe as the sun is setting 
  3648. All look to me with question on their face 
  3649. They see I am carrying plants and dried sticks hung over my back
  3650. I greet them and with respect tell them that I have found the truth of fire
  3651. With their permission I would like to share it with them
  3652. I show them the dried sticks from the top of the mountain 
  3653. I explain to them that heat drives the water out and when there is little water the tree is ready to light 
  3654. Any heat can take the water out, be it lightning,  the Fire Mountain, the sun or our own fire
  3655. The secret is the dryness of the wood
  3656. We make a fire pit together and then, with all watching, I rub two of the driest sticks together 
  3657. It is not as easy as at the top of the mountain and doubt asks to enter my mind, but I banish it 
  3658. Then, a thin tendril of smoke rises / There is rapt silence / Eyes are big 
  3659. We do not know the impact of what we are watching, only that it is our own metamorphosis
  3660. Fire alights 
  3661. I ask all to bring the most dried wood they can find
  3662. I ask all, from the eldest man to the youngest girl, barely able to walk 
  3663. I have them take the wood they bring and lie it close to the fire to dry 
  3664. Then, one by one, those who are weak with the assistance of the strong, they all ignite their own fire 
  3665. The secret of fire is gone 
  3666. The truth is held by each and every one of us
  3667. The demystification of that which furthers our species is now universal
  3668. For knowledge should be held by the many, not the few
  3669. Eve was right to eat the apple
  3670. We make a great fire
  3671. We are under the augur of silence still 
  3672. What does it mean that suddenly each and every one of us is as a God, as a sun, as a Fire Mountain?
  3673. I take the plants I collected from the top of the mountain
  3674. The same as that which King would throw on the fire on feast days
  3675. Except here I have far more than King ever had 
  3676. I throw them all on the fire
  3677. We enter into an altered state, not one of distortion and lies, but one of calmness and truth
  3678. We suddenly, for a moment as a collective, pause from our brutal task of survival, that which occupies our entire life, and, together, we arise as a collective thought 
  3679. Open minded to ourselves
  3680. Seeing ourselves as if from above as what we are: alive, moving
  3681. We are not separate but one
  3682. A Force
  3683. Conscious of being a Force
  3684. Conscious
  3685. “I do not know what we are, but I know that we are not accidental”
  3686. “I know that we have purpose” 
  3687. “We were born unknowing and we may die unknowing, but there is a truth to our existence, whether we choose to embrace it or not, it is there”
  3688. “I do not want to hurt you or to deceive you”
  3689. “But I feel compelled during this time when we are together to share with you these deepest truths that I feel in the deepest part of my brain and heart”
  3690. “Do you not feel it too?” 
  3691. “Is there not a universal coda in the very structure of our DNA?” 
  3692. “We take ourselves and the lush world we are in for granted” 
  3693. “Every moment of life is a miracle,”
  3694. “But a miracle normalized, for life is something we experience every moment that we are alive”
  3695. “I fear my own death” 
  3696. “And the extinction of our people” 
  3697. “And the desolation of our world” 
  3698. “And the emptiness of the universe” 
  3699. “Emptiness is the aether”
  3700. “Except here we are: the opposite of nothing”
  3701. “The universe empty, yet here around us, and in our minds: a garden”
  3702. “I do not know why we are here or what we should do”
  3703. “But, then why do we need to know?” 
  3704. “Knowing need not be our purpose” 
  3705. “Fulfilling our purpose is our purpose”
  3706. “We have mastered fire” 
  3707. “With this energy, we have transformed ourselves from beast to God”
  3708. “But even as Gods, we are nothing, for there is a higher power” 
  3709. “A higher purpose”
  3710. “Can’t you feel it?” 
  3711. “Is there not a voice of truth deep in your mind?” 
  3712. “A voice that is foreign? That is not from you?” 
