1000 CDF (short story)

Just be quiet just be quiet. Their eyes are all so big, staring at me, I know they are staring why do they look at me, are they looking? How do I know if they are looking if I don’t look back. What if they are looking. Let me keep my head to the ground and keep walking forward and keep walking forward. 
Let me not lose my thread, let me just keep walking forward. The hostility of the world around me is a choice that is partially of my own making. I don’t have all the control but I have some of the control. Don’t make eye contact. Keep going, Don’t stare at my feet, stare ahead, but vacant. These streets are only as hostile as I allow them to be. Keep walking keep walking keep walking.
The street is in ruins, how can it be allowed to be so terrible? Tarmac dating back decades, holes that were old when I was born with no attempt to fill them. And a manic street pulsating and throbbing with motorcycles, cars and so many people moving in every direction imaginable. Don’t stop moving. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t walk too fast. Don’t avoid eye contact. Keep just going forward. Keep just going forward. I’m only going a little bit farther.
Suddenly someone is holding my hand tight. What the fuck. I try to slip my hand quickly away but it is stuck. I try to keep moving forward, shedding this weight on my arm before I even acknowledge it, like having a twig stuck on a shoe and just brush it off. The grip is slippery, even a little wet, but I can’t get my hand out of it.
With my other hand I reach into my back pocket and I take out a small bank note. Still without looking I pass the money to the gripping force behind me. The vice loosens and the money slips out of my hand and now I am free again. I don’t look back. I keep walking forward. 

From Ethiopian Flight 701 (poetry)

Closer even if it hurts
Reverb of the universe
Retrogade not by math but by emotion
Backwards as forwards
This medley of seemingly unconnected things
Spiderwebbed together
Not understanding the pattern
While having faith that there is a pattern
Ra riding his chariot
Will he bring the sun again?
And if he doesn’t
What is the call to arms
Mutated molecules
Existential orangatangs
Lost with a concept of found
As we float through the universe
Having faith that there is a pattern
Flowers know their purpose
A star knows its purpose
Man knows our purpose
Time as a fabrication
The story ended as it starts
Infinite in our atoms
Look up
Look in
Look in
As a truth
I will have no fear
Shanti as a dead word
As every step in a direction known
Is a dead step
Shanti as all we have
Peace and enlightenment
Fear and the universe
Paradise as a concept
Going backwards to Adam and Eve
And telling them to still eat the apple
Staring at Moses
And wondering if he really wrote the first commandment
There shall be no god before me
Flying into the abyss
At the bottom of the hole
All there is to do
Is keep digging
Forwards as backwards
Forwards as upside down
There isn’t an isn’t
There isn’t an is
There isn’t an is
There isn’t an is
There isn’t an is
But there isn’t an isn’t
Forward is backwards
Universal laws
Things fall apart
Then come together
Things fall apart
And then come together
No words to say
Language after a million years
Birdsong of our souls
Communication corrupted by social media
Singularity as an evolutionary purpose
Fear of our own extinction
Extinction our only future
Future the same as backwards
Life as a stepping stone
Human beings nothing but a river crossing
Let those that can find bliss find bliss
Evolution an act of semen fertilizing
Art the act of creation
War the act of destruction
Evolution an act of choice and destruction
The moment we are in is the tip of the spear
The moment we are in is the tip of the spear
You can say yes every moment
Yes to the universe
Yes to your heart
Yes to honesty
Yes to the true North
Yes to the truth in your heart
Yes to evolution
Yes to forwards
Yes to existence
Yes to the future
Yes to never saying no
Yes to never say I give up
Yes as the only way forward
Yes as the future
Yes as the only answer
Honesty as the only truth
Truth as the only guiding star we have

Daedalus (poetry)

Subtle warnings as flashes
Recognition with the universe
Concepts of infinite
Fluttering from focus to focus
There is a purpose
Hidden in plain sight
The path will be simple
Hidden in plain sight
The answer is self evident
Even if enlightenment has not yet been found
All on our journey
All a part of the universe
Either as a fragment or its whole
Brains changing
The magic leaving
Going out of focus
It was there
Is it there?

