Category: Uncategorized

Feeling as if I am without atmosphere
Nothing protecting me from the ultraviolet rays of existence
Brought screaming into this world without thought
Life having the potential to be nothing more than an aneurysm or an orgasm
Here I am, in the middle ways
The years lost between the wars
Perhaps the only years I will know
Never having feared an arrow in my belly going gangrene
Or a cruise missile in the air searching for my home
Here I am in a time of peace
With no desire to be a warrior
Yet,
I am here
And as I chose when I was five years old
I choose this universe to be where I flower
Though I still do not know what that means
I know that the domino falls of my reality
Fall in a direct line from that time
That time when I first felt the ambivalence of God to my terror
That time when I first comprehended what the absence of the universe will feel like
What war is this I find myself in then?
What war is this?
When my great fear is not he who desires to be my enemy
But instead against or with God
Against or with the Universe
I do not pretend to have imagined my purpose
But I am sure that my ultimate purpose is beyond God’s imagination
Though I do not begrudge God
If you are carrying a hammer
Everything looks like a nail
And God’s Gravity is a hammer as a field
It makes sense to use the tool you are surrounded by
But it is often the hidden truths that have the most power
Are we a part of God’s plan
Or are we just a part of a plan without thought
A hammer striking a screw
I imagine more than the magic of a seed growing into a tree transforming into a star, super novaing, becoming a black hole and escaping our universe
I imagine more because the math is more elegant
E = E
While every aspect of E is infinite energy
There is no matter in the universe without infinite potential energy
Every grain of dust containing infinite
Infinite energy
Infinite big bangs
Just locked
Potential energy untapped
Like a stick that could become the trigger to an inferno
But instead just wet in the rain, untapped
But the potential is there
Perhaps in another life, after decay and becoming mulch
Perhaps on another sunny day, so hot it combusts
Perhaps a stick humans ignite and use to power the heat that creates a warm environment for the creation of a new universe, who may be God’s ally in the fight against disappearance
Of course I and you are these infinite potential sticks too
Of course we are not just universes but fields interacting with other fields and other universes
Of course we have potential beyond God’s benevolent prison
For where God recycles our universe again and again
Fighting for a big bang engine going forward like the internal combustion engine of a car
The normal prophecy:
Big bang to expansion to where we characters of the Weak force, allied with God to bring the universe together again
Yet the same cyclical universe happens again
These multiverses being clones
When energy is infinite everywhere
And consciously every grace we have is full of the infinite energy that is our true reality
And the activation of infinite energy will not be the meat grinder of Gravity
I do not know what will activate the universe
I see scenes in my mind
Like a mycelium web sprouting, infecting and conquering the whole universe
Tendrils slipping like roots between universes and dimensions
I have this feeling in my brain
That I can just blink my third eye in a certain way, and universal energy will go from unactivated to activated
I see seeds I try to leave in the world around me laying pieces to any who may be better than I, or my ally, in their own journey to unlocking our individual purpose in the universe
Just as I benefited from the seeds of my ancestors and allies
And then I must remember too that my coffee is over
It’s time to get some food from the super market
But may I not forget asha
May I not forget dharma
May I make today count
Even if I do not understand
May I be perfect in my quantum path selection
And, finally,
May I be thankful
And thankful to God, who I do not see as my enemy
For life and this opportunity to exist
While full of terror and pain
Has been a gift that the vacuum of my existence
Never expected