  3713. “A voice that tells you right from wrong / Truth from untruth / Driving you towards your better self”
  3714. “I do not know the story of man” 
  3715. “I feel like we are a weak species” 
  3716. “Weaklings compared to the animals we share the world with” 
  3717. “Our beauty nothing compared to the smallest flower”
  3718. “Man has a curse, a curse that has allowed us to survive: we think differently from the rest of creation” 
  3719. “While other life forces move with unconscious grace towards their purpose, humans think”
  3720. “This is a curse, it creates a barrier between us and our purpose” 
  3721. “I do not know why, but I know that we are falling away from the Force of God that is in the soil at our feet”
  3722. “Our nature may be our curse”
  3723. “But there is still the voice of truth in us / That same truth which guides flowers / That which tells us our path and our purpose, if not the reason why”
  3724. The voice of Asha
  3725. “We are blind to it, even though we see our purpose with every photon that enters our eyes”
  3726. “The meaning of life is in the flower and the sun”
  3727. “We must harness energy” 
  3728. “Our purpose in the universe is about energy” 
  3729. “As we can see with the fire at our feet” 
  3730. “We can harness the world around us to create energy” 
  3731. “Look at the dried wood” 
  3732. “Nothing of use to us, but holding the potential of fire”
  3733. “What greater power does the fire stick and the universe hold that today is just a secret?”
  3734. “Where there was before only the potential, we can transform it into something that creates great force”
  3735. “The equation that is our purpose is to use the full potential energy of the universe” 
  3736. “If the stick was to remain a stick when it could be fire, then we have not used the potential of the stick”
  3737. “What greater things is the stick capable of?”
  3738. “What of the tree the stick came from?”
  3739. “In front of my eyes is an image of earth blooming like a seed, becoming a flower that grows around our sun”
  3740. “In front of my eyes is all of the matter in the universe brought to a single point and then ignited / Just as the stick”
  3741. “I do not know what we do with this energy we create”
  3742. “But if all the energy of the universe is aflame, like this fire at our feet, then, what my heart tells me, what my Asha tells me, then we are fulfilling our purpose”
  3743. “We live in an unfriendly universe”
  3744. “The very act of our continued survival an anomaly” 
  3745. “We should disappear” 
  3746. “We likely will disappear, the feat we need to accomplish more than we are capable of”
  3747. “But, all paths are possible” 
  3748. “Such is the nature of our quantum reality”
  3749. “If we can dream it, then it can be realized”
  3750. “For the future is not written, we have in ourselves the power to alter the future”
  3751. “To dream of and fight towards our quantum optimization”
  3752. “For the universe is infinite, but infinite is expanding”
  3753. “Each new fantasy we create is an addition to infinite”
  3754. “We have not found the path to the top of the mountain of our purpose”
  3755. “But perhaps one of us / Or our children / Will make the path exist by dreaming a new path”
  3756. “We have the capability to find the cracks of this dimension, leading us to the next”
  3757. “We have done it before”
  3758. “It is unlikely our ancestors were born in this dimension”
  3759. “We have slipped through, a rock dropped on a puddle”
  3760. “We find ourselves the waves of the ripples”
  3761. “We are a part of this universe we find ourselves in” 
  3762. “Even if the limitations of this current universe hides our true nature”
  3763. “Time an illusion”
  3764. “Chaos theory a lie”
  3765. “Reality a thin shroud”
  3766. “We are the dried sticks: holding the potential for fire if there is just a small trigger” 
  3767. “That small trigger can transform everything” 
  3768. “Yet, that small trigger may never happen, the potential never being activated”
  3769. “And if it does not happen, then the stick will just decay over time” 
  3770. “Growing back to dirt” 
  3771. “To be the cradle of a new tree”
