no more sad dreams (poetry)

no more
sad dreams
fade in
into me
not sure where
we can go
unprotected
the only way I know
catacalysm in theory
breathe me
can we rise
disappear
disappear
beat the madness
beat the rhythym
wandering insular
finding new ways to pray
want to be together
and climb the closest nirvana
want to rise together
temporal
whisps of evolution
can’t we live this dream
this moment
lit universes of dust
love in our hearts
in a love universe
no more bad things
hand in hand
universes gliding
I’m there
I’m there
I’m there
I’m here
Not disappeared
Not the same
Revelation always through a thin layer
Revolution just a matter of mind
Now there is no more past
Who I was
Who we were
Is immutably gone
Woke
Woken
Through the veil
Here we are are
Shall we call this new place home
So scared
Always scared
Always scared
Moving ahead
Not letting scared stop me
Not afraid to be afraid
Running running
Gliding
Breathing
Life filling
The darkness swirling
Hand in hand
Angels or the devil
Who knows
Who cares
In love regardless
Fighting ourselves
Forward
Upsidedown
Backwards
Back into the cracks
Forward as backwards
Backwards as forwards
Back to dust
Dissipating into the sky
Another metamorphosis
No sadness
The universe is a garden
Sadness is happiness
Loss a part of having
Hold me
Hold me
Before we disappear

No Gravity (poetry)

Lost in the ephemereal love of a catch call to action, the here I am for just today. Rain on the roof air in my lungs and love in my heart, a reality here for the second and any point abount to disappear. Is there a light in your eyes? Where is the magic magic, where is the progression, am I still just that sixteen year old who was half way half way, is there a purpose, is nothing a purpose, I don’t know, I’m just dancing in my head, always unsure just not going to let the straw break my back or the meaning of reality make me lose the faerie nature of reality. When I was a tree I felt more honest, but now I look to being the particles of nature again, drifting for infinite, for the tendrils to come together for some cosmic purpose, yet, then, here I am, in my purpose, what is it for what is it for, what is the greater we can do, what does light bring, why is it purpose to be light, what damned good does it mean the entirety of existence but then we are here, how must god feel, he must feel like everyone else, dazzled, and, wondering his own position, what is the what is the oh let the reality be all we have and I am not sure not sure but I am here and may I be true and as a soldier of the universe may I follow the purpose of a greater reality.

Remain (poetry)

Feelings of lost time
Always the feeling of the future
But when does that disappear
Life as a graph
In a retrospective future
There are only so many permutations
What would be the highlights
Of my future self

Ahhhhhh
The allure of reinvention
This purmatation is without closure
Is it time to move or to keep resisting
What does the finite nature of life dictate

Sincerely unsure
Sincerely lost
A trend calcified into a law
Lost as a reason of being
Lost as a way of life
Sitting with my father on a swing set
“I always hoped to have achieved more”
Is our potential to continue achieving not universal?
Isn’t it?

Ring a round the rosy, pocket full of posies
A choo! A choo! We all fall down.

But here we are
Not in the darkest light
Or the lightest light
Just a rumination
Still infinite
Still moments untamed
Wrapped dimensions
And meaning perhaps something
Maybe not ours to understand

What does the speed of light mean?
What does the mathematical probability of quantum really mean?
Why is light both a particle and a wave?
How is an electron and a photon related?
Are we primitive, who is carrying the torch?

Wanting wanting
Wanting wanting
Wasting wasting
Wasting

My feet still good
Heart still beating
Still free
Free as I have ever been
Choices at a finger tip
Other mountains to climb
Dimensions to disappear into
Yet still this consistent reality
Still the same questions unanswered
A candle failing to illuminate
Yet, still casting light
Still a choice
And still, with every touch of a keyboard
A choice to stay
And understand
If there is such a thing as progress

If A Relatively Competent General Wanted to Conquer the Democratic Republic of the Congo

There is no power in the Congo, it is an empty throne that no one really wants, so all aspects of a state are just facade. There is no correlative, perhaps Somalia, but it is different.
You do not need to conquer the DRC, you need to control the June 31 Boulevard in Kinshasa.


