This Big Grin (poetry)

And into and into and into
And into and into and into
A type of darkness
The world swells how
Where is it where is it
It was here here
Where has it gone

Someone praying
To become better
To flee weakness
To become better
To flee ourselves
What if this weakness
Is all that we are

Into the middle way
The middle years
The lost years
Was the magic in my mind gone gone?
Where has the magic gone
Was it ever really there?
Couldn’t I have done more than this?
Didn’t I used to dream bigger than this?

Do you remember walking through the field
That little bridge, I thought maybe we’d fall
The grass so green
We’d never been there before
I haven’t been since
I didn’t want to hold your hand
But I did want to love you
In my own way, the walled way
How can that have been so long ago
Where here I can feel it
Fall into the conversation
I remember stepping on the bridge and turning around
This big grin
Grabbing your hand
I did hold your hand
And take you over

Do you remember being in line together?
I was so arrogant, and then humbled
The things that I am good at nobody cared
And in my weakness
It is the only time anyone has loved me

Lost lost lost
Never found
Passing, like tree rings.
Starting at birth in the center
Then delicately going farther from birth
Every day growing
But seeing the tortured oblivion of the edge
Time as a one way master
Does it have to be this way?

Memories of My Maria (Poetry)

A quick hello over WhatsApp
You say you miss me
And I wonder
What it is to miss
Do we even like each other?
Or is that not the point
Of missing
Who are you
Who are we
Is there something in me I cannot communicate you
A way I imagine holding you,
A way I imagine the two of us
Staring in the eyes of each other
Inbetween people
Both lost from ourselves
Knowing the other person needs connection
But too far in ourselves
To be able to be the bridge
For the other

No Editing (poetry)

And who am I
Right now
Without a mirror
dissapearing in my mind
dissapeared in my mind
dunno what the what
but a quick primal scream
and who am I
who am I

primus in my hand
laptop in front of me
a laptop at a night club
why am I that fucking guy

head a bit disjointed
the long ways a being here
there is a here here
there is a feeling a capture a sactity
can this be family
all this lonelisness and a wanderin
a bein
who cares what a being is
who cases what a truth is
in my head my head my head my head
pray prey
I’ve used that before
dreaming looking
aint there
knowin that this writing
is a sign of being in between
but if I know what the past is
then what is the future

tearin ripping cryin being
look me in the fucking eye
can’tcha see this aint be the be, be
let go and love and wander
just let the words be true
this is true if I am not
flawed carrier
life disappears
as the song changes
and it is something new now

and we dig darker
we dig deeper
who is we
there is a we, yeah?
like, here there is a a
pitter patter on a keyboard
and it is just me
but what keeps me here
is the idea of you
can’t you
can’t we
feel feel
be be
do yous got your own ideas in your head?
even if it aint be we together
there is nothing in my except who I am
and I follow and I fall and I’m fallow
a bit of a devil but that’s grandiose
pray prey pray prey prey pray wander
and I shout!

Sundowner Waiting (poetry)

And I say to you
let’s start let’s start
and I dunno where it goes
but let’s hope or pray or whatever
that it goes somewhere

I dont want to go anywhere
I want to be home everywhere.
In a bar with a cup of fuming tea and a cigarette>
That is how I want to live my life

i cannot wait to put a face on this fantasy of me and you…its oily …and groovy…
there is music to it…the kind the will keep having me thinking of you waaayyy after….where are you???

condemned to have fun
Kigali is not so bad for that

A place where magic happens

that ws nice for me you know
that was honest

And I say to you
I am lost in my mind
and i am scared
but who are you?

When their dance reach the perfect harmony.

a swirming squirming sneaky persistant mindworm detinating grenades in your brain!

am so fucking hiiiiiiiiiigh

iam happy and always positive

what is happining herer woaw ….

doesnt matter… here we go !!!

wanna socialize and know more people from all countries ,all cultures

taking a break from work (poetry)

sketch be’s a be / seein seen down dawn down / flow / row / reap what you sow / slay ray pray day pain bane sane / lost / updownohsidesise / lie / who’s a who’s a who’s / climb to fall / swim to drown / gravity be a pullin / life be a pilin / s’all down down into the ground / what’s the matta / death aint be the strange / it’s the life we’s neva suspected / how’d this tree get an imac / who’d ever asked to see / but here’s we see / here’s we be / just tryin to decipher / what’s it all mean / who’se be a god / if there aint be no clouds / when we’d pray / do we care if the voice is heard / shriek at the night / the thief / stealin the day / that we didn’t know / didn’t know / was to be ours / what’s be next / why think about later / when this here moment / be a slippin / be a something we need / I aint ready for the other / but who ever asked a me? / the walls fall down / just mud and ash / what was the point of all this light / does a super nova feel pain / it’s purpose was to burn / and it burn out out / what’s be the point / what’s be the non point / dirt be dirt / does it gotta be more? / aint it enough / to grow flowers / seeds that become trees / be the buildin blocks of stardust / how dare we’s forget that this be magic / that god has answered prayer / we just look forward instead of back / aint just bein here enough / what would more look like / why’s would we want more’s anyway / you ask the day as it dies / it don’t say I look to tomorrow / it tells you / it tells you / that today was how the day was was / and it be a universe and a type of infinite / a type of madness to want want want / let us flow through our lives / always at past present and future / touch our deaths with one hand / our births with the other / and who we are today / is all there’s be / is all’s we be

