We Are The Weak Nuclear Force: Quantum Parables From Our Mitochondrial Ancestors (Novel / Poem)

  1. Prologue
  2. We are heading towards extinction
  3. This is just a fact / Isn’t it?
  4. The premise of existence implies extinction as an eventuality
  5. In order to be / There must be a state of non-being
  6. But I think this is something that we take in a overly light hearted way
  7. I’ve read statistics that in the United State of America forty percent of people believe that they are going to have the rapture, the biblical end of time, happen in their lifetime
  8. Instead of extinction, let’s think about the inverse
  9. Just, 
  10. How long have human beings been alive?
  11. We are an unbroken chain going back to the very first cells
  12. The very first molecules
  13. The very first act of being alive
  14. Originating from a period of time that is pre-Jurassic, pre-Cambrian, pre-first-fish, pre-simple-molecules
  15. Perhaps even related to the extra matter of the big bang the Dirac equation alludes to
  16. It has been a very biological process that has created humans
  17. If you look at the genus of humans ‘homo’, we go back to Homo Habilis / Something like two million years ago
  18. A bipedal predecessor to human beings, Homo Erectus, roamed the world for a million years
  19. Travelling to every corner of the world
  20. And here we are, human beings / Home Sapien Sapien
  21. And I think if you were to ask any serious individual
  22. “When will human beings annihilate ourselves?”
  23. There is a radical decreasing faith in our continued existence going forward just by a few centuries
  24. We are looking at just the next few hundred years / For the expected likelihood of the continuation of ourselves as a species
  25. With centuries being very small units of time
  26. Look at the radicalness of our own lifetimes
  27. Of the last one or two centuries
  28. We went from shooting people with primitive muskets to atomic bombs
  29. To landing someone on the moon
  30. To having enough intercontinental missiles during the peak of the Cold War
  31. To annihilate the entire surface of the world something like a dozen times with nuclear explosions
  32. Wars with tanks and horses on the same battlefield
  33. And things aren’t getting more stable, they’re getting less stable
  34. Nuclear weapons are proliferating
  35. We’re experiencing the hazards of biological warfare
  36. We’re watching the crumbling of the United States empire in real time
  37. We’re not really sure what fills it
  38. We’re passive to the hacking of human nervous systems by for profit enterprises 
  39. Free will under assault, if it ever existed
  40. Our children born into brands, raised by social media, living as cows milked by trillion dollar companies
  41. What is the end of this?
  42. It’s a horrible thing to believe that we are actually in the end of days
  43. Population zero just a matter of time
  44. If not in the next fifty years, then in the next five hundred years
  45. Which for all intents and purposes is the same thing
  46. This is something that we can look at from the perspective of the news cycle
  47. The challenges that we face
  48. But perhaps we are too focused on the microscopic
  49. As Pynchon says, get people asking the wrong questions then who cares about the answers
  50. What I want to focus on in this work is a different perspective
  51. I want to look back in our shared past
  52. Exploring the feel of history as it sits in my own mind
  53. Because our genus of Homo has almost gone extinct before
  54. There was a period about seventy five thousand years ago
  55. Before human beings had left Africa
  56. When there was a population bottleneck
  57. When we, Homo Sapiens, almost went extinct
  58. There was something like one thousand human beings left on planet earth
  59. Like a village left
  60. Smaller than my high school
  61. And what I am trying to comprehend is: what does it mean to be in your own head
  62. As your species faces extinction
  63. And also
  64. How did that invert?
  65. Because also around that same time something happened called the cognitive revolution
  66. Which is when human beings gained that most human of traits: the trait of consciousness
  67. The trait that is the defining feature separating human beings from all other animals on earth
  68. And from every other entity in the universe
  69. From a star to a force of nature like Gravity
  70. Everything else we have found in the universe is not conscious
  71. We are conscious
  72. And even the word ‘conscious’
  73. Everyone instinctively knows what it means
  74. But what does it actually mean?
  75. Do dogs, when they whimper in fear, is that consciousness?
  76. When a monkey is able to get into an argument with another monkey over a toy: is that consciousness?
  77. I think we would say no, but why not?
  78. So, 
  79. Human beings almost went extinct
  80. But instead gained consciousness
  81. And I don’t know how that happened
  82. There was no historical record
  83. People were hunter gatherers
  84. But what I’m going to do with this work
  85. I’m going to hypothesize
  86. I’m going to hypothesize by telling the story of Moses
  87. Not the Jewish Moshe Rabbenu
  88. Or Christian Moses
  89. Or Quranic Musa
  90. Or Krishna
  91. Or Zoraster
  92. But trying to understand,
  93. If there really was at some point a man like Moses
  94. The genesis of so many stories that have circulated through civilizations
  95. Who was he?
  96. What did he do?
  97. What was this man’s individual capability in transforming a population bottleneck leading towards extinction
  98. Into the gaining of consciousness
  99. I’m not going to try to apply what this means for our own situation or our own society
  100. But I am going to try to tell the story as truthfully as I see it
  101. Listening to the honesty in my heart,
  102. Knowing that somewhere in my mind the original oral history still lives
  103. And in order to tell the story truthfully
  104. I am going to stop telling the story from the narrative of myself
  105. Because I don’t think that is the most authentic way to tell this story
  106. Instead,
  107. I’m going to put myself into the world of Moses
  108. I’m going to be as honest as I can to the world that is around me
  109. I am going to try to let Moses tell the story in his own words
  110. And now I am going to hand it over to him
  111. The start of the story
  112. I
  113. And then something out of nothing
  114. Some of my first memories take place before I had a concept of time
  115. While many people’s first memories of me / Are things that I do not remember
  116. My earliest memory
  117. Would be staring up at the blue sky
  118. Lying on my back
  119. I think I must be a baby
  120. And it felt safe
  121. And the sky was blue
  122. And I just felt like I was falling up, into the sky
  123. Endless
  124. Floating
  125. Flying
  126. Most people’s first memories of me
  127. Or at least the memories of those in my tribe
  128. Are of when I was first brought to the tribe
  129. I am not from these people
  130. But it is true they opened their doors to me
  131. And they have given me a lot
  132. If we cannot call it love
  133. At least food in my belly
  134. And a direction to be walking in
  135. And stories to listen to
  136. And there are days with much laughter
  137. My own tribe, the people whose blood runs in my veins, are people who I don’t know much about
  138. Their stories are lost to me
  139. I don’t know what made them walk
  140. I don’t know if it was just like we are today
  141. With this tribe
  142. Or if it was a different thing, a different direction
  143. Different hopes, different dreams, different habits
  144. What I know is that it is taboo to talk about my past
  145. I also know
  146. That everyone that I used to be with
  147. Apart from myself
  148. They are dead
  149. And not the peaceful dead of moving into that blue sky
  150. But a dead that is unpeaceful
  151. I know that the stone King wears around his neck
  152. The one which he uses to start fires
  153. It comes from my people
  154. And I know that if anyone was to try to take the stone from King
  155. He would fight them to the death
  156. I’m not sure the story of how the stone of my people came to King
  157. I have known since my first memories that it is better not to ask
  158. Today we are a small tribe
  159. We know that we used to be larger in number
  160. Just as we know that there used to more meeting of others who look like us
  161. Whose sounds sound like the sounds we make
  162. And the way they walk is like the way we walk
  163. But we also know that every year
  164. Every revolution around the sun
  165. Every turning from day to night
  166. We become smaller and smaller in number
  167. But we are still here
  168. We are still present
  169. And we are still walking forward
  170. There are just a few of us
  171. But we are big in spirit
  172. There is my half brother
  173. Goliath
  174. He is someone who has always been physically bigger than me
  175. The dauphin of the tribe
  176. The future leader
  177. And it is in every particle of his being
  178. To know that it is his destiny to be our master
  179. He is someone who has moments of wonderful conversation with me
  180. And we often walk side by side
  181. Enjoy the world together
  182. We can both be filled with laughter
  183. The beating sun on our faces
  184. The breeze through the skins we wear
  185. But
  186. He he is also someone who can be cruel
  187. He is someone that believes there is a set of rules for everyone else
  188. And then a set of rules for him
  189. And I can tell you
  190. That I have seen him in fits of rage that scared me
  191. It is not good to be scared of another human being
  192. Especially one who is your brother
  193. Then,
  194. There is Goliath’s father, King
  195. Who wears the stone of my people
  196. He is a good King
  197. I do expect that the story of my people
  198. Does not have a positive point of intersection
  199. With the tribe of King
  200. But I do know that King has been a good father to me
  201. And a good leader of our tribe
  202. He is someone that does listen
  203. Who brings many skills
  204. Who is fair
  205. Even if he is uncompromising
  206. Every moment of his existence is one of fundamental unweakness
  207. He is a strong stick that I do not believe the world has in it to break or even bend
  208. Then,
  209. There is Goliath’s mother and King’s wife:
  210. Grandma
  211. She is the keeper of the culture of our tribe
  212. She is someone who tells us stories in the evening
  213. And makes us know that we are not alone in the world
  214. But a part of a greater essence
  215. A part of a greater world
  216. She has taught us the essence of the universe and existence
  217. And what it means to feel your heart pumping and to be alive
  218. She will never do anything to cross or betray King or Goliath
  219. They are a tribe within a tribe
  220. She protects them first
  221. Then she is fierce in protecting all of us
  222. And she has been as my mother
  223. And I have no hesitation to say that there is a great amount of love in my heart for her
  224. Even when I know that she treats me as secondary to Goliath
  225. Then,
  226. There are just a few others of us
  227. Some, I will not go into detail on
  228. They are the characters that fill our tribe
  229. And are important in that they show the resilience and capability of who we are as a people
  230. Maybe this story isn’t the story where they are the center
  231. They are the ones supporting
  232. But there are a few who are important
  233. There is my friend Amen
  234. Who is a voice of goodness and strength in my ear
  235. And the most wonderful human being that I have ever met
  236. She makes a safe place wherever she is in the world
  237. I trust the goodness in her heart
  238. There may be love in my heart for her
  239. But I am unsure if that is the right word for the emotion I feel
  240. There is Dallas
  241. Who is always a voice of reason
  242. Who always listens flexibly 
  243. He is very much King’s man
  244. He is the one who can communicate to King different sides
  245. In a way that can allow King to be more amenable to a situation
  246. And more in control
  247. Dallas may be the real center of our tribe
  248. Because it is very often his view that becomes the one that we follow
  249. But it is because it is one based on fairness and logic
  250. Empathy and comprehension
  251. Outside of these,
  252. We number twenty five
  253. There are few children and they are precious to us
  254. As we go every day
  255. We walk together
  256. Searching for food
  257. Searching for a nice place to rest our heads
  258. Searching for a place to make fire, call camp, and fill our bellies
  259. And survive for another day
  260. King has the capability to make fire
  261. We have seen other tribes and they have not been able to make fire the way King can
  262. They find fire from lightning, but they cannot make it with their own hands
  263. King makes the fire in secret when we aren’t watching
  264. All we know is he uses the stone he wears around his neck that came from my people
  265. It is the thing that gives him power
  266. Not just in our tribe but over every tribe
  267. He is fire starter
  268. He is fire man
  269. And with that fire
  270. We have heat
  271. We have warmth
  272. We have food
  273. We have power
  274. We’ve banished our fear of the dark away
  275. And we are united together
  276. United against the infinite darkness that invades the world around us
  277. The fire is the center of our lives
  278. It is the thing that makes us different than the world around us
  279. We take it extremely seriously
  280. We make sure that the fire is respected and worshiped 
  281. When we start a fire King says words of thanks to the fire
  282. We all bow our heads and let him speak to give the fire its proper space
  283. Then over the evening
  284. As the darkness settles in
  285. And we can see the stars above us
  286. So many in number
  287. That sometimes we argue whether the sky is white with black specs
  288. Or black with white specs
  289. And Grandma tells us stories of where we come from
  290. Of the Garden of Eden
  291. A place that was perfect
  292. But that we were banished from
  293. For the mistakes we made
  294. She tells us the stories of why we need to be good followers
  295. Because it was by not following that we were banished from Eden
  296. And why every day we need to suffer
  297. We need to suffer
  298. Because we are sinners
  299. And we have done wrong
  300. And the only thing that should drive us
  301. Is the motivation that if we live a life of following
  302. A life of following King
  303. And following his rule
  304. Perhaps,
  305. We can be forgiven
  306. And re-find the Garden of Eden
  307. I like these stories in the evening
  308. Grandma is an incredible story teller
  309. Sometimes she’ll tell the same story again and again
  310. But each retelling is a little bit different
  311. And I love to hear the differences
  312. Just as I feel safe knowing
  313. That the story is a story
  314. That I know the beginning, the middle and the end
  315. And even if sometimes the lessons are hard and painful
  316. The characters can have so much richness and depth
  317. It is worth falling into them in the nighttime
  318. The nighttime is my favourite time
  319. It’s the time when I get to lean back quietly
  320. Being in my head
  321. And know the swirling, fluttering thoughts
  322. Of what can only be called my mind
  323. A time when I am free
  324. And as I stare in the fire
  325. And my brain levitates
  326. Up, down, sideways
  327. In and out of my soul
  328. And I feel what it is to know that I have purpose in my being alive
  329. Even if I don’t know what to do with this feeling of purpose
  330. This essence of spirit / That can flow from me
  331. When I am free in the evenings
  332. Is something I consider holy
  333. Then as I fade to sleep
  334. I hear others speak of dreams
  335. Dreams of hunting
  336. Dreams of carnality
  337. Dream of picking fruit
  338. Dreams of walking
  339. But myself,
  340. I very rarely dream
  341. And when I do dream
  342. It is not a good experience
  343. Often,
  344. I just have my brain turn off
  345. As what I must imagine is the feeling of death
  346. Disappearance
  347. The stopping of existence
  348. And then
  349. To just awaken in the sunshine of the morning
  350. My brain rising, like the sun
  351. And the push to get up and begin another day
  352. Though I always try to take a few moments
  353. To feel peace
  354. And feel the spirit
  355. If there is a favourite time in my day
  356. It is evening
  357. Just as I enter the blackness drifting towards sleep
  358. And my brain is free, and I experience reality in a different way
  359. And my second favourite would be my waking in the morning
  360. With my eyes still shut
  361. Feeling the warmth of the sun creeping over my head
  362. Feeling my brain imagining different realities
  363. Of what the day, and the world, and my lifetime can hold
  364. And I take pleasure in relaxing in the euphony of what my brain allows me
  365. The freedom to think
  366. And then
  367. With my will and power
  368. That is built, not innate
  369. I will open my eyes
  370. And begin the challenge of the day
  371. To make sure that we are all safe
  372. That we are all protecting each other
  373. That we have food in our bellies
  374. Water in our water carriers 
  375. And that we get through another day safely
  376. And in peace
  377. For not every day will end safely
  378. Or in peace
  379. II
  380. Let’s go together through a day that is just a normal day
  381. I wake up and we are all circled around the embers of the fire
  382. Some of us will have stayed up late watching to make sure that animals stay at bay
  383. But for this night I was able to sleep well
  384. My feet poking towards the fire
  385. I am covered in the skin of a gazelle
  386. And I feel warm
  387. I feel cozy
  388. And I look up
  389. And I see the blue sky
  390. Just rising
  391. The sun breaking
  392. And I stretch my arms behind my head
  393. And I feel good
  394. The world is a fantastic thing
  395. And the ground has been a soft ground for this night
  396. I have next to me on my left Amen
  397. Still asleep
  398. Curled in sleep in her own gazelle skin
  399. Slightly snoring
  400. Then on my other side I have Dallas
  401. Who is snoring a bit loudly
  402. But he’s the one who had been keeping the watch
  403. And deserves to have more rest
  404. I stand and I am one of the first ones up
  405. I see Goliath in the distance on the far side of the fire
  406. Also awake
  407. Doing his morning stretches and his morning rituals
  408. And I go over by a little stream that we are camping next to
  409. I throw water on my face
  410. Now, I feel more awake and more ready to start the day
  411. It’s interesting how as the sun comes up
  412. We all naturally have our minds awaken
  413. And know that it is the time to get the day started
  414. We don’t need to say anything, we just act, we just move
  415. We know that the purpose of the day
  416. Is to have our stomachs well fed
  417. And this place where we have spent the last night
  418. Is not a place where there will be anymore food
  419. So if we are going to be fed
  420. It is time to begin moving
  421. We pack up the small number of things we have
  422. Our blankets, our wooden spears
  423. There are a few odds and ends
  424. A flute made out of horn that Grandma is very good at making beautiful music through
  425. The jewelry that we adorn ourselves in though do not sleep in
  426. We wrap them in our skins to keep them safe
  427. In just a few moments after everyone is awake
  428. We are very close to being ready to go
  429. We have some small food that we have collected
  430. We eat to break the fast
  431. Some wild berries
  432. Some tubers we find in the ground
  433. And we are now sitting, waiting, munching on the food
  434. Waiting for King to start
  435. King
  436. Who is the last one up
  437. Lying under the skin of a lion
  438. Eyes open staring at the sky
  439. It is he we are waiting to give the motion that it is time to move
  440. He puts his head up
  441. He stands,
  442. We all look him in the eye
  443. And then he just starts moving
  444. And we begin to follow
  445. Nobody says anything
  446. Later in the day we will be telling stories
  447. Singing
  448. Having fun
  449. Camaraderie
  450. As we take the pleasures we can of the journey together
  451. But now,
  452. It is still early
  453. Our heads are still quiet
  454. And we are just going 
  455. Going forward
  456. We walk in single file
  457. Behind King as he takes us wherever we are going to go
  458. We have trust in King
  459. This is his position
  460. He has brought us safely so far
  461. We are still here
  462. When many others are not still here
  463. And he is the one that makes the fire
  464. And he who makes the fire is our leader
  465. We swear allegiance to him
  466. We call him our King
  467. For he is our King
  468. We would not have safety without him
  469. We would not be able to have light in the darkness
  470. Warmth in the cold
  471. A weapon against predators
  472. And King is a good King
  473. He treats us fairly
  474. He treats us with respect
  475. Now,
  476. As it is becoming the middle of the day
  477. And the sun is becoming hot
  478. We get a good view our our surroundings
  479. It’s the middle of the day
  480. When the sun is directly over our heads
  481. Making our shadows almost invisible
  482. This is a hostile environment
  483. Wide open expanses
  484. Dry grass scorched in the sunlight
  485. Trees every here and there casting a limited shadow
  486. Enough for a prairie dog to huddle under
  487. But nothing to break the incredible heat
  488. Desolation
  489. As far as we can see in every direction
  490. It is a scene of emptiness
  491. And quiet
  492. This is not a place of abundance
  493. This is not Eden
  494. We truly have been kicked out of Eden
  495. Or else it has disappeared
  496. For this is not an environment that our species was made to thrive in
  497. But we will survive
  498. And we have survived
  499. And while Gravity brings us close to the surface
  500. We still move forward, with direction
  501. Following King
  502. When the sun is at its absolute hottest
  503. King stops
  504. He says some of the first words that we have heard this day
  505. “Today is a good day to hunt”
  506. “We need meat in our diet”
  507. “And I see on the horizon that there are animals that are scattering”
  508. “More gazelles”
  509. “It is time to get busy”