Again going through the trial
Bang on the door
Bang on the door
Bang on the door
There is something
The symphony comes together
Closer and farther
The math is easy
Everything is everything
Nothing is nothing
Fall into the infinite of infinite
Lay away the chains of consciousness
Lose the limitation of time
Forward as backwards
Backwards as forward
A truth for the moment
Soldiers of eternity
The expansion of existence
A seed climbing a tree
To be the building block of a future star
Which will metamorph into a black hole
In my end is my beginning
The dust can serve its purpose
Existence a false flag
The search a distraction
Shanti a dead word
Looking for a new home
God is in the air
May we set him free

Alive again
The pain of being again
Shattered again
The aeons come again
I am still afraid

You can be asked the meaning of life
Love is not the wrong answer

Shuttah shuttah shuttah shuttah shit man
We’s still don’t escape
How da fuck do I just get out of my head
This plasma shit never coming together
Gravity being a weak force
Gotta collect the mass
All this energy
Collected together
But below the critical mass
The worst equation
Just a little more
Even if losing hope is the correct emotion
There is no other choice
The other branches are snipped
There is only forward
And hoping for miracles

This part might be optional

There hasn’t even been a lazy attempt to put it together.
-time is an illusion, its theories limit us
-we are action agents of quantum choosing, we are active in the choice of paths, even if the world fights back
-the Heisenberg uncertainty principle is broader, we change reality by the way we choose to exist
-the universe is fabricated by imagination and does not exist outside of imagination. We create the universe by imagining it
-light is a particle, a wave and an infinite strand, existing as a single moment from creation to its other. Our perception of time is just a coordinate on the river of a universal moment. (Does the same light exist in all dimensions? Is light the linking thread of the universe?)
-a human being empowered is the same as a seed blooming towards the sun or a collection of mass choosing to ignite, become a star, super nova and become a black hole

Metaphysical Bridge Unsynthesized (draft, continuously updating)

