Dream From 4amish 17 July 2022, in the Pitch Black (Other)


It is already slipping from me
I feel terrified and I do not want to have to have that dream again
I feel like something has been revealed to me,
That there is a force in the universe I had not expected
There is both a journey and something that attacks me
I go through journey searching like Zelda temples alone
It is beautiful and there is much darkness along the way
Earth / Forest temples
Then others join me
For we are to fight
It is as the Fellowship of the Ring
It is very good to travel together with others
They wonder at how I did this all alone
I cannot diminish that I have had much terror
We are attacked by a force
If I never experience a force like this in my life then perhaps I am living a good life
The fight brings us to another realm
Boss battle
I do not understand
It is a feeling a little like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, yet more desert toned and more terrifying
It is a skeleton force that is alive
I don’t know how we are all moving
But we’re presented as a group lying in a large star of David
And the goal or is it the the thing we should not do
Is to cut our wrists
And then drink the blood in our mouth
My limbs do not operate with any normal freedom
I can taste blood on my lips
Am I doomed or saved?
I am not alone in this universe
There are others who would join me
There are forces in this universe I do not understand
There is a force that gives me great fear
Like Sauron or Ganondorf
Even now again the feeling of what I have felt
Like ice freezing my blood
Oh how I hope to never meet a force like this in my life
But it is searching for me, perhaps
Or perhaps we stumble on each other, in our journeys
But even worse than meeting this terror
(Who I must wonder if they are so scary because they are foreign)
(They carry aspects of heavy radiation poisoning)
(They are a spirit like the Nazgul, whose quiet screams pause my universe)
But even worse than meeting this terror
Would be to ask other good people to face such challenge
And not be there to help share the lead
The star of David needs to be met
Our limbs all joining, I think with blood flowing between us
The taste of blood
The only thing that I feel can end this
Though I don’t know if this will be for good or ill
Before this dream finishes fading
We discover the dark spirit in a forest temple
Or a place like where Strider defends the hobbits after Bree. And the Nazgul king stabs Frodo with a poisoned dagger, while Frodo has the one ring on
Though the force that stabs also wears a ring of power
The place where the attack happens is an ancient place
A place from a forgotten civilization, whose name even is forgotten
That is all I remember
I think I will find it hard to go back to sleep
I feel less belligerent at the universe and God
Though I’m not sure if that’s the appropriate reaction
I had forgotten there was so much in the universe
That I do not understand
It has been long since I have had such pure terror and fear
The type that would wake me as a child of four years old in tears
Forcing my mother to come and comfort me
And when she would ask me why I cry
I would ask
When we die, is there nothing?
This fear is related to that fear
But I had forgotten, or did not realize,
That it is not simply disappearing
It is not the candle stifled
Though that may reflect true of much of reality
There is other forces
I feel stronger the pull of that which the Buddha tried to share in his art
I feel the force of reincarnation
Like gravity spread over the while world
I feel the force of the opposite of gravity
Leeching the universe is colour
Like death by bleeding out from your wrists

First Kill of Jason Bourne (Short Story)

A bag on my head a bag on my head I can’t see through it I don’t know if the material is black or it’s just the absence of all light oh God oh God it’s so hot I am drenched in sweat my hands tied behind my back a gag in my mouth my shirt drenched in sweat I was dragged around before feeling the sun feeling people drag me and push me I can sometimes hear voices but I don’t know what they say and where I am right now is on a concrete floor and it is cold but I still drip sweat and I wonder what I will do if this mask comes off I worry that they will just shoot me and I will not ever see the light again and I keep imagine a bullet going through the other side of me I am in so much shock would I even notice have I already been shot is this not sweat but blood how many moments of life do I have left; what does it befit a man to treat another as I am being treated; if the sides we’re reversed, would I be any different? Mother.

Attempt at Synthesis, 3 (Other)

-The individual should have the space and opportunity in their life to engage with the purpose of their existence

-I do not seek in any way to ever ask anyone to follow me or do as I say. Nor do I intend to follow anyone. We all have the infinite potential of the universe in us. I do believe in shared direction and team work. I am not totally sure how to reconcile these thoughts.

