needles (poetry)

fall down fall up
fall side to side
we’re always this new version of ourselves
a spinning top
fighting all the fighting all the
and we all fall down

Abu Ghraib, saints, god, the devil, the motherfucking devil
portions of love and hatred and wonder and fear and the motherfucking devil
amazing grace, you are, you are
rise up and sign
rise up and pray
needles in my arm
needles in my head
fly float
float away
into the clouds, into the wonder
leave the devil
leave self
leave the waking mind
for dreams, even if the dreams don’t come
when the dreams don’t come
woe is warm
still can smile
can’t you see there is no heart?
but where is the heart?
who is this vessal?
not dead not alive not satan not god
not a thing
not even empty
woe is woe
is wonder is god
is the devil is home
is wonder is wander is fear
the fear the night what is nightime
god was in the air
but how to touch it


leave it? that would be stupid. What other worlds are there?
Why would it be any easier
Any less magical
And less terrible
God is in the air
Let me breath, let me gasp, let’s try, let me try
oh shit oh lord oh god oh my oh my
why does one plus one equal two?
why not three
why should a man know his own mind?
what truth is there in the entire world
except that god is in the air
slip slide fall bump your head
let the let the let the let the let the let the let the let the

hi there hi there hi there hi there
dreamer, you dreaming
is this what a dream looks like
is this what a dream feels like
yeehaw yippee
yipee feels good
why doesn’t the world have more yipyipyipee
can’t everyone give each other a hand
can’t everyone float together
can’t we make heaven
this isn’t heaven, but maybe, what if, could it be bliss
not this gentle hiss
living a nightmare
living the gloam
pull the needle out
weakness for the weak
we’re all weak
except for how we deal with it

hurt hurt hurt hurt
love what you hurt
hurt what you love
dive down dive up
go below your skin
to where god doesn’t touch
meaty flesh, just an animal
not even a sinner
no dreams here
what if you could cut yourself without cutting
would the blood be blue
blue blood royalty
call ourselves god
there is no truth there
just madness
no dream there
just madness

amazing grace, you are, you are
for all the rage and sadness
love and sorrow
truth and its opposite
amazing grace,
you are
you are

whoever said gravity is real?
do you see it, do you feel it
who is to say if you jump
you can’t hit the stars
who is to say
that if we can just find the right dream
the angel dream
the real dream
the magic dream
even if we aren’t dreamers
even if we don’t know we are supposed to dream
that we couldn’t fall fall fall

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