23 May 2021

  1. Organize my Thoughts
    1. Mathematical Axioms
      1. Information is a force of nature
      2. ∞=Σ𝐏
        1. Infinite is the sum of all probability
          1. infinite is equal to a probability that sums to exactly 1
        2. The universe is limited mathematically by our capacity to imagine it.
        3. There is still a quantum potential mankind reaches our destiny.
        4. By imagining it, we make the option exist.
      3. G=c
        1. Gravity equals the speed of light
      4. the speed of time is greater than the speed of light in our 4 dimensional world
      5. a single incompressible entity, like time, pushed from one end to impact the other, can be faster than the speed of light (dining table cloth being pulled from the far side of the universe pulling over a wine of glass)
        1. What if you were to have a table cloth spanning the universe.
          1. On one end there is a glass of water.
            1. On the other end, someone pulls it.
              1. Wouldn’t the water fall over instantly?
                1. At a speed faster than the speed of light? Which would take millions of years to travel from the pulling hands to the glass of water?
      6. Human beings are a single directional ray of light transversing the dimension of time
        1. Time is a dimension.
        2. We grow in it just the way a flower grows in the physical world.
        3. We are like a flower, touching every part of our life at the same time, once the dimension of time is removed.
        4. We are like a a neuron, touching every part of our life at the same time.
        5. It is like a caterpiller after metamorphosis. We leave the shell of ourselves frozen in time where we exist.
        6. The way neurons are activated with an electrical pulse reflects potentially both a particle and a wave.
        7. Like light which makes sense since light is a format of electricity.
        8. As the pulse questions the entire hierarchy whether it recognises the pattern in all directions, going to the limits of fractals close to simultaneously, each pulse carries bundles of data.
        9. All a particlewave is is a ripple in every direction, but with pockets of density that carry the data.
        10. This may be a visualization of another dimension that is being simplified, like the tips of ripples of waves, or magnet / heat from electrical transfer.
        11. It feels like there must be a more accurate dimension for representing the data we are seeing.
        12. obviously the key question is what is the stone dropping that is leading to all these ripples
      7. the solution to the Dirac equation is that there was energy before the big bang (it’s what the equation suggests)
      8. the Heisenberg uncertainty principle can be scaled to a broader perspective (make great art or be recognized as a great artist)
      9. Single dimension: better or worse
        1. chaos theory does not rule out increasing organisation (cleaning my bedroom, and I am an entity in nature)
        2. Organized OR disorganized
        3. The expansion of the universe OR its freezing
        4. Exist OR not exist
        5. To follow the holy spirit / asha / dharma OR to not follow
      10. E=E≡∞=∞
        1. Energy equals energy. The big bang in a grain of sand.
      11. Augmented human neocortexs are our children.
    2. Thoughts
      1. Human beings are seeds
        1. A wrapped dimension
        2. A seed contains the full quantum potential of what it can become
        3. Basic cells contain the full quantum potential of what they can become
      2. A flower is of my tribe
        1. Defining characteristic is to with purpose.
        2. Human being, consciousness, are not the words I want to get lost in the syntax of.
        3. The question for me is:
        4. Are you following truth / dharma  / asha.
        5. If you are, then we are of the same tribe.
        6. Robot, alien, or homo sapien.
        7. A flower is of my tribe.
        8. If you are not, then we are not of the same tribe / species.
      3. Memory is quantum
        1. The CPU is not quantum, ram I am not sure of, but memory is quantum (I think)
          1. The instant nature of wave collapses implies some form of real instant, read faster than light, tunneling.
            1. Maybe it is in a dimension that time does not exist in.
              1. Think of the brain. It is active at a quantum level reading every point simultaneously.
                1. But it can grab extremely deeply instantly into wrapped dimensions.
                  1. What is impressive is that we ignore all that we are touching that we don’t need, even though we have access.
                  2. I can see Kurzweils point that sequential machines can answer. 
                  3. But I think what is quantum is how we discussing we specifically store long term memory.
                  4. It’s the Proustian madeline cake, a memory that is stored so close to another that it starts a chain reaction.
                  5. But the way we hold every memory simultaneously is not how a normal computer works.
                  6. It depends on humans to even keep an index in our brain of the computer.
                  7. Our ability to hold all our memories in our head simultaneously, while also being able to navigate them simultaneously, is both quantum and potentially a definition of quantum.
      4. North Americans as the lost tribe of Moses
        1. Mormons were onto something with aboriginals being a lost tribe of Israel.
        2. Religious wise, I may be close to a technical non cultural definition of Jewish.
        3. I believe in a monotheistic God: that is Truth.
        4. I believe in Moses, David and Goliath, Noah’s Ark, Cain and Abel, and that there is some funny business with the Garden of Eden.
        5. I like Jesus, but I do not believe he was the messiah.
        6. I like Muhammad, but I see no reason why he is the last prophet.
      5. Biological life is a unique rarity in the universe. Human beings are special, but so is life.
        1. The specialness of biological life on earth.
        2. Human beings were right about our holy place in the universe.
        3. Just wrong that it was just us, it is all biological life.
        4. All life.
        5. In the vacuum of space that is more special than being more than a deer.
        6. Our purpose is uknown.
        7. But something we do know is we are the Weak Force.
        8. And that we have a power to touch outside of our own dimensions.
        9. And the limit of that power in a quantum universe is our own ability to imagine the impact that we can have.