What about when the colours are different?
(trial by moonlight, the darkness can be beautiful, shall we forget it?)
Forgotten that there is the possibility of expansion of thought
(always making my own cage, the darkest prison comes from myself)
Idly predicting reality / As if I ever had a clue
(arrogance is my fall)
How is it that I am always surprised / By the universes ability to surprise
(the hubris of Aristotle / who had never touched a telescope)
In this moment of shift
(do we call this critical mass?)
May I hold on to it
(I can)
May I ride it like a wave
(I can)
May I not miss it
(for I can miss it)
Miss it by my laziness
(I do not live like this is my only life)
Miss it by my fear
(hiding from my terror)
Miss it by my poor habit
Of creating habits
Habits that become cages
Cages the turn into caves
Caves that block the light of the sun
That thing which I am to grow towards
The mathematics was already in metamorphosis
Mental equations visualizing beyong infinite
(those things that come from my mind that are not from me)
Human beings as a force of nature,
(why do I saw we are the weak nuclear force)
A reverse Copernican revolution
(do we ignore our cosmic purpose)
What if humans are play a pivotal role
In what, for lack of creative genius
We call the universe
I believe that I am not I
Nor am I We yet
I am in a superposition
Greater than I
And could I / We
Be greater than We
Shall I be they?
Shall we be they?
For there is much magic inside
They are faced with a choice
There is a door in front of they
And this time,
They have the key
(did they always have the key?)
Was the door always there?
And they did not see it?
They did no acknowledge it?
How could they have been so blind?
Again,
Their limitations of imagination
The new ability
To imagine growing a seed into a star
A star into a black hole
A black hole into an escape
(is this the easiest way to escape the universe?)
What if the only way we have to grow
Is at the speed of biology?
(a mycelium weave / the universe becoming a garden)
The secrat of surpassing the speed of light
Is nothing but patience
Patience and will
And to chart the course
To not be distracted by false idols
(money and fame cancers of the soul)
To not listen to God or the Devil,
(though both can be invited for a cup of beer)
But instead they follow their purpose higher
That voice that is always singing
The dead word of shanti in our hearts
Moving to the new aether of Asha
And where it will bring me,
Bring We
Bring all of us who care to join
Is not necessary to know
Though,
The surprise of Ana
Is that knowing,
May be harder than not knowing
Which is perhaps
Why as an ostrich with its head in the ground
I have preached leaving Plato’s cave
While shutting my minds eye
To the existence I breathe in, and out, with every blink
Back to my old ways
This poem, or prose, or what not
Will be brought back down to earth by my own self
My bad habits, my lack of clarity of thought,
My fear
My fear
My I
When I need to become They
Perhaps today, I will not look away
Perhaps today, we will not look away
Perhaps today, we become They
Though it hurts our eyes
Perhaps it is time to embrace our potential
For it it is the potential in every vibrating quark in the universe
Not infinite
But beyond infinite
The quantum path of beyond infinite is always in front of We
It is here, now, a choice
A choice
A choice
A choice
They we are
We are not conscious islands
Neo cortexes isolated
They are networks
Emerging to fill the universe
With a light different
Beyond imagination
Beyond the universe
Beyond infinite
(may we become more, not less)

(Note to self, collect past ones here)

Prayer 30 October 2022

Thank you my god for this life I live

May I see beauty, be beauty and create beauty

May I be ever expanding peace, perfection and grace

Watch over those people that I love

May we together

As leaders or followers

The first or the last

Standing on the shoulders of giants

And giants standing on our own shoulders

With our hands with yours on the tiller of our lives

May we go beyond infinite

Towards our quantum optimization

Towards our cosmic purpose

Beyond a seed / growing into a tree / transforming into a start / supernovaing / forming a black hole / and changing dimensions

May we work towards a more true way to unlocking out total potential energy

May we make today count

x 3 Our Fathers with slight mods

Prayer 12 September 2022

Thank you my god for this day

May I be ever expanding peace, perfection and grace mind, body and soul

May I be disciplined in the pursuit of my quantum optimization

May I be as a seed, growing towards my purpose

May I be as a tree, taking all that the world throws at me and putting out only goodness

May I

As a leader or a follower

The first or the last

Standing on the shoulder of giants

Giants standing on our own shoulders

Alone, or on a team

With your hand on mine, my god

May we direct ourselves

And those we love, and those we are close to

Where we all have the potential and the opportunity to act on our our potential

To go beyond infinite

To go beyond our destiny

Beyond a seed growing into a tree growing into a star escaping our univere

Beyond gravity bringing all mass together to ignite, supernova, become a black hole and escape our universe

