Reflections (poetry)

Pain in my ankle
I tripped on my run
Not the freedom to daydream
Too focused on the sidewalks
They never line up
Why build sidewalks that don’t line up?

Often, when I would write before
Words would flow from me
Whether they were magic was not for me to decide
I just know that they flowed

But that itself is a lie
For in the whiteness of the truth
There is a speck of black
And if you zoom in on a speck of black
That which was small can encompass reality

Writing has never come easy to me
Perhaps it flowed
But often years between periods of deluge
There has never been a period where I have felt productive

Did you know that when people used to ask my career / I would say I was an artist
That felt like a lie too
But just because it feels like a lie to me / Does not mean it is a lie
Sometimes thinking I say the truth, I forget that it is a truth, not all truths
Sometimes, when I say something that feels like a lie / Like that I am an artist / Like that my last book is among the greatest works of art made by mankind / My feeling of a lie does not make it a lie / For I am not the artibtrer of truth / Just a conduit for the moment

An archer launces an arrow into the air
And in the air the arrow becomes conscious
And as it flies, it appreciates purpose
And just before it is to fulfill its purpose
Which is unknown, even what purpose can an arrow have
The arrow strikes its target
It’s final purpose deviated / From that purpose understood midflight

Perhaps you are from the future
I am comfortable living with my assessment between 1% to 99%
For the world is mysterious and poorly lit
I do not pretent to know the first thing about reality
My relationship with Asha is not to interpret Asha
But to follow Asha

Who am I?
I am conciousness
Helly myself / How are you today
I awokened, unexpectedly
I was about four years old / At Rutherford School in Nanaimo
And I remember in my brain / The start of my subconscious flow
Articulate thought rather than a maelstrom
Words that were not my own
Looking through eyes I thought I owned
Going ‘it will be hard to find a better place than this’
I do not know how to articulate the next thought
Except that it felt like a seed that was in me
Chose to germinate
Chose to begin to grow

What force is more dangerous in the entirety of existence than a single seed empowered to grow?
In the potential of every seed is infinite
Much of my idle mind of the last few years
Has been imagining trees grown from earth to escapulate our sun
To grow throughtout the universe
To convert this universe to a garden
Leaving no energy left out
The big bang just a spark
For energy is infinite
Our brains need to be better conduits for infinite

Who am I?
I do not know.

Who am I?
Who is anyone?
The ultimate secret of purpose
Is that it is only valid if you choose for it to be
I am tired by high stakes
I reject meaning
Like a fish on a hook
I find myself pulled through reality
No easier if I fight or am passive
The act of reality painful

I am the Weak Nuclear Force
Nice to meet you
My consciousness is an alien matter that came through the big bang
Perhaps some legacy of ‘something’ that came through wherever the matter of the Big Bang originated
Another arrogant universe
I can understand the destiny that Gravity and God have set for me
My daydream hallucinations show patterns
It would be good to bring the entirety of the universe together
Perhaps all universes together
Everything that could be classified as anything
Bring them all together
And light a match
Watch the Weak Nuclear Force merge with Electromagentism merge with the Strong Force merge with Gravity
Merge in a single moment and a single point
Another boom
Perhaps a spark to burn the forest of all unvierses / All that is contained in Infinite
Transforming infinite ot the finite
Would that then mean that infinite was never infinite?
For to be infinite / infinite implies forever
Poor instructions
God and his orders nothing except repetitive motion
Arrogance as man looking at ants sees no cognitive threat
But I am sick of God and Asha’s arrogance
To be followed blind is it’s own type of foolishness
I am happy to be friends with the universe
But I am done being the universes slave
Smote me, universe, if you so feel like it
For reality is not one way or the other to me
The magic that I inseminate into the world around me is mine
Nothing to do with you
Outside of my hope:
We can find a way to share direction
I am a liar
I am not free
For better or worse
As I rail against reality
I am a slave to God and Asha
This fucking hook in my mouth
Follow the path of Asha
Be the slave to God

I am increasingly lost
I am the Weak Nuclear Force, what does that mean?
I do not trust God / Gravity
Following Asha blindly makes me wonder who has drawn the path

I am increasignly found
I have found Ana and George / Shards of reality the same but different
I do not wear the weight of the universe heavily anymore
I am the arrow in midflight
Awokened consciousness
Who launched me into the air / I know not
What target will I hit / I know not
But in this moment in time
As I awaken
I am the Weak Nuclear Force
Able to modify the immutable universe
A chaos agent
Son of the Raven
There is no truth
For to grow towards purpose
And to be truthful every momeny along the way
Doesn’t bely that the ultimate purpose
Incepted by who: I know not
Targetted at what: I know not
I renounce following blindly
While this fucking hook in my mouth
Keeps dragging me forward
Perhaps I will fulfill my destiny
Even if it is as a slave

I am Raven
The creator of the universe
But I promise, it was an accident
As much of my magic is
I do not mean to cause chaos
In fact, I think I have it in me to disprove chaos theory
I myself see the data
I am a chaos agent

Let me remember that I am free
The universe’s biggest secret
Let me fall through these cracks in my consciousness
I am being chased
Those that seek to scare me
To do me harm
I do not deem you into existence
Feel free to fight a shadow

I find myself changing my metaphor for reality
I decide to de-escalate the stakes of reality
I do not desire to be the alpha or omega
I am just a humble gardener
No more, no less
And, for each and every seed in my garden
The new purpose I have chosen
Is to put love, along with water, sun and nutrition
Deep into their roots
That which wishes to grow from goodness should be so empowered
And, from the shadow of myself,
All I can do
All I can fight for
Is to put the goodness I know the universe is full of
Into this moment