The Belgians structured the road for this purpose, it is the choke point of the entire DRC. It is the river of the city. Who ever controls this boulevard controls Kinshasa, whoever controls Kinshasa wears the crown of the DRC, since it’s a meaningless title.


I would think an ideal number of soldiers to hold it would be around 500 ace (read disciplined) troops with armoured carriers, but it could be done with a fraction, re: Rwanda invasion. Kagame is a great general, but he just highlights the complete lack of any form of real soldier power. 


Note that every single thing in the DRC is for sale, 100 million dollar demands can be negotiated with the right tact (read respect and win/win perspective) down to a beer and 1,000 CDF.
Note that there are no bullets with most soldiers, they like to say Kabila keeps them, my personal hypothesis is they have been sold.


I would think a well branded revolution could succeed quite easily, perhaps incorporate the existing senate as a group of advisers with a permanent salary.


Congo feeds off of money changing hands, it is an extractionary economy that does not build value. This has to change. I would propose linking all bribes to a vehicle that is tied to long term success in the economy, so that powers that be are motivated to see the country succeed. I would also propose an immediate implementation of a clever universal basic income in a digital currency that expires and can’t leave Congo. Someone from MIT could figure it out. Finally I would propose throwing out the entire existing constitution, which is unrepareable.
The most clean path to a better Congo would be a 1789 style French revolution, but this would have a high cost of lives lost so this would be the key thing to try to nudge so that the the revolutionary burning of the existing paradigm is cleanly swept away with a minimal loss of human lives.


Note that a revolution will likely happen at some point, somewhere between today and in 100 years, revolution is the only way I see the DRC getting the fresh start it needs. Plausibly the country is conquered a dozen times by internal and external parties along the way, but I don’t see this as changing the status quo, the rationale of pillage is just too tempting, any messiah will find themselves on a cross. It would be good for the revolution to be structured to be sooner rather than later to get it over with; it would be good to be clever in how it’s done so there is a minimum loss of life; it would be good for there to be extremely concrete plans for what the goals of the revolution are and what would be the step by step roll out to transform the Democratic Republic of the Congo into a place where its citizens get the opportunity to live empowered lives.

Whistling (music)

New Years Eve at Cote Sauvage (poetry)

ahhh lost scared scared lost
eyes open is this death
don’t sleep don’t sleep fight sleep never sleep
where where where
shake it off, reality
where in my dream am I right now
get out get out of me head
again and again the devil makes himself known
flee fly run away run away
where is the running to
the chase is all there is
flee flee
into a greater darkness
into the greater darkness
survival for another moment
just stay ahead just stay ahead
push push push
fly fly fly
an ant being stepped on
a crab being torn apart
birds preying from the sky
head down run run
every moment no peace
this is life this is life this if life
for the moment for all the moments

and da rage sickness
bleedin in bleedin out
we’s be
oh where’s be
oh what’s dis
ca va
comme ca
aint we sposed to
lazin in da sun
da nuthin da nuthin
a nuda try
a nuda time
Let me stare deeply into the darkness
Can I communicate me exhaustion
Here I am today, would you like to share a moment?
What are the questions asked?
Well, ahem, ahem
Exhaustion, are we both ready?

dammit wasn’t I supposed to be beyond?
Can I restart?
Have a refresh on this ritualization?
Yes, we stare into existence together?
Having the hope, the hope.
A hypothesis, we are the heros.
A belief, in ourselves.
Fragile, if we let ourselves be.
Fragile, if we let ourselves be.
Fragile, find the way through.
Strength, can we find the way through.
What is the purpose of this moment now
Are we at the beginning, the middle, or the end.
Oh, ca va, the flying from A to B
Patter patter
Brrrrrrr Brrrrrrr
I don’t see you
Was a sometime ago a something something
Worse better doesn’t make a damned difference
Sloppy meanderings,
Travails bowing to gravity,
Not give much of a fuck,
To be honest,
In the zone zone
Not the good zone
But let me blow
Systematic wandering
Oh, oh, oh