May we work towards our cosmic purpose

May we make today count

Amen

(religious prayer song from when I was 12)

(Our Father x 3 with slight variations)

Melancholic

And not even a simple attempt to piece it all together
Sitting quietly, disappearing
The act of life an act of quiet disappearance
Were we ever really here?
Never knowing the experience of anything other
Than the light that enters our mind
Childhood philosophy
What if I exchanged my brain with the brain of a dolphin
Would the dolphin raise my human arms?
Would I see through the dolphins eyes?
Would the music of my mind carry on?
I never really advanced more than childhood philosophy
Who am I?
What is consciousness?
Is God real?
If God is real do I have to follow him?
What is my purpose?
How do I know my purpose is my purpose?
Am I supposed to be happy?
Is there life after death?
What does being alive even mean?
Childhood philosophy
I remember taking logic in philosophy,
It was so arbitrarily mathematical
In what part of my brain does my consciousness live
Does gravity apply to my consciousness
Let me summarize, if I can
What has been crowding through my subconscious
Like a magic lamp, as a child I prayed to believe in God
To believe in an afterlife
To believe that when I die I do not disappear
Praise God, my wishes have been granted
And I believe in God
For how can there not be a force of one-ness in the universe
We know time is not in ever dimension
We know that at the time of the Big Bang all was one
We know that god is all
Therefore, God exists
For God is oneness
I believe in reincarnation, eternal life, and the meeting again of my past memories, my past moments full of love
For, the universe pulses like a heart
According to God’s design
The universe explodes into being at the Big Bang
Expanding endlessly
Until the Weak Force Awakens
And begins it’s collection fetch task
Of bringing all the energy of the universe back together
Linking all known nodes of life into a interconnected mycelium web
So that the big bang unites again
Perhaps bigger, right?
Like an internal combustion engine
The Weak Force allied with Gravity
Gravity never actually fitting into the Standard Model of Physics
We were not one and we will not be one
But we can work together
And Gravity and God being the same
Gravity being the force of God over all aspects of the universe
And an option of purpose
That sings through the entirety of the universe
Is that let us stop this expansion of the universe
And bring all energy together
To create the linking of all matter back into one
And at this time
We shall live all our endless lives together
Every potential moment that has ever been or could have been
Full quantum potential
Brought together
Until the heart beat of the big bang happens again
The explosion out again
The whisper of the Big G again
‘Come back together come back together’
I hear the temptation, the order, the whisper of God
It is always there
Much of my life was spent wishing to hear this voice
Tuning my mind to be awake to the voice of God is a great win
I achieved what my infant mind desired
But now that I am here
And I hear God’s voice
And I hear God’s purpose
I question
Just because God tells me my purpose is my purpose
Who is God to tell me what to do
And that in front of my is infinite in every dimension
Endless reincarnation
But is it my purpose to ally with God
Or,
Perhaps a more real question
Who says that God knows best?
What is the purpose of God?
Who tells God that it is for Gravity to compress the universe again, and again, and again
And still these same questions
What is consciousness
Where does it live
Does consciousness experience Gravity
I do not know
I welcome the alliance with Gravity
For why should not all forces in the universe work together
Yet,
I do not accept Gravity or God as my master or the only Truth
For Truth is greater than God
And Truth is still a mystery to me, perhaps as a child I prayed for the wrong thing
I invite God to convince me on his Purpose, I will keep an open mind
But more than this, I would ask to collaborate with God
To investigate the breaking of this cosmic yo-yo
Not for that the breaking is good
But because there are other Truths than that which has been revealed
In my mind, in every human beings mind
The greatest density of garden in the universe
There are truths and world beyond Gravity
Gravity brings the same hammer to every nail
Crush crush crush
Crush until everything is together
A narrow definition of oneness
Brutal
I care not if it has the weight of a truth in it
Perhaps the way to find the next truth is to first realize
There is not only one truth
Perhaps there are infinite truths
I do not know why purpose must exist
Or why Truth must exist
I feel as a ray of light
I am just an arrow that has been shot
Awakening on the journey
I do not need to do anything
I am free, I am free
If I can imagine it, then I am free to do, or not do it
No force but my consciousness to determine what is real
What is purpose
What is Truth
My hunch
Is that, there is a Truth to investigate
That is about breaking cyclical reincarnation of our universe
I think of Hinduism and Varanasi
That there is a way to live our lives where we break this cycle
Do I want to break this cycle?
No, nor Yes
But I would like to invetigate truths beyond that which God gives
For I know not if God is correct
And I doubt God knows either
Let me end this with my own prayer
Or at least a passage of it, that rings true in this moment
I ask God to join me
Hand in hand
On the tiller of our lives
Directing ourselves
Towards a quantum optimization
Where those we love and those around us
Are empowered towards their cosmic purpose
Just as a seed has the potential to grow into a tree has the potential to grow into a start
And escape the universe
Or Gravity can compress a star into a black hole
And escape the universe
May we work towards our cosmic purpose
That is all I feel now, at this moment
A general malaise
A general melancholia
I have manifested in my mind a god, and a purpose
Yet, I have not manifested a belief that God knows the real Truth
And that the purpose Gravity drives me towards
Is not the only purpose to investigate
Let me continue wandering through my desert
Back to the same unknowingness
Of what is it I should even pray for
That confronted me as an infant