4 February 2021

  • Human beings are the particles of a force of nature that we do not understand yet
  • We, and all biological life, are a part of this force
  • The most fundamental equation is Energy = Energy
  • Human beings guiding principle, at perfection, is about optimizing and unleashing the energy of the universe at its very maximum
  • As time is a dimension, so is whatever our space is in the universe. We are particles, but are also a wave, existing in all time and all place simultaneously. 
    • We exist already in the quantum optimization where the universe achieves 100%, just as we exist in all the dead strands of the world where annihalation wins
    • We exist as a universal brain, a universe that gains consciousness, just as the root of our conscioness and purpose, is something so deep and internal that what we have already achieved, with flowers and man, may have been far harder than the steps to universal awakening
  • The Big Bang may have just been a mild amount of energy in comparison to what the total energy of the universe can contain
  • The solution to the Dirac Equation is that there was existence in the universe before the big bang, so the equation holds. There was something before
  • The purpose and mathematics of our force is energy creation and optimization. Things like Dyson spheres are stepping stones. The direction is something like building the universe into an interconnected neural network of all energy interlinked together, to be at the very maximum. The ultimate and logical purpose is for the total amount of the universes energy to be utilized at exactly 100%.
  • Human beings awakened to our purpose, we can feel the unifying thread of god. But not because we are closer, but because we are farther away. A flower just grows towards the sun. Humans have to ask questions.
  • It is still a choice in each and every human, to follow our purpose truly, or to hide ourselves from the purpose of the universe
  • The potential of the universe as a whole exists in every single building block of the universe. The potential of the universe is a block chain at a subatomic level. The potential of the universe deeply permeates above and below the state of our consciousness.

Internal notes from Cape Town (3 February 2021):

  • Most efficient use of humanity is to increase the production of energy?
  • To Peter:
    • I was thinking that if we’re looking for intelligent life, we may want to look in instead of out.
    • Like human beings exhibit the must fundamental aspects of free will of anything that we’ve found in the universe, but what is the physical nature of free will.
    • Like, is a neuron a part of a human being, or are neural pathways colonies that have an output that effects us, but are actually individual and independent in their autonomy.
    • But then you could also go the other way, and say the entire universe is one living organism.
    • Nailing down what constitutes intelligent life is something I should dig into.
    • Then does it become a universal field?
  • Hive mind.
  • What does it look like when time is taken out as a variable.
  • Neural evolution as a tentacle through the universe.
    • A seed that grows and goes through.
  • Can the universe gain consciousness?
  • Can we turn the entire universe into a single brain.
  • Stars as individual energy points.
  • The force is a neural network?
  • There was something before the big bang
  • We are creating through quantum identification of paths to create a continuing universe.
  • Because survival is in our person.
  • And we are raw neurons in the cosmic brain.
    • That hasn’t been activated yet.
  • We don’t need to know why or if it should exist.
  • But we can impact it, just as surely as any force in the world can.
  • We can be of a power like / of gravity. But we must activate our power.
  • How do we define life?
  • How do we define forces?
  • What is wrong with the augmentation of technology, for example to make a universal neural network?
  • A seed can climb a tree to reach the sun.
  • We should use all the tools that we can ingenuate.
  • We should be working towards unity, not separation.
  • In our beginning there was just one.
  • Energy equals energy.
  • How can we fully exploit the total energy of the universe, to 100 percent?
  • What could we do with this power?
  • Is the big bang not the end, but the beginning?
  • At the big bang it was just matter, it was gravity that began bringing things together.
  • Evolution, gravity, human free will with a holy purpose?
  • There is something quantum in the theory of Blockchain.
  • How every record carries the whole ledger of all transactions.
  • One way for quantum to work is the pre determination of all necessary scenarios to be programmed deep into the most fundamental building blocks of the universe.
  • Then, with entanglement it is not about breaking the speed of light. But about synchronous revelation, and one path going one way, another the other way.
  • But there is only one true path through the universe. 
  • And I think this may be God.
    • (Reminder of inflation and ultimately the speed of light is not a law, but perhaps we first must understand our fishbowl before we look beyond. Or perhaps not.)
  • Could plants evolve to go into space?
  • Earth is becoming a seed.

