Boulevard du 30 Juin (Poetry)

This is a transcription

What dream is this
Real life hallucinations
Brain burst bursting
Entire universe of chaos 
Is it expansion or is it contraction?
Where was I in a different dimension?
What does it mean when the light reaches the edge?
Is there any more forward or is it  the very extent?
A light beam in every position of its existence at the same time
No forward or backwards
Just constance existence
The forever slithering for the vein of time through a particlewave of light going forward going backwards 
All the same?

Is there a more existence than this?
Lost the raging of my head 
Guess that’s a good thing 
Not always healthy to be a hurricane
But is the energy still there?
Is the energy transformed? 
Can I still call to my fingertips the power of the universe?
Or has it  left me: am I a shell and contraction?
Less when I always worried about being more
What is the future look like 
When you’re not sure even if you keep on going higher if you give a damn 
Always fighting through this existential lethargy
Always having to get stuck in my head
Always having to get these questions that don’t even need to have answers 
Being the things that ring a permeated sadness deep in my brain 
All I can do is try to let people know that there is a way to touch glee
I thought that the meaning of life was communication
Then I thought that the meaning of life was existence 
Now I wonder if there’s something different
I always believe that the most clever way of perceiving existence is just a hack
I disagree with the concept that the world is beyond us beyond our capacity
But instead it’s just thinking of what is the right metaphor

The entirety of the universe should be encapsulated in a single metaphor
But then as Einstein said, I have come to a door that I do not have a key 
What if there is no key? 
What if there is a metaphor and I’m just to inane to use it? 
What if the optimism of the youth, the capacity of doing everything, is just taken from me
Myself just like every other whose ever existed
Becoming nothing but potential that was there 
If I could have just used that opportunity a little bit better
It could all be different 

Where’s the correct altitude? 
Where’s the correct existence
Walking down the street? 
Muscles bounded to a mind saying forward 
But without direction 
Without purpose 
What is the control of the brain 
Where does that come from 
Why forward? 
Why not backwards? 
Why not upwards? 
Why not solve the metaphor? 
Why not solve the problem of existence? 
What is the purpose of the beating permutations of my heart? 
What is the reason for each and every synapse firing? 
Is it leading somewhere? 
Is there a single moment of bloom and decay? 
How has it happened? 
Headaches gone 
Was I in bloom is this out of bloom? 
Is there a forever potential of bloom? 
Is it not my most fundamental belief that potential exists in a quantum of every moment and that each and every second is something that we can optimize, and take to a level that has never been before 
That each and every second has the hope of the universe in it
And it’s just about how do we actually untangle our own human elements that block us from achieving the greatness in every moment 
Every moment nothing but a puzzle 
Every moment nothing but an enigma 
What is the machine that we use to unlock existence? 
And knowing that it’s just something simple,
It’s always the most simple 
It’s just Shanti Shanti Shanti. 
But can we do that in math, in physics? 
Is there a bridge that hasn’t been bridged?
And just the lost feeling of exhaustion 
As if I’m not the one to do it
Another jet, another rocket in the air, that fizzles
Unable to reach critical velocity
But close to critical mass 
Is that what we will say?
Close to critical mass, close to critical mass, close to critical mass 

Why is it always the dark terrors that enter a mind? 
Why is it always the dark terrors that enter our mind? 
The thoughts like every moment each and every person in the world is the oldest, most degraded they’ve ever been 
Every person you have ever met
Is either going to die before you or you die before them 
Why are these quiet things to say in a mind? 
Why are dreams about suffering poisoning
What is this entire render test of existence for? 
A cruel joke of evolution?
A seed with consciousness being told the travails of what it takes to reach in bloom without having to acknowledge the frailty of its chances 
What does it mean to be smart enough to realize that you are an astronomical insignificance?
The laws of physics are out of our time
Except, except, except
There is still the hope 
There has to be the constant rediscovery of hope
May the delusion of hope given at birth 
Not fade but be expanded
May we become more playful, not less
More in our mind 
More in our freedom
May every moment be a revelation 
May we be not degrading but transforming 
May we do the magic trick 
May our purpose be not to understand but to exist 
May I transform into the light that I dream about understanding 
May I be a light 
That others can follow 
May I not be the one who understands but may I be a critical spark that illuminates the darkest, so that the universe can follow 
May we refute in real time the fundamental laws of physics that we do not ourselves understand
May we be on the edge of reality
Once we get to that thin layer, may we walk through it 
Like it’s nothing 
Not even knowing that now we’ve discovered something new
May we just go through 
And climb into heaven 
May we not even have the knowledge to call it heaven 
May we not recognize God 
May God be someone that we play chess with, and get a beer with and together aspire to understand the next height of what is the holy mystery of the universe 

Shanti Shanti Shanti Shanti Shanti Shanti Shanti Shanti Shanti Shanti Shanti Shanti
Thus goes quiet musings of my mind walking down the street alone in Kinshasa

Neither artist nor business man 
Neither alone or together 
Still holding my consistent view of the universe
Still hope in my heart, it’s probably as dark as it’s ever been
Still the lust for the universe 
Sitting on top of a mountain that I climb every day without knowing why 
Still a heart full of love and wanting to be shared 
Never wanting to hurt someone even though sometimes people get hurt 
Never wanting to fear anything, even if I’m often close to shaking,
Another other day going forward
The prayer in my mind that all things being equal 
May this be a day that counts