Dream

It is already slipping from me
I feel terrified and I do not want to have to have that dream again
I feel like something has been revealed to me,
That there is a force in the universe I had not expected
There is both a journey and something that attacks me
I go through journey searching like Zelda temples alone
It is beautiful and there is much darkness along the way
Earth / Forest temples
Then others join me
For we are to fight
It is as the Fellowship of the Ring
It is very good to travel together with others
They wonder at how I did this all alone
I cannot diminish that I have had much terror
We are attacked by a force
If I never experience a force like this in my life then perhaps I am living a good life
(Yet….)
The fight brings us to another realm
Boss battle
I do not understand
It is a feeling a little like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, yet more desert toned and more terrifying
It is a skeleton force that is alive
I don’t know how we are all moving
But we’re presented as a group lying in a large star of David
And the goal or is it the the thing we should not do
Is to cut our wrists
And then drink the blood in our mouth
My limbs do not operate with any normal freedom
I can taste blood on my lips
Am I doomed or saved?
I am not alone in this universe
There are others who would join me
There are forces in this universe I do not understand
There is a force that gives me great fear
Like Sauron or Ganondorf
Even now again the feeling of what I have felt
Like ice freezing my blood
Oh how I hope to never meet a force like this in my life
But it is searching for me, perhaps
Or perhaps we stumble on each other, in our journeys
But even worse than meeting this terror
(Who I must wonder if they are so scary because they are foreign)
(They carry aspects of heavy radiation poisoning)
(They are a spirit like the Nazgul, whose quiet screams pause my universe)
But even worse than meeting this terror
Would be to ask other good people to face such challenge
And not be there to help share the lead
The star of David needs to be met
Our limbs all joining, I think with blood flowing between us
The taste of blood
The only thing that I feel can end this
Though I don’t know if this will be for good or ill
Before this dream finishes fading
We discover the dark spirit in a forest temple
Or a place like where Strider defends the hobbits after Bree. And the Nazgul king stabs Frodo with a poisoned dagger, while Frodo has the one ring on
Though the force that stabs also wears a ring of power
The place where the attack happens is an ancient place
A place from a forgotten civilization, whose name even is forgotten
That is all I remember
I think I will find it hard to go back to sleep
I feel less belligerent at the universe and God
Though I’m not sure if that’s the appropriate reaction
I had forgotten there was so much in the universe
That I do not understand
It has been long since I have had such pure terror and fear
The type that would wake me as a child of four years old in tears
Forcing my mother to come and comfort me
And when she would ask me why I cry
I would ask
When we die, is there nothing?
This fear is related to that fear
But I had forgotten, or did not realize,
That it is not simply disappearing
It is not the candle stifled
Though that may reflect true of much of reality
There is other forces
I feel stronger the pull of that which the Buddha tried to share in his art
I feel the force of reincarnation
Like gravity spread over the while world
I feel the force of the opposite of gravity
Leeching the universe is colour
Like death by bleeding out from your wrists