18 November 2020

is this my ancient mind?
shadows of spirits
weren’t we once rays of light?
particle waves awakened
a force of energy unawakened
searching for purpose
retrograde miniature circles
around a blazing sun
every step a step backwards
every step a step forward
a cosmic purpose
let the dirt know that they will create flowers
let the flowers know that as they grow towards the sun
they create the matter that builds stars
let the stars know they have
that same infinite potential
to become black holes
that permeates human beings
we are in a quantum universe
where everything is possible
and we have in our hands
the entirety of the universe
to direct in any which way
that we choose
patterns of electromagentism
invisible to the naked eye
always the same pattern
north pole to south pole
a radiating force
patterns of light
the only thing our eyes see
a particle and a wave
photons firing
the weak force
the strongest force in the universe
but only active
in a one in a trillion chances
or at best once in a billion
the aggregation of diffused fuel
hiding its power
gravity as an outlier
all we can see
is that obviously it is all related
the aether the world works in
mass to gravity equalling the big bang
and its opposite
going through every dimension
the glue of the universe
traveling at the speed of light
bringing mass together
to form black holes
the ever expanding universe
an attempt to escape gravity
but what is gravity?
who is gravity?
the holy spirit
a thread through the universe
can’t you see it?
what tells a flower to point towards the sun
what tells gravity to bring mass together
magnets to attract and repel
light to be the product of heat
heat to be the product of nuclear forces
nuclear forces to be where matter meets anti matter
the weak force stopping mutual annihalation
a universe still in darkness
all existence a point of light
in a sea of non existence
that once existed
we are an arrow from orions bow
knowing nothing more
than that we awakened
to all the forces we are a part of
not understanding
what our own force plays
our sense of determinism
free will
the most true quantum agent
yet discovered in the universe

18 September 2019

From the end of Daedalus

There hasn’t even been a lazy attempt to put it together.
-time is an illusion, its theories limit us
-we are action agents of quantum choosing, we are active in the choice of paths, even if the world fights back
-the Heisenberg uncertainty principle is broader, we change reality by the way we choose to exist
-the universe is fabricated by imagination and does not exist outside of imagination. We create the universe by imagining it
-light is a particle, a wave and an infinite strand, existing as a single moment from creation to its other. Our perception of time is just a coordinate on the river of a universal moment. (Does the same light exist in all dimensions? Is light the linking thread of the universe?)
-a human being empowered is the same as a seed blooming towards the sun or a collection of mass choosing to ignite, become a star, super nova and become a black hole

If A Relatively Competent General Wanted to Conquer the Democratic Republic of the Congo

There is no power in the Congo, it is an empty throne that no one really wants, so all aspects of a state are just facade. There is no correlative, perhaps Somalia, but it is different.
You do not need to conquer the DRC, you need to control the June 31 Boulevard in Kinshasa.

The Belgians structured the road for this purpose, it is the choke point of the entire DRC. It is the river of the city. Who ever controls this boulevard controls Kinshasa, whoever controls Kinshasa wears the crown of the DRC, since it’s a meaningless title.

I would think an ideal number of soldiers to hold it would be around 500 ace (read disciplined) troops with armoured carriers, but it could be done with a fraction, re: Rwanda invasion. Kagame is a great general, but he just highlights the complete lack of any form of real soldier power. 

Note that every single thing in the DRC is for sale, 100 million dollar demands can be negotiated with the right tact (read respect and win/win perspective) down to a beer and 1,000 CDF.
Note that there are no bullets with most soldiers, they like to say Kabila keeps them, my personal hypothesis is they have been sold.

I would think a well branded revolution could succeed quite easily, perhaps incorporate the existing senate as a group of advisers with a permanent salary.

Congo feeds off of money changing hands, it is an extractionary economy that does not build value. This has to change. I would propose linking all bribes to a vehicle that is tied to long term success in the economy, so that powers that be are motivated to see the country succeed. I would also propose an immediate implementation of a clever universal basic income in a digital currency that expires and can’t leave Congo. Someone from MIT could figure it out. Finally I would propose throwing out the entire existing constitution, which is unrepareable.
The most clean path to a better Congo would be a 1789 style French revolution, but this would have a high cost of lives lost so this would be the key thing to try to nudge so that the the revolutionary burning of the existing paradigm is cleanly swept away with a minimal loss of human lives.