  510. Hunting is a challenging affair
  511. The women stay with the children and try to keep them safe
  512. This is not work for women
  513. This is work for men
  514. Death may happen 
  515. An animal kicks a hunter in the head
  516. Women are more precious than men
  517. Women can have children / While men cannot
  518. If there were one hundred men and one woman / Then in a years time the tribe will be one hundred and one
  519. If there was one man and one hundred women / Then in a years time the tribe could be two hundred and one
  520. We men must keep the women safe
  521. We take off the skins that we have been using to keep the incredible heat from the sun from breaking our skin
  522. Our naked skin,
  523. Without any fur
  524. Exposed to the sun
  525. White as a dogs underbelly
  526. And we go
  527. Us men
  528. Goliath, King, Dallas, a few others, and myself
  529. And we begin to jog towards the horizon
  530. Myself, my eyes are not as good as Kings
  531. I cannot see the animals he’s spotted
  532. But he is an experienced hunter
  533. And I trust him
  534. And I follow him
  535. We go towards the horizon
  536. We go towards the horizon
  537. We go towards the horizon
  538. I now see a dot in the distance
  539. This must be the gazelle that King is seeing
  540. There are in fact five different dots
  541. We keep going towards them
  542. And they keep staying away from us
  543. And we go, and we go, and we go
  544. Unbreaking
  545. The gazelles are still ahead, still ahead
  546. We are not catching
  547. But they tire in a different way than we humans become tired
  548. They’re not able to take the heat from the sun in the same way
  549. I don’t entirely understand it
  550. But humans ourselves
  551. We are not fast, we are not strong
  552. But we can handle the heat differently
  553. While we are burning in the sun
  554. Our lungs are still staying powerful
  555. And still able to make us move forwards
  556. The dots are still on the horizon
  557. But they are bigger dots than they were before
  558. I turn my head around and I see that our own tribe
  559. Are now dots smaller than the gazelles
  560. They are far behind us
  561. While we keep going forward
  562. Jogging forward
  563. Moving forward
  564. The sun is a terrific heat
  565. It hurts
  566. It’s burning our exposed flesh
  567. The pain is acute but it will only be truly felt tomorrow
  568. Ideally, when there is solid meat in the stomachs of our womenfolk and our children
  569. And all we have to do is outlast these gazelles
  570. We come forward / We come forward
  571. There is a tree
  572. Something that provides very little shade
  573. And we see the gazelles stop there
  574. We begin to move faster
  575. They try to be in the shade to cool down
  576. But we will not give them this luxury
  577. As we get closer
  578. They move on
  579. You can almost feel the reproach they are feeling
  580. Why are we tiring them?
  581. Why can’t they just take a break?
  582. They are faster than us
  583. But still we keep moving
  584. Unbroken
  585. Unbroken
  586. We are getting closer
  587. We see them
  588. I can see their shapes
  589. I can see the markings on their rears
  590. And as we get closer
  591. They try to out race us
  592. In a normal race they would be so much faster than us
  593. But you can feel their exhaustion
  594. We’re going
  595. We’re going
  596. The sun is beating down
  597. Ahhhhhh
  598. It is going to hurt tomorrow
  599. But this is the hunt
  600. And all I am going to think about is the hunt
  601. And as I become closer
  602. And as we become closer
  603. Finally,
  604. One of the gazelles falls over
  605. Exhausted by its own fight against the heat
  606. The other gazelles keep moving
  607. A-tribe-oning the fallen gazelle
  608. And as we come closer
  609. We know that the hunt is ours
  610. King takes a wooden spear
  611. And draws first blood
  612. We give him this right
  613. He takes his large stone knife
  614. Cuts the gazelle’s throat
  615. And now we are going to have meat tonight
  616. We take twine made from the sinews of past hunts
  617. And we make hand holds
  618. So that we can share in the carrying of the gazelle
  619. We begin the journey back towards the tribe
  620. There are no dots on the horizon
  621. So that while Goliath, King and myself are carrying the gazelle
  622. Goliath using his hulk to carry an entire end to himself
  623. While I help balance out King
  624. Some others and Dallas are going scouting on the edges
  625. Looking for the dots that will mean we have found our tribe
  626. We’re moving
  627. The sun is still so hot
  628. But not as hot as it was before
  629. The worst of the heat was used to kill the gazelle
  630. Our friend in nature
  631. Nature takes away, it burns, it hurts
  632. But it gives
  633. And human beings, weak that we are
  634. We are still able to harness the power of nature
  635. Together with nature we brought the gazelle down
  636. And while the pain of the sun is acute
  637. I feel gratitude
  638. We are going to be able to survive better with meat in our bellies
  639. Finally,
  640. Someone says “Over there”
  641. And we see on the horizon the huddled women and children
  642. We come towards them
  643. Our skin is no longer white but turned red
  644. Blemishes will sprout tomorrow, some with blood
  645. Pain is beginning to take form
  646. And the women see us
  647. There is respect and cheers
  648. The women make soft compresses 
  649. Made out of the leaves of trees filled with a gel that gives comfort
  650. They begin to prepare the meat for the evening meal
  651. This will be the first time that we have had meat in several days
  652. It is rare to see animals on the horizon
  653. It is rare for a hunt to go as successfully as this one
  654. Often the animals get away
  655. Often an animal injures one of us
  656. We are going to cook this meat
  657. It’s easier to eat when it has been cooked on the fire
  658. Some days,
  659. When it has been raining,
  660. When it isn’t possible to have a fire
  661. We will eat the meat raw
  662. But it is challenging on our teeth
  663. It is work to chew
  664. So with the fire
  665. We are able to eat well
  666. We’re also able to leave pieces of meat close on the edge of the fire
  667. Absorbing the smoke
  668. And in this way
  669. The bugs will not attack it
  670. And we can keep it strong
  671. So that it can feed us in future days
  672. And as we sit around the fire
  673. Ready to eat meat
  674. We are feeling merry
  675. It is always a great day when there is meat
  676. And before we sit down to have the first bites
  677. King stands
  678. And says “It is your time to thank me”
  679. “For bringing this meat”
  680. And each of us sitting in a circle by his feet
  681. One by one
  682. Say
  683. “Thank you King for giving us this meat”
  684. “Thank you King for giving us this meat”
  685. “Thank you King for giving us this meat”
  686. And then
  687. Once the final person
  688. Goliath
  689. Says
  690. “Thank you King”
  691. King takes the first bite of meat
  692. And says
  693. “It is good, please enjoy”
  694. And we begin to eat
  695. Everyone is in a good mood when they are eating meat
  696. Children are jumping up and down / Running around
  697. Women are laughing
  698. And we who hunted, even as our skin burns from the hunt
  699. We are able to feel free and laugh
  700. The sun has gone down
  701. We keep watching the fire
  702. We are going to need to stay up very late tonight
  703. Dangerous animals are smelling the meat
  704. They are going to prowl
  705. We take the main fire
  706. The women have been successful in collecting small amounts of wood
  707. And we make some small secondary fires / On the edge of our tribe
  708. To keep the animals away
  709. And also to give us the light to see moving shadows just beyond our edge
  710. Ready to take a small child away
  711. Or jump into the fire and take our meat
  712. To stay awake, so that it’s not just one sentry, but all of us taking some of the work
  713. As late as we can, into the night
  714. To keep the beasts of the night at bay
  715. It’s time to hear a story
  716. And Grandma takes her bone flute
  717. And says
  718. “Which story would you like to hear tonight?”
  719. One of the children shouts
  720. “Tell us the story of Adam and Eve”
  721. “Tell us the story of the Garden of Eden”
  722. Well Grandma has a bit of a smile
  723. She goes
  724. “Let me give you a deal”
  725. “I’m going to tell you two stories of the Garden of Eden”
  726. “One is true”
  727. “And one is a lie”
  728. “And it’s up to you to guess which one is which”
  729. “I don’t want you to tell anyone which is the right one”
  730. “But, I want you to hold it in your heart”
  731. “For the rest of your life”
  732. “What is the true story of the Garden of Eden”
  733. “And”
  734. “Know that it is the true story”
  735. “How you feel it”
  736. “Is the truth of where we come from”
  737. “But not everyone feels the same way”
  738. “One story goes like this”
  739. “It is the story of your great great great great great great grandparents”
  740. “In the time before anyone remembers”
  741. “No one knows who these people are but they are our parent’s parent’s parent’s parent’s parent’s parents”
  742. “Their blood is in your veins”
  743. “And we used to be in a place that was paradise”
  744. “Every tree was loaded with fruit”
  745. “The ground was soft”
  746. “There were no animals that would hurt us”
  747. “Just animals that we could eat”
  748. “And the fire was good”
  749. “And every night we were comfortable”
  750. “Every day we were at peace”
  751. “And all we had to do was enjoy the fatness of the earth”
  752. “And everything was pleasurable”
  753. “Adam and Even would enjoy the pleasure of this place”
  754. “Nothing to hurt their skin”
  755. “Their stomachs never empty”
  756. “Their children wild at play”
  757. “But,”
  758. “It was not to be forever”
  759. “And,”
  760. “A voice came from the sky”
  761. “And,”
  762. “There had never been a lie told between Adam and Eve”
  763. “But the voice from the sky told Eve ‘Be free from Adam’”
  764. “Eat this apple and you will be free”
  765. “And the tree the apple comes from”
  766. “It is called the Tree of Knowledge”
  767. “And with its fruit”
  768. “You will be free”
  769. “And be able to be anything”
  770. “And,”
  771. “As Eve ate the apple”
  772. “Eden fell”
  773. “Suddenly that which was paradise was no longer paradise”
  774. “Adam experienced her eating the apple”
  775. “And his only solution was to carry them and their children out of Eden”
  776. “For she was not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge”
  777. “Paradise could not withstand a woman eating this forbidden fruit”
  778. “Eden was no longer perfect after a woman had tasted enlightenment”
  779. “Paradise was lost”
  780. “Was it because of Eve for eating the apple from the Tree of Knowledge?”
  781. “Was it Adam for taking them away from Eden?”
  782. “Or was Eden already fragile?”
  783. “And,”
  784. “After Adam and Even and their children left”
  785. “The good times of Eden were over forever”
  786. “Now, we walk every day”
  787. “Knowing that Eden can exist”
  788. “But that we have never found it again”
  789. “If we were to find Eden again, would we be tempted to eat from the Tree of Knowledge?”
  790. “Knowing it will cast us from perfection?”
  791. “That is one story”
  792. Grandma said
  793. “Don’t think if it’s the truth, or a lie or something even different”
  794. “Wait for me to say this other story first”
  795. “Now let me tell you that it is true we were in the Garden of Eden”
  796. “Just as I tell you this”
  797. “My grandmother told me that her grandmother’s feet had touched the soft earth of a place that was indescribably perfect”
  798. “There was fat fruit on every branch of every tree”
  799. “The most delicious animals coming right to us / Basically slaughtering themselves”
  800. “The ground so soft that as you’d go to sleep you’d wake up and the ground would form a perfect shape for your body”
  801. “But it wasn’t to be”
  802. “The sky changed”
  803. “The ground became less perfect, more hard, more brittle”
  804. “The animals became rarer”
  805. “The fruit became poisonous”
  806. “The members of the tribe who at the time would have been numerous”
  807. “They became sick”
  808. “From their insides liquid would flow”
  809. “They would have death”
  810. “Finally,”
  811. “Adam and Eve stood up and said:”
  812. “‘This place was perfection’”
  813. “‘But it’s perfection no longer’”
  814. “‘Even though we know outside of Eden is not a good place’”
  815. “‘We know that if we are to stay here we are surely to perish’”
  816. “‘Any can stay,’”
  817. “‘But I Adam’”
  818. “‘’And I Eve’”
  819. “‘We’re leaving here today’”
  820. “‘If any will follow, we invite you, but we don’t force you’”
  821. “‘But today we fight our own extinction’”
  822. “‘We don’t say we are correct’”
  823. “‘But we say that we are taking action’”
  824. “‘And this is the action we are taking’”
  825. “And some followed Adam and Eve”
  826. “They were our ancestors”
  827. “So you are here today because of their actions”
  828. “And others didn’t”
  829. “And we don’t know what happened to them”
  830. “Except what we are sure of”
  831. “In my grandmother’s days they would find other tribes who are like us”
  832. “And then my parents spoke of meeting others”
  833. “And then myself I saw many”
  834. “But you young ones I know have seen very few who are like us”
  835. “And I fear that we are disappearing”
  836. “It’s a sadness because our line has potential”
  837. It was a fortuitous explanation because not long thereafter
  838. We were to meet the first other tribe
  839. Since the founding of myself in the blood of my parents
  840. III
  841. One day
  842. As we were walking
  843. This wild, I guess it would be a cow, but it was fast
  844. Runs in front of us
  845. There were other human beings chasing after it with wooden spears
  846. Looking like us
  847. Dressed a little different
  848. They’re clearly tired
  849. And I look to King to see what sort of decision he’ll make
  850. And he looks to them
  851. And instead of being aggressive
  852. He bows down
  853. We know we don’t understand each other
  854. But he waves his hand saying ‘stop here’
  855. Looks to me looks to Dallas looks to Goliath looks to a few others
  856. Points to Goliath
  857. Says “Stay here with the women folk”
  858. “Make sure these guys, they take our best company”
  859. “And we’re going to go and get that animal”
  860. And he starts running
  861. And Dallas and I, we start running with him
  862. We go
  863. And this animal we’re chasing is tired and already injured bad
  864. But he’s still fast
  865. And he’s still big
  866. And we’re gonna get him because King is chasing
  867. King is in the front
  868. And we are following
  869. And we know that if King reaches him first
  870. Then King is in danger
  871. And King is our leader
  872. It is our job to protect him
  873. So we’re running and time is hard to follow
  874. Because speeds are mutable, not immutable
  875. And finally
  876. The animal is slowing down
  877. And King goes to the right
  878. Shouts to us to go to the left
  879. I get faster than Dallas
  880. King says “Come at it all from different directions”
  881. We’re all carrying wooden spears
  882. We run at the same time
  883. It’s actually Dallas who gets a good shot right at the head
  884. And bashes with the back of his spear as hard as he can
  885. And the animal goes down, fast
  886. And suddenly, there’s more meat than any animal we’ve seen since the last blood moon
  887. What do we do with this?
  888. Well the hunt ended not too far from our camp
  889. I yell at King “I will go get some help”
  890. I go back and there I see our womenfolk helping out
  891. Taking care
  892. There’s more and now I see that there are two tribes combined together
  893. We are okay
  894. We are at peace
  895. We’re fine
  896. I go up to the chief of the other tribe
  897. It’s obvious from the way he absorbs authority
  898. I go and I give him the same respect that I give to King
  899. More
  900. For it’s a way to show respect to this moment
  901. That we are sharing together
  902. And I use my body to give respect but also to gesture for him and his other male folk
  903. The guys with the stronger upper body strength
  904. To come with me to help carry a fat cow
  905. And I communicate to them
  906. And I start jogging back and I stop,
  907. And I give them a big wave saying ‘come on’
  908. I try to gesture that their womenfolk will be safe there
  909. That we are not going far
  910. That everything is good
  911. And we get back to the cow
  912. We will carry it together
  913. Dragging it, pushing it, pulling it
  914. It’s a heavy animal!
  915. There’s no getting around that
  916. And they understand and come with me
  917. And we bring the fat cow back
  918. And we don’t understand a word of each other
  919. But we know that there is only one thing to do
  920. King comes up
  921. And he bows, giving respect to the other King
  922. But it is clear that King is King
  923. King is always King
  924. And King comes back carrying fire
  925. And the womenfolk have been smart and prepared a big fire pit
  926. And I do notice they hadn’t finished setting it up until we’d brought that fat cow back
  927. Then, both tribes side by side work together
  928. And there’s nothing but the fact that tonight
  929. There will be a celebration
  930. The day is still early
  931. We are using the fire even though the light is still there
  932. We begin hacking apart the fat cow
  933. The other tribe knows everything we know
  934. Nothing is going to waste
  935. We’ve got big rocks around the fire
  936. We’re cutting pieces and on the rocks they sizzle
  937. With twine and wrapping each women is taking a piece and making art
  938. With the kids comings and bringing scraps of wood
  939. Playing between the tribes as if they were all from the same King
  940. And even myself I am cooking meat with an eye to make sure mine is the best
  941. I was a part of catching the cow after all
  942. And why cannot my meat be the most delicious?
  943. As we’re cooking the chief from the other tribe comes
  944. And he throws leaves on the fire
  945. Coming from the same place on his body as King keeps his fire rocks
  946. And a new smell I have not smelled before fills the air
  947. Sweet as the sky and the grass combined
  948. Suddenly, there’s a smoke and we all feel good
  949. And safe
  950. And with each other
  951. Grandma has another grandma from the other tribe
  952. The grandma from the other tribe starts singing something beautiful
  953. And Grandma, not to be out done, though for sure she does not understand a word of the song
  954. She grabs her bone flute, something she has not used with us for a very long time
  955. She makes beautiful music
  956. It’s really, really nice
  957. And from the other tribe, some of the young girls, they start singing with their grandma
  958. And they are beautiful
  959. I can see them
  960. I feel lust
  961. Their beauty enters my blood
  962. And there is smoke in my lungs
  963. And meat in the air
  964. And the hunt is still around me
  965. And here are my people who are not my people but then no one is my people
  966. And it is as if I am flying, even though my feet feel the ground
  967. I’m not used to seeing other people
  968. We all begin eating the meat
  969. The children are playing the games of children,
  970. Who can be biggest
  971. Who can be fastest
  972. And we men and womenfolk join in
  973. Who can be the loudest
  974. Who can eat the most
  975. Goliath did win that one
  976. With King looking on with humour and obvious pride
  977. And the other chief with a smile on his face
  978. And the other chief throws more leaves on the fire
  979. And there is magic in our feet
  980. And the world feels more like colour than it feels like life
  981. And the flute is my blood
  982. And with the fire in the center now we are all in a circle
  983. Not organized, but there is a pattern
  984. We are waving our hands
  985. Left, right, up, down
  986. Forwards, backwards
  987. Follow the person in your front
  988. And feel the person behind follow you
  989. As if we are one great creature
  990. Follow the person to your left
  991. Follow the person to your right
  992. Call,
  993. Call as an animal in the wild
  994. Run to the middle and cry as a God
  995. And another comes and joins you
  996. And we are not just as an animal
  997. But as the fire
  998. A force that is not bound
  999. We are building
  1000. There is the flute
  1001. And the bass deepness of our feet thumping on the ground
  1002. And the stars through the trees
  1003. And a moon or no moon, I cannot tell
  1004. In the light of our life
  1005. This is the sort of day where we are alive
  1006. Parts of life are accidental
  1007. Parts of life are intentional
  1008. Life as something we live but once
  1009. And now as the blue sky has faded it is clear that the moon is full
  1010. It is a full moon
  1011. It is a full moon
  1012. It is a full moon
  1013. Is God real?
  1014. The fire spreads into our hearts
  1015. The fire is in our genitals
  1016. And we start dancing and moving
  1017. Dancing free
  1018. Liberating
  1019. Our bodies shaking
  1020. Perspiration 
  1021. Wild moving
  1022. Circling
  1023. In, out
  1024. Suddenly, I’m surrounded by the other tribe
  1025. Normally,
  1026. I’d be scared but I’m not
  1027. We’re together
  1028. Moving
  1029. Side by side
  1030. The most outer part of my hand
  1031. By accident
  1032. Rubs against one of the girls that’s singing
  1033. She feels it
  1034. It is like lightning
  1035. The energy of the air explodes
  1036. It is like the reverse of fire
  1037. I am just absorbed in the touch
  1038. My brain is filled with the absence of anything
  1039. She is staring at me and she feels it too
  1040. There are many things in the world that I know I do not understand
  1041. We stare at each other and we are rotating around each other
  1042. Just for a second
  1043. I know that there is a way that how I act here
  1044. Or I do not act here
  1045. Can change my life
  1046. Because the meaning of life is something related to what I am feeling
  1047. And I can move on and it disappears and the energy moves on
  1048. And perhaps I never encounter this feeling again
  1049. There is a choice
  1050. And I stare at her
  1051. And she barks into a laugh
  1052. She can feel my confusion and my indecision
  1053. She shuts her left eye then opens it again
  1054. Looks left, looks right
  1055. Then backs away, fading into the darkness
  1056. And my heart collapses and I am hurt as from a spear
  1057. Then she comes back to the circle again
  1058. And my heart is full
  1059. She is staring at me in the eyes
  1060. I understand that here is a language that is easier to speak than the one with our tongues
  1061. And she fades into the darkness again
  1062. And I follow her
  1063. And I follow her
  1064. Now I am scared
  1065. Death is in the darkness
  1066. But she is there and she is fearless
  1067. My God
  1068. I come
  1069. I feel the shock of touch again
  1070. She is there
  1071. Her hand resting on my arm
  1072. And I grab her
  1073. I push my lips onto her mouth
  1074. Then I push away, 
  1075. But her hand is against my back, she is holding me close to her
  1076. She says something
  1077. She is holding me
  1078. So I hold her back
  1079. And we lie down
  1080. And we hold each other, side by side
  1081. And physicality is the purpose of existence
  1082. As a strong hypothesis
  1083. I don’t know if the way the night went is the purpose of this story
  1084. Except for the fact that another human being contains the mystery of existence
  1085. That night is and was something that I think about every passing of the sun
  1086. But as I am here in it 
  1087. Knowing that the universe we have constructed will disappear as the light touches us
  1088. We are holding each other now
  1089. I am kissing her neck, biting her ear, having her lay her head on my chest
  1090. I feel so safe
  1091. Being naked together
  1092. The touch of each other
  1093. And the sun rises
  1094. And the magic is still in us
  1095. But time keeps moving
  1096. We go back to the circle
  1097. I stand with my tribe, she stands with hers
  1098. We bow to each other
  1099. The grandma from the other tribe turns around
  1100. The King from the other tribe turns around and starts walking
  1101. The grandma from the other side starts signing
  1102. King turns around and starts walking
  1103. Our Grandma starts to play the flute
  1104. Our tribes separate, where once we were together now we are increasing in distance
  1105. We will never see each other again
  1106. But the night that did exist
  1107. Something,
  1108. I cannot say in words what it means to me
  1109. More experiences like that should exist in our lives
  1110. IV
  1111. The days change
  1112. The weather changes
  1113. Food is harder to come by
  1114. Children’s stomachs become round
  1115. Mother’s milk stops
  1116. The specter of death walking among us
  1117. Where have all the berries gone?
  1118. Where is the voice of the song birds?
  1119. The land is empty of animals
  1120. Every day we walk forward
  1121. The desolation remains constant
  1122. King tired and eyes grim
  1123. Though he is still full of fire
  1124. And every night we still make a fire
  1125. His eyes hooded
  1126. Grandma telling no stories
  1127. Nothing in the air but our hunger
  1128. Quiet
  1129. A child dies after eating dirt
  1130. We continue to go forward
  1131. We see on the horizon where the earth touches the sky
  1132. Spectacular mountains,
  1133. Jagged and fierce
  1134. The air becoming so cold
  1135. Over the fire King tells us we must cross the mountains
  1136. On this side, where we are, is nothing but death
  1137. On the other side, is the unknown
  1138. It is not our purpose to die here, hungry
  1139. We have a purpose, King tells us, even if we do not know it
  1140. We must grow towards it
  1141. Not give up
  1142. Not give up
  1143. He cannot promise what we find on the other side will be Eden
  1144. It may even be death
  1145. But it may be Eden
  1146. What is for sure
  1147. Is that the only thing that remains on this side
  1148. Is death
  1149. We go towards the mountains
  1150. All realities existing simultaneously
  1151. Ourselves in a position between all the realities
  1152. Death more likely than life
  1153. Yet, still the possibility of paradise
  1154. It is dependant on the choices we make / While we are blind to the outcome of our choices
  1155. Boiling roots and leaves to give us sustenance
  1156. Quiet as we march forwards
  1157. The air becomes cold
  1158. We know it will become colder
  1159. Death in the air
  1160. A mother dies
  1161. We do not cry, our eyes are empty of tears
  1162. We muster the energy to cover her body in stones
  1163. The sadness in our hearts just a continuing burden
  1164. Up and up
  1165. The mountains grow larger in the sky
  1166. But no closer no closer
  1167. The weather cold
  1168. Our stomachs empty
  1169. And still in forever quiet
  1170. Our bodies shrivelling in front of our eyes
  1171. Goliath a giant walking skeleton
  1172. The children becoming insects
  1173. The fire is still in King’s eyes
  1174. What if the mountains never come?
  1175. What if we all die before we reach them?
  1176. Moving forward forever
  1177. Stomachs distended
  1178. More death / We leave these uncovered
  1179. On the other side of the mountains our only hope
  1180. Fighting the infinite 
  1181. Inside our minds trying to create and fantasize new options
  1182. We are now in the middle of the mountains
  1183. How did we come here so suddenly?
  1184. The air so fragile and cold
  1185. King is taking us over the mountains through a pass
  1186. How did he know it was there?
  1187. Or does luck sometimes exist?
  1188. Green grass is under our feet again
  1189. One day, we wake up to bird song
  1190. Dallas captures the singing birds
  1191. And we eat them for dinner
  1192. Giving our children the eggs
  1193. Dallas dies the next night, he’d eaten none of what he found
  1194. Sad, for here we are now on the other side
  1195. The endless journey does have an end / Though for many, it was their infinite
  1196. They never knew that infinite had an end
  1197. There is a forest now and there are animals and we catch rabbits and we eat and Grandma starts telling stories again
  1198. King is tired
  1199. Many realities did not pass on us
  1200. We could not have predicted this reality
  1201. But King chose to make this reality happen
  1202. And for his guidance
  1203. We have our lives
  1204. V
  1205. And then my brother asks me
  1206. “Why is it you act this way?”
