Dream from last night (short story)

Everything is normal but guided
Feel like doing again again again
Try to break free a little
Everything resets
Guides along the way
Everyone
They always win
Holding me back
Holding me
I run I run
It is like a movie set
The back is not as detailed as the front
“You are not ready for this”
Was that a beach
Am I going to die?
Then I come to the end
And it is a lush apartment
And there is a man at the end
Charming, with a square jaw
He looks like super man
The place is gorgeous but slightly ruffled
Is he always here
We chat and he is nice, open and inviting, if slightly boring
He said he didn’t know how this happened
But it was very similar to tarkovsky
What else did he say in my dream?
We then flash to a different scene
We shake hands and he tells me I don’t know how all of this happened
There is a chance this is not the same man as in the apartment. Similar,it may just be the Randerson Ridge light of childhood
He said he didn’t know how this happened
But it was very similar to tarkovskyl
Then after he leaves an airplane engine drops onto the ground and starts spinning
And a giant bus careens out of lll”lll nowhere and hits it
Lightly on fire
I can hear the bus breathing
It is moving flipping not natural
And I am running
Then I wake

Closer (poetry)

Flowing down towards somewhere
Always in motion
No standing still
A fear that all this is
It’s just orbit
Fighting gravity
The feeling of infinite
To find out it’s just an ellipsis
Forever circling the sun
No closer to the light
No farther to the dark

Atrophied, a statue
When do I cry?
So strong so strong
What a lie
Frozen in ice, cold in a warm world
No fire in my heart
Don’t confuse paralysis with bravery
Praying to be the sun
Lost on the dark side of the moon

The words don’t lead anywhere
A trail of bread crumbs
Why would anyone bring them here?
Is this the point?
Is this the goal?
Madness or genius,
Or worse, just lazy
A gratuitous excuse
Fingers pecking
Looking for the hand of god
To help write a prayer
And what if there is no god here
What if god has left?

Can you feel my confusion?
Can you feel my confusion?
Always lost
Maybe lost is okay
How can you ever find
If you first don’t know
Lost as a form of being found
Confusion as a form of madness
And madness as a form of love

I was gone
I thought it was done
But there is still some form of energy
Still a feeling of what is being said
Isn’t what I am trying to say
The window is dirty
And there are shadows on the other side
But what do they mean?

Alice, do we go down the rabbit hole together?
No fear here, just a following of the rhythm
Never been able to dance
But there is a rhythm to life
Electricity floating through the air
Be honest and find yourself levitating
Adam and Eve
Were never in the garden
The garden was in them
So close, to my most secret mind
Yet here it is, so close
With the wall the highest
Into the heavens
Do I even have the key?
Is there even a door?
A little farther
Just a little farther
Just a little farther
Truth just an asymptote away
Reach my hand and stroke it
Or will it be sucked into the abyss
The entire universe slowly
Being sucked into a black hole
The fuel for the next universe
All of this to happen again, and again, and again
Do we get any closer?
Is this specific infinite
That brings me as far
As I’ll ever go

Why don’t I just fucking say it?
Most people just would
Take data points
Body language
Word of mouth
The easiest words to say
The oldest words to say
Its simplicity which makes it oh so pretty
The oldest lie to say
A fucking simplification
If man has one hundred words for the shades of green
How dare love be a single word
A lie to obfuscate so much reality
Into a farce, a simplification
To make the madness seem normal
And make all us confused souls
Think there is a roadmap
The paradigm is broken
Still unshifted
Lost in my head
Lost in my loneliness
Knowing that man can never go faster
Than the speed of light
But knowing the only way I’m happy
Is if the impossible rules
Are the ones that are broken

fallin (poetry)

Rage
At the forgetting of the moment
At the loss of the path
Praying for a tomorrow
Like today, but not today
Like yesterday, but not yesterday
Rage
The memory of a simple flower
A smell that you have forgotten
Until that time it rises again
Again
Again
Bloomed flowers
Faded and decayed
Memory lost
Memory never really had
We the lost ones
What is the right drug
What is the right sadness
Peace
Anger
Sadness
Loneliness
In a crowded room
Sadness
With a smile on your face
Disappeared
Disappeared
Disappeared
Where have all the dreams gone
Well run dry
Was the well ever full
Was it just an illusion
Mirage
A dream
A fallacy
What do we pray for
Why do we pray for
Disappear
Disappeared
Into your mind
Away from your heart
There was something that was supposed to be here
A dream we were supposed to have
Has the world become more sepia
Or is today just a dusty day
Sadness
Let us not bother anyone
Let us not bother anyone
Be a good person
That is maybe the only truth
The only truth worth chasing
But it is not the way the world is
Devil
Devil
Devil
I see you
Can you see me
I’m sorry
Sorry for the darkness
Did, did, did, I hurt you
Or is it worse
Did all my grandeur do nothing
But irritate you
Sadness
Wasn’t there SUPPOSED
Supposed
To be something more than this
Dream bigger
Dream again
Where are my dreams
Where is the rising of the light
Retrogade: again, I am here
Was there any advancement?
Is there a purpose, to having been here before
Or will the same mistakes just happen again
Feedback loop
Fine
Feedback loop
Fine
Fuck
Is this it
Gone through a complete orbit
Knowing that the future
Will be on the same ellipsis
Be better
Be better
Be better
Be more of less things
Be less of more things
Sadness
Wake up in the morning
Sun already risen
The soft morning light, gone
Of course there is regret
But the logic has become atrophied
The same defences that proved inadequate
Are today again being used to protect the castle
The walls will not hold
The breach will happen again, again, again
Exactly where we knew it would come
Life nothing but the act of living
Death nothing but reincarnation
The next time I’m a flower
Will I still be a doomed flower
Searching for light and water and a fair piece of ground
How
How
How
Did it all prove to be so
Fucking meaningless
How
How
How
Was it decided
That life was just this
Nothing more
Nothing less