Trying something new, not the same old thing again.
Even if the words are there, trying to think, trying to understand, trying to comprehend, trying to move forward, trying to paradigm shift, trying to go through the layer I am in and understand more layers, or look at the universe sideways instead of forward, things circulate in my mind.
What does it mean to comprehend infinity?
What is consciousness?
Is it a layer?
Is it a field?
Are we all connected?
What is reality?
Where do we fit into it?
Where do we hold on to it?
Who am I?
What am I capable of?
Why am I so weak?
Why have I not done more than what I have done?
Or have I done?
Just go towards purpose, yet where is it I go?
Who am I?
What am I?
More lost than I’ve ever been.
More found than I’ve ever been.
Deconstructing myself.
Back against the wall.
Becoming a slave to this world around me.
Feeling out of time and out of hope, yet when it’s the fat times, the easy times, the good times, and I wallow in my self-indulgence.
How do I go forward?
How do I go faster?
How do I go higher?
How do I go greater?
How do I imbue that potential that the universe has given me and do not shy away from it?
More thankful in the moment.
In the moment.
In the moment.
At war.
My very first thoughts.
What war is this?
It is my war.
It is our war.
But it is not necessarily a war of adversity.
I have no enemies.
My hand is always open.
While those that would throw the first stone, I believe it is true correct to be ruthless against yet.
Who throws the first stone?
How many first stones have I thrown and not even known it?
Thinking about infinity.
Thinking of my new prayer.
Thank you my God for this day.
Thank you for all those that I love.
Thank you for Anna and George.
Thank you for my mother.
Thank you for the memory of my father.
Thank you for my brothers Reston and Torrey.
Thank you for all those people who put so much love into my life.
May I be going through paradigms.
May I be pushing through the veil.
May I be alone or allied with those who seek kindness, truth, and love.
Exhaled into every moment.
May we form a collective consciousness.
A collective field.
More than the sum of our parts.
So that we are going to decipher and unlock the potential of infinity and beyond.
I do not know why I say words like this.
I do not know why since I was a child things like this have sprung to my lips.
I do not know where it comes from.
What is this voice that seeps from my mind into the open world around me.
But I am here.
Still existing.
Still in a superposition between infinity and disappearance.
While infinity is beyond my comprehension and disappearance is beyond my comprehension.
I want to make my life go infinite up and that around me like metallic pieces being arranged into a universal shared direction creating a magnetic field as the weak nuclear force.
That thing that for some reason I don’t even understand I claim us to be or a part of or myself to be or a part of who are you and maybe you are not me.
We once were the electroweak field and perhaps the same way we can create an electromagnetic field we can also create a weak nuclear force field.