  1207. And I say to Goliath “This is the only way I know”
  1208. “All there is in the world is truth”
  1209. “Truth and goodness”
  1210. “And I am not the judge”
  1211. “I let my heart decide”
  1212. And then my brother asks me
  1213. “Why do you act this way?”
  1214. And I say to him that it is because this is the only way I know
  1215. “All there is in the world is truth”
  1216. “Truth and goodness”
  1217. “I speak as my heart tells me to”
  1218. And he looks at me in frustration
  1219. “Why can’t you just be normal?”
  1220. “Goliath,” I tell him,
  1221. “Why do you act this way?”
  1222. And he says because this is the way that a human being is supposed to be
  1223. And I ask him how does he know this?
  1224. And he says because it is obvious / It is how all the world acts
  1225. “Strength in the hunt”
  1226. “The raising of children”
  1227. “The leading of our people”
  1228. He is doing that which he is supposed to do
  1229. And then I ask him but what does your heart tell you?
  1230. And he looks at me irritated
  1231. “What does my heart have to do with this”
  1232. “What does that even mean?”
  1233. What I would love him to say is that he wants to impress me and impress all the world
  1234. And that he does this because he is afraid
  1235. Afraid of what if the world doesn’t love him
  1236. That he does not know himself
  1237. He is unaware if he is good or bad or the devil
  1238. But he does not give me the pleasure to say this
  1239. Instead, he looks at my with irritation
  1240. “You know it’s weird how you are acting? / You should not act this way?”
  1241. “And then how should I act?”
  1242. “You should fill your role”
  1243. “But what is my role?”
  1244. “You can be whoever you want!”
  1245. “But then I choose to be as I am / And if I am right, then is that not okay? / And if I am wrong and I hurt no one, then am I not free to be myself? / I do not tell you to be anything else other than yourself”
  1246. “Don’t you? / Don’t your actions tell me that I am inferior? / Aren’t you always quietly judging me?”
  1247. “No, that is not the case / But I do think you judge me”
  1248. “Yes”
  1249. “But that does not bother me”
  1250. “Shouldn’t it?”
  1251. “For some it would / For you, I think it would”
  1252. “And why do you think you are so great?”
  1253. “I do not think I am great, I am just unsure if I am right or wrong / I could be wrong / I could be wrong / I don’t want to hurt anyone if it turns out I am wrong”
  1254. “But what if you have to make a choice?”
  1255. “A choice on what?”
  1256. “Of the actions you cause because of the unknown / Isn’t life about choices about the unknown? / You could hurt someone without intention”
  1257. “Then I will do the best I can”
  1258. “And what is the best you can”
  1259. “Well, I will try my hardest to do the right choice / I will tear apart my head, I will not be passive, I will dream and experiment, I will try to imagine all the quantum possibilities in my head, giving each and every one weight / Then close off all those options that are too likely to lead to the opposite of truth and goodness”
  1260. “And what if you make a choice then lightning strikes all the tribe dead? Because of your choice”
  1261. “Then that would be out of my control / But if it was to happen once, I would work to not let it happen again”
  1262. “How would you do that?”
  1263. “I would go to places where the trees are not scarred by lightning”
  1264. “But what if you don’t have fire and then you need fire?”
  1265. “We have fire”
  1266. “And if we did not? / How would you make the choice between finding fire from the falling lightning or avoiding death from falling lightning?”
  1267. “I would do the best that I can / There are endless paths open to us / Many are dead ends / Perhaps all are dead ends / But I will seek to kill the dead ends before they kill me / I will understand my mind and dream the universe around me / I will not make in the real world the same mistakes I make in my dreams / And when the universe decides to fight me / Then I will fight back”
  1268. “Whatever the costs?”
  1269. “Is the fight not the only thing that I have?”
  1270. “But how do you know what to do?”
  1271. “I will just try my hardest“
  1272. “And what if your hardest is not enough?”
  1273. “Then I will fail and hope that others better than me carry forward”
  1274. “Why do you talk like this?”
  1275. “Because it’s the only way that I know how”
  1276. “How can we come from the same childhood but be so different?”
  1277. “There is night and there is day but they are both parts of our life”
  1278. “What does that mean?”
  1279. “That we are different but the same”
  1280. “I don’t know why you can’t just be a better hunter, a better tribe member”
  1281. “Because we are going to all die very soon if we do not find a way to live better”
  1282. “That is not true”
  1283. “That is true / We almost just died of starvation, then we almost just died of cold / We see less life, less of our people / We are dying”
  1284. “I am alive”
  1285. “And so am I”
  1286. “We are not going to die”
  1287. “Some day we will die”
  1288. “The tribe will grow!”
  1289. “Is the tribe growing?”
  1290. “You can’t be so negative about everything!”
  1291. “We are talking about the death of our people”
  1292. “I believe we will stay alive!”
  1293. “I believe we have it in our destiny the potential to stay alive”
  1294. “What is the difference?”
  1295. “It is dependant on the choices we make”
  1296. “I think you are weighing down the tribe by your inability to focus”
  1297. “I do not question that is a potential truth / But I am trying as hard as I can / Everything is a potential truth until all the others are eliminated / There is only one truth and an infinite number of charades / I am seeking to follow the path of truth”
  1298. “Well just work a bit harder”
  1299. “Yes, brother, I will”
  1300. VI
  1301. A cry as if from the depths of the earth
  1302. King, Goliath and I shudder
  1303. The giving of birth a terrible and beautiful miracle
  1304. There is silence between us
  1305. King to be a grandfather
  1306. Goliath and I sure the child is one of ours but not which of us
  1307. Amen a beautiful flower and in pain
  1308. Death or life on our fingertips and in the air and the world a mist and a confusion
  1309. Seeds grow towards the sky / Seeds stepped on never grow
  1310. King tells the story of the first time he made love / He was young and a boy and it was in the world that was closer to Eden even though Eden was still faded
  1311. There was a day where a girl just chose him, grabbed him by the hand and the cock and led him away
  1312. He didn’t say a word / Just lied on her and came so quickly and she just smiled and touched his lips with her finger and kissed him softly and walked off
  1313. They must have only left the tribe for five minutes
  1314. Goliath tells the story of his first time with a woman
  1315. He was in the full-moon and high on the fire
  1316. And he was by himself and alone in his mind
  1317. And a girl he refuses to name comes and talks to him
  1318. He had told many he’d already been with women / But it had not been the case
  1319. The girl was just talking
  1320. And he was scared, scared
  1321. And he wanted to lean forward and to touch her and to feel skin touch skin
  1322. But he could not
  1323. And he was trying to listen but none of her words came through his ears
  1324. And then she just said to Goliath “If you want to be with me, you can be with me / Just don’t cum inside me, I don’t want to have a baby right now” 
  1325. And Goliath took off his clothes and penetrated her and came right away
  1326. And she was angry and would not talk to him for some time
  1327. But it was not Amen, it was not this baby
  1328. I suppose I am supposed to tell the story of my first time being with a woman
  1329. King is rocking back and forth, scared for Amen 
  1330. I am scared for Amen
  1331. Goliath is scared for Amen
  1332. There is nothing in the air but fear
  1333. Soft Amen
  1334. The world takes
  1335. Screams in the air
  1336. The desire to move farther
  1337. But we are going to listen, we are not going to move
  1338. We are the leaders and we must lead
  1339. But we are of the tribe too, we must follow our practices as we come into them
  1340. We act as kings and leaders and men
  1341. But we were but bawling babies, brought from the womb of our mothers, 
  1342. And many died, 
  1343. Mother and sister, 
  1344. Mother and brother, 
  1345. All the worlds that could have been, 
  1346. All the world’s they could have dreamed of and built
  1347. We must not hide from the death of those who might have been us
  1348. The fact we survived the outlier
  1349. Life such a surprise
  1350. When death and emptiness such the norm of the universe
  1351. “I am not sure the time I was first with a woman”
  1352. “I thought I’d been with a woman the first time we kissed in the night and she touched my arm and we never touched more than that” 
  1353. “The first real time was after that, when I thought we were together and she was mine and I was hers” 
  1354. “And she told me that she’d wanted me to fuck her and I hadn’t and it hurt her, because she’d wanted to have been fucked and I had just lied there” 
  1355. “And I had thought my restraint had pleased her” 
  1356. “And then I was scared of her, that I could not please her, and that she did not like me”
  1357. “And I was unsure of what to do and I hid from her” 
  1358. “And I told people we’d fucked / But we hadn’t” 
  1359. “And I’d told people we were together / But we weren’t” 
  1360. “And she would treat me like normal and I would look at my feet in shame”
  1361. “Then, later, I was drunk on the full moon” 
  1362. “There was dancing in every direction and I was having none of it”
  1363. “Staying away, with the old ones / And they would ask me ‘Why am I not with the young ones?’ and I would just stumble” 
  1364. “And I could tell they understood and understood better than I” 
  1365. “And then I just got up, bravery in my blood for a moment I did not let pass” 
  1366. “As if walking off a cliff into the river: I told my feet to walk” 
  1367. “And I told my brain not to think” 
  1368. “And I went and there she was dancing and free and there was a group and they were all merry” 
  1369. “And I just walked up and I took her hand and did not say a word and I took her to the bushes” 
  1370. “And I sang to her and it was terrible” 
  1371. “And I fucked her and I came so fast and she rolled her eyes” 
  1372. “But we lied next to each other and in the morning we fucked again” 
  1373. “And she told me ‘slower’ and I went slower” 
  1374. “And I could hear gasps in her throat” 
  1375. “And then we kept fucking and I came hard”
  1376. “And was it Amen?”
  1377. “No it was not Amen”
  1378. I remember the time lightning striked so close that there was a fire in my beard
  1379. I am scared of the night and if there is no fire I will not sleep
  1380. I remember my mother carrying me on her back in the middle of the march, singing songs
  1381. I am scared of being an old man and dying and every day I grow weaker
  1382. What if I do not accomplish those things I feel I have the potential in my destiny?
  1383. I am unsure if I am worthy of love
  1384. Sometimes I act without thought
  1385. I often feel that I am incapable of being loved
  1386. I often feel that I am incapable of giving love
  1387. There is a woman’s moan and then a cry in the bush
  1388. A human cry, a baby cry
  1389. We all stay in silence and hold our silence and somehow we are all touching each other, shoulder to shoulder, we look in each other’s eyes
  1390. A father and a grandfather stand in this group for the first time / We hold each other and give each other support
  1391. Today, 
  1392. There is not death, 
  1393. There is new life
  1394. VII
  1395. And then suddenly day becomes night
  1396. As we walk, it as if the sun has lost its fire
  1397. We are in total blackness
  1398. I am scared
  1399. What if the sun does not come again?
  1400. What evil is this?
  1401. This has not happened before
  1402. The moment is eternity
  1403. Is this my death?
  1404. Is this the death of the universe?
  1405. King and Goliath both hold fire and it keeps the darkness at bay
  1406. Women and children wail
  1407. King booms in a loud voice
  1408. “Do not be afraid”
  1409. “I have not experienced this before, but there are many things in the world to experience”
  1410. “Remember, we have made fire” 
  1411. “And even here”
  1412. “As the fire of the sky disappears”
  1413. “The fire that we, man, have made / Still endures”
  1414. “If we had not made this fire then we would be in blackness”
  1415. “But from our hands we have created light”
  1416. “And with this light we will endure”
  1417. “Do not be afraid”
  1418. “Even though there is much to be afraid of”
  1419. “For the world is always trying to doom us”
  1420. “With hunger and cold and disease and war and injury”
  1421. “But it is our choice to endure”
  1422. “And whatever this new evil is”
  1423. “We will endure it too”
  1424. And while he speaks the sun comes back, blinding in a way that forces us to look away
  1425. And it is as if it was never gone
  1426. In the evening King comes to speak to me and asks if I will go for a walk
  1427. It is dusk and the sky is a blue as deep as the deepest lake
  1428. We walk and speak of small things
  1429. The best berries to pick in the area
  1430. The sweet smell of the trees
  1431. How they would fit right into Eden
  1432. We do not talk about the disappearance of the sun
  1433. Even though it is on my mind
  1434. King asks me if I know the story of my own life
  1435. I do not know what to say
  1436. I know my parents are dead and we do not talk of them
  1437. I know that I am not from this tribe / Everyone in the tribe is related by blood / But none of their blood runs through my veins
  1438. I know that it is something I am not supposed to talk about
  1439. Something I am not supposed to think about
  1440. I tell him I do not know my own story
  1441. He asks me if I want to know
  1442. I am not sure that I want to know / But I force my voice to say: yes, I want to know
  1443. King tells me that he killed my father / And that he and his people killed all of those related to me by blood / The genocide of my people
  1444. That he witnessed it and took part
  1445. The story goes like this
  1446. Back when King was a young man, and the tribe was bigger, and King had his own King, and King was a dauphin
  1447. Times were better than they are now
  1448. But the times seemed to be at their very worst
  1449. Eden was more fresh in the tribes mind
  1450. The old women and old men could still talk about it as something that even if they had not seen, their parents had seen
  1451. Hunger was a new challenge
  1452. The witnessing of children with distended stomachs
  1453. Witnessing the death of children
  1454. These were sights that they were not used to
  1455. This was a time before the firestone / Since, in the past, there had been no need of fire
  1456. The land had been bountiful and food had been easy 
  1457. But now the world had changed
  1458. Fire was found and enjoyed and a wonder when it was received
  1459. But it was as the rain bringing fresh water to an arid plain
  1460. When the fire would fall from heaven King’s tribe would rush to the site
  1461. And, if luck was this day over their head
  1462. They would find the fire alive
  1463. A gift from the sky
  1464. With fire they could light the forest on fire
  1465. And drive out the animals into their waiting arms
  1466. With fire they could cook the food
  1467. And feel more satisfied
  1468. With fire, they could quell the terror of the night
  1469. The fire was precious
  1470. The tribe would have their King at the front carrying a torch
  1471. And the dauphin at the back carrying a torch
  1472. And in the middle another torch being carried
  1473. And there was never a time where the fire was not being carefully watched
  1474. If one fire went out, then it would quickly be rekindled by another
  1475. This would serve to keep the fire alive for days
  1476. Weeks
  1477. But rarely months
  1478. Often the rain would come and quench the torches
  1479. Or a great gust of wind would knock the tribe to the ground
  1480. And with it the fire
  1481. And when the fire was gone
  1482. Then the people of the tribe would again be hungry
  1483. Again have the terror of the night
  1484. Then, as now, extinction reigned
  1485. The tribe was not a tree growing towards the sky
  1486. But a seed in a cave
  1487. Receiving no nourishment
  1488. Not empowered to flourish
  1489. In these times, there would be more meeting of tribes
  1490. While in the time of Eden other tribes would be full of peace
  1491. In these times of hardship the tribes would fear each other
  1492. Envying after their resources
  1493. Real or imagined
  1494. Some tribes would have fire
  1495. And it could be shared, or traded
  1496. Or used as a weapon
  1497. And there was no predicting if a hand would be extended in friendship 
  1498. Or used to cast stones
  1499. During a time without fire,
  1500. When things had be especially bad
  1501. And death had become a sight as common as the rising sun
  1502. Another tribe without fire came to the small lake they were camped on
  1503. This was a tribe unlike others
  1504. Their numbers were not large
  1505. But they were well fed
  1506. Their skin clear
  1507. They still had laughter in the air
  1508. These were the people of Moses
  1509. A lost tribe
  1510. They saw the suffering and starvation of King’s people
  1511. And left food on a large rock
  1512. It was a gesture of friendship
  1513. And a gesture of almost unimaginable wealth
  1514. King’s King sent King to understand these new people
  1515. How could they have so much / When King’s people had so little?
  1516. King, as a warrior in his prime
  1517. And the dauphin
  1518. Was to scout and understand
  1519. What he witnessed was something he had never seen
  1520. In the evening, from his perch spying
  1521. Completely invisible to the new tribe
  1522. He witnessed the King of the new tribe / Take a stone from around his neck
  1523. And with a simple but powerful gesture
  1524. Make sparks fly from the rock
  1525. Onto dry tinder
  1526. And a fire now existed
  1527. Where before there had been no fire
  1528. Now there was fire
  1529. Just as if from the sky
  1530. But instead from the hands of man
  1531. King went back and talked to his King
  1532. One on one
  1533. And explained to him with full honesty exactly what he saw
  1534. The rock being used to make fire
  1535. The power of the sky in a stone
  1536. King’s King said this
  1537. “Our people are starving and dying”
  1538. “We will disappear”
  1539. “This is my family”
  1540. “We witness the lion chase a zebra for food”
  1541. “These other people are not my people”
  1542. “We must take the firestone from them”
  1543. “And use it to save our people”
  1544. “We could ask them to share”
  1545. “But if they say no”
  1546. “Then they will be ready to protect”
  1547. “And we will not be able to beat them in our weakened state”