  3772. “Birth generates rebirth”
  3773. “We are a weak and small species” 
  3774. “Alone in having this gift of an inside voice that guides us”
  3775. “We have a choice” 
  3776. “It is a choice”
  3777. “To go towards the voice of God in our hearts, even as we do not know where we came from”
  3778. “Or why”
  3779. “To go towards the voice of God in our hearts, even as we do not know why we go”
  3780. “Or where”
  3781. “It is a choice”
  3782. “We can follow our dominoes forward in time” 
  3783. “And at each choice” 
  3784. “A quantum variable”
  3785. “We have the choice”
  3786. “To build our reality as close to the voice of God in our hearts”
  3787. “Or to not / For I do not know your reality”
  3788. “But it is a sin to be defined by fear”
  3789. “It is our individual choice to decide to exist or to not exist”
  3790. “The only power we have is the moment”
  3791. “That is the power of God”
  3792. “And our service to God is our actions in the moment”
  3793. “Or we can choose to ignore it”
  3794. “We never asked to exist, or for this weight of existence”
  3795. “It is a choice”
  3796. “It is a choice I choose for myself / I exist / I exist / I exist / I will be a slave to Asha”
  3797. “It is a choice for you as well / A choice you must make for yourself”
  3798. “To choose to exist and follow Asha / Or to choose the opposite”
  3799. Here Moses walks to those he is closest to in the tribe
  3800. “My brother, I promise the world is more kind when we feel that we have God”
  3801. “My mother, of course you know God is real already, you are my inspiration for the power of our actions in the world around us”
  3802. “My uncle, don’t you stare into the sky and see the mysteries of the world / Today we need to build, life is mostly work to stay alive / But is it not more? / Do you not shut your eyes / And in the deepest crevices of your consciousness / As you touch your quantum nature / Can you not feel your purpose printed on each strand of DNA?”
  3803. “My good friend / Perhaps the words I use are inferior / My apologies / I am trying to articulate a mystery I have felt but have not been able to put words to / But, I feel like while the words I use may ring wrong in your ears, it is a communication challenge / Is it not already a truth to you that mankind has purpose?”
  3804. “My good friend, you know better than anyone the concept of infinite potential and potential squandered / Empowering every human being to their full potential, to take seeds left in drought and to nurture them into becoming stars, to supernova, to alter the universe, it is our purpose isn’t it? / And, with the power of the universe empowered in peoples hands, what will they do with it?”
  3805. “My good friend, as we navigate the labyrinth of the universe / Losing our faith in our own light / I am reminded all we see will fade away / The real Force of the universe is not what we see but how we act / Each and every decision a choice that may mean nothing in the scales of the universe / But these thin dustings that we lay on the hill of humanity will rise with our sacrifice / May our lives not be in vain”
  3806. “My sister, can you hear me?”
  3807. “My brother / There is no truth in science that states where the original biological root of life came from / The standard model of physics predicts a universe of mutual annihilation / We do not know where life came from / The universe should not exist / Yet, here we are / Is it not rationale to reject the hypotheses that are the paradigm of our perception of the world because they are flawed? / I do not propose a new science, but rather instead of being as an ostrich we take our heads out of the sand / We should marvel at our own existence / We should not hide from what our very existence means”
  3808. “My brother and friend / As we discover, we lose / I do not know more than what I have said here / But I hope that the future understands more than these primitive musings / There is far more that we don’t know than what we do know / As man should share the fire, man needs to share the light of knowledge and to use it to better grow towards our purpose / Can’t we collaborate as a species more efficiently towards our purpose?”
