anather (poetry)

and I am I am in my head
my head my head my head
I don’t know what I want
everyone to be as alone, lonely as me
everyone to be as alone as me
where is it that I belong
but maybe that isn’t the real world

do you pray
do you hope?
does this feel like the real life
is this it?
what happens
when we all go poof
and we realize, we never figured it out

killing ourselves
one wasted day at a time
one wasted heart beat at a time
isn’t there a key
nails broken
there is a real life
there is a real life
just a heart beat away
can we find it

I’m there for you
even if you aren’t there for me
I want to be in your head
just to know
if we are all alone together

sometimes some days are easy
they’re the lies
we don’t discover ourselves when it’s easy
so, let things be hard
but the hard thing about hard things
is they are hard

let me add beauty to every moment
let me be better for every moment
let me be better for you
instead of worse

I’m sorry
I’m going to go off the deep end
let’s agree not to call it madness
remember that I smile
and I hope I make some smiles
but I think the right thing to do
is go off the deep end
because it’s off the deep end
in the darkness
where I will find the flower
the flower that grows in the dark
in the dark the dark
the dark the dark
the dark the dark
that is my most pure light

could we just shut up for a second
hold each other tight
not think about thinking
god is closer than the search
I want to be the person who gives you light
as I search in the dark
there is something other than this
I never know if I will find it
I would ask that you don’t follow me
your own searches are more important
but I am going to keep on searching

being and that be the opposite of not being
here for a moment
tree grows, blooms, has seasons, grows, decays
could be cut down, but, usually not
what’s the tree be
what’s the tree do
why’s a tree got to be anything

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