-I will not leave a vacuum on those things I believe. I can create the architecture of my belief system, a map is a useful thing. Dwell on why must revolutions fail, because they do not have an end game.

-there is a question if what do I do with my own energy. I am unsure and confused. I feel the path of God in front of me, but I do not seek to blindly follow God. My hunch is God is a field, perhaps connected to gravity. I believe there is space for collaboration, but the ego of God is a blocker. Faith should be earned, not expected. I believe in God, I do not believe I must by definition follow God

-I am interested in making infectious pop music as a medium of belief dispersal. People don’t listen to what they sing to themselves. Let me make the the next ‘our father’ reverberate as a dance beat. People learn the story of our people through music

Melancholic Flash (Poetry)

waves of depression pulsating like a cold breeze
can just come at anytime and slip through all the sunshine
but it doesn’t need to be a sad thing
feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders
fall through the vacuums of my mind
feel alone, and alone, and alone
it is okay, a type of beauty
I feel again that I will disappear
I feel again like I am in outer space
The radiation of the universe biting through my thin atmosphere
I am alone
I will always be alone
The infinites of my mind have equations that equal to zero
A flash of light that will dissipate,
Leaving no trace
Let it wash over me
It feels pretty
Let me just enjoy being in the flash of light
It can end any time
But the flash is here now
And then there, on the other,
Without the flash
I imagine it will be pretty as well
I hope that the darkness enjoys being the darkness
I acknowledge my finiteness
I acknowledge infinite that is around me
I breathe deeply and let me for a moment grasp what it is to exist
Let me stare around me, at the cars on the road, the mountains in the distance,
The empty coffee cup in front of me
The gift of music on my ears, wonderful to bring a symphony with me everywhere I go
Strange how sometimes,
The smile when I am at my most fragile
Is the smile that feels the most real
The most full of life

The Universe as a Garden (ideation)

Imagining a biological Dyson sphere

A great tree growing from the seed of the earth

A growing rain forest reaching through the vacuum of space


Circling the sun

Great windows with leaves flashing over

A Morse code to the universe

Humans mixed with silicon chips mixed with biological matter

We are the weak force, the gardeners of the universe.

Our villages nestled in the great tree,

Avoiding the sacrificed leaves soaking up the burning of the sun

But in a green zone, full of water, and air.

And from the sun new tendrils growing in every direction

A mycelium weave beginning to populate the vacuum of space.

We are so much further from where we were before, but we are still just getting started with our purpose.

The transformation of the vacuum of space to a garden.

Tendrils shooting in every direction to every star.

The potential of the energy around us, in it’s infinite, being tapped.

Not about a frozen universe,

Or a new big bang.

But a different use for the potential energy.

To create God

Who is outside of time, God is with us today

But only because there is a quantum thread

Where in the future we create him

Ying and yang


We are on this journey together



As I can imagine and feel this potential

And feel it is a compelling path to go towards

I do not feel this is the path I must do

For God has not asked for help

And perhaps little ol’me is not needed

And perhaps rather than being the dictator of energy, colonizing the universe

Or working towards another big bang, for bringing the energy of the universe together opens this path.

Perhaps I would prefer to just enjoy my flash of existence

To be an inert and unactivated force which does not leave a ripple

It is not for myself that I would choose to be a force of nature

But if I was needed

I would listen well to the argument

Part 2

God is a universal field, like gravity

Humans are individual carrier particles of our own field. Aspects of our own God field.

Gravity would like us to all come back together

Does that mean we should be allies to gravity?

But is gravity my enemy?

I feel that I have no enemy.
In my mind, there is this feeling that I cannot verbalize well

It is that the question gravity is asking is wrong

There is another dimension of choice

Something to do with slipping through the pathways deep in our brain

Where do the black holes near the ephemeral roots of our consciousness lead to

Is it possible for me to just turn sideways and slip through one?

Impacting no universes but my own