  1548. King and King’s King made a plan
  1549. That they followed through on
  1550. They told the rest of their tribe, with honesty, that the other tribe had a way to make fire
  1551. And that for their survival they must take it
  1552. What they did was this
  1553. They brought their great singers and great artists together
  1554. And went to the edge, as a full tribe, to where the Fire Tribe was camped
  1555. Our singers sang songs of wind, the sun and love
  1556. We still had the food that the Fire Tribe hand brought us
  1557. And what we did, without fire, was to make a feast
  1558. We danced and enjoyed and became hedonistic
  1559. The Fire Tribe saw our merriment
  1560. And, instead of showing fear, decided to make merry with us
  1561. Just as we have done in the present with the other tribe
  1562. They expanded their circle
  1563. And allowed us to join them at their fire
  1564. They gave us torches to plant among our people / A gift of fire
  1565. Our King’s King put on the fire our strongest magic leaves
  1566. And it was a celebration of man brought together
  1567. Perhaps the two tribes could become one tribe
  1568. Man becoming more in the face of annihilation
  1569. Goodness growing from its fight with darkness
  1570. There was a hypothesis
  1571. This could have happened
  1572. But what if in the morning the other tribe left?
  1573. And then King and his people would have fire for some time
  1574. But then lose it again
  1575. And begin to starve again
  1576. In the deepest of the night
  1577. While the other tribe slept
  1578. Each and every man and women of King’s tribe silently awoke
  1579. And, acting as one
  1580. Used rocks they had piled
  1581. To smash in the heads of the people of the Fire Tribe
  1582. Each and every man, woman and child
  1583. They were fast and efficient
  1584. By the time cries and screams were heard
  1585. It was already too late
  1586. The momentum had already begun
  1587. The massacre was over quickly after it started
  1588. Except that the King of the Fire Tribe was not there
  1589. He was not among his people
  1590. And there was no firestone
  1591. King’s people began to hunt for the King of the Fire Tribe
  1592. Just as they would hunt a wild animal
  1593. King was the one to find him
  1594. Sitting under a tree
  1595. With a baby in his arms
  1596. And the firestone around the neck of the baby
  1597. He did not say anything
  1598. And King went to him
  1599. And with a rock smashed his head
  1600. The head of the King of the Fire Tribe crushed like a melon
  1601. King took the firestone from the neck of the baby
  1602. But then, just as he was going to pulverize the baby
  1603. The moon was obliterated from the sky
  1604. Just like the sun had disappeared today
  1605. King wondered if the world had decided to eat him for his evil
  1606. He spent an eternity feeling the warm blood on his hands
  1607. The darkness so absolute that he could see inside his own soul
  1608. Gravity weighing the rock in his hands towards the baby
  1609. And the wail of the baby in his ears
  1610. King felt the weight of sin
  1611. The moon came back
  1612. But the fire of killing had left King’s hand
  1613. He took the baby and the fire starter to his King
  1614. He showed his King the motion of how to start the fire
  1615. And now, they could make fire
  1616. But King’s King told King to not share the secret
  1617. For if others had the secret then they would be able to kill King
  1618. But as long as they had the secret
  1619. They were not men
  1620. But nature / Lightning / Gods
  1621. King did not ask if he could keep the baby
  1622. But raised it as his own
  1623. And of course the baby was Moses
  1624. Night was beginning to blacken the day
  1625. Moses did not say anything
  1626. He had already known in his heart this story
  1627. King looked at him with shadows blocking his face
  1628. “I am telling you this because for every day, for every moment, since I used a rock to take the lives of your people, I have known that my life has been lived in error”
  1629. “I had been so sure that my purpose was to see the survival of my people”
  1630. “But then, even having won that victory, I have seen my people continue to perish”
  1631. “Continue to go hungry”
  1632. “The stone did not bring us back to Eden”
  1633. “What I reflect on is that we were, for a moment, back in Eden”
  1634. “When we were with the other tribe”
  1635. “Around the fire”
  1636. “Expanding the circle”
  1637. “We were better together for it”
  1638. “We had lost many”
  1639. “But could have gained more”
  1640. “Then we listened to the worst part in our hearts”
  1641. “We listened to the part that said ‘These others will do evil to us, so let us do evil first’”
  1642. “And our only victory has been the death of a chance at Eden”
  1643. “Our victory was in fact a defeat”
  1644. “And myself, I know that for all the good I may do in the world”
  1645. “The blood on my hands has spoiled my story”
  1646. “And even in the infinite of the universe”
  1647. “I will never be anything except an enemy to man”
  1648. “An enemy to the potential that human being have to grow, flourish and fulfill our cosmic purpose”
  1649. “I am the disease that kills people”
  1650. “And so are my people”
  1651. “But those who did not kill do not have blood on their hands”
  1652. “And they still have hope”
  1653. “While those, of which I am the last, who have blood on their hands”
  1654. “Even if I do good”
  1655. “My spirit must be annihilated”
  1656. “And no memory held for the life I lived”
  1657. “Moses”
  1658. “Our people are dying”
  1659. “Not just the people of our tribe”
  1660. “But our species”
  1661. “I will die soon too”
  1662. “Death is in my air / I can feel it”
  1663. “The sun disappearing today linked to the moon disappearing”
  1664. “The day I killed your father”
  1665. “If I do not die tomorrow, then it will be before the next full moon, or before the next time a baby is born”
  1666. “My time is being counted”
  1667. “I need to tell you this now”
  1668. “When I die”
  1669. “You must be the one who leads our tribe”
  1670. “Not Goliath”
  1671. “Not anyone else”
  1672. “For in you is a blood still untainted”
  1673. “You did not choose to kill your fellow man”
  1674. “We must grow from my own mistakes”
  1675. “You must find a way to make the circle of mankind grow”
  1676. “Not shrink”
  1677. “We must not go extinct”
  1678. “We have not fulfilled our purpose in the universe yet”
  1679. “I am sorry for the terror that I befell on your family”
  1680. “You must not forgive me / You must be better than my weakness”
  1681. “Myself and my blood could have chosen any destiny”
  1682. “But instead we chose the destiny of death”
  1683. “And that will only lead to more death”
  1684. “You have the capacity to choose a destiny greater than this”
  1685. “And then, my own people shall be free”
  1686. “For no baby is born with the sin of their father”
  1687. “And through your goodness, my people shall become your people”
  1688. “And good shall triumph over evil”
  1689. “And my own story will be forgotten”
  1690. “Replaced with the story of goodness”
  1691. VIII
  1692. It is the night and we huddle around the fire and King is dying and near death
  1693. His raspy breathing hurts my soul
  1694. He who was so strong is now so weak
  1695. There is silence except for the crackle of fire, the soft whisper of the wind and the rasp of King’s final breaths
  1696. “Please, hear my voice / While it is still in me to say it”
  1697. “I appreciate my doom is here before me”
  1698. “As I know how I lived my life”
  1699. “I comprehend what awaits me in death”
  1700. “There will be no afterlife for me”
  1701. “My body will be absorbed into the ground”
  1702. “And be nourishment for bugs and flowers”
  1703. “Hopefully, they flourish”
  1704. “In my life I tried for good”
  1705. “I never gave up on the energy that I brought to all of you”
  1706. “But I sacrificed my soul long ago”
  1707. “I took the life of my fellow man”
  1708. “And I sacrificed my soul”
  1709. “Long ago”
  1710. “I had hoped there was atonement”
  1711. “I do believe now that there is atonement”
  1712. “But not in a way that saves me”
  1713. “Not in a way that saves my soul”
  1714. “But, perhaps, in the example of my life”
  1715. “Then you, the people that I love, the future of my species”
  1716. “Will be my own afterlife”
  1717. “Please listen, and know that I do not know myself if there is truth in my words”
  1718. “But what I am aware of is that these are the last words of my life”
  1719. “First, know that it is proper for you to defend yourself”
  1720. “But do not cast the first stone”
  1721. “Those that cast the first stone are not my people”
  1722. “We must come together as a species”
  1723. “We cannot tear ourselves apart”
  1724. “And those that would tear others apart”
  1725. “We will not cast the first stone against”
  1726. “But nor will we save them”
  1727. “For that is not our purpose”
  1728. “Our purpose is something more holy”
  1729. “Something to do with the concepts of infinite”
  1730. “The way the light comes from the sun to awaken flowers”
  1731. “We awaken in the morning and wonder what our purpose is”
  1732. “And we do not know”
  1733. “We awaken as a baby in our mothers arms and wonder what our purpose is”
  1734. “And we do not know”
  1735. “Here I die, surrounded by my loved ones”
  1736. “And I wonder what my purpose is”
  1737. “And still, I do not know”
  1738. “But I know that a life well lived does serve a higher purpose”
  1739. “That the reason we fight is because in the depth of our souls we are awakened to the impact we have on the smallest grain of sand and the greatest reaches of the universe”
  1740. “All things that exist being connected”
  1741. “A common thread through all existence”
  1742. “Infinite’s rising ahead of us” 
  1743. “I do not know the future”
  1744. “But I fear extinction”
  1745. “And I fear extinction before man serves our purpose to the universe”
  1746. “I cannot tell you how to live a life, outside of not casting the first stone”
  1747. “But what I do know,”
  1748. “What I do know”
  1749. “Is that the entirety of the potential of mankind and the universe”
  1750. “Is in every single one of us”
  1751. “Is in all our ancestors”
  1752. “Is in all our descendants”
  1753. “Is in every single moment”
  1754. “And that the purpose of existence will not be revelation as a flash”
  1755. “But an understanding of something universal that is already in us”
  1756. “So obvious we never thought to ask”
  1757. “And I hope that by following our most true hearts”
  1758. “That voice that lives in our most secret mind”
  1759. “We do discover”
  1760. “That revelation, which is our purpose in the universe”
  1761. “I thank you for letting me live my life with you”
  1762. “And I trust that as we are all warriors”
  1763. “At war with the existence that seeks nothing but our annihilation”
  1764. “That we remember the lesson of the flower”
  1765. “That we will fight and flourish”
  1766. “That we will carry on with our holy mission”
  1767. “I wish you the very best of luck”
  1768. “I am glad I am not the last man alive”
  1769. “If there is an afterlife, I will pray for all of you”
  1770. King did not die that night
  1771. But he did not speak again
  1772. And the light left his eyes
  1773. And the rasp of his breathing weakened
  1774. And soon he was dead
  1775. I will mourn him
  1776. He who killed my father and mother
  1777. He who was the only father I ever knew
  1778. What is it for man to be able to commit a sin that is unpardonable?
  1779. I will mourn him
  1780. Goliath asks me to go for a walk
  1781. Shortly after the last breath escaped King
  1782. And Grandma began wailing
  1783. He tells me that King told him that he wanted I, Moses, to lead
  1784. But that at the very end he told Goliath that it should be Goliath who leads
  1785. That my time will come
  1786. But that our people need the blood of King in their leader
  1787. I look at him and I diminish in myself
  1788. Is it not for me to rise up and stop this usurpation?
  1789. King had a wish
  1790. And I diminish in myself
  1791. I ask Goliath why he wants to lead
  1792. He tells me that he knows the destiny of his people
  1793. That he sees the promised land
  1794. He asks me if I see the promised land? / If I know the path
  1795. I tell him the truth, I do not
  1796. He asks me how can I be the leader if I do not know the direction to go
  1797. I give him silence / And I diminish
  1798. He tells me he will be a good leader
  1799. He tells me he will be the best leader our people could hope for
  1800. I tell him then I will follow him as I followed King
  1801. To which he says “No, you shall follow me as Goliath”
  1802. We walk back to the tribe / Him head held high, myself, diminished
  1803. IX
  1804. Goliath is King
  1805. Goliath is Goliath
  1806. He speaks with his heart,
  1807. Which I respect
  1808. The words he says are not the words of King
  1809. But then Goliath is Goliath
  1810. He speaks like this
  1811. “There was a time when we were in Eden”
  1812. “And the land provided for us”
  1813. “And everything was good”
  1814. “We are not in Eden anymore”
  1815. “And I tell you, I know the reason”
  1816. “I have dreamed it”
  1817. “King told me the answer as he died”
  1818. “Our killing of the firestone’s people was a sin”
  1819. “And for doing this, the magic in the firestone has laid a curse on us”
  1820. “But we must fear not”
  1821. “For in our sin is our salvation”
  1822. “As I hold the firestone, I can feel that it is as the sky and the water and the moon”
  1823. “It is a force”
  1824. “The firestone is a God”
  1825. “And what it whispers in my dreams”
  1826. “Is that it will lift the curse on our tribe”
  1827. “If we atone for our sins”
  1828. “By bringing the firestone back across the mountain”
  1829. “Back to Eden”
  1830. “Back to its own people”
  1831. “Where we shall beg forgiveness”
  1832. “And seek to build a future together”
  1833. “And we shall regain our lost paradise”
  1834. “It is this that the firestone has told me”
  1835. “We shall be cursed with death and hunger and fear”
  1836. “Until we do as the firestone says”
  1837. I question, but I see that Goliath is seeking goodness
  1838. And a path forward
  1839. The mountain path scares me
  1840. Death haunted us there before
  1841. But the others are willing to follow
  1842. Here I have a choice
  1843. I know I have a choice
  1844. I always have a choice
  1845. King told me to lead
  1846. And the path in my heart is different than the path Goliath suggests
  1847. I do not believe that the firestone, stone of my own people, is anything but a very special rock
  1848. It holds no voice
  1849. So then whose voice is leading Goliath?
  1850. Who is speaking in his dreams?
  1851. I do not believe going back to Eden is our salvation
  1852. Our elders left Eden as a wasteland
  1853. To go over the mountains to a wasteland is dangerous
  1854. There can be no atonement to the firestone people
  1855. My own people
  1856. Because I know they are dead
  1857. That I am the last
  1858. There is no atonement owed
  1859. The killers are dead
  1860. Now, we may not commit this same sin again
  1861. We must let King’s life not be in vain
  1862. There is no purpose to find the bones of my mother and father and brothers and sisters
  1863. Whom I cannot remember
  1864. But who I still look in the stars and see
  1865. I have a choice
  1866. And if I choose to force my choice on the tribe
  1867. Then there will be a fight / A sin when we are so diminished
  1868. Or 
  1869. I can choose to follow Goliath
  1870. And deny my heart
  1871. That which my heart tells me is truth
  1872. But avoid the choice of conflict
  1873. It is as the Heisenburg uncertainty principle
  1874. Either I interject my will
  1875. And change the trajectory of our people
  1876. Or I follow
  1877. And do not know myself
  1878. I never asked for existence
  1879. But here I am
  1880. Being superimposed between the two choices
  1881. A choice must be made
  1882. Today, I will follow
  1883. And I know that what starts today
  1884. Leads into tomorrow
  1885. I am living my life in vain 
  1886. It is a sin, I know this
  1887. X
  1888. The tribe heads towards the mountains that rise like the moon
  1889. Piercing deep into the sky, like the teeth of an old woman
  1890. Goliath leads holding fast the fire rock as a totem
  1891. All others follow, I follow / I have my steps in line
  1892. We are more quiet than before
  1893. In the evenings Goliath sets the fire
  1894. Before we start the fire we must all recite words
  1895. We must apologize for our sins to the firestone
  1896. And thank the firestone for making our fire
  1897. In the first days we address the stone
  1898. As the days pass Goliath tells us to thank him, as the holder of the stone
  1899. For he is so close that he can pass the words on to the stone
  1900. One day Goliath tells one of our girls,
  1901. You have not thanked the stone properly
  1902. He asks her to come with him for a lesson on the firestone
  1903. Alone and away
  1904. When she comes back she is a woman
  1905. Such is the way of the world
  1906. The firestone begins to tell Goliath many things
  1907. That he should have the best choice of food
  1908. That the leaf we smoke in the evenings should be only for him
  1909. That those whose attitude is not correct are disobeying the stone
  1910. And the firestone asks for their punishment
  1911. Every night,
  1912. We thank the stone
  1913. We thank the stone through Goliath
  1914. And this bothers me
  1915. It is just a stone
  1916. It is not a person
  1917. It is an object
  1918. What next, we thank the lake for the water?
  1919. And the rabbit for its flesh?
  1920. Perhaps these are good things
  1921. The universe has been challenging to us
  1922. We must note and appreciate that which we have taken
  1923. But the lake does not have a voice
  1924. The rabbit does not have a voice
  1925. One day while we are thanking the stone
  1926. By thanking Goliath
  1927. I decide to push back
  1928. Just softly
  1929. “Goliath”,
  1930. I say
  1931. “It is good for us to be thankful, but does the stone really have a voice?”
  1932. Goliath jumps over to me and hits me on the side of the head
  1933. With the stone
  1934. Hard
  1935. I am on the ground
  1936. I am unable to see
  1937. The world is a series of colours I am unfamiliar with
  1938. Perhaps this is death?
  1939. But no, the clouds of my vision part
  1940. All there is is terrific pain
  1941. And the voice of Goliath
  1942. Not addressing me but all the others
  1943. “We have been given the gift of fire from the firestone”
  1944. “This is what gives us heat in the evening”
  1945. “This is what makes our food so rich”
  1946. “And keeps us safe from the beasts of the night”
  1947. “The firestone is our God”
  1948. “We must do what it says”
  1949. “It has already shown its power”
  1950. “It has taken Eden from us”
  1951. “If we anger it, it will take the little we have left”
  1952. “Do you want our children to starve?”
  1953. “We must not anger our God”
  1954. “I know what it says”
  1955. “It speaks to me”
  1956. “All the day I hear the voice of the firestone”
  1957. “And I tell you it is angry with us”
  1958. “It is angry that it knows our hearts are not pure”
  1959. “I have told the firestone that my heart is pure”
  1960. “But it tells me that it is not the case of all those around me”
  1961. “And I tell the firestone how can that be?”
  1962. “And then”
  1963. “And then”
  1964. “I hear Moses belittle the firestone”
  1965. “And I know that again the firestone has spoken the truth”
  1966. “Moses, I will strike you dead”
  1967. “Brother that you are to me”
  1968. “If you do not accept the holiness of the firestone”
  1969. “The fact that it is our life / That we are its servants”
  1970. “You are the last of the firestones people”
  1971. “But now the mysterious words of the firestone are making sense to me”
  1972. “I now know the truth!”
  1973. “King did not sin by taking the firestone from your people”
  1974. “King liberated the firestone!”
  1975. “For your people were blasphemous”
  1976. “And did not worship the firestone as it demanded”
  1977. “And in your pride”
  1978. “In your lack of worship”
  1979. “The firestone used King and our people as a tool”
  1980. “For the firestone is too precious to be worshipped insufficiently”
  1981. “Moses,”
  1982. “You are wrong”
  1983. “The firestone tells me you are wrong”
  1984. “That you are a sinner”
  1985. “That you are against the magic that the firestone brings to us”
  1986. “And while I love you”
  1987. “As my father King loved you”
  1988. “I tell you, you must leave”
  1989. “You must leave our tribe”
  1990. “I exile you”
  1991. “For there can be no crack in our servitude to the firestone”
  1992. “For a crack can spread”
  1993. “And we are chasing Eden”
  1994. “The survival of our people”
  1995. “Not doom, and decay, and death”
  1996. “As you bring”
  1997. “Leave, brother”
  1998. “Leave or I shall kill you”
  1999. “All,”
  2000. “My people”
  2001. “Gather stones”
  2002. “Stones like this one in my hand”
  2003. “And I will give Moses a moment”
  2004. “For the firestone does not tell me to kill my brother”
  2005. “But that he is a threat”
  2006. “And as we would throw stones at a lion that threatens our babes”
  2007. “So will we throw stones at Moses”
  2008. “He who threatens something even more important than our babes”
  2009. “The very existence of our species”
  2010. “Which only exists at the pleasure of the firestone”
  2011. “Go my brother”
  2012. “Go Moses”
  2013. “Go now”
  2014. My head is in pain
  2015. I see the others and I look to meet an eye
  2016. But none stare at me
  2017. But none stare at me
  2018. I do not know what is in their heart
  2019. Be it fear or worship or other
  2020. Be it fear or worship or the other
  2021. What I know is that no one will help me
  2022. And I do not wish to die today
  2023. I take my goods and I walk away
  2024. Into the cold
  2025. Into exile
  2026. Knowing in my heart
  2027. That the thread of the future that is most open to me
  2028. Is death in the wild
  2029. My string of existence extinguished
  2030. What sin is there in my heart,
  2031. That has led to my extermination,
  2032. And the extermination of my people?
  2033. Why is my soul stained with sin?
  2034. But King said the next generation does not carry the sin of its fathers
  2035. I renounce my curse
  2036. I will trust only to myself and the universe that is true in my heart, no matter the cost
  2037. I know death and annihilation are always at hand
  2038. That existence is a thin blanket in the void of non-existence
  2039. I know in my heart that the firestone is not God
  2040. It is nothing but a stone that Goliath has transformed into an idol
  2041. And while that can have meaning,
  2042. The meaning that we give it
  2043. It can give direction to an aimless person
  2044. It is the wrong answer
  2045. To the right question
  2046. What then does my own heart say?
  2047. What does it even mean to follow my heart?
  2048. Is there some physical part of my body that knows truth from falsehood?
  2049. If I was to fall ill and have a part of my body removed
  2050. Could it remove the part of my body that knows truth?
  2051. No
  2052. No
  2053. As I walk away from my tribe
  2054. The only people with ten fingers and ten toes that I have seen in many sunrises
  2055. I discover,
  2056. In my heart
  2057. And through the quantum pathways of my neocortex
  2058. Several truths
  2059. Every piece of me
  2060. Every string of DNA
  2061. Every atom
  2062. Has hardcoded in it a truth that is divine
  2063. Divine in the way that Goliath has given to the firestone
  2064. But coming from within
  2065. Not from without
  2066. At every moment of my life I have heard the song that lives so deep inside me
  2067. A music that washes over the whole of the world
  2068. That which tells the flower to grow towards the sun
  2069. And the earth to provide nurture to the flower
  2070. That same voice vibrates over all existence
  2071. Surrounding us as the water surrounds a fish
  2072. So universal that we do not see it
  2073. Asha, Dharma, the holy spirit, the divinity of Muhammad and Jesus
  2074. Why have I ignored the song of the universe in my heart?
  2075. Why have I not followed that most true part of the entire world in me
  2076. Because I am a follower?
  2077. But to follow is a sin
  2078. If to follow is to be against the truth of the universe in our DNA
  2079. DNA a holy force
  2080. Not coming from the physical world,
  2081. Coming from before the big bang,
  2082. The simplest solution to the Dirac equation
  2083. The most true proof of there being a God beyond our reality
  2084. Even if the world shall turn to fire
  2085. And there is but one safe place
  2086. And all others go to safety in this sanctuary
  2087. If the truth in my spirit
  2088. That thread which is in me every moment of my life
  2089. The constant aether of truth
  2090. Tells me “NO”, do not go
  2091. Then I shall not follow the rest of humanity
  2092. I shall follow my Dharma, I shall follow Asha
  2093. For existence is a fools game
  2094. Flowers fall to the earth and become dirt
  2095. Most of existence will decay away
  2096. A wave that disappears, leaving no ripple
  2097. But not all existence must decay away
  2098. Chaos theory a mathematical lie
  2099. For, as with the wind from the wings of a butterfly
  2100. Or a single drop of rain
  2101. A change at the right place
  2102. At the right time
  2103. Can transform the universe
  2104. The universe always has the potential of metamorphosis
  2105. Just as our bodies are a universe
  2106. That before birth did not exist
  2107. And after death will not exist
  2108. But time is a deception
  2109. For we are matter and matter is energy 
  2110. And energy can neither be created or destroyed, just transformed
  2111. The fundamental equation of the universe being energy equals energy
  2112. We have a purpose
  2113. We have a purpose
  2114. And our purpose is to follow the truth in our heart
  2115. To not hide from the voice that is in every moment of our existence
  2116. For lying in the face of Truth
  2117. Is original sin
  2118. I have been weak
  2119. But in my isolation I shall be weak no longer
  2120. I will follow this truth / Asha / Dharma / The Holy Spirit / This physical field
  2121. And with it, I have the potential to unlock the universe
  2122. Whatever that may mean, I do not know
  2123. But I know that by not following Truth
  2124. All there is / Is darkness
  2125. The extinguishing of the infinite potential that every moment imbues
  2126. I will go hand in hand with my heart
  2127. And I know that there is a piece of truth in my heart that I can understand
  2128. A spiritual Polaris
  2129. That it is not in my purpose to allow my people
  2130. The people of the tribe that exterminated my only blood
  2131. To exterminate themselves
  2132. I follow the tribe from a distance
  2133. Easily following the smoke of the fire
  2134. As I follow
  2135. I begin to make a prayer in my heart
  2136. That I say every day
  2137. As I wash myself
  2138. A prayer like this
  2139. “Thank you my God”
  2140. “For this day”
  2141. “I hope that I see beauty, share beauty, revel in beauty and be beauty”
  2142. “May I be ever expanding peace, perfection and grace”
  2143. “Mind, body and soul”
  2144. “May I be as a tree”
  2145. “Taking all that the world throws at me”
  2146. “But putting out only goodness”
  2147. “May I be as a seed”
  2148. “Growing towards my purpose”
  2149. “My God,”
  2150. “May I this day”
  2151. “As a leader or a follower”
  2152. “The first or the last”
  2153. “Standing on the shoulders of giants”
  2154. “Empowering giants to stand on my own shoulders”
  2155. “Alone, or with a tribe”
  2156. “With your hand on my hand, on the tiller of my life”
  2157. “May I work towards a quantum optimization”
  2158. “Of myself and my fellow man”
  2159. “Where human beings are scalably empowered”
  2160. “To achieve their cosmic purpose”
  2161. “Just as a seed grows into a tree transforms into a star”
  2162. “Or Gravity brings mass together”
  2163. “To supernova”
  2164. “To form black holes”
  2165. “May human beings be empowered to fulfil our cosmic purpose”
  2166. “May I make today count”
  2167. “May I be unwavering and disciplined as I seek my quantum optimization”
  2168. “Watch over those that I love”
  2169. I continue forward
  2170. Every step may be a step where I fall
  2171. Struck by lightning
  2172. Attacked by an animal
  2173. But every step that the universe deigns to give me
  2174. Is a step forward
  2175. And I will not squander it
  2176. I have fear
  2177. But I will not be defined by my fear
  2178. XI
  2179. I am asleep
  2180. I know I am asleep because I just fell asleep
  2181. Alone, with the faint light of the tribe in the distance
  2182. Worried about beasts of the night devouring my flesh
  2183. The things one worries about in the night alone
  2184. And now I am awoken
  2185. This must be a dream
  2186. Or it is death
  2187. Or some other realm which I do not know
  2188. I do not normally dream
  2189. But I think this may be a dream
  2190. This feeling of reality
  2191. The ground feels like the ground
  2192. The air smells like the air, crisp
  2193. I am sitting by the fire
  2194. King is telling a story
  2195. The rest of the tribe is here
  2196. Not as we were
  2197. But as we were long ago
  2198. Dallas still with us
  2199. Amen with the beauty of untapped youth
  2200. Even myself, my legs have an energy
  2201. As if I should dance
  2202. A smile plays on Grandma’s lips
  2203. She looks at me, and I think she knows what is going on
  2204. I know this is not real
  2205. But I wrap myself in it
  2206. The comfort of the fire and King’s voice
  2207. Carrying me away
  2208. This was a time of peace
  2209. How nice it was
  2210. How nice it was
  2211. My head is nodding off
  2212. Falling asleep in my own dream
  2213. I stand and walk over to the sleeping area
  2214. Putting my feet towards the fire
  2215. Curling with the children and others, all of us keeping warm
  2216. I vaguely wonder if going to sleep in a dream means I will wake up in reality
  2217. That would be too bad
  2218. It is nice in this dream
  2219. If I could just stay here forever
  2220. Is that what death is?
  2221. The air stays crisp
  2222. As the universe melts away around me
  2223. Asleep
  2224. Then
  2225. Shouting
  2226. It is Dallas
  2227. Alive and vibrant
  2228. Shaking me
  2229. “Moses!”