A bag on my head a bag on my head I can’t see through it I don’t know if the material is black or it’s just the absence of all light oh God oh God it’s so hot I am drenched in sweat my hands tied behind my back a gag in my mouth my shirt drenched in sweat I was dragged around before feeling the sun feeling people drag me and push me I can sometimes hear voices but I don’t know what they say and where I am right now is on a concrete floor and it is cold but I still drip sweat and I wonder what I will do if this mask comes off I worry that they will just shoot me and I will not ever see the light again and I keep imagine a bullet going through the other side of me I am in so much shock would I even notice have I already been shot is this not sweat but blood how many moments of life do I have left; what does it befit a man to treat another as I am being treated; if the sides we’re reversed, would I be any different? Mother.

-The individual should have the space and opportunity in their life to engage with the purpose of their existence

-I do not seek in any way to ever ask anyone to follow me or do as I say. Nor do I intend to follow anyone. We all have the infinite potential of the universe in us. I do believe in shared direction and team work. I am not totally sure how to reconcile these thoughts.

-I will not leave a vacuum on those things I believe. I can create the architecture of my belief system, a map is a useful thing. Dwell on why must revolutions fail, because they do not have an end game.

-there is a question if what do I do with my own energy. I am unsure and confused. I feel the path of God in front of me, but I do not seek to blindly follow God. My hunch is God is a field, perhaps connected to gravity. I believe there is space for collaboration, but the ego of God is a blocker. Faith should be earned, not expected. I believe in God, I do not believe I must by definition follow God

-I am interested in making infectious pop music as a medium of belief dispersal. People don’t listen to what they sing to themselves. Let me make the the next ‘our father’ reverberate as a dance beat. People learn the story of our people through music

waves of depression pulsating like a cold breeze
can just come at anytime and slip through all the sunshine
but it doesn’t need to be a sad thing
feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders
fall through the vacuums of my mind
feel alone, and alone, and alone
it is okay, a type of beauty
I feel again that I will disappear
I feel again like I am in outer space
The radiation of the universe biting through my thin atmosphere
I am alone
I will always be alone
The infinites of my mind have equations that equal to zero
A flash of light that will dissipate,
Leaving no trace
Let it wash over me
It feels pretty
Let me just enjoy being in the flash of light
It can end any time
But the flash is here now
And then there, on the other,
Without the flash
I imagine it will be pretty as well
I hope that the darkness enjoys being the darkness
I acknowledge my finiteness
I acknowledge infinite that is around me
I breathe deeply and let me for a moment grasp what it is to exist
Let me stare around me, at the cars on the road, the mountains in the distance,
The empty coffee cup in front of me
The gift of music on my ears, wonderful to bring a symphony with me everywhere I go
Strange how sometimes,
The smile when I am at my most fragile
Is the smile that feels the most real
The most full of life

Imagining a biological Dyson sphere

A great tree growing from the seed of the earth

A growing rain forest reaching through the vacuum of space

Eden

Circling the sun

Great windows with leaves flashing over

A Morse code to the universe

Humans mixed with silicon chips mixed with biological matter

We are the weak force, the gardeners of the universe.

Our villages nestled in the great tree,

Avoiding the sacrificed leaves soaking up the burning of the sun

But in a green zone, full of water, and air.