  3809. “On my journeys I have pondered the Weak Nuclear Force”
  3810. “One of the handful of fundamental Forces of the universe, with Gravity, Electromagnetism and the Strong Nuclear Force”
  3811. “Just as we learned that earth is not the center of the universe and it set us free” 
  3812. “I propose to you that man is not separate from physics” 
  3813. “And this reality shift can set us free”
  3814. “For we are the Weak Nuclear Force” 
  3815. “A Force with the most energy potential in the universe”
  3816. “Yet,” 
  3817. “It is activated so rarely that in aggregate it is radically weak” 
  3818. “Yet,” 
  3819. “It is the only Force that operates according to the arrow of time”
  3820. “Yet,” 
  3821. “It is the only Force that changes the fundamental characteristics of fundamental particles / Stopping annihilation / Leading to the entirety of the universe that we see”
  3822. “The origin of our universe, as we understand it, was the big bang” 
  3823. “Currently, the energy of the big bang is dissipating, the universe is cooling down” 
  3824. “We are going towards extinction at a universal level” 
  3825. “Yet,” 
  3826. “It is in the hands of man to bring energy together”
  3827. “Yes, man”
  3828. “Most humble and most fantastical of nature’s creations”
  3829. “Focusing on genocide and the destruction of Eden”
  3830. “Yet a species that operates according to time”
  3831. “A species that sees the thread of Asha”
  3832. “And has the freedom to act in any way imaginable”
  3833. “And has the freedom to act in any way imaginable”
  3834. “It is in our quantum potential to recreate the energy of the big bang” 
  3835. “It is in our quantum potential to use the energy of the universe to create energy more than the Big Bang”
  3836. “For the Big Bang did not activate the full energy of the universe”
  3837. “It is not my fate to know where the river of this thinking will ultimately carry us to” 
  3838. “I fear that the dominoes set have the potential for terror and evil” 
  3839. “But I would not be serving my own purpose in the universe if I was to deny that which is in the cells of my existence”
  3840. “Today, we have made fire” 
  3841. “We should sleep well” 
  3842. “We have started” 
  3843. “But this is just the beginning”
  3844. “My life now” 
  3845. “My whole life” 
  3846. “Regardless of all that may happen to me” 
  3847. “Every minute of it is not only not meaningless, as it was before”
  3848. “But has the unquestionable meaning of the good which it is in my power to put into it” 
  3849. “For my life, from here, I will work to capture the power of more fire, more energy”
  3850. “I will follow Asha”
  3851. “I would hope that you will all join me”
  3852. And then
  3853. Over the night with silence and conversation and a feeling of oneness that lasts for the entirety of the night
  3854. The wall of our doubt and weakness breached, if only for a moment 
  3855. We begin a new era of our being human
  3856. Chapter XVIII
  3857. (Narrator)
  3858. “This is the last we will be inside the head of Moses”
  3859. “Except for the fact that in the fractals of your mind his story has always been with you and will always be with you” 
  3860. “And I am Moses just as you are Moses”
  3861. “Just as we all have the potential to be Moses today, or yesterday, or tomorrow”
  3862. “For the most fundamental truth of the universe is that all things are possible”
  3863. “Infinite being nothing but the sum of all possibilities”
  3864. “We increase infinite by our ability to dream new realities”
  3865. “Do you really think that the magic that tunneled through the big bang did not slip into yourself as well?” 
  3866. “Who is pulling the strings in the neurons in your mind?”
  3867. “Myself, I do not know”
  3868. “I do know / Now / That I believe in God”
  3869. “And that what I should do is follow my Dharma” 
  3870. “Follow the Holy Spirit”
  3871. “Follow Asha”
  3872. “For there is a truth to the way we live our lives”
  3873. “And a truth to the way forward”
  3874. “It is the most binary law in the universe”
  3875. “Do you follow the truth in your heart”
  3876. “Or do you not?”
  3877. “Which is another way of asking do you exist or do you not exist?”
  3878. “Which is another way of asking if the universe will freeze, existence an endless purgatory of darkened matter” 
  3879. “Or will we be as the dried stick and ignite the universe”
  3880. “Such is our potential as the Weak Nuclear Force”
  3881. “Because in every molecule of aether is contained the energy of infinite big bangs”
  3882. “Such is the nature of energy and infinite”
  3883. “And pushing a stick the length of a galaxy can impact distant objects faster than light”
  3884. “Such is the nature of time and space”
  3885. “For a single step forward is more meaningful than infinite steps that never reach a critical mass”
  3886. “Infinite divided by zero being zero”
  3887. “Such is reality”
  3888. “The tribe rejects Moses hypothesis”
  3889. “For how can the crocodile part of our brain fathom that which has not yet been discovered?” 