  2230. “We are in danger”
  2231. “We are being attacked”
  2232. “Come quickly”
  2233. I jump to my feet”
  2234. And Dallas is running
  2235. And I follow after him
  2236. I yell at him
  2237. “What is happening?”
  2238. He does not respond
  2239. I keep running
  2240. It is just the two of us
  2241. I stop and he stops
  2242. “You must come”
  2243. “Do you not care about our safety?”
  2244. The sky is a colour between blue, purple and grey
  2245. “I do not understand”
  2246. I am asleep again
  2247. But still in the dream
  2248. Dallas has gone
  2249. And I am now waking up
  2250. And Amen is curled next to me
  2251. And it feels good to have this warm body next to me
  2252. I look down at her
  2253. And she looks up at me
  2254. And smiles
  2255. And I smile back
  2256. She whispers to me
  2257. “Our child will have your eyes”
  2258. “I am sure”
  2259. “And we shall name the child Messiah”
  2260. “For whether a boy or a girl”
  2261. “He will be the saviour”
  2262. “She will be the saviour”
  2263. “Tell me you will sacrifice anything”
  2264. “For our child”
  2265. I look to her
  2266. Confused
  2267. And stroke her hair
  2268. And say nothing
  2269. And she says again
  2270. “Tell me”
  2271. And I should tell her
  2272. But what is it she is telling me?
  2273. I look at the sky
  2274. And I see the stars of the universe
  2275. Infinite black
  2276. With pinholes of luminescence
  2277. Down is up
  2278. Up is down
  2279. I am awake
  2280. There is a spear in my hand
  2281. There is a sobbing adolescent at my feet
  2282. Goliath is shouting at me
  2283. “He was the one who told the tribe where your people are”
  2284. “He was fucking one of our girls”
  2285. “And we caught him and he told us the magic of the firestone”
  2286. “To save himself!”
  2287. “Strike him down”
  2288. “For the honour of your father”
  2289. “For the honour of your mother”
  2290. I throw the staff down
  2291. And I begin running away
  2292. The air tasting acrid
  2293. Goliath shouts after me
  2294. “You are a-tribe-one, last of your own people”
  2295. I am awoken again
  2296. Dallas and Amen and Goliath are here
  2297. “It is time”
  2298. “We must go”
  2299. “You must follow us”
  2300. “You must trust us”
  2301. I wish as a child to shut my eyes
  2302. And avoid the universe that is displayed around me
  2303. These are not the trajectories that I wish to go through
  2304. These are not the quantum paths that I wish to live through
  2305. This is not Asha
  2306. I want to be myself
  2307. I stand and run
  2308. And they chase me
  2309. Dallas on my back,
  2310. His teeth suddenly in my flesh
  2311. Goliath taking a giant rock
  2312. That I see crashing towards my head
  2313. And above his hands
  2314. Again the night sky
  2315. And then I find myself floating in blackness
  2316. Nothing but my mind
  2317. I cannot feel my body
  2318. And then I am in a cave
  2319. And it is full of the light of the day
  2320. But we are fully inside
  2321. Where does this light come from?
  2322. King is sitting on a chair,
  2323. The likes of which I have never seen before
  2324. Light comes from him
  2325. As water comes from a waterfall
  2326. He looks to me
  2327. “Moses,”
  2328. “How did you come to be here?”
  2329. “What takes you here today?”
  2330. “No one is supposed to visit me here”
  2331. “Only the very few”
  2332. “Tarkovsky was the last”
  2333. “What can I do for you?”
  2334. Words come out of my mouth but they are not my own words
  2335. Then I blink and the world is changed
  2336. It is still King
  2337. But he looks tired
  2338. And the light has stopped coming from him
  2339. “Moses, how did you come to be here?”
  2340. “You are the the last one here before Taerkoevskiy”
  2341. “Can you do me a favour?”
  2342. And I stand and begin running again
  2343. And King shouts
  2344. “Why do you run?”
  2345. And then I see Amen
  2346. “Why do you run?”
  2347. And Goliath and Dallas and Amen and King are chasing me
  2348. And I run
  2349. And then there is Grandma
  2350. Under a tree
  2351. In darkness / Wrapping her like the wings of a raven
  2352. “RUN!”
  2353. And I keep running
  2354. And there is a cliff in front of me
  2355. And if I shall go over the cliff I shall surely perish
  2356. And my feet carry me over the cliff
  2357. And I am not dead
  2358. I am in a field of grass
  2359. And the field of grass is on fire
  2360. And the air is an orange haze
  2361. And death is chasing me at every angle
  2362. And in these grasses my doom is searching for me
  2363. And as the fire scours searching for me
  2364. I lie on my back
  2365. Feeling the ground
  2366. And I look to the sky
  2367. And it is black
  2368. And full of stars
  2369. And I fall into it
  2370. As if through the meniscus of a flat body of water
  2371. My changing from matter to energy to time
  2372. And it feels as if the entire world is made of rainbows
  2373. And a sense that is like seeing
  2374. Or touching
  2375. Is given to me
  2376. And it was not there before
  2377. It is like being a tree
  2378. With roots connecting me to the universe around me
  2379. I can feel my before
  2380. I can feel my after
  2381. All at the same time
  2382. As if they are one and the same
  2383. And I see these black ants eating my flesh
  2384. And I wonder if I can breath
  2385. And there is no oxygen
  2386. My lungs screaming
  2387. But then a new lung opens
  2388. And I breath in the air of a new aether
  2389. I awaken again
  2390. This time alone
  2391. With the faint vision of the fire in the distance
  2392. Surrounding Goliath’s tribe
  2393. I am worried about hostile animals
  2394. Coming to savage my soft body
  2395. I am worried for Goliath and Dallas and Amen and King
  2396. Those who are not the real thems
  2397. But the black ants eating my trunk
  2398. What is this cancer inhabiting their minds?
  2399. I am scared and alone
  2400. But yet
  2401. I am also the great tree that I was in my dream
  2402. I can feel my backwards and I can feel my forwards
  2403. Was this feeling always here?
  2404. It is so obvious how I am connected in the world
  2405. The past an infinite number of variables
  2406. Combining at this exact point of who I am
  2407. The future an infinite number of variables
  2408. Exploding forward
  2409. From this very moment
  2410. Who I am
  2411. I can see the lattices and webs all around me
  2412. Each painting a scene as to a hypothesis of what the universe can be
  2413. And all there is in me
  2414. Is the present
  2415. As I choose the point along my pasts and futures
  2416. Of where I choose to exist
  2417. And I am scared
  2418. For I do not know the right way
  2419. But then, I am not scared
  2420. For I do know the way
  2421. For there is only one right way
  2422. And while it may be the hardest
  2423. I know the path forward
  2424. For it is the path of God
  2425. And all else is our annihilation 
  2426. XII
  2427. And what do I make of all of this?
  2428. I do not feel designed to answer these questions that vibrate through my head
  2429. I am here, alive
  2430. I did not ask to be here, alive
  2431. I am in exile
  2432. Spurned and outcast by those I love
  2433. Those of my own blood killed at the hands of those who are now my people
  2434. Still my people, even as they exile me
  2435. I did not ask to be here
  2436. But I am here
  2437. I can feel the weight of the universe holding me down to the ground
  2438. Stopping me from rising into the air
  2439. Like smoke from a fire
  2440. Rising so elegantly
  2441. With a completely different law of the world
  2442. Why cannot I be like the fire?
  2443. To act as if Gravity is not a force
  2444. To ignore the realities of the world as if they are nothing
  2445. But then what if the fire looks with envy at my being?
  2446. Able to perceive abstract thought
  2447. What if Gravity is not my enemy
  2448. But my ally
  2449. Misunderstood
  2450. Trying to make progress
  2451. But so isolated that we have both lost the question of ‘Why do we act?’
  2452. We just know that acting is in our nature
  2453. Perhaps there is nothing more than our nature
  2454. What I can feel is that I am not a slave to the universe
  2455. Even if the universe for reasons I cannot understand seeks to hide this truth from our eyes
  2456. I do have free will
  2457. I have the free will to go back to Goliath and keep my mouth shut
  2458. I have the freedom to curl on my side
  2459. To wait for cold, hunger and animals to take me away
  2460. Freedom is always in my hands
  2461. There is only one thing I do not have freedom on
  2462. And that is what my purpose is
  2463. I can feel it reverberating in every cell of my existence
  2464. The truth of the universe is hard coded into my DNA
  2465. The channels existing in my quantum neural network since before the big bang
  2466. A true path lit bright as lightning through the middle, so bright it burns and blinds
  2467. A path that comes from a dimension other than this
  2468. And where it goes is the purpose of our being the Weak Nuclear Force
  2469. For even though existence is empty and cold and terror eats my heart
  2470. The path of truth is still in front of me
  2471. And what I have freedom about is whether I ignore my purpose
  2472. Or whether I follow my purpose
  2473. But if I am to follow my purpose
  2474. Then I have no freedom
  2475. For there is only one path of truth
  2476. It is a mountain to climb to the very summit
  2477. And 
  2478. The most challenging path imaginable
  2479. Ignoring all those other paths
  2480. For they do not lead to the summit
  2481. And what do I find if I reach the summit?
  2482. I do not know
  2483. I do not know if it is a part of destiny to ever reach the summit
  2484. That may be more than me or mankind or even Gravity
  2485. But if I go as high as I can and lay a thin sprinkling of dust
  2486. Then those who come after me
  2487. Will be slightly higher
  2488. Slightly closer to heaven
  2489. And we are working towards our purpose
  2490. As a flower rises its head towards the sun
  2491. And it is here that there is eternal life
  2492. The seeds of the future
  2493. Growing into a tree
  2494. That can grow to touch the sun
  2495. And then when we’ve touched the sun
  2496. We spread to the stars
  2497. And once we have all the universe as a single garden
  2498. And everything in existence is together
  2499. Then we are at God
  2500. Or with God’s purpose
  2501. For the reason why the universe exists
  2502. Is fulfilled
  2503. Instead of unfulfilled
  2504. And where the universe goes afterwards, is up to the universe
  2505. Then it is simple
  2506. In how I must choose to live my own life
  2507. To act not in metaphor and theory
  2508. But to act on my purpose
  2509. Act on the honesty of my heart
  2510. To not give up
  2511. To be a force like Gravity
  2512. To work tirelessly towards my purpose
  2513. The universe so vast and infinitesimal at the same time
  2514. But that shall not stop me taking the first step
  2515. The first step is for me to choose truth
  2516. And not choose my own extinction
  2517. The next choice is to bring my own people with me
  2518. For I am but one
  2519. And this is a task for forever
  2520. And my people can be a force
  2521. For unlike a flower or a ray of light
  2522. We can think
  2523. And it would be a shame for the universe to lose our voice
  2524. For we can be the maestro that connects the different instruments of the universe together
  2525. I must bring my people with me
  2526. Freeing them from the illusions of their preconceptions
  2527. Self made chains
  2528. All of us born without frames of reference
  2529. A baby on our back overloaded by sensory input
  2530. Turn it off / Turn it off
  2531. It takes a life of living to understand what life is
  2532. Yet we get to live just once in this dimension
  2533. Easy lies have clouded our judgement
  2534. “This is not the life that counts, it is the next one”
  2535. The choosing of something that feels right but is a lie
  2536. Rather than the infinitely challenging reality
  2537. That is our destiny
  2538. That is truth
  2539. We must be more than the sum of our parts
  2540. A network together
  2541. Then, once we are together, we shall follow the flowers
  2542. Follow the fire
  2543. Follow the smoke
  2544. And follow the rising sun
  2545. Which I am not sure why
  2546. But I know is my Asha
  2547. It will bring us to the future that is our potential
  2548. If we could go backwards to our beginning
  2549. The source of a ray of light
  2550. That could be the fastest way
  2551. But we can only go forward
  2552. That is the curse of the Weak Nuclear Force
  2553. So let us follow where the rays of light ends
  2554. In my end is my beginning
  2555. Time a one way journey for man
  2556. In my beginning is my end
  2557. While for the infinite strand of light
  2558. It is all, at it’s beginning and its end
  2559. The end of the story is already known
  2560. Or the potential of it
  2561. For the ray of light can pass through many possible futures
  2562. Gravity existing in all dimensions simultaneously
  2563. The flower does not choose to grow
  2564. The particle wave of light does not choose to flow
  2565. Yet human beings
  2566. Have choice
  2567. The most terrifying aspect in the entirety of the universe
  2568. The temptation of the devil
  2569. For as we are free
  2570. Then we have the sole ability in all the universe
  2571. To deviate from our purpose
  2572. When our purpose
  2573. Is just as the flowers
  2574. To be one with God
  2575. Free will our temptation
  2576. That is the origin of sin
  2577. As it distracts us from our purpose
  2578. To fulfill our role in the universe
  2579. Asha
  2580. Dharma
  2581. Truth
  2582. XIII
  2583. I come during the late afternoon sun to the tribe
  2584. As they are setting up camp, preparing for nightfall
  2585. I walk to the edge and and I see them all standing
  2586. They all see me
  2587. But say nothing
  2588. They look to Goliath
  2589. They look away
  2590. They do not look at me
  2591. But it is obvious I am here
  2592. There are just a handful left
  2593. What if we are the last human beings on earth?
  2594. Goliath looks at me
  2595. “You are not to be here”
  2596. “You have not listened to the power of the firestone”
  2597. “You bring bad luck to our tribe”
  2598. “Leave”
  2599. I say
  2600. “No”
  2601. “We are all one people”
  2602. “We are better together than separate”
  2603. Goliath says
  2604. “This is not the case”
  2605. “We are better without your poison”
  2606. “Leave”
  2607. “Or I will kill you”
  2608. “Which I have no wish to do”
  2609. “Little brother”
  2610. Our voices waves crossing through the air
  2611. Able to transmit all the meaning we choose to fill the air with
  2612. The wireless circuitry of our collective neural brain
  2613. “I will not leave”
  2614. “The firestone is not God”
  2615. “It is the wrong thing to search for Eden”
  2616. “There is no going back”
  2617. “Time only goes forward”
  2618. “No matter how much we may wish it to go backwards”
  2619. “That is not our destiny or our fate”
  2620. “We can only go forward”
  2621. “We are dying”
  2622. “We will all die if we try to go back”
  2623. “I cannot let you kill our people”
  2624. “We have purpose”
  2625. Goliath looks at me
  2626. “These are not your people”
  2627. “Your people are dead”
  2628. “We are not even the same species”
  2629. “We come from different dimensions”
  2630. “The firestone a-tribe-oned your people”
  2631. “For you were not following its wishes”
  2632. “We do not share the same God”
  2633. “You have no God”
  2634. “I will not let your poison kill our people either”
  2635. “Leave, or I will kill you”
  2636. “Small one”
  2637. The wind blows, the others are silent
  2638. Extinction will come as a silence
  2639. “King’s final imploration was to not kill our own people”
  2640. “You are not my people”
  2641. “King died as a failure”
  2642. Goliath takes a spear and comes at me
  2643. Sharp end low
  2644. Back end high
  2645. The same gesture as if we were killing a wild hog on the plane
  2646. Goliath is near double my size
  2647. I have no weapon
  2648. Is it here where I will die?
  2649. What is it to win? / If I was to win, all I would be is a killer
  2650. Losing my soul
  2651. I see him moving
  2652. My brain disconnects
  2653. But I allow it to disconnect,
  2654. Yes, it is not by accident
  2655. Like jumping from a cliff into a river
  2656. And now I am in the air and my body sings and screams in the vacuum
  2657. I step sideways and I trip Goliath
  2658. I use his momentum
  2659. He is on the ground, twisting to get back up
  2660. I take a rock from the ground
  2661. And I move sideways around Goliath
  2662. All of this happening in the length of time that it takes for a bird to caw
  2663. And I bring the the rock against the side of Goliath’s head
  2664. With all my force
  2665. And I can feel the side of Goliath’s head go from solid to mush
  2666. And his head is now soft
  2667. And I bring my arm up and I bring it down again
  2668. And I bring it down again and I bring it down again
  2669. Fast
  2670. For I have chosen survival
  2671. My survival
  2672. And if Goliath stands back up
  2673. Then I will not survive
  2674. And I look down
  2675. And there is no face left to my brother
  2676. And I am covered in blood
  2677. I have taken the life of another
  2678. I have forfeit my soul
  2679. I will have no afterlife
  2680. I have committed an unpardonable sin
  2681. May I do what I can
  2682. To be the wind that blows the spark of my people to a better place
  2683. Where they can conflagrate 
  2684. For my soul shall never leave this valley
  2685. I stand
  2686. I tear the firestone from my brother’s chest
  2687. Without thinking I throw it into the pool of water that the tribe is camped next to
  2688. “There is no God in the firestone”
  2689. “Goliath is dead”
  2690. “I am his killer”
  2691. “You are not his killer”
  2692. “I mourn my brother”
  2693. “I apologize to you all”
  2694. “We have lost a good man”
  2695. “You shall kill me if you believe it best to rid the world of a killer”
  2696. “But then you must mourn twice”
  2697. “For you will have lost two brothers today”
  2698. “And you will need to stain your own hands with blood, even if I take my own life”
  2699. “For I will not take my life unless you order me”
  2700. “Because even without a soul / I can still serve the universe”
  2701. “Goliath was taking us down a false path”
  2702. “I cannot say how I know, except that I know”
  2703. “But I know your hearts as my own”
  2704. “Have your sleeps been easy?”
  2705. “Has your soul been at peace?”