godbeesanangel (poetry)

da da da
fly away! way away away
say what
oh knows grows what why again
slip slip slip
wrippery slay
i was gonna be a something
a whazza a reals a be be
whooda thought
whooda not thought

hey heys you
hey hey hey
in that big ol head
behind those big ol eyes
you think you got gods numba of smiles
you think you got gods number of love
but who says there is a number
gottabe the other
the otherotherother
bes only you
and see if you be you
smiles and hope
buts they aint the root
they be the end

as I become a tree (poetry)

And He said ‘pray like this’

As I become a tree
Fleeing the cannibalism of man,
Into the metamorphosis of the oak
I will turn off my brain
That over evolved tumor
I Breathe in
The world is perfect
Every moment awakening
I Breathe out
Share nirvana
Every moment at peace
I believe in my heart
My purpose is to add magic to the world
May my leaves give protection
May my seeds lead to a new generation
Saint Pharaoh Superman Buddha Flower
May I rise towards the sun
Then, with whatever magic there is in me, that vestige of stardust
Then, with whatever magic the world has given me, air full of love
May I bloom

there (poetry)


be there be there
you okay?
spend too much of my time in my head
sorry sorry
I know, I know
no more sorrys
I don’t mean to be mean to be
I don’t mean to be me
I don’t
mean to be
anything other than the perfect for you

trying to put a word to every emotion
paint the scene
let me let me shut up
I don’t want to be that guy
you deserve all I can give you
and that should be, knowing you
knowing what you need
you need something special
aren’t we a team?
let me be a better team mate
it’s not enough, is it?
I’m not enough
Or right
don’t you know that I know it?
don’t you know that I would love you to walk away?
don’t you know,
that there be sunshine
behind my clouds
i can’t handle it
but who said that’s your problem

why do I have to be broken in my mind
why do I have to be broken
why do I have to be weak
why do I have to hurt you
push push push, push you away
it’s our fault
it’s my fault
I watch you leave
nobody blames either of us
but, god, does it hurt
I don’t blame you,
you should blame me

do we remember what
what what what
happiness used to be
remember when we had a rainbow
all those colours, in every moment
and I tore it from us
tore it from you
tore it from me

I’m trying
can you feel that
don’t make a difference
you’re right to leave
this mess
there are just better for you
let me deal with myself
on my own time
why waste your life
don’t waste your life

been awhile
lines on my skin faded
you’re at that far away table
I see you be happy
knowing the thought of me
never crosses your mind
can’t say it doesn’t hurt
maybe I still dream,
you’re smiling
you’re smiling
you’re smiling
I’m smiling

anather (poetry)

and I am I am in my head
my head my head my head
I don’t know what I want
everyone to be as alone, lonely as me
everyone to be as alone as me
where is it that I belong
but maybe that isn’t the real world

do you pray
do you hope?
does this feel like the real life
is this it?
what happens
when we all go poof
and we realize, we never figured it out

killing ourselves
one wasted day at a time
one wasted heart beat at a time
isn’t there a key
nails broken
there is a real life
there is a real life
just a heart beat away
can we find it

I’m there for you
even if you aren’t there for me
I want to be in your head
just to know
if we are all alone together

sometimes some days are easy
they’re the lies
we don’t discover ourselves when it’s easy
so, let things be hard
but the hard thing about hard things
is they are hard

let me add beauty to every moment
let me be better for every moment
let me be better for you
instead of worse

I’m sorry
I’m going to go off the deep end
let’s agree not to call it madness
remember that I smile
and I hope I make some smiles
but I think the right thing to do
is go off the deep end
because it’s off the deep end
in the darkness
where I will find the flower
the flower that grows in the dark
in the dark the dark
the dark the dark
the dark the dark
that is my most pure light

could we just shut up for a second
hold each other tight
not think about thinking
god is closer than the search
I want to be the person who gives you light
as I search in the dark
there is something other than this
I never know if I will find it
I would ask that you don’t follow me
your own searches are more important
but I am going to keep on searching

being and that be the opposite of not being
here for a moment
tree grows, blooms, has seasons, grows, decays
could be cut down, but, usually not
what’s the tree be
what’s the tree do
why’s a tree got to be anything