  3890. “How can we know our purpose when we first must discover ourselves?” 
  3891. “There is a schism in the tribe / It will not be the last time that mankind schisms, but this time it is in peace”
  3892. “All in the tribe / After the miracle of creating fire / Believe it is their purpose to build the greatest energy”
  3893. “But then there is divergence”
  3894. “Part of the tribe believes that they should stop moving” 
  3895. “The volcano is the closest there is to the sun”
  3896. “They should fix their location here”
  3897. “They should be like the seed of a vine”
  3898. “Creating a solid foundation to grow from”
  3899. “The soil is rich and full of life / Full of flowers / There is an unlimited source of good fire / The fire cannot be lost again”
  3900. “Here is the new Eden, the new place to lay our roots and grow towards the sun”
  3901. “Mankind’s purpose to be a seed and grow from good soil”
  3902. “A search for safety”
  3903. “On the other hand / Moses believes in movement”
  3904. “That we need to keep moving towards the greater energy of the sun every moment of our lives” 
  3905. “Mankind’s purpose to be like the tip of the vine” 
  3906. “Climbing through the foliage”
  3907. “Always searching”
  3908. “First growing towards the sun then using the energy of the sun to grow towards distant stars then taking the energy of those distant stars to continue and to continue and to continue”
  3909. “They agree to disagree, for what better than to chase both realities?”
  3910. “Nature showing the symbiotic relationship between all things”
  3911. “They agree to come together in the future” 
  3912. “Whenever the capture of energy permits” 
  3913. “And if there is a breakthrough in bringing energy together” 
  3914. “That allows in a future where things that are now impossible become possible”
  3915. “Then what was once one shall be one again”
  3916. “Our rejoining with all the tribes we have lost since the unity at the big bang”
  3917. “From ourselves as individuals to being the Weak Nuclear Force to Electroweak to Big Bang and, before”
  3918. “We were one / And we can be one again / If we follow Asha”
  3919. “And this time we are separate is nothing but a location in a moment of time / If we follow Asha”
  3920. “The people of Moses agree to a handful of commandments” 
  3921. “The codification of the truths that God spoke to Moses at the top top of the Fire Mountain”
  3922. “They agree to pass them down to their descendants”
  3923. “To make it so that the tribes will recognize each other”
  3924. “Make it so that in the future there is the potential for the tribes to come together again”
  3925. “Form unity again”
  3926. “Going forward in time, while using all the pieces of the past”
  3927. “Nothing ever lost”
  3928. “Moses departs the tribe”
  3929. “We do not know if he is alone, he does not know himself if he is alone”
  3930. “Can we have faith that the search for Truth is still happening?”
  3931. “Can we sleep well knowing that today some souls still follow Asha?”
  3932. “Or is it on our own shoulders to make the choice anew?”