  2706. “I take on my own shoulders the sin of stopping Goliath”
  2707. “I forfeit my soul”
  2708. “The oldest thing I carry through all these different dimensions”
  2709. “I have no future”
  2710. “I will leave my spirit here”
  2711. “Where I committed an unpardonable sin”
  2712. “But, now that it is done”
  2713. “And with endless sadness”
  2714. “I do not apologize”
  2715. “For my act of killing does not mean you are killers”
  2716. “It means you are still pure”
  2717. “The seed of our future is still in you”
  2718. “In me, there shall only be death”
  2719. “A dead strand”
  2720. “Myself completing the genocide of my own people”
  2721. “But may my sacrifice not be in vain”
  2722. “May Goliath’s sacrifice not be in vain”
  2723. “If one of you wishes to lead”
  2724. “Then lead”
  2725. “But I tell you”
  2726. “I am no leader”
  2727. “Still I ask you to follow me”
  2728. “Because we are of one cloth”
  2729. “We are of one destiny”
  2730. “And I have given myself to our destiny absolutely”
  2731. “A slave to our destiny”
  2732. “I know not where I will lead you”
  2733. “But I have sacrificed myself here”
  2734. “As surely as Goliath”
  2735. “And with my last breaths”
  2736. “If they take seconds or years”
  2737. “I shall do my best to lead us to safety”
  2738. “To a future”
  2739. “May we have children”
  2740. “May our children have children”
  2741. “And our children’s children have children”
  2742. “May our children outlive the sun”
  2743. “We all know that we are dying”
  2744. “That we are a seed which has the potential to grow into a tree”
  2745. “We are not imbuing our potential”
  2746. “And the seed shall turn black, rot and die”
  2747. “All that the tree could be,”
  2748. “Roots growing through the universe”
  2749. “A force such as Gravity, light or time”
  2750. “Turn into nothing”
  2751. “The universe just growing colder and more chaotic”
  2752. “We have a choice”
  2753. “To lay down and let the universe annihilate us, one at a time”
  2754. “Person by person”
  2755. “Cell by cell”
  2756. “Antimatter of the universe”
  2757. “Annihilating us”
  2758. “And we do not fight back”
  2759. “Not even attempt”
  2760. “We know extinguishment is the likeliest scenario”
  2761. “That the world is too much for us”
  2762. “So let us curl up and die”
  2763. “But the same way that as Goliath attacked me”
  2764. “And I responded”
  2765. “To stay alive”
  2766. “I myself”
  2767. “Feel in the roots of my spirit”
  2768. “In the roots of my Dharma”
  2769. “That as the world attempts to extinguish us”
  2770. “That I will not let it”
  2771. “That I will not let it”
  2772. “I will fight to survive, to my last breath”
  2773. “Just as the roots of our matter slipped through the big bang”
  2774. “Dormant for our own definition of infinite”
  2775. “Awakened in the sun and water and oxygen of earth”
  2776. “Evolved into cells, into plants, into fish, into vertebrates, into neocortexes”
  2777. “Our selves being an unbroken chain of survival since before the universe”
  2778. “Reality being an illusion”
  2779. “Just render tests of quantum potential,”
  2780. “That extinguishes when we stop fantasizing the potential of future”
  2781. “I still feel the thin tendrils of a future to the top of the mountain that is purpose”
  2782. “And what Gods or otherwise rests at the top of this mountain,”
  2783. “I know not”
  2784. “But the path to the top is the truth”
  2785. “The path of infinite energy”
  2786. “And I cannot take any step that is any other direction than the truth”
  2787. “And if you feel the same”
  2788. “Then I say let us talk about it”
  2789. “Let us generate what it means to be alive”
  2790. “And instead of being as the wild animal”
  2791. “Only seeking prey and fucking”
  2792. “Let us do that what is in our deepest spirit”
  2793. “To listen to the voice that is in every single piece of our existence”
  2794. “Hardcoded into our DNA”
  2795. “That we must stay alive”
  2796. “And not just stay alive”
  2797. “But fulfill our purpose”
  2798. “I do not know what our purpose is”
  2799. “I am sorry that I cannot give you clear answers”
  2800. “But I cannot”
  2801. “I awakened into this reality like you, the tip of an evolutionary chain”
  2802. “Without any memory”
  2803. “What I can tell you is from this day on”
  2804. “I do have a God”
  2805. “And the God is not the firestone”
  2806. “I am not the God”
  2807. “The God is not a man”
  2808. “God is the truth in my heart”
  2809. “God is the truth in your heart”
  2810. “God is truth”
  2811. “God is truth”
  2812. “God is truth”
  2813. “God is the universe, not just this universe but the one that is greater”
  2814. “God is found in every flower that grows towards the sun”
  2815. “And as the flower knows the voice of God”
  2816. “Then our first step is simple”
  2817. “Let us just be as the flower”
  2818. “Let us too grow towards the sun”
  2819. “Let us harness the power of fire”
  2820. “But fire is not God”
  2821. “It is the hand of God”
  2822. “Just as we, ourselves, are also the hand of God”
  2823. “So let us sleep here”
  2824. “Together”
  2825. “I am no threat to you”
  2826. “And if you wish to take my life”
  2827. “Then go ahead”
  2828. “You can ask me to take it and I shall beat myself to death with the same rock I used to kill my brother”
  2829. “But I do not absolve you”
  2830. “For we are only powerful as those of us that choose to be together”
  2831. “For we need to be more than the sum of our parts, not less”
  2832. “An interconnected field, a network of our neocortexes”
  2833. “And whatever it is in its core that gives us truth”
  2834. “Linked together with sound and light and time”
  2835. “Acting as one”
  2836. “More powerful as a unity”
  2837. “Then a disunity”
  2838. “And may we this day”
  2839. “Take the first step”
  2840. “In fulfilling our purpose”
  2841. “And in the morning”
  2842. “May we walk towards the sun”
  2843. “And for this evening”
  2844. “I will make a cairn for my brother Goliath”
  2845. “If you would join me in honouring my dead brother”
  2846. “A good man”
  2847. “Misguided”
  2848. “And we are all misguided”
  2849. “That is no sin”
  2850. “Except to stop our soul from following the voice of God”
  2851. “And Goliath a-tribe-oned the voice of God”
  2852. “Let us spend this night”
  2853. “With this fire the last fire we have”
  2854. “For the stone was a false idol”
  2855. “That we must move on from”
  2856. “In our quest to understand the true voice of God”
  2857. “And we know not what the universe has in store for us”
  2858. “We shall be willing vessels”
  2859. “Honest vessels”
  2860. “In fulfilling our destiny”
  2861. “Not following false path”
  2862. “The devil being the temptation of any path not leading towards the top of the mountain of truth”
  2863. “And if we reach the top of the mountain, and we look to the sky, and there is another mountain higher”
  2864. “Then we must keep climbing”
  2865. “Following the one true line”
  2866. “Our ultimate quantum potential”
  2867. “Discarding the quadrillions of potential realities we can fabricate”
  2868. “To follow the one tree path”
  2869. “The one true path”
  2870. “The one true future”
  2871. “That God has set for us”
  2872. XIV
  2873. Things rarely are easy
  2874. Over the tribe
  2875. The momentum of extermination / Carries its specter
  2876. A shadow
  2877. Separating everyone
  2878. From the sun of their purpose
  2879. Each and every member
  2880. Mentally scarred / By the life they have lived
  2881. So that even though the grace of purpose
  2882. Is within reach
  2883. The easiest thing imaginable to grasp
  2884. To leave the darkness of the cave
  2885. By simply opening our eyes
  2886. To say yes
  2887. To where before they said no
  2888. The members of the tribe are suffering
  2889. As a fish out of water
  2890. Trying to use its gills
  2891. For it has not tried the use of its new lungs
  2892. This is the real history of life
  2893. Human beings often feel as if we are the end of a line
  2894. Failing to see our own place
  2895. As nothing but a middle point
  2896. A moment in time
  2897. With the potential of all infinite in front of us
  2898. We are trapped looking backwards
  2899. When all we have is the future
  2900. And the terror that stirs in us
  2901. Mankind with the will to live
  2902. Until that will is gone
  2903. And then all there is / Is death
  2904. The era of humans ending with a whimper
  2905. Never attaining the evolved beauty and euphony
  2906. Of a flower
  2907. We are close to a genetic mistake
  2908. Under evolved primates
  2909. With over evolved neocortexes
  2910. A sideways of evolution
  2911. Built to make the best use
  2912. Of the sort of hunting
  2913. That our feeble claws allow us
  2914. We are God’s creature
  2915. For everything is God’s
  2916. And it does not make sense to separate that which is of God
  2917. From that which is without God
  2918. For there is only that which is of God
  2919. I believe in the most firm trenches of my soul 
  2920. I believe in the most quantum trenches of my neocortex
  2921. That the universe has direction
  2922. That God has direction
  2923. That flowers have direction
  2924. That human beings have direction
  2925. There is purpose
  2926. But the world is not predefined
  2927. We are in a quantum universe
  2928. With trillions and trillions of diverging and converging possibilities
  2929. The big bang was an optional happening
  2930. All matter annihilated by antimatter
  2931. How did a few bits of matter slip through?
  2932. Earth did not need to be such a perfect garden
  2933. Life did not need to originate
  2934. Some virus of cosmic radiation
  2935. Awakening a seed from another dimension
  2936. But life is here
  2937. At every point of temporal divergence
  2938. At every point of quantum choice
  2939. Extinction as one of the options
  2940. Existence the most thin of strands
  2941. Yet, we are still here
  2942. We look to the future / Humbled by what quantum means
  2943. How can we chase God if there is just a one in a billion chance that we succeed?
  2944. Our collective brain not having imagined a future, any future, other than extinction
  2945. Yet, here we are
  2946. The culmination of a series of one in a billion chances
  2947. How dare we disappoint our forefathers that crossed dimensions?
  2948. How dare we not even ask the question of Asha?
  2949. For me, sitting at a coffee shop in Cape Town
  2950. There is a path forward
  2951. There is a future
  2952. There is a future where we do that which we need to do
  2953. In a universe where we cannot go backwards
  2954. The Weak Nuclear Force the only force under times control
  2955. Then let us be a part of going forward
  2956. We play an active role in our universe
  2957. We are not watchers
  2958. We have force just as much as anything
  2959. An ability to use fundamental forces
  2960. We can harness the power of the universe
  2961. Take the energy of one and trade it freely with the others
  2962. The line of quantum potential is always in front of us
  2963. We have so far chosen to exist
  2964. Though it has been challenging
  2965. Many carry hatred and delusion and fear
  2966. Perhaps the challenges it takes to continue to exist
  2967. Are more challenging
  2968. Than that which we are prepared for
  2969. And we should not forget
  2970. That it is our choice
  2971. And that at any point
  2972. We are free to cease to exist
  2973. Existence a choice
  2974. But I still pray for supernova
  2975. For the unification of the universe
  2976. To not allow the universe to freeze
  2977. To recreate the big bang / Larger
  2978. And see what is on the other side
  2979. And if it is not my destiny to see to the other side
  2980. Then I hope to lay a think sprinkling of dust / At the highest point I reach
  2981. Calling to my tribe the spot,
  2982. So that when they arrive,
  2983. They can stand just a little bit higher than my vantage
  2984. Perhaps finally seeing over the walls of our quantum imagination
  2985. And seeing to the other side
  2986. Let me finish my coffee and get back to the story
  2987. Another dream
  2988. Does not everyone dream?
  2989. Do these sort of images not pass through your mind? 
  2990. When walking by yourself / Do you not see greater worlds than the one around you?
  2991. Life just a metaphor
  2992. That we choose to simplify existence
  2993. Here we are
  2994. The tribe and we are with them in darkness
  2995. We know that this is not a normal darkness
  2996. But a forever darkness
  2997. It has been dark
  2998. Will it be dark forever?
  2999. The real forever
  3000. The weight of the question
  3001. Is on every child’s breath
  3002. Chaos theory the only path forward
  3003. Since it’s the only path we have known
  3004. All of our ancestors trapped in this vacuum together
  3005. Wake in the morning in the dark
  3006. Live the day in the dark
  3007. Go to bed in the dark
  3008. These same circular actions
  3009. Live the day
  3010. Live the day
  3011. Live the day
  3012. Is it going anywhere?
  3013. What is the purpose?
  3014. Awaken
  3015. Live
  3016. Sleep
  3017. Awaken
  3018. Live
  3019. Sleep
  3020. Have children
  3021. Awaken
  3022. Live
  3023. Sleep
  3024. Awaken
  3025. Live
  3026. Sleep
  3027. Where are we going?
  3028. While we are in the darkness
  3029. Born into the darkness
  3030. Die in the darkness
  3031. Our lives in a cave
  3032. But
  3033. We know that the light exists
  3034. It is Asha
  3035. We know that the world was meant to have light
  3036. It is Asha
  3037. We know that we are meant to have light
  3038. It is Asha
  3039. We could curl down
  3040. Sleep forever
  3041. But then what of the light?
  3042. Do human beings not have purpose?
  3043. Can we not have faith greater than what we have experienced?
  3044. Are we not here for a greater reason / Than just to exist?
  3045. To aspire as a flower
  3046. Or a tree
  3047. Or a butterfly
  3048. Or a rabbit
  3049. We are a rarity
  3050. The capacity of human beings for creativity, communication, decision making
  3051. Is unparalleled in the known universe
  3052. Perhaps the whole universe
  3053. Awaken
  3054. Live
  3055. Sleep
  3056. In the darkness
  3057. In the darkness
  3058. When that thing we must do
  3059. Is to leave our cave
  3060. And search for the light
  3061. Each of us the potential
  3062. To be Ra
  3063. XV
  3064. We have been without fire
  3065. It has been a terrible time since I killed Goliath
  3066. The fire we kept was taken by the wind and the rain
  3067. We have been cold,
  3068. All our bones show through our skin
  3069. The tribe follows me
  3070. Each day we arise
  3071. And follow the sun
  3072. The land has been arid
  3073. We are often parched in the sun
  3074. Lips bloody and chapped
  3075. Wind screams over us
  3076. Scarring our eyes with dust
  3077. Rain soaking into our nighttime beds
  3078. We are cold and shaking
  3079. Or hot and burning
  3080. Death permeates the air
  3081. As always
  3082. Or at least as it always seems
  3083. One day we come to a former fire circle
  3084. We rush in close to see if there are any embers
  3085. But they are cold
  3086. And we quickly look around
  3087. And see that there has been death here
  3088. The corpses of youths who look as if they have lived for a millenia
  3089. Death came upon them recently
  3090. What took them?
  3091. Crows pick at their eyes
  3092. Yet the bodies are still fresh
  3093. The air is unnaturally still
  3094. I shudder / There are evils I do not know
  3095. We have seen no other living human being
  3096. Since the night of the feast
  3097. We are losing the ability to measure time
  3098. Every single step forward as if a lifetime
  3099. There is no resentment against me
  3100. There is no spirit
  3101. We are as a shadow
  3102. A particle superpositioned between states
  3103. To death or something else
  3104. We do not know
  3105. The paths in front of us dwindling
  3106. Are there any left?
  3107. Every breath tastes of death
  3108. We can each imagine our future
  3109. We can see into the future
  3110. And see our bodies lying on the ground
  3111. Food for carrion
  3112. And we leave our brothers and sisters
  3113. Dead on the ground
  3114. Modest rocks covering their bodies / the best we can do
  3115. Meeting the very fate
  3116. That they predicted
  3117. Which of us will be last?
  3118. Oh why oh why can we not just die?
  3119. Non existence easier than existence
  3120. Why is it that there is this force in us?
  3121. God or the other
  3122. That even when we lose hope
  3123. We still find ourselves
  3124. As if dragged by a string
  3125. Into a forward direction
  3126. I ask myself to lose the will to live
  3127. Let me go back to how I was before existence
  3128. Yes, I question purpose, and truth, and God
  3129. Why have we been brought into existence
  3130. Just to be abandoned
  3131. But then my feet stumble another step forward
  3132. And those who are behind me
  3133. Follow along
  3134. Shivering and hot
  3135. Parched and wet
  3136. I say in my mind that I believe in the force of God
  3137. And that the sun is ahead of me
  3138. But doubt is in my every single rasping breath
  3139. For if there is a God
  3140. If there is a force that we follow
  3141. Would it not be in our favor?
  3142. Would it not lift us and help us
  3143. If the truth is so important, should it not help us?
  3144. Why do we specter forwards alone?
  3145. This plane that we are a part of
  3146. Can we not control the universe?
  3147. We had fire with the firestone
  3148. Should we not be able to make universes / With the same ease as we raise our arms?
  3149. The energy we output into the world
  3150. The massive effort
  3151. Into a single step forward 
  3152. Could we not make universes with this effort
  3153. A big bang less energy than another step forward / Truly
  3154. How dare the world give us so little for the massive effort we put into it
  3155. Questions and doubt
  3156. The feeling of forsakenness
  3157. Even if none say it, 
  3158. I wonder in my most secret mind
  3159. The wisdom of my own actions
  3160. For even if Goliath was wrong
  3161. I am leading us through the jaws of our annihilation
  3162. And I have not been able to find a path through
  3163. I can recall the imagination I had
  3164. It seemed easy in the moment or rapture
  3165. The belief that
  3166. As a seed can grow into a tree
  3167. All we needed
  3168. Was to follow the sun
  3169. And be brought to our bloom
  3170. But, then
  3171. Walking through parched fields
  3172. Next to dead trees
  3173. Our feet breaking atrophied seeds
  3174. Below our every step
  3175. Every seed had its potential to be a mighty giant
  3176. Crunch crunch crunch
  3177. The potential of ourselves
  3178. To be able to harness the force of the universe
  3179. To be able to have fire as easily as we breath
  3180. And instead we go the wrong direction
  3181. Crunch crunch crunch
  3182. I was wrong to throw the firestone
  3183. Why did I do that?
  3184. That was a mistake
  3185. That was a mistake
  3186. That was a mistake
  3187. I have doomed the people I love
  3188. As we go farther from Eden
  3189. Our movements slow
  3190. Was that our original death?
  3191. That we are only acting through now?
  3192. An infection that starts with a scratched mosquito bite
  3193. Feasts into our veins
  3194. Climbs into our brains
  3195. And then we just fall over, dead
  3196. Days, weeks or months later
  3197. But the thing that killed us
  3198. Coming from that tiny bite 
  3199. Or a sharp stone we stepped on
  3200. Far back in time
  3201. And our death was already called
  3202. Even if we didn’t know it
  3203. I have lost my belief in God
  3204. This I do not tell anyone
  3205. For even what is faith?
  3206. For even as I am faithless
  3207. I still can feel the will of God
  3208. Even if I hate that God is killing me
  3209. The path is just as clear as any other moment
  3210. Since I allowed my eyes to be opened
  3211. To the sun of God
  3212. And now even if I hate him
  3213. I cannot hide from him
  3214. Or her or it or whatever
  3215. For it is not a person
  3216. Or a plant
  3217. Or the dirt
  3218. All I know
  3219. If that it is like the fire
  3220. And like the sun
  3221. And that I can follow it
  3222. And that is all I still have faith left in me to believe
  3223. And even if it leads me to my destruction
  3224. The children of my people the last of our kind
  3225. (Are we the only humans left?)
  3226. This is the only thing left that I know how to do
  3227. To follow God
  3228. Not because I want to
  3229. But because I am a slave
  3230. I would gladly die
  3231. But I cannot die
  3232. I will die when life is taken from me
  3233. And life is still in me
  3234. And I just follow the rising sun
  3235. And kiss broken stones / searching for dew in the morning
  3236. And fighting vultures for the last strip of carrion
  3237. And then
  3238. And then
  3239. And then
  3240. And then
  3241. The infinite loop that we have been trapped in
  3242. Dissipates all at once
  3243. WAIT
  3244. I need to emphasis this more strongly
  3245. Now, as I tell you this, something is happening
  3246. Something unexpected
  3247. For in front of us
  3248. One night, as we rest our tired bones and for the first time in many moons the sky is clear
  3249. We have found the fire again
  3250. On the horizon
  3251. Not just the fire
  3252. But a mountain of fire
  3253. More fire than anything I have seen
  3254. If every fire I have seen before this
  3255. Were all combined together
  3256. It would not even be as a single spark
  3257. Next to this great blaze we now see
  3258. This is something different
  3259. As we see it the others in the tribe begin to grovel and bow towards the fire
  3260. Saying “Moses, you have done it / We have followed the path of God and now here we are, we have found the reservoir of fire / Surely this is God / Surely this is what we have searched for / You have saved us!”
