Blue (poetry)

drifting out of place
wasn’t there somewhere we were supposed to go
wasn’t there something we were dreaming about

big open skys
still crowd my tired eyes
I remember something different then here
here is here is here is here
but where was I going to?
wake up, brush teeth, get dressed, make bed
blinds open
there is that blue sky
remembering running so fast
laughter in every part of me
was that ever me
was that yesterday or never

another day
another day
smile at the bus driver
thank you sir, thank you
walking to work
get coffee
small talk
what is it we are saying
what is it I’ve ever said
what is priority number one
I can’t really remember
what was I just saying?
I really can’t remember
everyone looking at me
fuck this
fuck what?
let me not break free
let me gather my thoughts
fuck you blue sky
get out of my dreams
you are not where I am
I am not where you are
it is not as it is
it is not as I remember
it is what it is
it is all that it is ever going to be
head held high

a moment of weakness
that shudder of a moment
sometimes, we all have moments of doubt
there are so many lives we are not living
yet, this is all we are. This one life.
This and only this.
Of course I wish I was someone else
Of course, I know that whoever I was
I would dream another dream
Lying on my back
Didn’t go to work today
Maybe it’s a holiday
Maybe, I just had to be human
Children playing over on the grassy field
Looking up at that big ol sky
Blue and blue and blue
So large
So large
I could fall into it
I could dream into it

Who am I again?
Who is it I was ever going to be?
What’s the difference?
Today let me fall into the sky
Let me be nothing else
Except exactly what I am

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