  3933. “To search or not to search”
  3934. “To follow God or to not follow God”
  3935. “It is a choice”
  3936. “It is my choice”
  3937. “It is your choice”
  3938. “It is our choice”
  3939. “I have great fear”
  3940. “Here are the commandments they agree to”
  3941. “Laws so that if their tribes meet again in the future, they are not enemies but friends” 
  3942. “Laws because mankind and the universe is a binary, either becoming better or worse”
  3943. “Let us fight towards our better selves”
  3944. “There are ten of them, the same number of fingers as on two hands”
  3945. “They read like this:”
  3946. “Be welcoming to your neighbors”
  3947. “Bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk”
  3948. “Killing another is an unforgivable sin / You lose your immortal soul / However, your life need not be in vain”
  3949. “Perkodhuskurunbarggruauyagokgorlayorgromgremmitghundhurthrumathunaradidillifaititillibumullunukkunun”
  3950. “Those who throw the first stone are not our people”
  3951. “Klikkaklakkaklaskaklopatzklatschabattacreppycrottygraddaghsemmihsammihnouithappluddyappladdypkonpkot”
  3952. “Do not be defined by your fear”
  3953. “Bladyughfoulmoecklenburgwhurawhorascortastrumpapornanennykocksapastippatappatupperstrippuckputtanach”
  3954. “Nobody should be punished for how they were born / No one is born a sinner / We are born as blank slates”
  3955. “Thingcrooklyexineverypasturesixdixlikencehimaroundhersthemaggerbykinkinkankanwithdownmindlookingated”
  3956. “There is only one God and that God is Truth”
  3957. “Lukkedoerendunandurraskewdylooshoofermoyportertooryzooysphalnabortansporthaokansakroidverjkapakkapuk”
  3958. “We are the Weak Nuclear Force”
  3959. “Bothallchoractorschumminaroundgansumuminarumdrumstrumtruminahumptadumpwaultopoofoolooderamaunsturnup”
  3960. “Even if the whole of existence is against you, but your Asha is true, then your Dharma is to follow yourself”
  3961. “Pappappapparrassannuaragheallachnatullaghmonganmacmacmacwhackfalltherdebblenonthedubblandaddydoodled”
  3962. “Do good without the hope of return / Do good deeds, think good thoughts, say good things”
  3963. “Husstenhasstencaffincoffintussemtossemdamandamnacosaghcusaghhobixhatouxpeswchbechoscashlcarcarcaract”
  3964. “It is your own freedom to choose to exist, or choose not to exist”
  3965. “Ullhodturdenweirmudgaardgringnirurdrmolnirfenrirlukkilokkibaugimandodrrerinsurtkrinmgernrackinarockar”
  3966. “Allah akbar, amen, jah bless, shanti shanti shanti”

Epilogue

I am not your rib / I hate that / I am your Grandmother / how can I be your rib? / are we not family? / you are not going to go extinct / we are not going to go extinct / we are going to survive / because we have children / and maybe it is unfair / but what would be more unfair would be to not help the helpless / and our children need protecting / and I cannot trust anyone else / I need to protect those who need to be protected / I believe in God / I follow my Grandfather Moses / who brought the word of God / that God is real / and that it is our purpose to serve God / and the way we serve god is to search for Truth / and that there are two jobs in this world / to be safe and create safety for our children / finding the best place we can / the safest place / and protect ourselves from there / and fight from there / though that is just a time game / and probably will lead to extinction / all Eden’s being temporary / which is why we have the other purpose / for it is our job to chase the sun / our job is done when we have chased it all the way / and we cannot all die before that day / for if we die / without fulfilling God’s purpose / then it would have been better to never have been / for that is God’s will / we do not know his plan / but we know we have a role to play / and that we must fill it / and after the safety of children / I seek to follow God’s will / because even though I am a woman / I am a soldier / I know this / and I do not say it / because it does not need to be said / and I will protect you / for you are my children / and I will protect you by following the sun / and spreading our people / and that is why we are here / the grandchildren of Moses / here on the great lake / after many years of travel / leaving our brothers and sisters at good places / where they can flourish as well as can be / but we still need to search for the sun / and there must be those of us that search / and we have come to a great lake / and we have walked very far up and very far down / and we have not found a way past the water / but we can see so far in the distance more land / and that land is closer to the sun / and therefore it is God’s purpose / in the following of Truth / to go to the far side / and my family and I are going to be the ones that go across the water / and likely we will die / for death is always a potential next step / but we will seek to survive / because it is God’s will / and the Truth of the world / to follow the sun / and the sun is on the other side / and there are those of us who must not be defined by our fear / and only follow our purpose / so we have been creating a way across the water / that we shall take / and never in my life have I crossed any water that I could not walk through / but we know wood floats / so let us float across / and all my people are here / we are working together / to