And here I am again
Contemplating the same revolutions
Stringing together words connected by sadness
Ca va, ca va
But, sadness is not the real emotion
A moment by the sea
Waves fill the air
I don’t know, I don’t know
I don’t know, I don’t know
Peace, or an attempt
War, or to fight against
Waves fill the air
Waves fill the air
Love in the world
Love in the air
Embrace it, as a choice
May I be the only real version of myself
That I can be
May these repetitions be an embrace
I am not, the one I should be
But I am
Today, I am
And with a moment, and the smell of salt
With waves filling the air
And war in my heart
Another day
Another day

still forward (poetry)

Deja vu again
Is it here again
Can I hear it again
Will I lose it again
Where has it gone
slipping through my fingers
The infinites go backwards
Can I remember
Was it there
Was it fresh
Was it the same
Where has it gone?

ta da ta da ta da ta da
the empty wasteland
listening to the song bird
sing sweet sing nothing
time pushing into the future
still into the future
always into the future
still not sure for why
still floating to float
staring ahead
all those lost thoughts lost
burning the circuits of my brain
will the highs come again
what is this addiction?
tell me life is magical
hold me like a child
I am so cold and want to be warm
I never asked for this what is given to me
all I want is the comfort of faith
to know to know
empty heart
bleached mind
cold cold
cold cold
the only burning I have
the fire with no heat
rage in stasis
lightning flashes
in an uncontrolled where
force it
understand it
over the hill, old man
but who am I to judge infinite
we revel and revolve
the times that were past
they come again
in some manifestation
still dreaming
just not sure where they come from
is all of this worth something
our purpose our purpose
I’m trying to dream
I’m trying to build
Looking for shoulders to stand on
Just stand alone
frail and fucked
weak and stupid
blessed and unblessed
standing just to stand
imperfect
imperfect
imperfect
was this who I was destined to be?
or fuck destiny
in a quantum world
who knows where the story goes
let me ride my roller coaster
it isn’t over yet
maybe soon
maybe never
but for today, there is just today
just today
just today
ride ride ride
fly glide
burn burn
can I fly can I fly

this feels over
but the energy still remains
it could be a new writing
but then I’m not sure
what the words that come out of my fingers
are going to look like
\\\\\\\\\

in a new place
different than the old place
always moving forward
revolution normalized
the drugs don’t work
but all these things
they must be linked togethor
otherwise why have I lived it
what is the common thread
why did I hear all those stories
sirens out the window
a rainy day
fear in the air
fear in my heart
am I good enough
is this too much
whistles
is this the new normal
hubris
arrogant
the rock I break on
but haven’t I been trying to break myself for a lifetime
I have never won
but have never broken
let one or the other happen
equal and opposite reaction
will my breaking be my winning
or my winning my breaking
forward forward
may the wave not breach
until we are ready to come into shore
purpose in everything
purpose in everything
purpose in everything
I don’t know my purpose
but I know purpose is the aether
I don’t know if it is my purpose to know my purpose
but if I am brave enough
and if I am strong enough
I will live my purpose
I will live my purpose

just caught in a moment in time
this moment
sunday afternoon in the rain
the apartment is fine
the atmosphere is the other
old pizza for my lunch at 6:00pm
glass of wine
moving forward
moving forward
every second every second moving forward
face getting old
grey hairs
I was a child I was a child
that was my moment
this is my moment now
the past did exist
the future doesn’t but will
will it always be one dimensional direction
is memory time travel
what is the first sunny day that comes to mind
a brief heat in Texas
or was that a photograph
or have I combined the two
I know there was a smell
a smell I could recognize today
it would make me breathe deep
like being on the ferry to Nanaimo after years away
and the cold cold cold ocean keeping the spray down and the wind up
and it cut me cut me and oh it cut me
ca va ca va ca va

still going onwards
still going onwards
still going onwards
still going onwards
hold your nerve hold your nerve hold your nerve hold your nerve
don’t think of what could have been
the fact you are is it’s own revelation
anything can happen and will happen
in it’s own time
in it’s own dimension
exist here and now
and let’s be dropped into this moment
this random moment
out of all the moments
and from here here
where I never expected to be
didn’t know to dream about
or to fear
from this very spot
may I do my best
may I be my best
may I be true to myself
here, or anywhere
and if that is all I have
than even if it is not enough
may I be my best
may I be truth
may I be true
this moment