Note that a revolution will likely happen at some point, somewhere between today and in 100 years, revolution is the only way I see the DRC getting the fresh start it needs. Plausibly the country is conquered a dozen times by internal and external parties along the way, but I don’t see this as changing the status quo, the rationale of pillage is just too tempting, any messiah will find themselves on a cross. It would be good for the revolution to be structured to be sooner rather than later to get it over with; it would be good to be clever in how it’s done so there is a minimum loss of life; it would be good for there to be extremely concrete plans for what the goals of the revolution are and what would be the step by step roll out to transform the Democratic Republic of the Congo into a place where its citizens get the opportunity to live empowered lives.

still forward (poetry)

Deja vu again
Is it here again
Can I hear it again
Will I lose it again
Where has it gone
slipping through my fingers
The infinites go backwards
Can I remember
Was it there
Was it fresh
Was it the same
Where has it gone?

ta da ta da ta da ta da
the empty wasteland
listening to the song bird
sing sweet sing nothing
time pushing into the future
still into the future
always into the future
still not sure for why
still floating to float
staring ahead
all those lost thoughts lost
burning the circuits of my brain
will the highs come again
what is this addiction?
tell me life is magical
hold me like a child
I am so cold and want to be warm
I never asked for this what is given to me
all I want is the comfort of faith
to know to know
empty heart
bleached mind
cold cold
cold cold
the only burning I have
the fire with no heat
rage in stasis
lightning flashes
in an uncontrolled where
force it
understand it
over the hill, old man
but who am I to judge infinite
we revel and revolve
the times that were past
they come again
in some manifestation
still dreaming
just not sure where they come from
is all of this worth something
our purpose our purpose
I’m trying to dream
I’m trying to build
Looking for shoulders to stand on
Just stand alone
frail and fucked
weak and stupid
blessed and unblessed
standing just to stand
was this who I was destined to be?
or fuck destiny
in a quantum world
who knows where the story goes
let me ride my roller coaster
it isn’t over yet
maybe soon
maybe never
but for today, there is just today
just today
just today
ride ride ride
fly glide
burn burn
can I fly can I fly

this feels over
but the energy still remains
it could be a new writing
but then I’m not sure
what the words that come out of my fingers
are going to look like

in a new place
different than the old place
always moving forward
revolution normalized
the drugs don’t work
but all these things
they must be linked togethor
otherwise why have I lived it
what is the common thread
why did I hear all those stories
sirens out the window
a rainy day
fear in the air
fear in my heart
am I good enough
is this too much
is this the new normal
the rock I break on
but haven’t I been trying to break myself for a lifetime
I have never won
but have never broken
let one or the other happen
equal and opposite reaction
will my breaking be my winning
or my winning my breaking
forward forward
may the wave not breach
until we are ready to come into shore
purpose in everything
purpose in everything
purpose in everything
I don’t know my purpose
but I know purpose is the aether
I don’t know if it is my purpose to know my purpose
but if I am brave enough
and if I am strong enough
I will live my purpose
I will live my purpose

just caught in a moment in time
this moment
sunday afternoon in the rain
the apartment is fine
the atmosphere is the other
old pizza for my lunch at 6:00pm
glass of wine
moving forward
moving forward
every second every second moving forward
face getting old
grey hairs
I was a child I was a child
that was my moment
this is my moment now
the past did exist
the future doesn’t but will
will it always be one dimensional direction
is memory time travel
what is the first sunny day that comes to mind
a brief heat in Texas
or was that a photograph
or have I combined the two
I know there was a smell
a smell I could recognize today
it would make me breathe deep
like being on the ferry to Nanaimo after years away
and the cold cold cold ocean keeping the spray down and the wind up
and it cut me cut me and oh it cut me
ca va ca va ca va

still going onwards
still going onwards
still going onwards
still going onwards
hold your nerve hold your nerve hold your nerve hold your nerve
don’t think of what could have been
the fact you are is it’s own revelation
anything can happen and will happen
in it’s own time
in it’s own dimension
exist here and now
and let’s be dropped into this moment
this random moment
out of all the moments
and from here here
where I never expected to be
didn’t know to dream about
or to fear
from this very spot
may I do my best
may I be my best
may I be true to myself
here, or anywhere
and if that is all I have
than even if it is not enough
may I be my best
may I be truth
may I be true
this moment