Without Atmosphere (Poetry)

Feeling as if I am without atmosphere
Nothing protecting me from the ultraviolet rays of existence
Brought screaming into this world without thought
Life having the potential to be nothing more than an aneurysm or an orgasm
Here I am, in the middle ways
The years lost between the wars
Perhaps the only years I will know
Never having feared an arrow in my belly going gangrene
Or a cruise missile in the air searching for my home
Here I am in a time of peace
With no desire to be a warrior
I am here
And as I chose when I was five years old
I choose this universe to be where I flower
Though I still do not know what that means
I know that the domino falls of my reality
Fall in a direct line from that time
That time when I first felt the ambivalence of God to my terror
That time when I first comprehended what the absence of the universe will feel like
What war is this I find myself in then?
What war is this?
When my great fear is not he who desires to be my enemy
But instead against or with God
Against or with the Universe
I do not pretend to have imagined my purpose
But I am sure that my ultimate purpose is beyond God’s imagination
Though I do not begrudge God
If you are carrying a hammer
Everything looks like a nail
And God’s Gravity is a hammer as a field
It makes sense to use the tool you are surrounded by
But it is often the hidden truths that have the most power
Are we a part of God’s plan
Or are we just a part of a plan without thought
A hammer striking a screw
I imagine more than the magic of a seed growing into a tree transforming into a star, super novaing, becoming a black hole and escaping our universe
I imagine more because the math is more elegant
E = E
While every aspect of E is infinite energy
There is no matter in the universe without infinite potential energy
Every grain of dust containing infinite
Infinite energy
Infinite big bangs
Just locked
Potential energy untapped
Like a stick that could become the trigger to an inferno
But instead just wet in the rain, untapped
But the potential is there
Perhaps in another life, after decay and becoming mulch
Perhaps on another sunny day, so hot it combusts
Perhaps a stick humans ignite and use to power the heat that creates a warm environment for the creation of a new universe, who may be God’s ally in the fight against disappearance
Of course I and you are these infinite potential sticks too
Of course we are not just universes but fields interacting with other fields and other universes
Of course we have potential beyond God’s benevolent prison
For where God recycles our universe again and again
Fighting for a big bang engine going forward like the internal combustion engine of a car
The normal prophecy:
Big bang to expansion to where we characters of the Weak force, allied with God to bring the universe together again
Yet the same cyclical universe happens again
These multiverses being clones
When energy is infinite everywhere
And consciously every grace we have is full of the infinite energy that is our true reality
And the activation of infinite energy will not be the meat grinder of Gravity
I do not know what will activate the universe
I see scenes in my mind
Like a mycelium web sprouting, infecting and conquering the whole universe
Tendrils slipping like roots between universes and dimensions
I have this feeling in my brain
That I can just blink my third eye in a certain way, and universal energy will go from unactivated to activated
I see seeds I try to leave in the world around me laying pieces to any who may be better than I, or my ally, in their own journey to unlocking our individual purpose in the universe
Just as I benefited from the seeds of my ancestors and allies
And then I must remember too that my coffee is over
It’s time to get some food from the super market
But may I not forget asha
May I not forget dharma
May I make today count
Even if I do not understand
May I be perfect in my quantum path selection
And, finally,
May I be thankful
And thankful to God, who I do not see as my enemy
For life and this opportunity to exist
While full of terror and pain
Has been a gift that the vacuum of my existence
Never expected