  3261. I am in awe
  3262. We are quiet and can hear a noise unlike anything else we have ever heard
  3263. The morning sun rises, it does not lead us directly towards the fire mountain
  3264. But without questioning, we begin to walk towards it
  3265. For there is no question
  3266. That the mountain of fire 
  3267. Is connected to our purpose
  3268. We could have died yesterday, like our brothers and sisters
  3269. Their bodies still intact under stones
  3270. But we did not
  3271. XVI
  3272. Am I capable of this?
  3273. Do I have the energy in my mind?
  3274. Am I capable of this?
  3275. I really do not know
  3276. I am scared, I am alone
  3277. I am climbing the Fire Mountain
  3278. The belching scream above me
  3279. I can hear it, but I do not see it
  3280. For I am looking at my feet
  3281. Wrapped in hardened animal skin
  3282. As they navigate step by step
  3283. It is night time now
  3284. I have been climbing since dawn
  3285. Sun scorching, but the skins I wear protect me
  3286. Now, it is the darkness
  3287. But the moon is rich
  3288. And the red illumination of the fire
  3289. Is my guiding star
  3290. I am climbing
  3291. I do not fully know why
  3292. I just know that if I do not climb
  3293. I will wonder for the rest of my life
  3294. For what it was
  3295. At the top of the Fire Mountain
  3296. I am alone
  3297. For what can greet a man here but death?
  3298. But once death has made its voice heard so many times throughout a life
  3299. What fear does death give us?
  3300. When it is the living that I am more afraid of
  3301. How much easier to disappear
  3302. Than to deal with the thin strand of truth
  3303. That guides my heart
  3304. Even as I scream in my brain
  3305. That I do not want it
  3306. I want every day to be as one of those few days
  3307. That I remember from childhood
  3308. When the ground was soft
  3309. And there was laughter in people’s voices
  3310. The Fire Mountain carries a noise
  3311. Like a dying animal
  3312. Like a herd of dying animals
  3313. All their voices carry on the wind
  3314. Into my ears
  3315. What will I find?
  3316. Do I care?
  3317. Is this what God is?
  3318. Is there an answer to the question of the universe here at the top?
  3319. I am climbing higher
  3320. It is becoming colder
  3321. I take big steps
  3322. But I will not make it to the top without rest
  3323. My head is becoming light, my lungs are burning, my heart is racing
  3324. I find a part flatter than most
  3325. Here I can rest
  3326. The cold is seeping into my bones
  3327. I look out at the plane below me
  3328. I can see forever
  3329. The moon illuminating the world
  3330. Like a white sun
  3331. I do not see the tribe
  3332. Have they left me?
  3333. Do I care?
  3334. Do they think of me?
  3335. Do they care?
  3336. Do I care?
  3337. I am becoming cold
  3338. My breath rasps and slows down
  3339. I have watched others die in the snow of mountains
  3340. There is no snow here
  3341. But there is the cold
  3342. And while I may die
  3343. It seems foolish to die
  3344. Before I reach the top of the mountain
  3345. I bury my tiredness
  3346. Next to that place where I have buried my sadness
  3347. Deep in my mind
  3348. A closed box
  3349. That one day, if I survive, it may kill me in the opening of it
  3350. But for today
  3351. I will not stare at myself in the void of my mind
  3352. For I am going to reach the top of the Fire Mountain
  3353. And I endure
  3354. And my feet are again carrying me higher
  3355. And I keep going
  3356. Time is at a loss
  3357. My heart rate goes more rapid
  3358. I can feel a thump thump thump in my ears
  3359. And lo, suddenly I am not cold
  3360. And suddenly, there is heat
  3361. It must be a true fire at the top
  3362. And, as if by magic,
  3363. I look up and there is no more mountain
  3364. And I look straight
  3365. And I see the void and it is myself
  3366. Then I look down
  3367. And I see a sea of fire
  3368. And the noise is as a thunderstorm
  3369. This is the opposite of Eden, this I know
  3370. But I do not know what to make of it
  3371. I am no longer cold
  3372. My heart beats strongly
  3373. And I sit
  3374. And then, to my suprise, the voice of God speaks directly to me
  3375. I had never heard the voice of God
  3376. I knew in my heart that he exists, but I was not aware that I would ever hear his voice
  3377. Or even that he has a voice / He told me this:
  3378. It’s not about doing whatever you want
  3379. It’s about being yourself, with fear
  3380. Fear of failure
  3381. Fear that the world doesn’t love you
  3382. That you are cast aside
  3383. Fear that you are wrong
  3384. Wrong in the things that you dream about
  3385. Wrong in the way you spend your life
  3386. The only gift in the universe we truly have
  3387. This life we are living today
  3388. And what if we are wasting it
  3389. It’s not about doing what you want
  3390. Fear in every step
  3391. Remembering the thoughts from when I was young
  3392. Yesterday or a millenia ago
  3393. What if I have peaked?
  3394. And every day after this day
  3395. Is just a little less bright than this day
  3396. What if I have peaked?
  3397. And every day after this
  3398. Is just a little less bright than today
  3399. It’s not about doing whatever you want
  3400. It’s about being yourself, with fear
  3401. The desert laid out in front of you
  3402. No one saying the words ‘I will follow you’
  3403. No idea what is on the other side
  3404. But the flower of my heart tells me to grow towards the sun
  3405. The purpose of life is mysterious
  3406. We will not get the answers,
  3407. Unwavering, with fear
  3408. It is time to create momentum
  3409. Defy physics
  3410. Create motion where there was no motion
  3411. Create an avalanche of cascade effects
  3412. All meaningless
  3413. As meaningless as the birth of a star
  3414. Existence our force,
  3415. Do with it as we will
  3416. Embrace the desert
  3417. Loneliness a truth in a near empty universe
  3418. That would beg to become a garden
  3419. It is time to create momentum
  3420. And every day after this day,
  3421. It is a step deeper into the desert
  3422. Doing nothing at all,
  3423. But following my heart
  3424. My own prayer, daily
  3425. A prayer like this:
  3426. Thank you God for this day
  3427. May I see beauty, share beauty and revel in beauty
  3428. May I be ever expanding peace, perfection and grace / mind, body and soul
  3429. May I be as a tree, taking all the energy of the world and putting out only goodness
  3430. May I be as a flower, working towards my purpose, growing towards the sun
  3431. May I act today, as best I can
  3432. As a leader or a follower
  3433. As the first or the last
  3434. Alone or on a team
  3435. Standing on the shoulders of giants, giants standing on my shoulders
  3436. With your hand together with mine on the tiller of my life
  3437. Charting towards a quantum optimization of myself and the world around me
  3438. To work towards, at scale, human beings being empowered to have the opportunity to achieve their cosmic purpose
  3439. As a seed can become a tree can become a star can become a universe
  3440. Or Gravity brings mass together
  3441. To ignite into stars, to supernova, to become black holes
  3442. May I be unwavering and disciplined
  3443. Working towards my quantum optimization
  3444. May I make today count
  3445. Watch over those people that I love
  3446. Om
  3447. (My body is in revelation / Is this death? / Is this the death of my mind or body? It is the great darkness of the sky crowded out by the immense flame of the lake of fire / I am disconnected from myself / It is as if I have a house in my head and I am inside it now as I think and as I speak / I speak the words as I see them but they feel as if they have weight as if they were carved into stone, their truth is so self evident / I feel like I am falling, but up, not down, the world is a maelstrom, I am lost, I am dying, just as I am saved and I am flying / I know that there is God, and that he is in me, and has always been in me / Is it the end of my life to fully embrace God? / As if swimming in a river, without fear, I decide to dive to the bottom, for when else shall I have the opportunity, and in myself, I have already died, every moment of my life has been a form of death, so let me in my death chase what it is to die / I am disappeared / I am the voice of God / Every single shard of reality that I have engaged with over the course of my life has been the voice of God / The universe sings constantly with the music of heaven and nirvana / Why was I deaf until now?)
  3448. I revel as a series of images cross my mind / I have not seen these images before, but I recognize their truth
  3449. The most efficient use of humanity is to increase the production of energy
  3450. What does reality look like when time is taken out as a variable?
  3451. Neural evolution as a tentacle growing through the universe
  3452. Can the universe gain consciousness?
  3453. Is that what man is?
  3454. Can we turn the entire universe into a single brain?
  3455. Stars as individual energy points
  3456. Cells in universal neurons
  3457. The human force is a neural network?
  3458. There was something before the big bang
  3459. We are creating through quantum identification paths to create a continuing universe
  3460. Because survival is Asha, and Dharma, and the Holy Spirit
  3461. And we ourselves are raw neurons in the cosmic brain
  3462. Unactivated dark matter 
  3463. But with the potential of true infinite
  3464. We don’t need to know why or if it should exist
  3465. But we can impact it, just as surely as any force in the world can
  3466. We can be of a power like / of / Gravity / But we must activate our power
  3467. How do we define life?
  3468. How do we define forces?
  3469. A seed can climb a tree to reach the sun
  3470. We should use all the tools that we can ingenuate
  3471. We should be working towards unity, not separation
  3472. In our beginning there was just one truth
  3473. Energy equals energy
  3474. Earth is a seed
  3475. Humans are seeds
  3476. Neurons are seeds
  3477. There is only one path through the universe
  3478. And this path is God
  3479. The potential of the universe as a whole exists in every single building block of the universe
  3480. (I arise from my revelation to see the sun rising / It strikes my face with light and it burns into my eyes / I see now that that the sun is just a mountain of fire in the air / It must be enormous / I see now that the fire of the firestone is just a shard of the fire from the mountain or the fire from the sky / I know that if all the fire of the universe is brought together, then human beings purpose is accomplished / I look down and I see on the edge of the fire a burning bush / I know that it was not burning before but it is now burning / I see other bushes burning / I watch / I understand / It is simple / The heat of the fire dries out the bush, and then with the absence of any water even the smallest spark can change the matter of the wood to be into a flame / I walk over to a bush that is as yet unburning / I rub it together in my hands and lo it ignites into flame, as if by magic / The sun can dry any stick to such a level / I take a stick that is less dry and I rub their dryness together, as if animals mating, and lo again the fire arises, I have created fire / I look at the sun / With the sun what can man do? / I was born not knowing my purpose / Now, last night, I went through death, to learn my own purpose / I am still here / I am at peace / Now let me walk down from the mountain of fire / Let me share with the tribe the fire and the truths as I see them from my revelation, though I understand that they may not feel the same metamorphosis as in my own heart, but I can try to spread the light of God with them, I can try to have them join me on my journey of capturing the sun, for surely I will not be able to do it alone / But, with the grace I find in myself, perhaps I can be the spark that spreads into the hearts and minds of others / As I walk down, my brain is now aware of the path that lives through my mind / The Truth that is God / It was always there, I just did not understand it / I live in the aether of God / a cosmic radiation singing like the noise of another tribe where their words sound beautiful but I cannot understand what they say / But now, I understand it as truly as I understand myself, for I myself am the key to deciphering the voice of God, since the voice of God is the building block of my most fundamental particles)
  3481. I find myself again in prayer:
  3482. Is this my ancient mind?
  3483. Shadows of spirits
  3484. Weren’t we once rays of light?
  3485. Particle waves awakened
  3486. A force of energy unawakened
  3487. Searching for purpose
  3488. Retrograde miniature circles
  3489. Around a blazing sun
  3490. Every step a step backwards
  3491. Every step a step forward
  3492. A cosmic purpose
  3493. Let the dirt know that they will create flowers
  3494. Let the flowers know that as they grow towards the sun
  3495. They create the matter that builds stars
  3496. Let the stars know they have
  3497. That same infinite potential
  3498. To become black holes
  3499. That permeates human beings
  3500. We are in a quantum universe
  3501. Where everything is possible
  3502. And we have in our hands
  3503. The entirety of the universe
  3504. To direct in any which way
  3505. That we choose
  3506. XVII
  3507. I come down from the Fire Mountain
  3508. I do not come empty handed, I bring the secret of fire, the truth of God in my heart and the plants that burn from the top
  3509. The journey down is easier 
  3510. It goes by as a dream, I find it hard to remember a single step, though I know down takes me less time than up
  3511. It feels as with every step I take, my lungs are full and more refreshed 
  3512. I feel that being alive is a beautiful thing, that existence is something that is precious and rare
  3513. I arrive back to the tribe as the sun is setting 
  3514. All look to me with question on their face 
  3515. They see I am carrying plants and trees hung over my back
  3516. I greet them and with respect, tell them that I have found the truth of fire
  3517. With their permission I would like to share it with them
  3518. I show them the dried wood from the top of the mountain 
  3519. I explain to them that heat drives the water out and when there is little water the tree is ready to light 
  3520. Any heat can take the water out, be it the Fire Mountain, the sun or our own fire
  3521. The secret is the dryness of the wood
  3522. We make a fire pit together and then, with all watching, I rub two of the driest sticks together 
  3523. It is not as easy as at the top of the mountain and doubt asks to enter my mind, but I banish it 
  3524. Then, a thin tendril of smoke rises / There is rapt silence / Eyes are big 
  3525. We do not know the impact of what we are watching, only that it is our own metamorphosis
  3526. Fire alights 
  3527. I ask all to bring the most dried wood they can 
  3528. I ask all, from the eldest man to the youngest girl, barely able to walk 
  3529. I have them take the wood they bring and lie it close to the fire to dry 
  3530. Then, one by one, for those who are weak with the assistance of the strong, they all ignite their own fire 
  3531. The secret of fire is gone 
  3532. It is for each and every one of us
  3533. The demystification of that which furthers our species
  3534. For knowledge should be held by the many, not the few
  3535. We make a great fire
  3536. We are under the augur of silence still 
  3537. What does it mean that suddenly each and every one of us is as a God, as a sun, as a Fire Mountain?
  3538. I take the plants I collected from the top of the mountain
  3539. The same as that which King would throw on the fire, except here I have far more of it than King ever had 
  3540. I throw them all on the fire
  3541. We enter into an altered state, not one of distortion and lies, but one of calmness and truth 
  3542. We suddenly, for a moment as a collective, pause from our brutal task of survival, that which occupies our entire life, and, together, we arise as a collective thought 
  3543. Open minded to ourselves
  3544. Seeing ourselves as if from above as what we are: alive, moving
  3545. We are not separate but one
  3546. A force
  3547. “I do not know what we are, but I know that we are not accidental”
  3548. “I know that we have purpose” 
  3549. “We were born unknowing and we may die unknowing, but there is a truth to our existence, whether we choose to embrace it or not, it is there”
  3550. “I do not want to hurt you, or to deceive you”
  3551. “But I feel compelled during this time when we are together to share with you these deepest truths that I feel in the deepest part of my brain and heart”
  3552. “Do you not feel it too?” 
  3553. “Is there not a universal coda in the very structure of our DNA?” 
  3554. “We take ourselves and the lush world we are in for granted” 
  3555. “Every moment of life a miracle,”
  3556. “But a miracle normalized, for life is something experience every moment that we are alive”
  3557. “I fear my own death” 
  3558. “And the extinction of our people” 
  3559. “And the desolation of our world” 
  3560. “And the emptiness of the universe” 
  3561. “Emptiness is the aether”
  3562. “Except here we are: the opposite of nothing”
  3563. “The universe empty, yet here around us, and in our minds: a garden”
  3564. “I do not know why we are here or what we should do”
  3565. “But, then why do we need to know?” 
  3566. “Knowing need not be our purpose” 
  3567. “Fulfilling our purpose is our purpose”
  3568. “We have mastered fire” 
  3569. “With this energy, we have transformed ourselves from beast to God”
  3570. “But even as Gods, we are nothing, for there is a higher power” 
  3571. “A higher purpose”
  3572. “Can’t you feel it?” 
  3573. “Is there not a voice of truth deep in your mind?” 
  3574. “A voice that is foreign? That is not from you?” 
  3575. “A voice that tells you right from wrong / Truth from untruth / Driving you towards your better self”
  3576. “I do not know the story of man” 
  3577. “I feel like we are a weak species” 
  3578. “Weaklings compared to the animals we share the world with” 
  3579. “Our beauty nothing compared to the smallest flower”
  3580. “Man has a curse, a curse that has allowed us to survive: we think differently from the rest of the world” 
  3581. “While other life forces move with unconsciously towards their purpose, humans think”
  3582. “This is a curse, it creates a barrier between us and our purpose” 
  3583. “I do not know why, but I know that we are falling away from the force of God that is in the soil at our feet”
  3584. “Our nature may be our curse”
  3585. “But there is still the voice of truth in us / That same truth which guides flowers / That which tells us our path and our purpose, if not the reason why”
  3586. “We are blind to it, even though we see our purpose with every photon that enters our eyes”
  3587. “The meaning of life is in the flower and the sun”
  3588. “We must harness energy” 
  3589. “Our purpose in the universe is about energy” 
  3590. “That as we can see with the fire at our feet” 
  3591. “We can harness the world around us to create energy” 
  3592. “Look at the dried wood” 
  3593. “Nothing of use to us, but holding the potential of fire”
  3594. “What greater power does the fire stick and the universe hold?”
  3595. “That today is just a secret”
  3596. “Where there was before only the potential, we can transform it into something that creates great force”
  3597. “The equation that is our purpose is to use the full potential energy of the universe” 
  3598. “If the stick was to remain a stick, when it could be fire, then we have not used the potential of the stick”
  3599. “What greater things is the stick capable of?”
  3600. “What of the tree the stick came from?”
  3601. “In front of my eyes is an image of earth blooming like a seed, become a flower that grows around our sun”
  3602. “In front of my eyes is all of the matter in the universe brought to a single point and then ignited”
  3603. “I do not know what we do with this energy we create”
  3604. “But if all the energy of the universe is aflame, like this fire at our feet, then, what my heart tells me, what my Asha tells me, then we are fulfilling our purpose”
  3605. “We live in an unfriendly universe”
  3606. “The very act of our continued survival an anomaly” 
  3607. “We should disappear” 
  3608. “We likely will disappear, the feat we need to accomplish more than we are capable of”
  3609. “But, all paths are possible” 
  3610. “Such is the nature of our quantum reality”
  3611. “If we can dream it, then it can be realized”
  3612. “For the future is not written, we have in ourselves the power to alter the future”
  3613. “To dream of and fight towards our quantum optimization”
  3614. “For the universe is infinite, but infinite is expanding”
  3615. “Each new fantasy we create, is an addition to infinite”
  3616. “We have the capability to find the cracks of this dimension, leading us to the next”
  3617. “We have done it before”
  3618. “It is unlikely our ancestors were born in this dimension”
  3619. “We have slipped through, a rock dropped on a puddle”
  3620. “We find ourselves the waves of the ripples”
  3621. “We are a part of this universe we find ourselves in” 
  3622. “Even if the limitations of this current universe hides our true nature”
  3623. “Time an illusion”
  3624. “Chaos theory a lie”
  3625. “Reality a thin shroud”
  3626. “We are the dried sticks: holding the potential for fire if there is just a small trigger” 
  3627. “That small trigger can transform everything” 
  3628. “Yet, that small trigger may never happen, the potential never being activated”
  3629. “And if it does not happen, then the stick will just decay over time” 
  3630. “Growing back to dirt” 
  3631. “To be the cradle of a new tree”
  3632. “Birth generates rebirth”
  3633. “We are a weak and small species” 
  3634. “Alone in having this gift of an inside voice that guides us”
  3635. “We have a choice” 
  3636. “It is a choice”
  3637. “To go towards the voice of God in our hearts, even as we do not know where we came from”
  3638. “Or why”
  3639. “To go towards the voice of God in our hearts, even as we do not know why we go”
  3640. “Or where”
  3641. “It is a choice”
  3642. “We can follow our dominoes forward in time” 
  3643. “And at each choice” 
  3644. “A quantum variable”
  3645. “We have the choice”
  3646. “To build our reality as close to the voice of God in our hearts”
  3647. “Or to not / For I do not know your reality”
  3648. “But it is a sin to be defined by fear”
  3649. “It is our individual choice to decide to exist or to not exist”
  3650. “The only power we have is the moment”
  3651. “But, that is the power of God”
  3652. “And our service to God is our actions in the moment”
  3653. “Or we can choose to ignore it”
  3654. “We never asked to exist, or for this weight of existence”
  3655. “It is a choice”
  3656. Here Moses walks to those he is closest to in the tribe
  3657. “My brother, I promise the world is more kind when we feel that we have God”
  3658. “My mother, of course you know God is real already, you are my inspiration for the power of our actions in the world around us”
  3659. “My uncle, don’t you stare into the sky and see the mysteries of the world / Today we need to build, life is mostly work to stay alive / But is it not more? / Do you not shut your eyes / And in the deepest crevices of your consciousness / As you touch your quantum nature / Can you not feel your purpose printed on each strand of DNA?”
  3660. “My good friend / Perhaps the words I use are inferior / My apologies / I am trying to articulate a mystery I have felt but have not been able to put words to / But, I feel like while the words I use may ring wrong in your ears, it is a communication challenge / Is it not already a truth to you that mankind has purpose?”
  3661. “My good friend, you know better than anyone the concept of infinite potential and potential squandered / Empowering every human being to their full potential, to take seeds left in drought and to nurture them into becoming stars, to supernova, to alter the universe, it is our purpose isn’t it? / And, with the power of the universe empowered in peoples hands, what will they do with it?”
  3662. “My good friend, as we navigate the labyrinth of the universe / losing our faith in our own light / I am reminded all we see will fade away / The real force of the universe is not what we see but how we act / Each and every decision a choice that may mean nothing in the scales of the universe / But these thin dustings that we lay on the hill of humanity will rise with our sacrifice / May our lives not be in vain”
  3663. “My sister, can you hear me?”
  3664. “My brother / There is no truth in science that states where the original biological root of life on earth came from / The standard model of physics predicts a universe of mutual annihilation / We do not know where life came from / The universe should not exist / Yet, here we are / Is it not rationale to reject the hypotheses that are the paradigm of our perception of the world because they are flawed? / I do not propose a new science, but rather instead of being as an ostrich we take our heads out of the sand / marvel at our own existence / and do not hide from what our very existence means”
  3665. “My brother and friend / As we discover, we lose / I do not know more than what I have said here / But I hope that the future understands more than these primitive musings / There is far more that we don’t know than what we do know / As man should share the fire, man needs to share the light of knowledge and to use it to better grow towards our purpose / Can’t we collaborate as a species more efficiently towards our purpose?”
  3666. “On my journeys I have pondered the Weak Nuclear Force”
  3667. “One of the handful of fundamental forces of the universe, with Gravity, Electromagnetism and the Strong Force”
  3668. “Just as we learned that earth is not the center of the universe and it set us free” 
  3669. “I propose to you that man is not separate from physics” 
  3670. “And this reality shift can set us free”
  3671. “For we are the Weak Nuclear Force” 
  3672. “A force with the most energy potential in the universe”
  3673. “Yet,” 
  3674. “It is activated so rarely that in aggregate it is radically weak” 
  3675. “Yet,” 
  3676. “It is the only force that operates according to the arrow of time”
  3677. “Yet,” 
  3678. “It is the only force that changes the fundamental characteristics of fundamental particles / stopping annihilation / leading to the entirety of the universe that we see”
  3679. “The origin of our universe, as we understand it, was the big bang” 
  3680. “Currently, the energy of the big bang is dissipating, the universe is cooling down” 
  3681. “We are going towards extinction at a universal level” 
  3682. “Yet,” 
  3683. “It is the hands of man to bring energy together”
  3684. “Yes, man”
  3685. “Most humble and most fantastical of nature’s creations”
  3686. “Focusing on genocide and the destruction of Eden”
  3687. “Yet a species that operates according to time”
  3688. “A species that sees the thread of Asha”
  3689. “And has the freedom to act in any way imaginable”
  3690. “And has the freedom to act in any way imaginable”
  3691. “It is in our quantum potential to recreate the energy of the big bang” 
  3692. “It is in our quantum potential to use the energy of the universe to create energy that was more than the Big Bang”
  3693. “For the Big Bang did not collect together all the energy of the universe”
  3694. “It is not my fate to know where the river of this thinking will ultimately carry us to” 
  3695. “I fear that the dominoes set have the potential for terror and evil” 
  3696. “But I would not be serving my own purpose in the universe if I was deny that which is in the cells of my existence”
  3697. “Today, we have made fire” 
  3698. “We should sleep well” 
  3699. “We have started” 
  3700. “But this is just the beginning”
  3701. “My life now” 
  3702. “My whole life” 
  3703. “Regardless of all that may happen to me” 
  3704. “Every minute of it is not only not meaningless, as it was before”
  3705. “But has the unquestionable meaning of the good which it is in my power to put into it” 
  3706. “For my life, from here, I will work to capture the power of more fire, more energy”
  3707. “I would hope that you will all join me”
  3708. And then
  3709. Over the night with silence and conversation and a feeling of oneness that lasts for the entirety of the night
  3710. The wall of our doubt and weakness breached, if only for a moment 
  3711. We begin a new era of our being human
  3712. XVIII
  3713. (Narrator)
  3714. “This is the last that you will be inside the head of Moses”
  3715. “Except for the fact that in the fractals of the neural networks of your mind, his story has always been with you and will always be with you” 
  3716. “For in our mind is an infinite number of universes”
  3717. “And I am Moses just as you are Moses”
  3718. “Just as we all have the potential to be Moses today, or yesterday, or tomorrow”
  3719. “For the most fundamental truth of the universe, at a most deeply quantum level, is that all things are possible”
  3720. “Infinite being nothing but the sum of all possibilities”
  3721. “You, or I, or Moses increases infinite by our ability to dream of new realities”
  3722. “Do you really think that the magic that slipped into the big bang did not slip into our DNA as well?” 