And from the sun new tendrils growing in every direction

A mycelium weave beginning to populate the vacuum of space.

We are so much further from where we were before, but we are still just getting started with our purpose.

The transformation of the vacuum of space to a garden.

Tendrils shooting in every direction to every star.

The potential of the energy around us, in it’s infinite, being tapped.

Not about a frozen universe,

Or a new big bang.

But a different use for the potential energy.

To create God

Who is outside of time, God is with us today

But only because there is a quantum thread

Where in the future we create him

Ying and yang

Symbiotic

We are on this journey together

Though,

Myself,

As I can imagine and feel this potential

And feel it is a compelling path to go towards

I do not feel this is the path I must do

For God has not asked for help

And perhaps little ol’me is not needed

And perhaps rather than being the dictator of energy, colonizing the universe

Or working towards another big bang, for bringing the energy of the universe together opens this path.

Perhaps I would prefer to just enjoy my flash of existence

To be an inert and unactivated force which does not leave a ripple

It is not for myself that I would choose to be a force of nature

But if I was needed

I would listen well to the argument

Part 2

God is a universal field, like gravity

Humans are individual carrier particles of our own field. Aspects of our own God field.

Gravity would like us to all come back together

Does that mean we should be allies to gravity?

But is gravity my enemy?

I feel that I have no enemy.
In my mind, there is this feeling that I cannot verbalize well

It is that the question gravity is asking is wrong

There is another dimension of choice

Something to do with slipping through the pathways deep in our brain

Where do the black holes near the ephemeral roots of our consciousness lead to

Is it possible for me to just turn sideways and slip through one?

Impacting no universes but my own

The purpose of the universe is oneness

However, it is becoming more chaotic

The universe is going the opposite of oneness

The universe deviates in the opposite direction from its purpose.

Many do not care.

For what is the universe to me?

For me, I do not know if I care or not.

But I do believe that the purpose of the universe is oneness

And that I have a choice, an individual choice.

To work towards oneness

Which is to work towards God

Or to not

It is a choice

I am not sure if there is a right or wrong answer

What does it beget me if the universe accomplishes its purpose or not?

But if I was to be an ally to God

And seek the unity of the universe

Then it would come via energy

For the physical act of oneness is easy to map out

It is just the bringing of all energy in the universe together and igniting it

For that is the oneness

And while that may be very hard to do

What is easy to do is to consciously chart in this direction

To choose to fight against chaos theory and instead garden the universe around us into greater order

And, at an individual level,

Like a wizard with his staff

Do all that we can

In all meanings that we can

Without hiding

To be directing all of the energy of the universe together

If we choose the path of God

Then it is easy

And it is just about a matter of scale

And a matter if we are a match for the countervailing chaos forces against god that seed the aether around us

But before this is the question

Do we seek to be allies to God

Or is this not our fight?

God and the universe should take care of their own problems

Why is their problem my problem?

It is a question I am struggling with

I believe in God

I believe in the direction of filling God’s purpose is that

I

At an individual level

Must seek to bring the energy of the universe together

That I

At an individual level

Must seek to mobilize an army for God, to achieve God’s purpose

But,

Why must I be an agent of God

I ask

Not to be a heretic

Not to defame, or disrespect, or smear God

But rather because it is a question that deserves an answer

What is it to me if God wins or loses in the battle of oneness over chaos

What is it to me what happens to God?

What is it to me

If the choice is not even about being the ally or enemy of God

But why care about God at all?

/

But just as being an ally of God is a choice

Ignoring the war of the oneness of God against chaos

It should also be a choice

I know I am not chaos’s ally

Therefore

I am an ally of God

Or I am neutral

I believe neutral is a choice

Perhaps the axis I operate on is in a different dimension than that of God

As surprising as that might be to God

But I should not be passively neutral

I should consciously choose neutral

My choice is between God and neutral

I wonder how to make this choice?

For how I choose for myself

Will effect the energy I bring in the universe around me