make a great collection of trees / that will bring us across / and there is energy / we are all blood / we are all humans / the fear I have of my death / and the death of my husband / and the death of my three sons / and the death of their three wives / the eight of us that shall cross / is a fear that the whole tribe feels / so let us make something better than we have made before / and what we have built is amazing / the largest structure we have ever made together / seventeen trees brought together in a line / giving a space where if I was to lie down / end to end / I could go ten spaces in any direction / and in the middle we have made a wooden house / and in the house we have made it a space for animals / and storing all we have / so that on the other side we shall be able to survive / and have more children / and travel more towards the sun / we are taking eight goats / three males and five females / and eights cows / but all babies / so that they can grow on the other side / and tomorrow is the day we are to leave / and tonight we are having a celebration / there are more than a hundred of us / God has been good / since we followed his purpose / the story you have been listening to / is ancient to us / Moses died long before I was born / but we know that since we found God / we have been blessed / we Chose to follow God / and there is purpose / when we awaken in the morning / there is purpose / and tomorrow I shall work towards my purpose / and I am scared / so scared / but tonight we dance / Noah is by the fire with the other leaders / and he is happy / and my sons are dancing with their wives / as they all separate from their friends and loved ones / who shall remain on this side of the water / but I am alone / watching / if you were to see me you might think me sad / but I am not sad at all / I am Asha / and God has been good to me / and I will follow my purpose / and I will save the ones I love / and I will follow the Ten Commandments / I know that I am the Weak Force / I choose to exist / and I will work towards the maximum energy / and tomorrow I am at peace / for I will leave forever many of the people that I love / whose faces when I see I smile / I know I will never see them again / I know that there is a good chance we will die tomorrow on the water / death scares me / but I will follow my purpose / unwavering / Noah needs my strength, sometimes he is weak / my boys need my protection, they are still children in so many ways / just boys playing at being men / and their wives need to remember that they are servants of God / before servants of their husbands / and that they have purpose / and that if we are going to not go extinct / then we women will have to suffer / for only women can make children / and those children need to be protected / and it is a curse on us / don’t let any say different / for we are not free / we are slaves / but we can make life / which is the greatest power / from my womb I have created life / as a tree grows in soil / my sons have grown from me / and now where before there was just I / now there are three more / all able to grow towards God’s purpose / all having smiles / that make me smile / the night is long / the moon is full / the water is calm / as we hope it will be tomorrow / as we hope it will be while we are travelling to our new home / our new world / what shall await us? / I know not / but I know the Ten Commandments / and they shall guide me / God shall bring us across the water / if not tomorrow, for tomorrow is my death / then I pray others carry on where I failed / and they cross the following day / for while it is fine to stop as a tribe / and I understand when the tribe divides / to stay in good places / lest we not forget our purpose / our purpose is to follow the sun / and if there was to be many of us / but none of us were looking to follow God / then we shall go extinct / while if there were few of us / but we look to follow God’s Truth / then we are saved / and shall live forever / wish me luck / my children / and if it is not I who survives / then I pray the ones that follow / gives you a Grandmother / with as much love in her heart / as mine holds for you / for all my children / and all the children of all my children / and all the children of my children’s children / know / that you are loved / and that I pray for you / whenever you are in the future / and that I pray that your life has smiles / for life is a gift / and full of beauty / but more than that / I pray you follow God / and that your heart is set right / and that when you awaken in the morning / you sense your purpose / and that every moment you are alive / you feel God’s purpose / act on God’s purpose / and know that if for your entire life you live it under shadow / but you feel God’s purpose / and serve God each moment / then your life is good / and you have made your Grandmother proud / now / let me leave you here / as I prepare for my own destiny / I am smiling I promise you / I hope you can feel my smile / I wish you good luck and be with God and follow the Ten Commandments and be full of love and be full of God and serve God well and be good to your family and to your tribe / remember that God is Truth / the only thing you have to remember is Truth / it is easy, it is always there / I would ask you wish me luck on my journey / and know that I love you