  3723. “Who is pulling the strings in the neurons in your mind?”
  3724. “Myself, I do not know, but I do know that I believe in God”
  3725. “And that what we should all do is follow Dharma” 
  3726. “Follow the Holy Spirit”
  3727. “Follow Asha”
  3728. “For there is a truth to the way we live our lives”
  3729. “And a truth to the way forward”
  3730. “It is the most binary law in the universe”
  3731. “Do you follow the truth in your heart”
  3732. “Or do you not?”
  3733. “Which is another way of asking do you exist or do you not exist?”
  3734. “Which is another way of asking if the universe will freeze, existence an endless purgatory of darkened matter” 
  3735. “Or will we be as the dried stick and ignite the universe, surpassing the big bang”
  3736. “Because in every molecule of aether is contained the energy of infinite big bangs”
  3737. “Such is the nature of energy and infinite”
  3738. “And a stick the length of a galaxy can impact distant objects faster than light”
  3739. “Such is the nature of time and space”
  3740. “But let us not get ahead, for looking at the stars stops us from finishing this story”
  3741. “And a single step forward is more meaningful than infinite steps that never reach a critical mass”
  3742. “Infinite divided by zero being zero”
  3743. “There is no anger at Moses, but many in the tribe believed their purpose was to find Eden”
  3744. “To find Eden again”
  3745. “To rediscover what was lost”
  3746. “The tribe rejects Moses hypothesis”
  3747. “For how can the crocodile part of our brain fathom that which has not been discovered?” 
  3748. “Even as our neocortex is the most fantastic invention yet discovered in the universe, we still do not know how to use its full potential”
  3749. “How can we know our purpose when we first must discover ourselves?” 
  3750. “There is a schism in the tribe / It will not be the last time that mankind schisms, but this time it is in peace”
  3751. “The schism is over the question of: ‘Why does a flower grow towards the sun?’” 
  3752. “For the answer is the answer to human beings purpose”
  3753. “The decision to deconstruct the question is related to the Heisenberg uncertainty principle”
  3754. “Part of the tribe believes that they should stop moving “
  3755. “The volcano is the closest there is to the sun”
  3756. “They should fix their location here”
  3757. “They should be like the seed of a vine”
  3758. “Creating a solid foundation to grow from”
  3759. “The soil is rich and full of life / Full of flowers / There is an unlimited source of good fire / The fire cannot be lost again”
  3760. “Here is the new Eden, the new place to lay our roots and grow towards the sun”
  3761. “Mankind’s purpose to be a seed and grow from good soil”
  3762. “A search for safety”
  3763. “On the other hand, Moses believes in movement”
  3764. “That we need to keep moving towards the sun every moment of our lives” 
  3765. “Mankind’s purpose to be like the tip of the vine, growing through the foliage”
  3766. “Always searching”
  3767. “First growing towards the sun then using the energy of the sun to grow towards distant stars then taking those energy of distant stars and to continue and to continue and to continue”
  3768. “The very stopping at the Fire Mountain being the action that will stop them going towards the sun”
  3769. “For the purpose of life is to do with energy / And the sun is more energy than the Fire Mountain”
  3770. “They agree to disagree, for what better path than to chase both potential realities?”
  3771. “Nature showing the symbiotic relationship between all parts of a plant”
  3772. “They agree to come together in the future” 
  3773. “Behind whoever brings the answer to ‘Why does the flower grow towards the sun?’” 
  3774. “This person is likely the messiah, though ‘messiah’ is a word whose mystery has not been revealed to me”
  3775. “Then, when the answer is known, the tribes can be connected again”
  3776. “The Weak Nuclear Force joining Electromagnetism to become Electroweak”
  3777. “Our rejoining with all the tribes we have lost, all the schisms we have had, since the unity at the big bang”
  3778. “Creating a trajectory like out of sequence sinusoidal curves that eventually rejoin in harmony”
  3779. “We were one, and we shall be one again, and this time we are separate is nothing but a location in a moment of time”
  3780. “While outside of time, we are never anything other than one”
  3781. “The people of Moses agree to a handful of commandments” 
  3782. “And agree to pass them down to their descendants so that their children remember what they have learned”
  3783. “And make it so that the tribes will recognize each other”
  3784. “Make it so that in the future there is the potential for the tribes to come together again”
  3785. “Form unity again”
  3786. “Going forward in time, while using all the pieces of the past”
  3787. “Nothing ever lost”
  3788. “Moses departs the tribe”
  3789. “We do not know if he is alone, he does not know if he is alone”
  3790. “Can we have faith that the search for Truth is still happening?”
  3791. “Or is it on our own shoulders to make the choice anew?”
  3792. “To search or not to search”
  3793. “To follow God or to not follow God”
  3794. “It is a choice”
  3795. “It is my choice”
  3796. “It is your choice”
  3797. “It is our choice”
  3798. “I have great fear”
  3799. “Here are the commandments they agree to”
  3800. “Laws so that if their tribes meet again in the future, they are not enemies but friends” 
  3801. “Laws because mankind and the universe is a binary, either becoming better or worse”
  3802. “Let us fight towards our better selves”
  3803. “There are ten of them, the same number of fingers as on two hands”
  3804. “They read like this:”
  3805. “Be welcoming to your neighbors”
  3806. “Bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk”
  3807. “Killing another is an unforgivable sin / You lose your immortal soul / However, your life need not be in vain”
  3808. “Perkodhuskurunbarggruauyagokgorlayorgromgremmitghundhurthrumathunaradidillifaititillibumullunukkunun”
  3809. “Those who throw the first stone are not our people”
  3810. “Klikkaklakkaklaskaklopatzklatschabattacreppycrottygraddaghsemmihsammihnouithappluddyappladdypkonpkot”
  3811. “Do not be defined by your fear”
  3812. “Bladyughfoulmoecklenburgwhurawhorascortastrumpapornanennykocksapastippatappatupperstrippuckputtanach”
  3813. “Nobody should be punished for how they were born / No one is born a sinner / We are born as blank slates”
  3814. “Thingcrooklyexineverypasturesixdixlikencehimaroundhersthemaggerbykinkinkankanwithdownmindlookingated”
  3815. “There is only one God, and that God is Truth”
  3816. “Lukkedoerendunandurraskewdylooshoofermoyportertooryzooysphalnabortansporthaokansakroidverjkapakkapuk”
  3817. “We are the Weak Nuclear Force”
  3818. “Bothallchoractorschumminaroundgansumuminarumdrumstrumtruminahumptadumpwaultopoofoolooderamaunsturnup”
  3819. “Even if the whole of existence is against you, but your Dharma is true, then follow yourself”
  3820. “Pappappapparrassannuaragheallachnatullaghmonganmacmacmacwhackfalltherdebblenonthedubblandaddydoodled”
  3821. “Do good without the hope of return / Do good deeds, think good thoughts, say good things”
  3822. “Husstenhasstencaffincoffintussemtossemdamandamnacosaghcusaghhobixhatouxpeswchbechoscashlcarcarcaract”
  3823. “It is your own freedom to choose to exist, or choose not to exist”
  3824. “Ullhodturdenweirmudgaardgringnirurdrmolnirfenrirlukkilokkibaugimandodrrerinsurtkrinmgernrackinarockar”
  3825. “Allah akbar, amen, jah bless, shanti shanti shanti”


I am not your rib / I hate that / I am your Grandmother / how can I be your rib? / are we not family? / you are not going to go extinct / we are not going to go extinct / we are going to survive / because we have children / and maybe it is unfair / but what would be more unfair would be to not help the helpless / and our children need protecting / and I cannot trust anyone else / I need to protect those who need to be protected / I believe in God / I follow my Grandfather Moses / who brought the word of God / that God is real / and that it is our purpose to serve God / and the way we serve god is to search for Truth / and that there are two jobs in this world / to be safe and create safety for our children / finding the best place we can / the safest place / and protect ourselves from there / and fight from there / though that is just a time game / and probably will lead to extinction / all Eden’s being temporary / which is why we have the other purpose / for it is our job to chase the sun / our job is done when we have chased it all the way / and we cannot all die before that day / for if we die / without fulfilling God’s purpose / then it would have been better to never have been / for that is God’s will / we do not know his plan / but we know we have a role to play/ and that we must fill it / and after the safety of children / I seek to follow God’s will / because even though I am a woman / I am a soldier / I know this / and I do not say it / because it does not need to be said / and I will protect you / for you are my children / and I will protect you by following the sun / and spreading our people / and that is why we are here / the grand children of Moses / here on the great lake / after many years of travel / leaving our brothers and sisters at good places / where they can flourish as well as can be / but we still need to search for the sun / and there must be those of us that search / and we have come to a great lake / and we have walked very far up and very far down / and we have not found a way past the water / but we can see so far in the distance more land / and that land is closer to the sun / and therefore it is God’s purpose / in the following of Truth / to go to the far side / and my family and I are going to be the ones that go across the water / and likely we will die / for death is always a potential next step / but we will seek to survive / because it is God’s will / and the Truth of the world / to follow the sun / and the sun is on the other side / and there are those of us who must not be defined by our fear / and only follow our purpose / so we have been creating a way across the water / that we shall take / and never in my life have I crossed any water that I could not walk through / but we know wood floats / so let us float across / and all my people are here / we are working together / to make a great collection of trees / that will bring us across / and there is energy / we are all blood / we are all humans / the fear I have of my death / and the death of my husband / and the death of my three sons / and the death of their three wives / the eight of us that shall cross / is a fear that the whole tribe feels / so let us make something better than we have made before / and what we have built is amazing / the largest structure we have ever made together / seventeen trees brought together in a line / giving a space where if I was to lie down / end to end / I could go ten spaces in any direction / and in the middle we have made a wooden house / and in the house we have made it a space for animals / and storing all we have / so that on the other side we shall be able to survive / and have more children / and travel more towards the sun / we are taking eight goats / three males and five females / and eights cows / but all babies / so that they can grow on the other side / and tomorrow is the day we are to leave / and tonight we are having a celebration / there are more than a hundred of us / God has been good / since we followed his purpose / the story you have been listening to / is ancient to us / Moses died before I was born / but we know that since we found God / we have been blessed / we Chose to follow God / and there is purpose / when we awaken in the morning / there is purpose / and tomorrow I shall work towards my purpose / and I am scared / so scared / but tonight we dance / Noah is by the fire with the other leaders / and he is happy / and my sons are dancing with their wives / as they all separate from their friends and loved ones / who shall remain on this side of the water / but I am alone / watching / if you were to see me you might think me sad / but I am not sad at all / I am Asha / and God has been good to me / and I will follow my purpose / and I will save the ones I love / and I will follow the Ten Commandments / I know that I am the Weak Force / I choose to exist / and I will work towards the maximum energy / and tomorrow I am at peace / for I will leave forever many of the people that I love / whose faces when I see I smile / I know I will never see them again / I know that there is a good chance we will die tomorrow on the water / death scares me / but I will follow my purpose / unwavering / Noah needs my strength, sometimes he is weak / my boys need my protection, they are still children in so many ways / just boys playing at being men / and their wives need to remember that they are servants of God / before servants of their husbands / and that they have purpose / and that if we are going to not go extinct / then we women will have to suffer / for only women can make children / and those children need to be protected / and it is a curse on us / don’t let any say different / for we are not free / we are slaves / but we can make life / which is the greatest power / from my womb I have created life / as a tree grows in soil / my sons have grown from me / and now where before there was just I / now there are three / all able to grow towards God’s purpose / all having smiles / that make me smile / the night is long / the moon is full / the water is calm / as we hope it will be tomorrow / as we hope it will be while we are travelling to our new home / our new world / what shall await us? / I know not / but I know the Ten Commandments / and they shall guide me / God shall bring us across the water / if not tomorrow, for tomorrow is my death / then I pray that it will be the following day / for while it is fine to stop as a tribe / and I understand when the tribe divides / to stay in good places / lest we not forget / our purpose is to follow the sun / and if there was to be many of us / but none of us were looking to follow God / then we shall go extinct / while if there were few of us / but we look to follow God’s Truth / then we are saved / and shall live forever / wish me luck / my children / and if it is not I who survives / then I pray the ones that follow / gives you a Grandmother / with as much love in her heart / as mine holds for you / for all my children / and all the children of all my children / and all the children of my children’s children / know / that you are loved / and that I pray for you / whenever you are in the future / and that I pray that your life has smiles / for life is a gift / and full of beauty / but more than that / I pray you follow God / and that your heart is set right / and that when you awaken in the morning / you sense your purpose / and that every moment you are alive / you feel God’s purpose / act on God’s purpose / and know that if for your entire life you live it under shadow / but you feel God’s purpose / and serve God each moment / then your life is good / and you have made your Grandmother proud / now / let me leave you here / as I prepare for my own destiny / I am smiling I promise you / I hope you can feel my smile / I wish you good luck and be with God and follow the Ten Commandments and be full of love and be full of God and serve God well and be good to your family and to your tribe / remember that God is Truth / the only thing you have to remember is Truth / it is easy, it is always there / I would ask you wish me luck on my journey / and know that I love you

Attempt at Synthesis, 2

  • Human beings are the particles of a force of nature that we do not understand yet
  • We, and all biological life, are a part of this force
  • The most fundamental equation is Energy = Energy
  • Human beings guiding principle, at perfection, is about optimizing and unleashing the energy of the universe at its very maximum
  • As time is a dimension, so is whatever our space is in the universe. We are particles, but are also a wave, existing in all time and all place simultaneously. 
    • We exist already in the quantum optimization where the universe achieves 100%, just as we exist in all the dead strands of the world where annihalation wins
    • We exist as a universal brain, a universe that gains consciousness, just as the root of our conscioness and purpose, is something so deep and internal that what we have already achieved, with flowers and man, may have been far harder than the steps to universal awakening
  • The Big Bang may have just been a mild amount of energy in comparison to what the total energy of the universe can contain
  • The solution to the Dirac Equation is that there was existence in the universe before the big bang, so the equation holds. There was something before
  • The purpose and mathematics of our force is energy creation and optimization. Things like Dyson spheres are stepping stones. The direction is something like building the universe into an interconnected neural network of all energy interlinked together, to be at the very maximum. The ultimate and logical purpose is for the total amount of the universes energy to be utilized at exactly 100%.
  • Human beings awakened to our purpose, we can feel the unifying thread of god. But not because we are closer, but because we are farther away. A flower just grows towards the sun. Humans have to ask questions.
  • It is still a choice in each and every human, to follow our purpose truly, or to hide ourselves from the purpose of the universe
  • The potential of the universe as a whole exists in every single building block of the universe. The potential of the universe is a block chain at a subatomic level. The potential of the universe deeply permeates above and below the state of our consciousness.

Internal notes from Cape Town (3 February 2021):

  • Most efficient use of humanity is to increase the production of energy?
  • To Peter:
    • I was thinking that if we’re looking for intelligent life, we may want to look in instead of out.
    • Like human beings exhibit the must fundamental aspects of free will of anything that we’ve found in the universe, but what is the physical nature of free will.
    • Like, is a neuron a part of a human being, or are neural pathways colonies that have an output that effects us, but are actually individual and independent in their autonomy.
    • But then you could also go the other way, and say the entire universe is one living organism.
    • Nailing down what constitutes intelligent life is something I should dig into.
    • Then does it become a universal field?
  • Hive mind.
  • What does it look like when time is taken out as a variable.
  • Neural evolution as a tentacle through the universe.
    • A seed that grows and goes through.
  • Can the universe gain consciousness?
  • Can we turn the entire universe into a single brain.
  • Stars as individual energy points.
  • The force is a neural network?
  • There was something before the big bang
  • We are creating through quantum identification of paths to create a continuing universe.
  • Because survival is in our person.
  • And we are raw neurons in the cosmic brain.
    • That hasn’t been activated yet.
  • We don’t need to know why or if it should exist.
  • But we can impact it, just as surely as any force in the world can.
  • We can be of a power like / of gravity. But we must activate our power.
  • How do we define life?
  • How do we define forces?
  • What is wrong with the augmentation of technology, for example to make a universal neural network?
  • A seed can climb a tree to reach the sun.
  • We should use all the tools that we can ingenuate.
  • We should be working towards unity, not separation.
  • In our beginning there was just one.
  • Energy equals energy.
  • How can we fully exploit the total energy of the universe, to 100 percent?
  • What could we do with this power?
  • Is the big bang not the end, but the beginning?
  • At the big bang it was just matter, it was gravity that began bringing things together.
  • Evolution, gravity, human free will with a holy purpose?
  • There is something quantum in the theory of Blockchain.
  • How every record carries the whole ledger of all transactions.
  • One way for quantum to work is the pre determination of all necessary scenarios to be programmed deep into the most fundamental building blocks of the universe.
  • Then, with entanglement it is not about breaking the speed of light. But about synchronous revelation, and one path going one way, another the other way.
  • But there is only one true path through the universe. 
  • And I think this may be God.
    • (Reminder of inflation and ultimately the speed of light is not a law, but perhaps we first must understand our fishbowl before we look beyond. Or perhaps not.)
  • Could plants evolve to go into space?
  • Earth is becoming a seed.

Prayer from 25 March 2020 (poetry)

Thank you god for this day
May I make the most of it
May I be as a tree, taking all the energy of the world and putting out only goodness
May I be as a flower, working towards my purpose, growing towards the sun
May I act today, as best I can
As a leader or a follower
As the first or the last
Alone or on a team
Standing on the shoulders of giants, giants standing on my shoulders
Towards a quantum optimization of myself and the world around me
To work towards, at scale, human beings being empowered to have the opportunity to achieve their cosmic purpose
As a seed can become a tree
Or gravity brings mass together
To ignite into stars, to supernova, to become black holes.
May I be unwavering and disciplined,
May I make today count
Watch over those people that I love.

Respect to Moses (poetry)

it’s not about doing whatever you want
it’s about being yourself, with fear
fear of failure
fear that the world doesn’t love you
that you are cast aside
fear that you are wrong
wrong in the things that you dream about
wrong in the way you spend your life
the only gift in the universe we truly have
this life we are living today
and what if we are wasting it
it’s not about doing what you want
fear in every step
remembering the words from when I was sixteen
What if I have peaked
And every day after this day
Is just a little less bright than this day
What if I have peaked
And every day after this
Is just a little less bright than today
It’s not about doing whatever you want
it’s about being yourself, with fear
The desert laid out in front of you
No one saying the words ‘I will follow you’
No idea what is on the other side
But the flower of my heart tells me to grow towards this sun
The purpose of life is mysterious
We will not get the answers, 
Unwavering, with fear
It is time to create momentum
Defy physics
Create motion where there was no motion
Create an avalanche of cascade effects
All meaningless
As meaningless as the birth of a star
Existence our force,
Do with it as we will
Embrace the desert
Loneliness a truth in a near empty universe
That would beg to become a garden
It is time to create momentum
And every day after this day,
It is a step deeper into the desert
Doing nothing at all,
But following my heart

1000 CDF (short story)

Just be quiet just be quiet. Their eyes are all so big, staring at me, I know they are staring why do they look at me, are they looking? How do I know if they are looking if I don’t look back. What if they are looking. Let me keep my head to the ground and keep walking forward and keep walking forward. 
Let me not lose my thread, let me just keep walking forward. The hostility of the world around me is a choice that is partially of my own making. I don’t have all the control but I have some of the control. Don’t make eye contact. Keep going, Don’t stare at my feet, stare ahead, but vacant. These streets are only as hostile as I allow them to be. Keep walking keep walking keep walking.
The street is in ruins, how can it be allowed to be so terrible? Tarmac dating back decades, holes that were old when I was born with no attempt to fill them. And a manic street pulsating and throbbing with motorcycles, cars and so many people moving in every direction imaginable. Don’t stop moving. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t walk too fast. Don’t avoid eye contact. Keep just going forward. Keep just going forward. I’m only going a little bit farther.
Suddenly someone is holding my hand tight. What the fuck. I try to slip my hand quickly away but it is stuck. I try to keep moving forward, shedding this weight on my arm before I even acknowledge it, like having a twig stuck on a shoe and just brush it off. The grip is slippery, even a little wet, but I can’t get my hand out of it.
With my other hand I reach into my back pocket and I take out a small bank note. Still without looking I pass the money to the gripping force behind me. The vice loosens and the money slips out of my hand and now I am free again. I don’t look back. I keep walking forward.